Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free - Page 6

Originally posted by: Goldenhearts

Your video is so beautiful! ❤️ It literally brought tears to my eyes😭

You are absolutely right. Everyone in the D-fam, except Aai, Nikhil and Kaka, were emotionally abusive to Pallavi. They never held her back and always acknowledged her efforts to please the D-fam.

Initially, I didn't think VD's behaviour was strange, because I thought that he might be overprotective of Pallavi, especially after Mandar's death. However, as time passed I realised that he was using Pallavi for his own benefit and emotionally blackmailed her to push herself to breaking point (she skipped lunch many times and even fainted during Mansi's mehendi ceremony during one of his rants). I was absolutely shocked when VD didn't apologise to Pallavi after the whole abortion scandal and pretended that nothing ever happened.

I am so happy that Pallavi is finally in a safe(er) environment where she has the liberty to voice her own thoughts and be appreciated for anything she does for the Raos.

Thank you so much! ❤️ This VM is incredibly close to my heart, and I'm glad it touched you too!

Vijay was always like this, I guess, he was just in the guise of an overprotective father, but the illusion developed cracks fairly early, and then completely shattered as early as during Mansi's wedding functions, where he was absolutely horrible to Pallavi for no reason. In retrospect, I wonder whether his opposition to having Pallavi remarried was also fuelled by his ulterior motives and regressive thoughts.

I'm so glad our girl is out from under his thumb, both due to her safer environment and her own immense strength.

Originally posted by: RAGHVIFAM

Hat off you you are so amazing 🤗

Loved your vm and about pallavi past ❤️

It really amazing how you show the whole thing about abuse sometimes people things only physical abuse is the domestic abuse not mental 🤗👏

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad it resonated! ❤️

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free

In the first few episodes of this show, I preferred Vijay to Sharda, simply because he seemed to respect Pallavi’s desires regarding remarrying so much more than his wife did. As the episodes progressed though, the hypocrisy of his ‘concern’ and the conditionality of his ‘love’ became more and more evident. The dynamic soon became so much more insidious than simply an ‘overbearing father’ and his ‘obedient daughter’, and started to fall definitively within the scope of domestic abuse. When we think of domestic abuse, we often think of physical abuse but we must note that emotional abuse can be just as damaging and harmful to the victim. Similarly, the connotation of domestic violence is also usually one of abuse doled out by a spouse on another, but parents and in-laws can be (and often are) guilty of it too.

Vijay and Pallavi’s relationship has demonstrated every single one of the key red flags for an emotionally abusive relationship.

The abuser blaming the victim for all their problems, accusing them for doing everything wrong and refusing to accept the consequences of their own actions. Using guilt and emotional blackmail to force the victim into doing things they may not want to. Exerting control over all big and small decisions of the victim’s life. Making the victim feel dependent, grateful and indebted so they don’t try to break ties. Controlling the victim’s social life, and alienating the victim from those who may help them break free. Constantly criticizing everything the victim does, and punishing them by withholding affection and neglecting them. Humiliating them in public. Vijay has exhibited each and every one of these behaviours, and this is a video I’ve been wanting to make since before the show hit 50 episodes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE8bdItYDCc

Looking at Pallavi as a victim of domestic abuse puts so much of her early behaviour in perspective, and is one of the reasons I couldn’t consider her a doormat, even in her most frustrating moments of being blind to the faults of her own family, since her response seemed so in-line with that of a domestic abuse victim. Anyone who finds themselves in an abusive environment, be it with parents, partner, or in-laws, should leave it, but it’s easier said than done, and almost impossible without support, resources and a whole lot of introspection. It’s only with those things, and an immense amount of mental fortitude, that one can walk away from such a relationship and allow time to heal.

Needless to say, I’m so very glad our girl got the support and found the strength to break free, and it’s a journey that I find inspirational, to say the very least.

firstly, apologies i couldn't reply earlier. I started watching the show somewhere in the 20th episode, so for me i felt at first it was just a strict dad getting angry at his daughter who was rebelling against him.

It was much later on that i understood that it was not just that he had trouble with Pallavi rebelling but he has this latent nature of an alpha male. It was extremely visible in the episode after he threw Pallavi out of the house. Also for some reason he was also very negative about every win that Pallavi had. So it was very easy for him to assume that he was in bed (pun intended) with Raghav in order to win the competition or the shop.

His alpha male attitude came out largely by far two times: 1. When he stopped Sharda from helping her and getting her back home (so much so that he had an attack) 2. When Milind started defying him.

Back to Pallavi, she may have a bigger story as to why she felt indebt to VD. She may have heard from friends while growing up how strict their fathers were..so she must have taken it as a normal behaviour. Mandar too must have spoken very respectfully of him, so it is difficult to shake off that aura and fight back. All in all she also genuinely felt like a father to her, somebody who let her stay on, who gave his shop for her to run (free labour ka angle isne socha hi nahi hoga), and has public acknowledged her as his daughter.

When Raghav confessed his wrong doing he did repeat that D family was a crazy family how could they have believed a stranger over her? i think when she started retrospecting, it started making sense to her. She trusted them blindly, wasn't the same expected from Baba?

Glad that she is aware of the reality, she may still have some fondness for them..hard to kill it all in one day but she will now be able to move on and be her.

Very well written and introspected piece👏

Gives me a new perspective of looking at things. I hv never considered Pallavi weak since the beginning but I failed to understand how she had so much love and affection for the man who would trust any other person over the girl he called his daughter. He never even needed proof for mistrusting or accusing her. Even threw her out in the middle of the night without even thinking where would she go ??!! Still Pallavi respected him and loved him . Never understood why.

But your post has given me some much needed insight.

Originally posted by: tiara_remixfan

firstly, apologies i couldn't reply earlier. I started watching the show somewhere in the 20th episode, so for me i felt at first it was just a strict dad getting angry at his daughter who was rebelling against him.

It was much later on that i understood that it was not just that he had trouble with Pallavi rebelling but he has this latent nature of an alpha male. It was extremely visible in the episode after he threw Pallavi out of the house. Also for some reason he was also very negative about every win that Pallavi had. So it was very easy for him to assume that he was in bed (pun intended) with Raghav in order to win the competition or the shop.

His alpha male attitude came out largely by far two times: 1. When he stopped Sharda from helping her and getting her back home (so much so that he had an attack) 2. When Milind started defying him.

Back to Pallavi, she may have a bigger story as to why she felt indebt to VD. She may have heard from friends while growing up how strict their fathers were..so she must have taken it as a normal behaviour. Mandar too must have spoken very respectfully of him, so it is difficult to shake off that aura and fight back. All in all she also genuinely felt like a father to her, somebody who let her stay on, who gave his shop for her to run (free labour ka angle isne socha hi nahi hoga), and has public acknowledged her as his daughter.

When Raghav confessed his wrong doing he did repeat that D family was a crazy family how could they have believed a stranger over her? i think when she started retrospecting, it started making sense to her. She trusted them blindly, wasn't the same expected from Baba?

Glad that she is aware of the reality, she may still have some fondness for them..hard to kill it all in one day but she will now be able to move on and be her.

Apology kis baat ki! Post toh yahin hai, jab man kare aur time mile, aa jao! Koi time limit thodi na hai 🤗

First, let me get this out of the way @bold- Neha, are you implying ki hi had a heart attack deliberately to stop Sharda 🤣🤣I know you probably didn't mean it that way, and I get what you're saying, but mujhe hasi aa gayi.

Vijay's 'unmasking' has been so good. Shuru mein, he did seem exactly like just an overly strict but well meaning father. But his facade started showing lots of cracks very soon. Sorry, but ab mein detail mein list karne waali hoon, the incidents that made me feel 'eek' about him:

When Asha mentioned Raghav was in Pallavi's room, he defended her not by saying that he trusts her judgement, but by saying she'd never do that- matlab, agar kare, toh galat hai. That's not trust, that's just an expectation of obedience.

When he went to Raghav to confirm Pallavi's story- there was both mistrust, and a little bit of sexism in this action, where he seemed more willing to believe Raghav than his 'daughter'. If he had faith in Pallavi and her judgement, he'd never have gone to Raghav that day.

Sangeet night- (I've spoken about this before, so copy pasting): That was his point of no return for me, and what excellent foreshadowing for what was about to come. Nikhil ke ek dost ne yeh bol diya ki Pallavi DI is with Raghav Rao, iski nautanki shuru ho gayi? His 'daughter' was alone, out, in the middle of the night, and he trusted a stranger's word so much, not only did he himself not show any concern for her, he didn't even let Nikhil go out and look. And that night, the danger wasn't hypothetical, it was very real. She was trapped in a car with men with terrible intentions, and she was in this position because she wanted to stay away from Raghav, to appease Vijay's zidd. She could have ended up dead that night, and Vijay was just lying down and moaning at the sangeet, acting like a victim.

And the same thing happened again na? When Raghav came and told his lies, phir se ek ajnabee ke kehne pe 'beti' pe shaq kiya, aur aadhi raat ko ghar se nikaal diya, akele. Anything could have happened to her. Forget family, a good person wouldn't even treat a stranger the way Vijay treated Pallavi. If he was angry with what she was doing, I'd have understood him locking her up in her room, but throwing her out? No concern at all for his safety? It was a statement, ki Pallavi ka uss ghar pe koi haq nahi hai. She's getting to live there, that's his ehsaan on her, and since she's been ungrateful, he's throwing her out.

After Pallavi being ousted, both Sharda and Milind have had wake up calls of their own. For Pallavi, and for them too, breaking out of an abusive relationship isn't easy. It's one of the hardest things ever, so kudos to all three for having taken steps in the right direction.

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

Very well written and introspected piece👏

Gives me a new perspective of looking at things. I hv never considered Pallavi weak since the beginning but I failed to understand how she had so much love and affection for the man who would trust any other person over the girl he called his daughter. He never even needed proof for mistrusting or accusing her. Even threw her out in the middle of the night without even thinking where would she go ??!! Still Pallavi respected him and loved him . Never understood why.

But your post has given me some much needed insight.

Thank you so much!! ❤️

I truly appreciate you going into this with an open mind, and I'm glad what I noted here resonated with you! I was anxious about putting this up, because abuse is such a sensitive topic, and I wanted to do the complexity of it justice. There has been some fantastic insight and discussion on this thread, and a lot of people have shed a lot of light on the Pallavi/Vijay dynamic. Do give it a skim if it interests you, and you'd like to delve deeper into the topic! 🤗