Chapter 1: A suitable boy
There was an enigma in the way sky changed from dark grey to pale grey. It was as if all the rainbows took a vacation and the world was reduced to monochromatic colors; lighter colors appeared white while the darker ones looked almost black. For few minutes every day the world was reduced to absolute simplicity and a limbo like extended moment existed. She loved that moment of suspended shade where the steady movements of her legs were in inertia and fading moon, a lone companion. She chased this kind of loneliness as the puff of her breath warmed the space in front of her and the cold left in the tails of the night chilled her bones. It wasn't loneliness per se, it was a calculated and necessary break she took from familiar faces, dangling conversations, noise, colors, brightness and unfinished businesses. She was one of those very few people who liked company of strangers than the ones she saw in real life. It gave her a freedom to define herself the way she saw herself. The meeting and passing with strangers left a trail that was like a beautiful unfinished tapestry. It was always there for her to climb but never finished to see the end of it. The unfinished stairs was the conversations that never happened. The thought twitched her heart but she had long learnt to let it go. And brisk walking helped her to warp the contexts and derive conclusions out of them; letting go was one such decision she had come to when her calf muscle ached in agony and feet groaned in exhaustion. There was a spiritual transcendence to her muscular pain and prickling cold.
The familiar path she took in path seemed always new, always different. A flower here and a flower there or trimmed bushes and errant plastic bag missing the trash can by a mile. A haunting piano tune echoed in her headphones, mimicking the tragedy of dying night as dawn breaks. Khushi stopped walking and turned towards the rising Sun. She let the warm rays wash over her and closed her eyes as she felt residual cold that had hopelessly clung to her dissipate from her skin. Sweat glistened on her skin and the warm sun tinted her cheeks pink. The ache in her calf muscle was less than pleasant but she didn't mind the advantages that came with it. Lungful of clean morning air had removed all traces of sleep from her system and replaced with a healthy dose of optimism. At least that's the explanation she gave her mother when she was asked about using her treadmill that was collecting layers of dust and was reduced as a sock hanger or used towels, instead of walking out in the park. The cool and calming silence was slowly beginning to fill with noises of people's feet, their voices in hushed undertones and the huff-puffs of people dragging their body in a steady run.
Bluing sky dove people to the park, the pathways filled with varied demography. It was also the time when her concentration died as her hyperactive mind was titillated with the varying distractions surrounding her. She opened her eyes to stare at the young sun for few seconds forgetting everything around her as the light dissipated the bubble she had built for herself and broke through the armor of her skin. Her only response to the blindness shot at her is a smile which is both melancholic and terribly lonely. She blinked when the light started to water her eyes effectively cutting down her morning communication with rising sun. She threw one last smile at the sun and walked back to the path. She was only two hundred meters away from the exit and from there it was another hundred meters to the house. Home, she corrected herself idly.
Schooling her features to an indignant indifference, she started her walk back home.
*****
"I have left your vegetable juice on your table. Drink it before you shower." She heard her mother from kitchen. The household was mostly quiet as it was still early for the rest of them to be awake. Without replying to her mother she made it to her room and closed the door behind her. She took out the weighing scale that was pushed the previous day under her bedside table and calibrated it routinely. She let out a breath and waited a moment before stepping on the scale. The number displayed on the scale didn't vary greatly from the previous day and she swallowed the involuntary disappointing sigh that tried to leave her chest. Nodding to herself, she hopped off from the scale and pushed it with her feet. She propped on her chair and started to drink her juice slowly, her eyes glancing at the calendar for the day on her cellphone. Idly she entered her weight and her exercise details in an app she maintained on her phone and also wrote in a small diary that she maintained to track her exercise regime. She finished the rest of juice in one large gulp and stepped away from the table. She was done worrying about her weight and large waistline for the day.
She was out of her room an hour later dressed for work. Ignoring the family that was gathered at the dining table and sipping morning tea, she walked out without a word. The words she exchanged with the family from the previous night still stung.
Her mother Garima was having none of that. "Khushi, eat some breakfast before you leave," Garima called out. When Khushi didn't show any sign of stopping, she exchanged a short worried look with her husband Shashi, grabbed couple of pieces of toast and walked fast to catch Khushi. "Come on Khushi," she said catching up to Khushi and grabbed her elbow.
Khushi turned and shrugged her mother's arm off from her elbow. It had taken effort to let go of the teasing that she felt was unnecessary and insulting during previous night's dinner. During dinner, the good mood she was in after a great day at office was evaporated and for the first time in several years she had felt suffocated and claustrophobic in her own home. There were times when she didn't care for the teasing remark her dad made when she ate an extra roti. She wouldn't bat an eyelid when Payal sniggered while she generously poured her bowl with second helping of kheer. In the end, she was human being and things got to her. She had some bad days and then some. Yesterday was a good day - a great day even which she wanted to end in a positive note.
"We were just teasing you last night Khushi. Don't be too sensitive and don't take it in the wrong way," Garima tried to pacify her daughter. Khushi didn't blink and waited. She hadn't realize till then that she was actually expecting an apology from her family for unknowingly hurting her. Somehow her mother's comment clamped up her throat. She wondered if she could tell them why their words had hurt her
"Remember when the small chair we got for Khushi broke after she jumped on it? I forgot to tell the salesman that my eleven year old daughter weighed like a twenty year old."
"I could never use Khushi's dresses though I am only a year older than her. I still can't use them. Unless they are sari, of course."
"I loved before Khushi got into diets and stuff. She used to enjoy eating my cooking so much and food never went to waste."
None of them were untruthful. None of them were taken out of context. Her family was telling the truth. They were reliving a part of her childhood that she desperately wanted to forget. Why couldn't they remember the time when she helped her older sister pass mathematics exam? Why couldn't they remember when she won recognition in science fair? She sincerely couldn't understand why people had fantastic memory of someone's desperate moments and easily forgot their triumphs. The humanity, she believed, was oddly wired wrong.
"Have this-" Garima started but stopped when Khushi turned and walked away from her without uttering a single word. Garima looked at her husband in despair and Shashi smiled consolingly at her.
"She will be fine by evening Garima. Let her cool off." He said, knowing what transpired the previous night wasn't intended to hurt his daughter but it had ended up in a wrong way anyway.
"Are you sure?" Garima asked helplessly. "She never held on to her anger over night. It's the first time."
"There is always a first time," Payal intoned and shrugged. "Maybe she is tired." She added, looking at the door Khushi had just exited from. There was a verifiable defeat in the slump of her shoulders when Khushi had listened to her family teasing her. It hit Payal only later that Khushi had refused to talk to anyone and had holed up in her room. When Payal had gone into her room, Khushi had her earphones on and hadn't taken them off when Payal had started to speak. The blatant dismissal had shook Payal as Khushi was rarely rude to anyone on purpose.
Payal was broken off her reverie when her mother chimed in. "Yeah, maybe she is tired."
Garima sent a silent prayer to her favorite deity to fix her daughter's mood before she returned. She couldn't see her daughter's hurt eyes or the defeated shoulders any more than she already did.
*****
"I am sorry I am late Anil," Khushi apologized to a man approximately her age who was waiting for in the hotel lounge.
Looking at Khushi's distressed state, he smiled. "It's fine Khushi. You are only twenty minutes late," his eyes danced in mirth with the snarky response. Khushi barked out a short laugh and motioned him to go in.
Her mother's cousin Roma aunty had introduced her to Anil, a business executive working in an advertising company. Roma aunty was the leading advocate of the ever going search for a suitable boy for the Gupta sisters. Much to Garima's chagrin, she had taken it upon herself to settle the girls down with a respectable family who met the standards of their biradari and matched intellectual capacity of the sisters.
After seated in their reserved table, Khushi began. "It's the fourth time we are meeting Anil. Is there anything else you need to know about me?" Weariness laced her tone. She had met Anil two months ago in a family event as planned earlier by both their families. Anil was charming, smart and always seemed to be on his toes that had intrigued Khushi. When Anil asked if she wanted to meet him for lunch the coming weekend, she had easily agreed. Arranged marriages had a short courting lifespan and the involved parties needed to cut out the drama and act practically. They had met once more after the lunch as Anil wanted to know more about her before taking a final step. And here they were, on their fourth parents-approved date to see if decide if they were compatible enough to marry.
"I really like you Khushi," Anil said honestly. "I will be telling my parents that I really, really like you and would love to have you as my life partner." He didn't waste time in prosing unnecessary declarations and dived right to the important piece.
Khushi couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face and nodded. "I as well," she said simply. Something loosened in her chest when Anil clasped her hand in his and squeezed.
"You are okay with me relocating to Singapore, right?" He asked, a frown crossing his face.
Khushi nodded. "I will be able to find work there without any issues Anil. I have checked with few contacts of mine and I think I will be fine."
Anil eased a smile. "I am glad to hear that Khushi. I don't want to waste your time sitting idly at home and wasting your talent and education." Khushi nodded. She had guessed that would be his answer as they had previously talked about her freedom to choose career post marriage. "Let's celebrate!" He exclaimed happily and motioned the waitress. "Red wine...Bordeaux?" He asked remembering her order from previous two dates.
"Yeah," Khushi replied with a smile. She liked his attention to little things. It's what made him a good business executive - remembering about people and using them in false pretense of unwitting that charmed people off their skin. "Just a glass though," she said as an afterthought. At Anil's inquiring eyebrow raise she shrugged sheepishly. "I have to close a deal on conference call tonight. I need my wits on me."
When they spoke again, Khushi was on her second glass of wine and Anil was on fourth. Anil had his composure intact as years of social drinking had made him immune a few glasses of wine.
"I have to be in Singapore in six weeks. I don't think I have time to travel back here for another six months. What say we get married in six weeks?" Anil asked twirling his glass.
Khushi looked thoughtful. "If your family is looking for something large scale, I don't think we will be able to pull it off. Everything will be booked by now and then there is muhurat and stuff." She trailed.
"No, no," Anil hurried. "I don't like big weddings; waste of money and resources if you ask me." He grumbled under his breath. "It will be a small gathering Khushi. I am sure my parents will agree to it. What do you think?"
Khushi hummed in response. "It should be possible. I will have to either rush at my work or will have to travel few weeks later to Singapore." She said thoughtfully.
"Can't you take a break from work now?" Anil inquired.
"Why would I need six week of break?" Khushi was surprised.
"To get ready for wedding, of course. Don't women generally go on a wedding diet and get in shape? I remember my cousin doing it so I thought you would be doing that too," Anil said, maintaining a neutral tone.
"Are you worried I will break your fingers when I hold it in mine during ceremony? Or are you worried I won't able to sit on the floor or standup without people helping me?" Khushi kept her tone light and easy. She knew that's not what he meant and it had nothing to do with wedding in the first place. But she wanted him to stop pussyfooting about it and speak it openly.
"I knew you would take it this way," he said crossly.
"I was joking Anil," Khushi said softly. "I will be maintaining my regime and probably increase it some more. Is there anything you are specifically looking for?" She prodded gently. She knew it was a huge fad to get into a special diet designed specifically for brides that vouched for a shape-y result. It wasn't the worst idea in the world and she would gladly undertake it if time permitted.
She had an inkling that wasn't just the case. Anil wasn't just commenting on their wedding.
Anil bit his lip and looked at the glass twirling in his hand. "I have a very active social life Khushi," he began gently. "I meet prospective clients at parties and galas where it is required for me in future to attend with my spouse. There is so much pressure to succeed and having a perfect companion on my arm will go a long way to achieve what I have planned to achieve. You are smart, intelligent and incredibly witty. You are a quick thinker and can be sassy bitch when you are crossed. You are good looking Khushi and you will go a long way if you take care more of your body, you know?"
"I don't know. Enlighten me." Khushi said drily. She wished he had gracefully asked her about her weight issues instead of presuming she was being careless or lazy about it. Had the world gotten so busy that people couldn't spend an extra moment enquiring the cause behind the problem?
Anil hesitated. Khushi took a sip of her wine and motioned him to continue. "You can put some effort, lose few pounds and you would be a stunning woman." Anil defended his stance.
Khushi was quiet for several moments before she responded. "I am one of the best risk analyst and strategist in town. My area of expertise comes in predicting a probable worst case scenario and find out how current parameters play out. With that in mind let me ask you this: if let's say four years and two children later I end up gaining much more weight than l already am, meaning I go from being moderately overweight to highly obese. And let's say I find out have handful of medical issues including and not limited to diabetes. What would you do then? Would you dissolve the marriage? Or would you be perpetually in an unhappy relationship for the rest of your life?" Khushi asked.
"If that's how it is, then that's how it is Khushi. I wouldn't hold mother of my children at gunpoint for a cause like this Khushi. I am not a monster." Anil replied, his voice struck at Khushi's cynicism.
Khushi smiled at that. It was not good but great answer. Acceptance was the foundation of relationship and she admired Anil enough for his acceptance of his future wife irrespective of how she looked. But it still mattered to him about the choice he was going to make. His choice at this moment held greatest importance than a probable future would bring. Maybe the worst case scenario would never happen. Maybe the mother of his children would remain how he wanted her to remain. Maybe it was just her being overly defensive and irrationally frustrated with his expectation.
"How awesome I must be for your success to be dependent on my waist size." She twirled the stem of her glass and stared at him openly.
Anil looked flabbergasted at her declaration. He smiled slowly knowing the brief relationship with this genuinely strong woman had already come to an end. "I can't be faulted for liking what I like, right?" He said instead.
Khushi shook her head. "Nope, you can't be." She dropped few notes on the table. "We are what we are Anil. I am sorry we didn't work out." She said sincerely and stood up. If Anil looked shaken, he didn't show. Instead he offered his hand.
"I am genuinely sorry too Khushi." He said sincerely.
She shook his hands with smile that fell the moment she turned away from him. She believed he was sincere in his apology. Anil was many things. Liar - he wasn't.
She hailed a taxi after stepping out of hotel. Few minutes into the ride, her cellphone chimed indicating a new email on her private account. Her entire form relaxed and her face split into a huge smile when she saw the content.
CookingWithMyCactus has uploaded a new video - Warm tofu with spicy garlic sauce'
Edited by RockBarbie - 10 years ago
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