Her fingers were long and pointed, they swathed the Sitar like some deadly pale spider was wiggling against its polished arm and tagging at its strings. The tune was calm and serene as it always was when Ragini played. Silence around her always talked and her notes replied in a rather musical tone. She was a beauty, dark haired, fair skinned and doe eyed, but as every beauty her fate was not very elegant.
Silent tears trickled down her cheeks, as she blinked furiously, half hiding her face against the instrument she had learned to love from childhood. She was rejected once again; she had lost count of the broken ties in her life. People hate what they don't understand, or what is always better. Ragini learned the lesson the hard way. Her grandmother, in her ancient ways, had made her in to too perfect a person that no one wanted to compare her perfection with their human ways. She was a goddess, too good for mere humans. But how, how long she yearned to be treated an equal among them.
It had been years her grandmother had passed away. Her father, as always was a distant figure in her life, working or busy enough to keep his daughter out of his life. Fate had brought her to the shelter of the Maheshwaris. She was engaged to their son, her world rotated around them. Never had she thought that sense of family would be snatched from her as well, but it had happened and happened all too soon.
Lakshya had found love elsewhere.
She knew him to a certain length, that she was certain he would achieve his ends by any means. Even the mighty Durga Prasad Maheshwari had to bow to his whim and let the girl he loved enter their mansion; that certainly was something.
Again in her life, she could see nowhere to go, her paths were too entangled, her view too dark, that she could do nothing but wait frozen on her spot, watching the drama unfold in front of her. It was then; she heard the violin, crying to the night the same way her Sitar wept. Neither happy nor sad, but empty and waiting with an incomplete song...Her feet took her towards the source of that sound, through the dark passageways she knew too well. The polished floors and elegant walls stopped there, it was dusty and blemished away ahead. She walked on, in a trance the music created. Her path ended with a closed door on the end of the corridor. From its frame leaked the weeping tone.
Without nearing it, without making her presence aware Ragini stood on her toes and listened, as she always does, when the violin would weep at nights. She knew it would happen today, as it does on every new moon.
Then the music vanished, leaving the silence heavy with its touch, after hours of continuous musical mourning. Ragini inched closer, listening with strained ears and heard the voice speak.
Nobody heard you. Good thing that too, for the one who hears will be very, very unfortunate.'
She closed her eyes, letting the unnoticed tears flow.
I heard you,' she murmured. And true...I am the most unfortunate here.'
As usual the voice did not reply even though it heard her low toned confession.
I know you're there.' She continued in her whispering tone. And you understand. Only you do. Because you're not humanly flawed as them. You and I...we are different, isolated, misunderstood, used, broken and sad. We need each other more than anyone else.'
Still there was no reply.
You find solace in your silence and I in my speech. I'm glad you're listening. I'm glad you're here. Does that make me a monster? That I'm glad someone broke you? Someone hurt you enough to curse you in to this existence? That you're confined to this place? Because I do. Had you not been here, my pain would have suffocated me. I would have been alone. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're listening.'
*
Welcome to India,' said the immigration officer with a formal smile. Swara nodded at him and moved away, moved back in her memories. She had heard that line before, spoken in the same mechanical tone, back then, it had elated her with a cherry feeling, now dared filled her with a bitter dose of guilt. She was not being fair with Lakshya. He loved her, she did not.
She was in a transitional phase between love and logic, love, she had already lost, logic, was still beyond her reach. He had been her aid to move on; she genuinely wanted to give him a chance. But still her heart had a considerable authority over her mind and her mind still dwelled on an unreachable, light and innocent past. Desperately her mind wanted move on, forget the pain completely and her heart stubbornly wanted to hold on, coil in pain every passing second and she remained numb, listening to the well placed arguments of both.
Lakshya gripped her hands in welcome, put his arms around her in to a brief warm hug, yet the numb feeling inside Swara did not vanish even the slightest. The very air of this land suffocated her, but that was the fear she had to win. She could hear the memories screaming inside her mind as she followed him out. She was back, this time there was no shield, no saviors, and she would have to fight for herself.
I can't believe Sharmishta auntie agreed so easily,' Lakshya was saying.
Ah,' said Swara. She didn't, I had to take some desperate measures.'
I won't ask you what those were,' Lakshya shook his head knowingly and she watched him. He genuinely cared for her; it was getting harder to forget the old wounds now. She liked him, liked him a lot, but love was still out of reach. She would never love again, this trust and concern would be her substitutes for that feeling, and she would have to learn to live with them soon.
Laksh, I have to tell you something,' she said slowly as Lakshya who was under the illusion that this was her first time in his country launched in to a plan of sightseeing and proposed various activities while at that.
Yeah?' He asked slightly distracted.
I've been here before.'
What? You never told me. When? When you were young you mean?'
Ah..I was eighteen,' she muttered but Lakshya who was speaking with the driver about some alternate routes did not hear her.
She would have explained but she realized this was perhaps not the best place and time. Personally Swara was not found of dragging up her stories of past either.
I forgot to tell you,' said Lakshya excitedly. There's a havan tonight. It's Adarsh's bhai and Pari Babhi's anniversary!'
Oh,' said Swara rubbing her temples. You should have told me something about it; I didn't even bring them anything!'
Doesn't matter. In our house blessings matter more than gifts, I'm sure they'd appreciate your presence more.'
Lakshya,'
Hmm?'
What about Ragini?'
What about her?' He asked casually.
I mean you rejected her, how will she behave with me?'
You don't know Ragini Swara,' said Lakshya shaking his head. She's incapable of thinking ill of someone. Too good for her own health. I'm sure she might even offer her room for you if the opportunity arises, hate and anger is just beyond her, she's an angle of peace!'
Why did you refuse her then?' Swara raised her eyebrows. She sounds a fortune well!'
You see I'm no saint and I want no angle,' Lakshya smirked. She's too good, I can't tolerate her perfection. As if anyone can be that wonderful for real.' he said sarcastically.
You mean, she's acting?'
What else? It's all her father's doing. Somehow he made her a permanent resident at my place and now she's pretending all this wonderful angle character and winning everyone around so that they would keep her with them forever. I see right through this charade mind you.'
Poor girl,' muttered Swara.
Don't worry about her. Worry about yourself. You have to charm my family now.'
Hmm,' said Swara. I have stopped worrying about myself a long time ago.'
*
Ragini!' The sharp voice jerked her out of her slumber. Ragini blinked and the furiously pale face of Annapurna came to her focus. With a jolt she realized she was still leaning against that dusty closed door, sleeping with her head resting on her knees.
She stumbled to her feet, dusting off her clothes and flatting her hair, nervously.
What on earth are you doing here?' Annapurna demanded.
I...I...' stammered Ragini. I don't know!'
I beg your pardon? What do you mean you don't know?
Tears that laced her eyes due to fright played her angles right now. Blinking furiously Ragini grabbed the nearest idea.
I...think I have sleepwalked here Ma,' she said innocently confused.
What? Since when have you been sleepwalking?'
I don't know, but I don't remember coming here. I don't know what this place is. I've never seen this passage or this door before. What is this place Ma?'
Annapurana looked slightly uncomfortable now and Ragini smiled inwardly. She knew perfectly well Annapurna would not explain to her the significance of this place.
It is an old store room,' she said finally with a deep exhale and they heard the noise of a car screeching in to a halt. They exchanged a look.
I think they are here.' Annapurna said.
I'll prepare to welcome them,' Ragini tried to leave in haste.
Ragini?' Annapurna called after her.
She stopped and turned around.
Yes Ma?'
How much do you love Lakshya?'
Umm what?'
Annapurna closed in, laying a hand on her shoulder.
I think you still have a chance of being a part of this family.'
Ragini's eyes widened, as she took in a deep breath. She listened as Annapurna talked and her face paled slowly.
It is up to you,' said Annapurna. What you decide to do with this opportunity but this conversations stays between us,' saying so she left Ragini to her own thoughts after a final pat on her head.
But the conversation was never really between them. There was a third person, behind the closed door, listening in silence. For the first time Ragini forgot someone was there, someone was listening.
*
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
