Thank you everyone for such overwhelming response. Before I start I would just say this is not just an ordinary story. Neither Maan nor Geet are perfect people here. they are both imperfect and here's a story of few people who are no where near perfects. This is the story of their flaws...their imperfections...their incompleteness. Do comment and press like. They inspire me to write better. In case anyone wants pm please add me as buddy.Awaiting your honest opinions.
Please stay safe everyone. Let's do everything that is in our power to help people who need it in these turbulent times. Take care everyone.
It took me lot of time to write this update. I wrote and rewrote the chapters. I don't know how it turned out cause I am not fully satisfied with it but I am already too late so I am updating.
Part 39
Catching up
As soon as Brij left the hospital premise he knew he would be questioned. Sameera didn’t disappoint him.
“Brij… I feel like so many things have changed. I feel like I am left behind.”
“Sam, things change all the time. People change daily. You might not have noticed it but you have changed too.”
“Hmm, I think you are right.It’s just that, I feel like I am drifting around. I feel like I don’t have a home anywhere.”
“Maybe it’s time to make a new home.”
“It’s not like I have a lot of options. “
“You have been gone right after your divorce being busy with your shoot. I think this is the first time you are truly facing your emotions.”
“I stayed separated from Maan almost a year before our divorce. It’s not the first time I am alone Brij.”
“Maybe this is the first time you are allowing yourself to feel the pain. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone grieves differently Sam.”
“Something changed in Maan. I know him. He is different somehow, more at peace with himself.”
“And you gathered all that by talking to him few minutes.”
“He was my husband Brij. I knew him. Maan was always so at unrest and taking on huge burdens to spare Rey and Annie. It’s different watching him suddenly being carefree. It seems like burdens have been lifted off him.”
“I guess in a way it did. Rehaan and Annie are both taking on more responsibilities. Moreover I think Daadima had forced Maan to take some time off. We both know how long it had been that Maan had taken a vacation. I think your honeymoon was the last time he took time off work.”
“No Brij. He was not completely off work during our honeymoon. We went to Japan and though most of the time we spent having fun he did have few meetings here and there. It should have showed how our married lives would be. Our work would always intrude upon us.”
“Don’t be like that Sam. I am sure you had happy times as well. Remember the happy times.”
“yeah! But something did change Maan and I am curious.”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay then tell me about Annie.”
“As far as I can tell, Annie and Arjun dated the year you were going through your divorce. But due to some unknown reason Arjun abruptly broke up with Annie and left the country. Annie meanwhile I think started a relationship with someone else. Now Arjun is back and sorry. Annie is confused and hurt and needs time. So she left Mumbai to give herself some space to come to a decision.”
“Oh I think in her heart Annie had already decided. The time and space is for her heart to catch up to her mind.”
“Is it?”
“I guess. I feel that the heart always decides easily. It’s the mind that confuses us all.”
“Maybe. I have been in a war between heart ad mind and I feel I have lost myself in the process.”
“I did meet Tara di while shooting you know.”
“Oh?”
“She is happy. Something in her has stopped bothering her. She did tell me that meeting you had helped her finally move on completely. And she told me to tell you that it’s high time you move on too.”
“I am an old man set in my ways.I don’t think I can change Sam.”
“You are not that old Brij. Life doesn’t have to be this way for you.”
“I don’t think I am capable of loving again Sameera.”
“Maybe, maybe not but you won’t know until you try. All I am asking is that you give yourself a fair chance.”
“Will you love again now that Maan is not going to be a part of your life anymore?”
“I don’t know Brij but I will definitely not shut myself off. I have to believe that I will have more than this lonely existence that I have nowadays.”
“I am sure you will have love someday Sameera.”
“I sense a ‘but’.”
“I am not sure how you will take it but you have a complicated past. Your relationships with your family have always affected you. You need to deal with your repressed anger for your parents before you can be ready for any relationship.”
“I don’t feel anything for my parents Brij.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.”
“I don’t want to talk about this Brij.”
The rest of the ride was silent and Brij showed Sameera the guest room. Sameera was truly tired but something was nagging her. It was just a feeling but something had significantly changed in Maan. The feeling of being left behind gripped her again but she was too tired to deal with them.
*****
Geet came out of her father’s private room as the visiting hours were ending. She had supposed that Brij veerji and Maan might be waiting outside. She was therefore surprised to find Maan alone. He smiled at her. They started walking towards the exit as they spoke.
“Hey Geet!”
“Hey. I thought Brij Veerji would be here.”
“Yes, he was. But then Sam came.She was out of country for her shoot. She had been talking to Annie and I guess, she found out about your father’s attack. Sam was really angry that Brij had not informed her. She didn’t have a place to stay because her penthouse is still in need of renovation. Brij offered her to stay at his place and took her there. So I am waiting for you here alone.”
“You know right that I have met Sam before.”
“Yes, I know. To be fair, I didn’t know you were the same Geet I met in Darjeeling.”
“I think that was the day I found out that the Maan I met was The Maan Singh Khurana.”
“You make me sound so pompous.”
“I am just quoting the headlines.”
“How did you know it was me?”
“I started suspecting as soon as Sameera started her story. It was too similar, just a different point of view.But as sh……I am sorry but as she spoke about her husband’s infidelity I just knew. It seemed too much of a coincidence that two different Maan are granted their divorce on same day and due to same reasons.”
“You need not be sorry. I am not proud of my conduct. I was wrong. I cheated on my wife. No matter what, nothing can justify my behavior. “
He looked at Geet. Maan knew that Geet felt guilty for that night but he had never blamed Geet. The truth was that he could have stopped but he didn’t want to. He needed geet to understand that.
Geet’s eyes were moist and the familiar sense of guilt welled up inside her.
“Maan, for what it is worth I am sorry.”
“I know you blame yourself Geet but you shouldn’t. I need to tell you something. I know it will make me sound like an immoral person but I can’t take it that you blame yourself.”
“What? You want to tell me that you seduced me that night? Get real Maan. If anybody had seduced anyone, it was me.”
“No Geet, I didn’t seduce you. I did feel a form of connection with you. It was like, out of everyone you alone could understand my pain. You know, you are the only one in this world who knows about the abortion other than me, Sam and her doctor. So, in a way, you are the only one who can understand my pain.”
“So what were you trying to confess about that night?”
“I could have stopped you that night. I can hold my liquor really well. You were not the first woman I met who wanted to have sex with me under the influence of alcohol. Heck, I find myself in these situations often in society parties here and abroad. But you were the only woman I succumbed to. And the reason is not because I couldn’t resist. You are a truly beautiful woman Geet and I knew you needed me that night. I knew you were not one of those drunken lady who wanted sex just for the heck of it and wear their infidelity like some badge of honor. But I agreed for a different reason.”
“Why did you agree Maan?”
“I know you might hate me for this but just know I am not that man anymore and I have … I still am remorseful. I agreed so I could hurt Sam. Sam had hurt me and I wanted Sam to be equally hurt. She always trusted me immensely. I broke that trust so she could hurt and realize what it feels to get your heart broken. “
“You were that vindictive?”
“I am ashamed to say that I was.Of course as the night progressed, as I took you to my farm house things began to change. I forgot my reasons for my act. I know it was supposed to be just sex but in the end I did end up making love to you. But in the beginning, the only reason I agreed was because I wanted to hurt Sam.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t know Geet. One reason is of course that I don’t want you to bear the culpability of my infidelity.You were not responsible for my choices. But another deeper reason is that I want you to know me completely. This is the worst thing I have ever done to someone. “
There was a suffocating silence and Geet waited for Maan to find his words.
“Geet, I am a businessman and sometimes I do become ruthless to win a deal or help my company flourish. I am not an evil person. Mostly, I try to be a good person in my personal life and take care of my family and friends. But I am not a good man when it comes to business. I just do what it takes to help my company and sometimes that may not be entirely ethical. The best I can describe is that I am neither completely black or white, I am a shade of grey.”
They had reached their car and Maan silently opened the door for Geet. Geet sat down mechanically and put on the seat belt as Maan got in the car.
“Geet, can we go somewhere we can talk please? I don’t want to leave this discussion midway and this is not something I can talk about while driving.”
“Okay.”
They drove mostly silently and they finally reached a restaurant Maan frequently uses for meeting some clients. They had private booths available for business meetings. Maan took Geet into one of them. They both ordered coffee and some light snacks. The order was delivered promptly. Once their waiter left Maan started their previous discussion.
“Geet, if you want to understand my decision that night I need to start at the very beginning. Will you listen?”
“I will. I want to understand how the man who had been so selfless with me could have been so vindictive.”
“Thank you for trying to understand. I lost my parents at an early age and quite suddenly. I was not prepared for it. Rehaan had lost his mother. Daadi was busy with Gill uncle trying to save our company from ruin. It was a tumultuous time and it had permanently destroyed something in me. Suddenly I became the care giver to a younger brother and sister. I think I became their protector in that moment and something in me broke.”
“Because you were alone and even if you were acting tough you needed some care and protection as well?”
“Exactly. I don’t think I could have described it better. I was a mamma’s boy, her precious Maan. I have a void in my heart that never really filled. I think I built walls around my heart at that time. I started believing that any form of vulnerability makes us weak. I stopped letting people get close to me. Annie, Rehaan, Daadi and Gill uncle were the only ones in my heart. Arjun was the one who forcefully stayed my friend. I think he understood me better and did not allow me to push him away.”
“You thought you were being tough but you were actually protecting yourself from the hurt of losing loved ones. Maan, it is not the right way of thinking I guess. But I understand.”
“I know you do. You understand me in a way nobody else can and I feel myself wanting to share things with you.”
“I guess I understand because I have been through something similar as you know. Tell me more Maan.”
Geet somehow knew this was the first time Maan was sharing his burdens with her. Normally she was the one to share her issues and Maan listening faithfully. Maybe she could return the favor and be there for him for a change.
“As I grew up I became more and more aloof. I think I stopped sharing my issues with my family. Initially it was so I don’t bother them. But slowly it was as if I lost the ability to share. I bottled up everything and it wasn’t healthy. Then I started working for the company. This world is a very cruel place Geet. Most people are there to try and take advantage of you in some way. This world sorely lacks genuine people. “
“So you changed some more?”
“I think I became the person I hate.”
“Just know, I won’t judge you Maan. Tell me everything without fear. You will have my friendship no matter what.”
“Aren’t you disgusted with my vindictiveness?”
“Disgust is not the right emotion Maan. I was uncomfortable finding you capable of such vengeful act. But, I don’t know much about your life. I shouldn’t judge your actions without knowing what made you do them.”
Maan looked at her with such a hopefulness and gratitude that it broke her heart. He truly feared that she would reject his person after knowing everything.
She took Maan’s hand in her hand and spoke softly.
“I promise Maan to be there for you. You are not going to be alone.”
Part 40
Insecurities
Maan watched Geet. She promised to be his friend. It was strange but he wanted to share everything with Geet. It was like confessing to Geet were the means for his absolution.
“I was a bit naive at first. I took people at face value. It took many trials and betrayals to become this ruthless businessman that I am today. I am not blaming my situations. I could have been stronger and not let the world change me. Whenever I watch you Geet,I feel so small and mean minded. Here I am talking about few opportunists while you had been betrayed by your own loved ones and yet you are still so full of love. You make me a better person Geet. Just by watching you not be bitter I become convinced that I should try and be more like you.”
“Oh Maan! You are neither as bad as you suggest nor am I as great as you make out to be. Or did you forget that I refused to come to my ailing father’s aid and only did so after you convinced me that too, to help my elder brother?”
“We will forever disagree on this my dear Geet. For me, you are the epitome of true strength. You didn’t let the world change you.”
“Someday, I will share more and you would know how untrue your words are. But today is your turn Maan. Tell me everything.”
“In my defense I was so very young when I joined business. I was just eighteen, still a student when I joined Business part time. My first project was a disaster. I believed a fraudulent supplier and cost the company few lakhs. Gill uncle had to use all of his diplomatic skills to save me from the backlash. I think it was hearing them question Gill uncle’s belief in me that did it.”
Maan took a sip of Coffee. Geet took her time observing Maan. He had always been so strong for her that she didn’t realize how much he had been suffering and how lonely he was. This was her turn to be there for him.
“I lost papa so early that Gill uncle had always been a father to me. He had been so caring and supportive of me, always making time for me. He had been so proud of my academic achievements. And here he was being questioned about his decision to back me just because of my stupidity. I should have been more careful before losing so much money for the company. And you know what is the worst part? Gill uncle wasn’t even angry. He just called me to his office and told me to be more careful next time.”
“I am sure Maan he knew that you made an honest mistake. He was a father to you Maan. He knew that anybody can make mistakes.”
“But my mistake cost the company money and it would have cost us the project if not for Gill uncle.”
“Okay, what happened next?”
“I think that was the moment I stopped trusting people. I started thinking that everyone is trying to take advantage of me. To be fair to myself, mostly everyone was trying to make me fail so that they can use my failure against me when I try to take any key position within the company. But I was determined to not give them any such opportunity. I slowly became the man I am today. I took the position of CEO when I was 25. By then I had two very prestigious project under my bag. Gill uncle and some of the older members of the board of directors were very pleased. Most of them were there when my father was alive and they were happy to make me the CEO. As the things went on I became more and more stoic. I stopped sharing even little bit. I became distant to my family spending more and more time working.”
Maan took a deep breath.
“I met your brother before as he was my senior at school. Our company uses their law firm. Previously Mohinder uncle used to be our lawyer. Arjun took his place in the firm and his father retired. Similarly, Brij took his place few years ago as Mohinder uncle retired. I think that’s how I became friends with Brij. He was someone who garnered trust. We met at social parties but I somehow found a friend I could trust. You Handa's seem to have that effect on me.”
Maan laughed lightly after his last statement.
“Well, we Handa siblings are pretty special.”
“That you are.”
“So continue.”
“Brij was the one to introduce me to Sam. Sam was then not as famous as she is now. I was 28 by then and Daadi was starting to pressurize me for marriage. Work load was getting lighter as Rehaan had joined Business. Sam had debuted in Bollywood and had done a few movies in supporting roles. I confess we did have a age difference.”
“Wait a minute, Brij veerji was the one to introduce you and Sam? I thought it was the opposite. How did he know Sam?”
“He knew Sam way before she came in the film world. Do you know about Naintara?”
“Yeah. He told me a while back.”
“Sameera is cousin of Naintara. That’s how Brij knew her.”
“Wow! I didn’t know that. So how did things change after Sam came in your life?”
“Things were better for some time. We dated for two years. She was 23 when we met. We dated for two years. I think the reason Sam even attended that party was because of Brij. It was just few months after Yash passed away and Brij was still mourning. Sam and I had a good relationship but there was something that stopped us from confiding in each other fully. There are things about Sam that I don’t know.Serious things like why she is not in touch with her parents. Similarly, Sam doesn’t know of my struggles both with losing my parents and with my problems in the company.”
“How is it possible? You both were in relationship. You married each other.”
“I think each of us had things we wanted to hide from the other. So we didn’t pry each other about things we were reluctant to talk about for the fear of having to talk about our own issues. Life was different. Even though we were hiding some important part of us from each other we did have a good time. We dated for a year and a half before I proposed and we married. For some time things were good. I think I opened up to her as much as I could. I loved her. Maybe my love was selfish but I did love her. “
“How can you love someone and not share so much of you with them?”
“After so many years sharing was not easy for me. It was much easier to keep things to myself. Sam, I think, was having something similar issue. I am not sure. But in my own flawed way I did let Sam into my heart. I don’t think I realized how much I had let her in until I read that abortion report. Sam still thinks that our divorce was because of the abortion. “
“It wasn’t?”
“I would have understood theabortion Geet. She did tell me before marriage that she needs time and is not ready to be a mother soon. I agreed and respected her choice. She didn’t respect me though. She thought I would stop her from aborting our child or something similar. I know I was away from Mumbai but if she had informed me I would have supported her. Oh don’t get me wrong, I would be hurt. I didn’t know how much I wanted a child of my own before that incident. But I made a promise to my wife that I won’t pressurize her to become a mother before she was ready.I would have kept my promise. But she didn’t even trust me enough to tell me about it. That hurt worse than the abortion.”
Maan took a pause in his recounting. His eyes were red and his voice shook a bit. He bit his lips in an effort to control his emotions. Geet squeezed his hands a bit.
“You know Maan, tears are nothing to be ashamed of. So many times you have let me unburden myself and crying in your arms. I would be honored if I could be there if you need to unburden.”
Maan was silent for a minute but he stopped trying to control his emotions. In our society we put a tremendous pressure on the men to be strong and make them feel that tears are to be ashamed of. Maan had always believed that a man is not supposed to break down in front of any one. Geet’s compassionate eyes told him that he can unburden completely and she wouldn’t judge him for it.
His eyes started watering a bit.
“I think I could have forgiven her the abortion but the lack of trust, the under handed way she went about the abortion broke something in me. It was too painful. I left for Darjeeling because I couldn’t bear to be in her presence. I hid my pain with my anger. How dare she try to con me? How dare she try to hide from me the fact that I was to be a father? How dare she take such an important decision alone? My anger had turned me into my ruthless persona but truth was that I was trying to use my anger to keep my pain at bay.”
“Then what happened?”
“I have to be honest with you.If it hadn’t been for you I wouldn’t have cheated on my wife.”
“I told you I was responsible.”
“Not in the way you think. I wanted to drink so much that it would numb my pain. I was still thinking of hurting Sam as badly as she hurt me. I am not a saint. The thought of forgiving her didn’t even cross my mind. Then I met you. We talked about so many things. Even then when I barely knew you I could share my pain with you easily. You told me about your marriage and suddenly I found myself sharing my own issues without even being prompted. And then you kissed me. If I am being completely honest,it was nothing I have ever felt before. For me at least, it was very intense.When you told me you wanted to spend the night with me a part of me found a perfect way to take revenge on Sam. I knew Sam. I knew my infidelity would hurt her deeply. I wanted to hurt her as deeply as she hurt me. And that is the only reason I agreed to your mad scheme. Now that you know everything I am sure you will hate me and my vindictiveness.”
Geet waited a bit before replying.
“Things are so rarely straightforward Maan. I should have known that you would have your own reasons for agreeing.”
“I was wrong Geet. I was wrong that night.”
“So was I Maan.”
“It is different for you. You were in pain.”
“You can’t have it both ways Maan. Either we both were wrong or we both were justified. The truth is that we both cheated on our spouses that night. And if I am being entirely honest, I enjoyed informing Dev that I spent the night with a stranger. So you see, even I was vindictive.”
“I feel like you were justified with your feelings in the face of Dev and Meera’s betrayal.”
“I don’t know if I was justified. But I do understand the need to hurt the one who hurt us. Is it right thing to do? Definitely not. Is it natural thing to do? Yes. We can’t measure emotional pain Maan. Sometimes the smallest thing can hurt us deeply and what Sameera did wasn’t small. She betrayed your trust and the transparency of your marriage was destroyed. You wanted to maybe make her feel how broken trust feels like.”
“Yes, I did. I wanted her in pain.”
“Tell me something, how did you feel when you saw her in pain after your confession?”
“Wretched. I felt like a despicable person and the worst husband in the world. I felt like I would do anything to make it up to her. I think I wanted to give a second chance to our marriage just because I was feeling guilty. But worst, I felt like I had made my parents ashamed of me. Like if they were alive, they would hate me. I know for a fact that Daadi would be hurt to know how far I have strayed from her teachings.”
“Your parents won’t hate you Maan. They would be disappointed but hate is a very strong word. I believe your parents would find it in their heart to forgive you.”
“Do you truly believe so?”
The way he phrased his question was heart breaking. She had always seen Maan as a self-assured man. Finding him so vulnerable was a new experience. It seemed like for the first time Maan was opening his heart and as if the dam has broken down. He opened up to her about so many things that it was a revelation. Behind the tough exterior there was a man who was actually very lonely.
They say, by helping someone you help yourself as well. It was true for her.
“I truly believe so Maan. You area good man, Maan. You have made some mistakes under the influence of strong negative emotions but that doesn’t make you a bad person. I believe you have within the necessary strength to grow out of your negative emotions.”
Geet watched Maan as he tried to believe her words. It is never easy to forgive our own mistakes.
“It’s okay Maan. It’s okay to make mistakes. What truly matters is what you do once you realize your errors.”
“Do you truly believe in that Geet?”
“I would be a hypocrite if I tell that I believe in it all the time. But I try to.”
“What do you feel guilty about Geet?”
“Many things. “
“Like?”
“I don’t now. I always wanted Muski would have a whole family. But more than that I think I feel guilty that I didn’t even try working things with Dev.”
“You shouldn’t you know. Dev diddn’t deserve you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“If he had your love and still could find a way to cheat on you then he sure in hell didn’t deserve you Geet.”
“I don’t know.”
“It will never be easy for you to realize that you are not to blame right?”
“I guess I will. I am trying Maan. I am trying to unlearn everything my dysfunctional family life had taught me but by God it hurts.”
“In some ways Geet we all are the slaves of our childhood traumas. I think most of our adult life is spent making up for our shitty childhood.”
“You know my deepest fear is being the monster in Muskaan’s life.”
“All anyone can expect from you Geet is that you try. I am sure you would have your own set of mistakes but at least you won’t repeat your parents mistake.”
“There’s the silver lining I was hoping for…”
They both smiled. Unknowingly they had taken a step together. It was still a long way for them to go but maybe the road ahead was not as difficult as it seemed.
Maan is being there for her as a true friend but Maan needs her as much as she needs him. Her dad was very wrong but past cannot be changed. You can only let go and move on. 
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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