Member Topic: How many of you had an arranged marriage? - Page 5

Originally posted by: Veni-Vidi-Vici

A friend of mine, who was nice girl..does a bit of loud makeup was asked by her acquaintance for such a marriage..he was like I will give you enough to splurge..you can enjoy with others etc etc..she said no obviously..

The guy was mercifully upfront..else it would have been a horrible marriage

Sad that one has to keep one's sexual orientation under wraps nowadays...but I feel marriage fraud is a serious crime..something that was to happen to you is criminal, regardless of the guy's situation...the ethics of a marriage of convenience however is not for me to judge

He must have thought that girl only needs money and wants go sleep around. Like, seriously.

Though I like the guys's upfront honesty. At least he wasn't trying to cheat her. Men may be too embarrassed to admit it.

Originally posted by: colossial2015

Wow

You have filmy marriage story.

I am so happy it ended so well. 😊

Not filmi, but in my community/area, all kinds of things happen . See in our community, pride and image is very important or was very important. So to maintain that they do all kind of things.

The funny thing is everyone knows about everything, but it is like "image" is very important and maintaining that is paramount. You do what you want on the side, but for the world maintain image-that is what was important! It was odd, but when you live in it, it becomes your reality.

Nowadays things are changing, more divorces and no one staying in joint family etc and many are seeing they prefer daughters-as bahus chase you away anyways!

Originally posted by: desertsun

Arranged. Mine was funny circumstances. My family was modest and we grew up in small town conservative where all relatives were close by and so had a huge extended family and outings was going to weddings and funerals of extended family or same caste people.

I am quite dark skinned. My dad's family is very dark and they used to joke that my great grandfather was so dark that even the palms of his hands were black. My mum's family was fair/light skinned , but poor and hence the marriage happened.

My second cousin's wedding was arranged too, but she was in love with a good looking guy who was a salesman who was there from another state. Somehow they suppressed it and arranged her wedding. But two days before the wedding, she ran away to the other state. If it was same state, they would send goondas and bring her back-it was considered a very shameful thing.

For some reason, the groom family was also very ashamed as they had made the arrangements, sent the invites and everyone is coming. Quickly they talked with my extended family and father and instead they arranged me as I was the only one available. Now those days mind you, we still had to give dowry -at least in my caste. No way we could have afforded such a match-he was educated, no sisters in family(that was important, as those days daughter in law had to take care of all the sister deliveries, and maternal uncle had to do so many functions he had to do for sisters children in my caste.) Also he was very decent looking, unlike me-who was dark but quite homely to boot. I was 18 and agreed-in those days the best I could have hoped for was marry some shop keeper or some one running a small business and live in joint family in our town. Most of my cousins at my level all ended up that way. If at all, my dear husband was forced. We were all from same community.

it went well, IT wave hit, we went abroad, after raising kids and youngest hit 7, I went to institution and learnt software-and they placed me and manged to survive and am working too.

We have a nice relationship too-he is happy-though in the beginning very unhappy as I guess looks wise I am no way his equal-but thank God those days looks alone was not everything. I take care of house, kids, finances and got a job too-so we are fine and have grown to love each other.

It is funny, I talk to people where I live from India who grew up in big cities, they have no idea how it is in rural/small town India. Probably why modern movies suck-all made by people growing up in Juhu and Bandra.

Your story was an amazing read! Thank you for sharing. So inspiring that you went back to school and now have a successful career despite marriage and kids at such a young age!

Originally posted by: Veni-Vidi-Vici

Poor girl..wish she walks out on him..nothing against gays but fooling a heterosexual girl into marrying them is heartless behavior..should be punished

Oh- of course , to save face. Its sad that its easier for men to get remarried.

Are you remarried, or would you marry again?

Be it love or arranged, marriage is pure gamble and nothing else. I wish, Indians were more open to divorces etc rather than putting up in shitty relationships.

Originally posted by: colossial2015

Red flags

1. He would never look at me in my eyes while speaking. He used to be very romantic earlier on calls before wedding was fixed.

2. He preferred sleeping on the day when our wedding was getting fixed.

3. His mother and sisters were extremely pushy and clingy.

4. His entire family wanted me to seduce him.

5. He knew about gay circle very well and people called him gay.

6. He always used get angry whenever I tried to talk to him.

7. His family had death and hospitalizations in the same year. In hindus we wait for year before any wedding and festival celebration after someone dies. But his family wanted immediate wedding.

6. His entire family wanted to spy on me through social media.

7. Most important clue was his weekend activities. He used to leave with all his newly married friends to weekend gateways. No one invited their spouses. There he used to meet his partner a distant cousin. His so called friend's wives gave me a slight clue about this. I am an ex- hotelier and I do have connections everywhere so I could snoop around.

8. When my parents questioned him once, all his lies fell out and everything got over. My parents ended everything that day

After our breakup, he immediately married another girl who is suffering with him.

Thanks for it 🤗

Arranged...but wish I never got married...😔

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

He must have thought that girl only needs money and wants go sleep around. Like, seriously.

Though I like the guys's upfront honesty. At least he wasn't trying to cheat her. Men may be too embarrassed to admit it.

She was fashionable..so thought she wouldn't mind a gay for a husband if he were to shower her with money and a carte blanche to explore...

Maybe he was desperate for an easy way out but marriage means a lot of things beyond those two factors, bonding, companionship, planning for the future and even kids with each other.. very few people would be comfortable hiding such a secret from the society..beyond a point even a 'professional' beard will find it too much..

Being gay is a natural thing, it is destroying lives, causing pain to unsuspecting partners and such things that are bad...plus a closet gay is always prone to blackmail..tough choices to make, but life is tough anyway

Originally posted by: desertsun

Arranged. Mine was funny circumstances. My family was modest and we grew up in small town conservative where all relatives were close by and so had a huge extended family and outings was going to weddings and funerals of extended family or same caste people.

I am quite dark skinned. My dad's family is very dark and they used to joke that my great grandfather was so dark that even the palms of his hands were black. My mum's family was fair/light skinned , but poor and hence the marriage happened.

My second cousin's wedding was arranged too, but she was in love with a good looking guy who was a salesman who was there from another state. Somehow they suppressed it and arranged her wedding. But two days before the wedding, she ran away to the other state. If it was same state, they would send goondas and bring her back-it was considered a very shameful thing.

For some reason, the groom family was also very ashamed as they had made the arrangements, sent the invites and everyone is coming. Quickly they talked with my extended family and father and instead they arranged me as I was the only one available. Now those days mind you, we still had to give dowry -at least in my caste. No way we could have afforded such a match-he was educated, no sisters in family(that was important, as those days daughter in law had to take care of all the sister deliveries, and maternal uncle had to do so many functions he had to do for sisters children in my caste.) Also he was very decent looking, unlike me-who was dark but quite homely to boot. I was 18 and agreed-in those days the best I could have hoped for was marry some shop keeper or some one running a small business and live in joint family in our town. Most of my cousins at my level all ended up that way. If at all, my dear husband was forced. We were all from same community.

it went well, IT wave hit, we went abroad, after raising kids and youngest hit 7, I went to institution and learnt software-and they placed me and manged to survive and am working too.

We have a nice relationship too-he is happy-though in the beginning very unhappy as I guess looks wise I am no way his equal-but thank God those days looks alone was not everything. I take care of house, kids, finances and got a job too-so we are fine and have grown to love each other.

It is funny, I talk to people where I live from India who grew up in big cities, they have no idea how it is in rural/small town India. Probably why modern movies suck-all made by people growing up in Juhu and Bandra.

Wow. More power to you 💛 It was so satisfying to read that you went back to school and made a career outta it inspite of having a domestic married life at such a young age. Inspirational! Your story is the definition of 'Life truly happens when we least expect it to'. Hopefully, you haven't faced major colorism from your husband...The world around us might suck but the closest people to us need to have our backs always. Social conditioning can always be undone and it's society's fault not inherent in people. I truly wish you and your family well :) Well done,you!

Originally posted by: colossial2015

So she is perfect for perfect for you. 🤣

Yes I mean I didn’t meet her till the wedding day

It was real real old style 😆😆

People stopped getting married like that in the 1950s I think 😆 Throwback