Feeling very disheartened for Pallavi, DT Note pge 23 - Page 6

Originally posted by: fria319

I had edited my post bc I had realized I was ranting, but I should still address this. To be clear I'm not saying because she's a strong woman she can tackle any personal violation. I agree that every woman reacts differently and being paralyzed with fear is a real response. I've been in .. a similar situation, I should say, and I did nothing to stop it. So I get it 100%. At the same time maybe seeing that triggered me personally bc I just wanted her to do something for her own sake, just like I wish I had.

My initial point was about an overused narrative in shows/books/etc., that strong women don't need help and therefore in order to show the ML be her savior, the CVs must make her not strong. And maybe my use of the word 'strong' was wrong here. Really any woman. I don't mean to classify one over another. They did this to 1) show Raghav how bad M really is and 2) so R can be her savior.

I'm not saying she couldn't be paralyzed with fear. I just wish I saw more of an initial/immediate struggle. This isn't me pinning the blame on Pallavi. None of this is her fault. My rant earlier was more of how I thought the CVs should have written/shown the scene.

There's this underlying tone I get from a lot of these episodes where Pallavi is in shock and she needs someone to come save her - Raghav, Aayi, etc. And I think I was just triggered bc this incident once again reinforced that narrative that to be saved or helped by someone, the woman has to be shown as helpless herself. My frustration wasn't because I think she can't be in shock or that she can't need help. It's because I get tired of writers of shows showing women always needing people to come to their rescue. Why can't they show her fighting and still getting rescued? Why does it have to be one or the other with these writers?

I also remember that road incident with Raghav. The Pallavi I know now, is much more fierce than that Pallavi. She's grown into a no-nonsense woman. I don't think today she'd take that - look how she dealt with Swapnil. But as others have said it is a different situation when we compare a stranger/outsider to someone of your own family.

Re. the underlying tone of her being rescued.. everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone is allowed to have different perspective for a piece of fiction just for the fact that a lot of scenes and characters have subtext..

Just my reading of the situation.. i dont mean to offend you.. pallavi wants raghav there along with her more for her moral and emotional support and not in terms of rescuing her.. she will have some mental peace knowing that her husband is there with her to share whenever she feels low esp since there is restrictions on her meeting raghav.. also she has a fear of losing raghav due to mandaar. And by him physically present with her,that fear gets alleviated to a certain extent..

Pallavi had been successful in playing mandaar previously with the parlour, extracting sunny’s name and even the photo incident and massage incident.. nobody came to save her. I dont think they are showing her as some damsel in distress

Really the moment you thought that ki aur neeche nhi gir sakta agle he din usse zyada giri hui harkat karta h....

She directly said she is uncomfortable but still the creepy stalker go ahead. She was standing numb , may be she wanted to push him away but these instances happens fast , till then you are gathering courage,its over.

Coming to blaming bashing i am sick of it. If in this type of sensitive topics cant bring out your sensitivity then nothing will.

Originally posted by: hapc

It is victim blaming. Her being stupid(you could even argue very stupid) and usually strong doesn't mean that calling her out for being harassed is justified and not victim blaming

I agree she was stupid. But does that mean one must blame her for what happened? I have said this already that one could argue that a woman going out at night, getting drunk, wearing short clothes can be perceived as stupid but does that mean that they are to be blamed? If you think that they are then I doubt there's much that could change. But if you think that it isn't their fault then do continue reading. Even if she knew he was a creep and changing outside was stupid it doesn't justify her being harassed. Her being strong in other incidents doesn't mean that she had to be strong here too. She is human. Just because she couldn't react, doesn't mean she wanted it. Blame the story and CVs all you want. Not Pallavi today.

No one is cheering her being harrased. So its not like she was harrased because of what she did. And that is y its not victim blaming.

The disappointment and anger is with what she didnt do. If someone is trying that with anybody and she cant say anything when it was quiet clear to her in what danger she was for past sometime then that non action on her part deserves scolding. It wasnt sudden. It wasnt stranger. It wasnt first time even.

It really nice to feel that we live in ideal world and everything is good but its not. So no matter how scary it is, people needs to stand up for themselves and she has very well shown from start that she can. So this meekness and sudden downward spiral to stupidity can call for anger and disappointment.

And when people blame P, its a character CVs write. So everyone is blaming them only. And Character on the show r analyzed. Nobody thinks its Shivangi and Ashok doing this. Hate that they get is because of ppl who cant keep reel and real separate so thats anyhow no one can justify.

Originally posted by: lateuser1234

No one is cheering her being harrased. So its not like she was harrased because of what she did. And that is y its not victim blaming.

The disappointment and anger is with what she didnt do. If someone is trying that with anybody and she cant say anything when it was quiet clear to her in what danger she was for past sometime then that non action on her part deserves scolding. It wasnt sudden. It wasnt stranger. It wasnt first time even.

It really nice to feel that we live in ideal world and everything is good but its not. So no matter how scary it is, people needs to stand up for themselves and she has very well shown from start that she can. So this meekness and sudden downward spiral to stupidity can call for anger and disappointment.

And when people blame P, its a character CVs write. So everyone is blaming them only. And Character on the show r analyzed. Nobody thinks its Shivangi and Ashok doing this. Hate that they get is because of ppl who cant keep reel and real separate so thats anyhow no one can justify.

People who are strong normally do freeze in such situations. It has happened. Some can fight some cannot. Living in an ideal world has nothing to do with it. Calling victims out for not resisting enough doesn't reduce crime, it gives criminals more power because they know that some of the blame will go on the victim's head. I have replied to you on another thread too so I don't expect you to respond to both. And even if she did react she had some limitations. Her life and her aai's life is in danger.

This is well said. I couldn't believe what some people here were saying. Its so toxic! This mentality. What nonsense has taken root in people's minds nowadays seriously!

Originally posted by: joliefemme

Samreen, we've never spoken before but I'm so proud of this post you've put up.

I was tired seeing the posts of victim blaming since morning. The episode itself was triggering to watch and the comments made it more unpalatable.

I am taking this opportunity to address few things through your post:

1. Yes, she should have been careful to not tuck her pleats outside the common area when there are 2 creeps in the house but even if she was dressed in less clothes she didn't invite M to harass her. This is victim blaming

2. She was visibly uncomfortable and she even asked M to stop and said she wasn't ok till they were married. Even if she didn't say it and was silent, consent should be verbal. He didn't stop. She didn't ask for it and she wasn't happy it was happening to her. Stop victim blaming.

3. She froze and didn't retaliate. She may have retaliated in several other instances with M or others but she didn't do it this instant. Still it didn't give M the pass to invade her personal space.

Other points, I agree this was done to make R see the extent to which M can and so that he stops his childish games of whether my wife recognised me, let me rile her up she's cute etc. They need to get on with the track as this is getting out of hand quickly.

Secondly, the makers need not be so explicit in such scenes (this isn't the first time) as it leaves a very eerie feeling after watching.

Thirdly, the audience needs to stop victim blaming and blame the harassers instead (Mandar and to an extent even Swapnil - that heart action done by any stranger to me would have been anger inducing). In real life these situations lead to criminal consequences that we so casually brush off in ITV.

Hey thank you so much ...

This was elaborate and all the things I wanted to say...

Even if she was coming out like that, the decency would suggest to avert your gaze or leave that place..

Blaming her for coming out like that is like saying molestation and harassment happens coz of girls appearance and clothes..

Makers needs to handle things like this sensitively and sensibly...

And ppl need to show some dignity and emphaty towards Pallavi' s Character ...

It's becoming worse each day....

Originally posted by: hapc

People who are strong normally do freeze in such situations. It has happened. Some can fight some cannot. Living in an ideal world has nothing to do with it. Calling victims out for not resisting enough doesn't reduce crime, it gives criminals more power because they know that some of the blame will go on the victim's head. I have replied to you on another thread too so I don't expect you to respond to both. And even if she did react she had some limitations. Her life and her aai's life is in danger.

No. Not when u know who and what u r dealing with. Freezing is not because of harassment. Its because of suddenness. Its more about biology. If everytime someone is hounding u nd u freeze all d time den u hv to take responsibility of enabling a criminal. Fight always start with u. Its difficult true and easier said and done, thats also true but thats how life is. It has to be fought for. No matter how much we want to say we r civilised and social animal, at the end of the day we r still animal and its always jungle rule, survival of the fittest.

Originally posted by: Wilddreams

Thank you for making this post samreen 🤗🤗

Poor girl going through so much mental harassment and on top of that she is scared about her safety. I don't know why people can see this but are busy in making their on theories to victim blame her😭

We can't compare how she responded to SNS and how she did to Mandy.

Cvs are showing difference between how we treat insider vs outsider. SNS is outsider for Pallavi so it's easy for her to object him and family will trust her over SNS.

On the other hand Mandy is an insider. No one will believe her without proof because D family will trust Mandy over Pallavi.

In real life scenarios too its easy to fight strangers than predators from your own family.

That's why majority of sexual assaults against women are by close relatives family members in whole world. Its hard to raise your voice against your own family what them commit those horrible crimes

However people aren't understanding this but indulging in victim blaming. Which is very offputting. That's why so many women keep quiet about these kind if crimes in RL.

Thank you Neelu

B- 💯 baat hai us bharose ki joh aapko us insan pr hota hai, jab woh toot jata hai toh you become shattered..

I am sure whatever pall thought about Mandar, she never in her dreams thought he will do something like this to her...

And I don't understand why ppl are against everything she does ...

If you dislike a character so much pls stop watching the shows ..

They don't even care what trauma she has faced..

What takes it to be a lil more sensitive and respectful...

This place is going to downhill,

There is serious lack of positivity...

I agree that anybody maybe would have froze, but she not able to recognize Raghav, that is something really unusual.

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

Samreen, I love you so much for always speaking out when you see problematic discourse. It's so admirable. ❤️❤️

Yes, the amount of victim blaming that goes on in this forum is quite disheartening to be honest. After a point, I don't have the energy or mindspace to engage, and some statements I've seen both before and today are quite triggering.

What I do wish people would acknowledge is that no matter what a woman does, she is not asking for it. No matter what she wears, no matter what she says or does. The absence of verbal consent is the absence of consent.

100% of the blame in this scenario must be put on the one doing the harassing and not the victim- and to debate things like 'why didn't she tie her sari earlier' and 'why didn't she fight back' feeds into such a counterproductive narrative in a world where women have fought so damn hard to be listened to in such scenarios.

Thank you Aashi

Totally agree with what you have written..

It's so unfair to victim blame after they have gone through so much..

And I would say it's not right at any circumstance..

But doesn't it show the sad reality and where we are lacking as a society..

This thinking and approach needs to be change