Chapter 7
Living in the moment
Shiva met Raavi again two weeks after that incident. Raavi had called him to tell that she was ready with her first batch of design with his material and if he wanted he could see the work and they could work on the material and workmanship of her next design. Even though they left on an awkward note, Raavi saved her best cookies for him on the off chance he happened to come.
This turned out to be a good move because he ended up coming just when she thought she could leave early and was just packing. Shiva came in with an apologetic look on his face, and she shook her head.
"Nahi."
He looked instantly guilty. "Sun, Raavi—"
"Sorry mat bolna," Raavi restated, pushing the box of cookies in his hands. "I'm sorry. Jo bhi mene kaha wo mujhe nhi kehna chahiye tha."
"Jo bhi kuch mene kiya aaj tak wo mujhe nhi karna chahiye tha." They were only talking about that day only, weren't they? Why was Shiva making everything complicated?
"Jo bhi ho mujhe us din tujhe wo sab nhi bolna chahiye tha." She will stick to that day only.
"Sun, " he said quietly, "me jaanta hu jo kuch bhi mene tere saath kiya humari shaadi me, humara divorce etc un sabhi wajah se tu mujh se ab bhi nafrat karti hogi, shayad me deserve bhi karta hu, par tujhe nhi dikhta ki me koshish kar raha hu? Mera matlab tujhe nhi lagta humein koshish karni chahiye?" Shiva thought about it a lot and he couldn't deny what he was feeling. He never stopped loving her. If life has given him another chance he wanted to take it. He knew he didn't communicate properly but look on her face made him rethink.
It took a moment for her to comprehend his words. He was just going to burst everything out in the open, after being shut about it for so long? What does he want? No. She wasn't ready for this.
"Me tujhse nafrat nhi karti Shiva," she said honestly, "lekin me ye bhi nhi bolungi ki me sab bhool gayi aur tujh pe vishwas karti hu."
He looked sad, but tried to smile anyway. "Kam se kam itna vishwas to kar hi sakti h ki me tere liye hot chocolate banau.. Mera man ho raha tha aur tere pass saman bhi rakha h?" Shiva might have said her poorly, but at least he told her what was he feeling. He was working on communicating his feelings, he knew he made a mistake last time. He didn't communicate... But he was trying to not make the same mistake this time. But of course he understood her feelings and respect them.. He would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable.
Raavi was nervous, but she consciously put it aside and led him to the kitchen area. She knew he was doing this to lighten up the mood so she decided to let it go and not think much. But hot chocolate? Seriously? How did he know to make it?
It was not like Raavi didn't think about them these day...may be she was not ready for anything but it was true that she found the separation of the years in between then and now helped immensely, and as she watched him pour chocolate into a mug, she felt a strong urge to know him again.
"Tune kaha se seekha ye sab?" she asked quietly.
"Kaam," he replied, pouring milk in a pitcher. "Factory se kaam khatam hone ke baad me part time me ek cofee shop pe bhi kaam karta tha."
Raavi almost stumbled, and she was standing still. "Wait, Sach me?"
"Ha.. Pan ye baat tere siwa kisi ko nhi batayi h ghar pe mene.." He said with a smile.
"Me tujhe bilkul imagine hi nhi kar pa rahi.. Coffee shop me kaam karte hue." She said with a smile.
"Ab mere pass koi photo woto to hai nhi," he replied teasingly, "pan kaam me achha karta tha. Tips bhi achi milti thi. Aur to aur ghar pe bhi khana me hi banata tha. Aur baingan to meri specialty ban gai thi."
"Wow."
"Khana banana achha lagta tha, teri yaad taza ho jati thi."
Raavi couldn't reply.
He frothed the milk a few times before letting it sit. "Tune kuch aur kaam kiya Mumbai me...?"
"Jis company me abhi designer hu wahi receptionist se shuru kiya tha," Raavi explained, clearing her throat. "Phir kuch log achhe mil gaye, kaam karne ka mauka mil gya... Din me kaam karti thi.. Raat me designing seekhti thi.. Company walo ko kuch design pasand aa gye to job pe rakh liya... "
"Wo to pasand aane hi the... Teri koi cheez kaise na pasand aaye," he said. She thought he was teasing her, but he was looking at her much too fondly for that. She felt her cheeks go warm.
Shiva poured frothy hot chocolate into two mugs. he handed her one.
"Tujhe pata h," He said suddenly. "Mera bachpan se engineer ban ne ka sapna tha."
"Tu engineer ban na chahta tha?" Raavi couldn't believe her ears. "Par tujhe to padhai bilkul pasand nhi thi?"
"Mujhe padhai pasand thi," he said, considering it, "pan me school jana nhi chahta tha, gaumbi majdooro ki tarah dukaan me kaam karte the, Dev, Krish ki padhai ki jimmedari bhi thi un par, unko akela ye sab kaise karne deta? To mene school jana chhod diya."
"Tune mujhe kabhi nahi bataya," she said, racing through her memories. She felt like she would remember something so momentously heartbreaking.
"Kisi ko nhi bataya" he continued, seeming unconcerned. "Phir Pandya store ko hi mene apni duniya bana liya.. Aur aaj jo bhi hu.. Jo bhi seekha hu wahi se seekha hu."
Raavi felt her eyes getting wet. She knew he loved his family. But to this extent? Really lucky were those who were loved by this man. She was really happy and proud that he made this life, this company on his own. He deserved it.
"Tu aaj jaha h waha, sab log nhi ho paate... Tu ye sab deserve karta h... Aur ye to bas shuruaat h.. Tu is se bhi bahut zyada deserve karta h."
No one spoke for few moments. Raavi leaned against the counter and took a sip of her hot chocolate, which was perfectly chocolate-y with just the right amount of sweetness and thickness. Shiva was peering at her intently, waiting.
"Achhi h" she assured him. "Bahut achhi h."
He broke into a grin.
"Ab dinner ka kya?" Shiva asked.
"Matlab?"
"Matlab hum log dinner pe chal sakte h," he suggested carefully. "Paas me hi ek achha restaurant khula h."
Raavi looked away; all of a sudden, her throat was very tight.
"Ya,"he said quickly, backtracking, "Tujhe mene apni khana banaane wali skills ke baare me bataya hi h, aaj tu aazma bhi le."
"Sach me?" she asked, looking excited." Matlab....mujhe sach me dekhna to h...but nhi tu akele nhi...me bhi help karungi."
Shiva waved a hand. "Aaja phir.. Kare shuru?"
"Tu sach me khana banaane wala hai?"
"Ha." His expression so earnest. Raavi couldn't believe they were doing this. Everything with Shiva felt so comforting these days.. She really enjoyed his company. And today was something else... The way he opened up to her ... It was making her feel things she shouldn't... Yes she decided that she will not think about the future but it was not wrong to live and enjoy the moment right? To seek comfort in the company of someone who understood what she went through and what she was feeling? She will think about tomorrow later... She was going to live today..
"Theek hai" she said, turning so he couldn't see her smile, "chalu ho ja."
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Helloooo... Happy navratri.. I hope you enjoy this chapter.