Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free - Page 3

I so love this write up and the video. Btw, which song is it? Loved it.

I agree that she was a victim of emotional abuse. Poor girl just could not breath freely because they always made her the center of everything, especially when things went wrong. It was almost like walking on egg shells. I cant imagine what someone goes through when they live with such abusive people. You can see a refreshed Pallavi in the episodes after marriage because no one is abusive at the Rao's. They live and let live and I think she is finally breathing. Phew!

Originally posted by: Viewpoint

I so love this write up and the video. Btw, which song is it? Loved it.

I agree that she was a victim of emotional abuse. Poor girl just could not breath freely because they always made her the center of everything, especially when things went wrong. It was almost like walking on egg shells. I cant imagine what someone goes through when they live with such abusive people. You can see a refreshed Pallavi in the episodes after marriage because no one is abusive at the Rao's. They live and let live and I think she is finally breathing. Phew!

Yeah,other than the episode where Pallu got trapped among other Raos shouting at each other 🤣(Still better than D family drama 🤢) she has always been upright in Rao family. Even Kirti ko baad mein ulta suna diya for blaming her.

Yes, all this happens in families as long as they're not downright toxic.

Kirti is just going through a difficult phase of her life, I hope she finds her brains back. I loved how Pallavi gave it back to her. It's something she could not do at the D's. Always under pressure to be the best widowed daughter in law - A glorious trophy.

Originally posted by: parboni

Yeah,other than the episode where Pallu got trapped among other Raos shouting at each other 🤣(Still better than D family drama 🤢) she has always been upright in Rao family. Even Kirti ko baad mein ulta suna diya for blaming her.

Ashi🤗 it's always a treat to read your posts❤️

Couldn't agree more with you and loved the vm❤️

What a brilliant perspective! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

The ones that are generally hidden in plain sight. The ones that masquerades as care, concern (not just to the victim, to the outside world too). The ones that inflict deeper wounds, yet passed off without much thought. The very ones that is toxuc to the core!

I especially liked how you summarized and the one in ered, 🙇🏻‍♀️
“Using guilt and emotional blackmail to force the victim into doing things they may not want to. Exerting control over all big and small decisions of the victim’s life. Making the victim feel depended, grateful and indebted so they don’t try to break ties. Controlling the victim’s social life, and alienating the victim from those who may help them break free. Constantly criticizing everything the victim does, and punishing them by withholding affection and neglecting them. Humiliating them in public”

I am in awe with your thought process, and completely in alignment! Thank you for sharing!

On the vm, I totally adored it. Such a hard-hitting one. The desperation in Pallavi’s eyes, every single time, this girl had it so rough.

Will be very interesting to watch the stand of VD, when Mandar returns - will he get back all the love and care in his heart, for his DIL suddenly? Or will he stop sugar-coating and be the one he is now!

And of Aai’s stand. So much more!

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Loved both of your posts about Pallavi and the one with the difference between Raghav and Sunny..

Very well written 👏👏

Originally posted by: asmi_joya

WoW!!!

I always thought Mr. Deshmukh keeps Pallavi in check/control vecause he thinks he did ehsaan on her unlike Aai.. the whole Pallavi's, unhone mere liye ye kiya wo kiya comes from the fact that she has been made to feel like that subtly. IN fact I always from the first episode thought that he does not want her married for his own selfish reason and not because he wants her to fly..Aai like any other mother, wanted the daughter to have life partner for her daughter..As of now I see I treating her like a daughter.. Have to see when Mandhaar is back...😉

Thank you! ❤️

Yes, absolutely, Vijay perceives having taken her in as an ehsaan on her, and now she's gone off and started her independent life, karz chukaaye bina. Of course, she's been made to feel what a huge favor the family did on her, probably both by Vijay and by society as a whole, who would be praising the 'mahaanta' of the family for accepting their 'vidhwa bahu', and she's internalised the narrative herself too. In the beginning, I appreciated Vijay supporting Pallavi's decision to not marry, but now it seems like it was just a selfish thing on his part, which he was packaging as a show of love. Sharda, though, realised that this isn't a healthy environment, I think, and was therefore trying to get her out and independently settled. While I don't agree that a woman needs to be married to live a fulfilling life, I certainly appreciate Sharda' reasons for believing that was the best course of action for Pallavi. I'm also excited to see how these dynamics play out with Mandaar's return!

Originally posted by: Amnnaa

Well written. You have wrote about VD's character perfectly. Pallavi's character have bear many things for the sake of that family especially for VD. But he never really considered her as his own just like he claimed. For him she was a perfect trophy DIL who silently stays under him by obeying him blindly.

Raghav's entry in her life made him disturbed because he realised that she is coming out of the shell he created for her. The fact that Pallavi keep contacting and meeting Raghav even after his disapproval hurt his male ego. This made him blind and he started to doubt her each and every moment, it was clear when he stalked her.

Pallavi bore every pain and taunts thrown at her just because of her helplessness and false belief that they cared for her. She was forced to follow their thoughts and ideologies as she was kinda afraid of them. We can witness a huge change in her character after marriage.

In Rao household she is free to do everything and no-one ask her to behave in a certain way. They accepted her as a human with feelings and dreams unlike Deshmukh's. After marriage, she become more happier and cheerful. Even Raghav, the person who claimed to hate her never tried to interfere in her personal life.

The treatment towards her in Deshmukh house was nothing short of domestic abuse. Even her recent outburst at D fam was a result of the feelings and anger she oppressed during her life there. She chose to be Pallavi Raghav Rao because she know that she will be free to take her own decisions that way. I don't think she will go back to Deshmukh house unless she is forced or to with a hidden agenda to help Raghav.

Thanks for such a thoughtful response!! ❤️

@bold- you put this so perfectly. 'Trophy wife' is such a common term, but Pallavi was a trophy DIL to Vijay.

I kept Raghav and the Raos and the other Deshmukhs at the periphery of both the writeup and the video because I wanted to focus on Pallavi and Vijay, but I agree with every word you've written. Raghav storming into Pallavi's life released a side of her that terrified Vijay. With the challenges he threw at her, he awoke this new fire and drive in the girl, and once that fire was lit, she became harder and harder for Vijay to control. Refusing his demands, keeping things secret- she was slipping out of his leash, and the tighter he tried to hold on, the more she slipped away.

The Rao household is undoubtedly a healthier place for her. It's not just Raghav- it's Jaya, Kirti and Farhad as well. They have her back. Yes, right now, things with Kirti are tense, but those are the kinds of tensions that exist in all families, it's not the kind of toxic, abusive tensions that existed with the Deshmukhs. Above all, it's a problem that's being addressed by the family as a whole, for instance Jaya and Pallavi ganging up to postpone the engagement. With the Deshmukhs, she carried every burden alone, because no one (except Nikhil) asked her how she's holding up, they just assumed, Pallavi will handle it all.

And yes, all these things tied together, it's exactly domestic abuse, and to call it anything else is unjust to Pallavi. Her outburst was a culmination of all the trauma inflicted on her, and seeing her husband being treated the same way. As much as a healthy environment gave her the strength and courage to break free, I'm in awe of Pallavi's own strength to make the break. It's so, so much harder than it looks. I was just so proud of her.

So damn true 👏

VD has changed to a level where his ego is way above everything . Atleast for pallavis happiness he could have behaved better but no , and that showed his actual character . Everyone in D fam esp Sulochana now mansi keep bringing up how pallavi was so lucky that she is settled after being a widow and they throw around the term "widow" so casually about her which any close family would never .

They never appreciated nor are appreciating how she is working so hard to run their DSE with her sweat most of the time without even one bit of a credit .

I want them to get to know that she paid the property tax esp after today's episode . They don't have any right to diss her when she saved their home while they aren't leaving any stones unturned in burning hers .

I am so glad that she will get a home she deserves - respect and love for the amount of work she does in taking care of everyone .

Originally posted by: PSharada

I agree 100 percent with your post. Yes Pallavi was in emotional shackles with the D family. That is why she did not even think of her safety when she stepped out late in night to sort out Saree order during Manasi's Sangeet. If Raghav hadn't followed her she would have suffered a really cruel blow - all for what? One order. I am so glad that she finally broke her ties with the family and is now learning to fly on her own with the support that Raghav is giving her. Raghav might have done a lot of wrongs by her but once he married her he stood by his responsibility. And when he knew the truth of Sulo framing Keerti and Jaya he set out to rectify his wrongs - accepting that he was the wrongdoer. Whereas even after Amrutha's abortion truth came out VD never accepted that he was wrong to judge Pallavi.

That is why when the jewellery kand happened, Pallavi totally stood by her husband against VD - because she understood the inherent character traits of both Vijay as well as Raghav.

I'm so glad you brought up the sangeet night, I have so many thoughts about it. It was clear to me that she believed her worth came from the work she did, and not her as a person. Tabhi toh, as you said, she valued the order over her safety. She did it in the first week as well, the night Raghav ended up burning her saris.

The night of the sangeet...god, I hold that against Vijay, so so much. His hypocrisy had been so damn frustrating by this point, but that was his point of no return for me, and what excellent foreshadowing for what was about to come. Nikhil ke ek dost ne yeh bol diya ki Pallavi DI is with Raghav Rao, iski nautanki shuru ho gayi? His 'daughter' was alone, out, in the middle of the night, and he trusted a stranger's word so much, not only did he himself not show any concern for her, he didn't even let Nikhil go out and look. And that night, the danger wasn't hypothetical, it was very real. She was trapped in a car with men with terrible intentions, and she was in this position because she wanted to stay away from Raghav, to appease Vijay's zidd. She could have ended up dead that night, and Vijay was just lying down and moaning at the sangeet, acting like a victim.

And the same thing happened again na? When Raghav came and told his lies, phir se ek ajnabee ke kehne pe 'beti' pe shaq kiya, aur aadhi raat ko ghar se nikaal diya, akele. Anything could have happened to her. Forget family, a good person wouldn't even treat a stranger the way Vijay treated Pallavi. If he was angry with what she was doing, I'd have understood him locking her up in her room, but throwing her out? No concern at all for his safety? It was a statement, ki Pallavi ka uss ghar pe koi haq nahi hai. She's getting to live there, that's his ehsaan on her, and since she's been ungrateful, he's throwing her out.

Just thinking about both these incidents makes my blood boil.