Member Topic: How many of you had an arranged marriage? - Page 18

Thank you so much. God bless you too.

Originally posted by: deepikagupta9

Sorry to hear it .

Don't sit back holding ur past . Try to open gates to ur new life , which will fill ur life with happiness & prosperity.

God bless u.

Such beautiful stories here. God bless all of you.

I wanna fall in love and maybe get married one day. But I doubt I'll be able to ever get married. I hope I can at least have a relationship once in my life. But then I don't know how that will work out..

I have a trauma and I'm kinda scared of men getting physically close to me.

Also my family is too emotionally dependent on me & will never want me to be away from them.

Originally posted by: BinKuchKahe.

Such beautiful stories here. God bless all of you.

I wanna fall in love and maybe get married one day. But I doubt I'll be able to ever get married. I hope I can at least have a relationship once in my life. But then I don't know how that will work out..

I have a trauma and I'm kinda scared of men getting physically close to me.

Also my family is too emotionally dependent on me & will never want me to be away from them.

I would suggest that you find a man who is your friend first and then a lover. I was sexually abused by my cousin for a long time and was scared of men till my mid 20s. I also had a very codependent relationship with my parents.

Then I decided it was enough and I deserve to live my life. I'm 32 and still live with my parents (they're more dumb than manipulative) but I found a wonderful man three years ago who was very respectful of my body and my boundaries (unlike my ex) and every physical moment with him is so beautiful and comforting. Intercourse is still difficult for me (physically) but emotionally its beautiful.

DO NOT trust every guy out there but also be open to trusting guys. Please do not waste your life, especially not for your parents. I made that mistake for a long time and regret it a lot. Your parents will die one day and you'll be left all alone so please start living your life. Take baby steps and you'll get there 🤗

Originally posted by: SugaAgustD

Thank you so much. God bless you too.

Thank u🤗

Originally posted by: Kaya65

happily unmarried😃 even though some aunty thinks i am old if i dont marry in the next 1 or 2 years i will never find a husband😆

Never listen to those useless nosy aunties... My mausi tried to pressurise into marrying some useless guy because if I say no to the alliance then her husband will lose a friend.. Hell, my mausa knew the guy's father for just three months.. I had every right to say no, there were so many red flags about both the guy and his parents.. I convinced my mom and the matter ended.

Trust your instincts.. Put your feet down

Originally posted by: S_H_Y

Most in this thread arrange later become love

Like there was any other option 😆

Lol, true. Saath rehte rehte toh apne kutte se bhi Pyar ho jaata Hain.😆

Originally posted by: Harley_Quinn

Lol, true. Saath rehte rehte toh apne kutte se bhi Pyar ho jaata Hain.😆

😆😆

Arranged marriage is like a lucky draw, those who are lucky will end up with nice partner ,others will have to make compromises to make the marriage work . Love marriage, in the worst cases love is there in the initial stage , there are good moments to cherish .

Unfortunately born in a conservative family with no history of love marriage so inorder to not disappoint parents agreed to arranged marriage though marriage wasn't my priority ever. But my dark skin colour didn't help and dark skin girl in a upper caste family is the worst case scenario. Everyone will comment that I am good looking and my features are really beautiful but when it comes to marriage market skin colour has a decisive role. So, after many proposal ended up with a guy who is less qualified and less sensible than me . Whenever I talked to him over phone , I had this gut feeling that he is not as good as he portrays Discussed it with my parents, but they were very sure that he is and his family is very good , after all until marriage they made frequent visits to my home just to meet me and my parents which made my parents think that he will be a good husband.

Long story short , he turns out to be a lier , who lied about his family visa, financial status , job and even about his family . My only demand before marrying a NRI guy was he should have family visa but this guy lied about it. Soon came to know that he took huge loan from bank to arrange second marriage for his sister and their eyes were on my ornaments , they thought that after marriage they can pressurise me and parents to settle his financial liabilities. I would have done everything ,after all was I used to believe that marriage is a life long relationship. But he and his family never treated me with respect. I was supposed to use different plates , glass and bathroom at home , wasn't allowed to enter kitchen and I was supposed to do all the cleanings . And this guy never posed a photo with me after marriage, never went out with him without his parents. Gradually realised that this marriage was to impress the outsiders and lure proposal for his sister's third marriage. He never spend a penny for me , on the other hand he demanded me to take share for everything I eat , drink and everytime I travel with his family. He demanded me to transfer my salary to his account . For three years I tolerated everything without disclosing it to parents because I was scared that if it ended up in divorce it will be difficult for my sister to get a good alliance but when it questioned my self respect I decided to end this . But before arriving to this decision there were many days I was in the doorstep of the train to end the life. But somehow got courage to live .

Now after years of suffering living a happy single life. My parents were not happy as this was the first divorce in my family , my relatives still gives free advice , many people still thinks that I could have adjusted but the new me learnt to live for me than for the society.

Though I tried to skip many personal awkward incidents I am aware that this is still personal experience but if there is anyone who suffers silently and makes unfair compromises through out the life for society ,I would like to let them know that there will be obstacles, judgements but eventually everything will fall in place. But before any marriage make sure that you are financially independent, it will help in facing many challenges.

It is so sad to read about people going through so much colourism even now, when will people realize that darker skin is not inferior 😒

Originally posted by: Sharpener

I would suggest that you find a man who is your friend first and then a lover. I was sexually abused by my cousin for a long time and was scared of men till my mid 20s. I also had a very codependent relationship with my parents.

Then I decided it was enough and I deserve to live my life. I'm 32 and still live with my parents (they're more dumb than manipulative) but I found a wonderful man three years ago who was very respectful of my body and my boundaries (unlike my ex) and every physical moment with him is so beautiful and comforting. Intercourse is still difficult for me (physically) but emotionally its beautiful.

DO NOT trust every guy out there but also be open to trusting guys. Please do not waste your life, especially not for your parents. I made that mistake for a long time and regret it a lot. Your parents will die one day and you'll be left all alone so please start living your life. Take baby steps and you'll get there 🤗

Though I wasn't sexually abused, most of my cousins subjected me to a lot of bullying and emotional abuse... Most of my relatives are horrible manipulative folks.. My parents trust them a lot and I had a tough time when my marriage was being arranged.. They made it a point to bring the most useless of alliances and 'demand' to know why i am saying no.. No amount of explanation would convince them.. As if I needed to convince them...

They would then have a 'frank' discussion with my parents and openly tell ki tumhari beti ka zaroor kahi chakkar chal raha hai.. Hum uske liye rishta nahi layenge..

Joint family with a step mom and step siblings where the boy worked in the family's hotel business and that too in a different state.. Where I was to be a homemaker was a fabulous rishta in their eyes.. I was almost crucified for saying no.. Look at it.. Ek toh he doesn't have the business in his name.. I have to live with his step mother and siblings - could be very dangerous if luck is bad.. I am not supposed to work.. And stay in a city that was very far away from home.. Family ka background check bhi nahi kiya tha..no one knew the state of business too.. Par baat engagement ke liye hall book karne tak pahunch gayi thi even when I had stated very clearly that I didn't like the guy at all... He sounded condescending and chauvinistic.. I would have been subject to domestic abuse if I had married him.. But had I not put my foot down, these people would have blamed me for not getting along with his family and being too tez... You know what the funniest part was? I was made to meet him the day before my MBA third semester exams.. I don't know how I kept my balance and wrote my first paper the next day

This might sound like a far fetched story, but I have been subjected to shitty treatment from my family... Rishtedaars seem like a joke.. But all of this happened because my parents trusted them more than me right from my early childhood. It was they who gave them the right to interfere

I had to use every bit of my convincing power to make my mom see reason.. But my father would still be on relatives side.. There was civil war in my family.. No understatement. I said yes to my husband because it was the first decent proposal I had got.

These very people chose very well and were very liberal jab unke bachchon ki bari aayi, a year or so later after my wedding.