With you by my side I've conquered my fears
Dared to dream, don't break them please
Baby, Let me kiss away all your tears
My love is forever I'm on bended knees
~*Anupama*~
From the very next second he was missing her. Her fragrance still lingered. He could still feel the warmth where she had rested her head. His heart raised back to her. He was reminiscing every moment they just spent together, her resting her head and he holding her delicate hand. The more he thought of her the more he missed her and he couldn't wait to meet her again that day.
She closed the door to her house. But her heart was opening new doors to happiness, hope and love. She was in love and there was someone who loves her unconditionally.
She just leaned on the door and tried to let all that happened in the last few hours set in. It seemed like as if she was having the most amazing dream and she was seeing it with her eyes wide open. She hoped and wished that the dream would last forever. She quietly went up to the girls room. They were still sound asleep. She wanted them to have the love of a father, she feared for their safety and well being all the time. In her heart she knew that Shlok can and will never be like her step Dad. But how can she really be sure? Should she just trust her heart and gut feelin?
She works long hours, and sometimes nights as well. Can she really trust her girls with this man, one she's known not more than few weeks. What about her promise. Why is she so readily willing to believe tnstaafl he's a good guy. And he will never betray her trust or her love.
Is she right and justified in wanting or even for thinking of s life, a future with him? So many feelings and her heart and her mind were telling her in unison, that it is the right thing to do. That she should finally follow her heart and give her life a chance to be loved. To really live it. For her. Not for her kids to for her mother. But just for her. Because it's her life and and she too deserves to be happy and more over deserves or be loved and taken carer of.
Today when she saw him standing outside the hospital, it gave her a feeling of belonging. Feeling of been cared for. To see someone else put her before themselves. All her life she's been everybody else's needs and feelings before hers. She wanted to make a decision for herself.
She tried to sleep, but her heart and mind was in a emotional whirlpool. But she liked how it made her feel. She was resting on her bed. She wanted to call him and check if he had reached the Hotel safely? This time she didn't think twise, she just dialled his number.
He had been wanting to call her, but didn't incase she was sleeping.
When his phone rang after about an hour, he was reaching for the phone on his bed side table.
"hello!" She said and his skipped a beat.
"Hello! Astha, didn't call you thinking you might be sleeping"
"I told you that I won't be able to sleep, even if I wanted to. Anyways Rosh and Rash will wake up in a little while. So, No sleep"
"I should've just listened to you then and we'd be together talking. Me and my big mouth" he said with teasing tone.
"But then we wouldn't have had the cab ride. Thank you for coming. Nobody's ever done anything like that for me" she said very softly.
"Better get used to it. I'm just getting started. Thank you for letting me know. I thought you might get angry. I liked it too. When can I see you again?" He asked.
"Kids are going for a birthday party in the evening. I'll call you then." She said.
"Astha, I'll wait for your call then. But I miss you"
With that they finished their convosation.
Time seemed to have stopped for Shlok. He kept looking at the watch. He tried to keep himself occupied but nothing seemed to help him. He kept glancing at his phone waiting for her call.
And then finally around at 4.00 pm she called him and asked him to come over to her house. He was already dressed and was just waiting for the call.
On the way he bought the customary bouquet of white lilies. He reached her house and called her up. When she asked him to come over he was surprised and happy beyond comprehend.
He knocked on the door with his heartbeat raising with every second.
She was thinking where they should meet. She wanted to have privacy because she knew she wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him about her past in a restaurant or coffee shop. Then she thought of meeting him in the park. But then again there would be others. So after going through all the options, she decided best thing would be to talk to him at her home. Anyways they had few hours before the kids come back. She trusted him enough to let him in her house.
Saying She was nervous would be an understatement. She waited for him to know on the door. She was already waiting on the other side. Ready to open.
She opened the door and he was their standing with the lilies and that warm smile. How she loved that smile, both were staring at each other. Words were forgotten. Time and place forgotten.
Trance was broken with the sound of a car honking. They were back amongst the living. She just stepped aside urging him to come inside. And led him to the living room. He looked around. He didn't see a single male in any of the pictures. There were pictures of astha and her mother, Astha with her daughters and the nanny. It was as if there's never been a man in her life, be it a father, a brother a close friend a husband.
She asked him to sit and turned towards the pantry with the lilies in hand, he just grabbed her hand...she looked at him startled. She just slowly pulled her hand and showed him the flowers. He watched her as she walked away. He wanted to go after and wrap his arms around her. And tell her just how much he missed her. But he kept his urges under control. He knew he's not gonna be able to hold back his desires for much longer.
After few minutes she returned and asked her what he would like to have. He said nothing...but actually he wanted to say "you". He told
Astha, "everything I need is standing right in front of me. What more do I need?" He said looking straight into her tear filled eyes.
He got up put his hands on her shoulders and made her sit on the couch. He kneeled in front of her and took her hand. He knew it was now or never. He decided to pour his heart out to her.
"Astha, I love you! I love you with all my heart and soul. I never thought I'm capable of loving anybody as much as i love you. I know that we've not known each other for long. And we know so little about each other. But the truth is I fell in love with you at first sight. I never imagined nor believed in love at first sight. But now I do. You're the proof. From the very first day I felt a deep connection, i can't explain it. But it's a feeling of trust and understanding. I have never been in love. I didn't know the joy of loving until I met you on that fateful day. I do believe it was fate that brought us together. Astha will you be my first and last love. I can't imagine my life without you. I can't breathe without thinking of you. I have something's about my past I want to share with you. Don't hate me for my past. I was married once. It was a very bitter experience for me. Until I met you I never ever wanted to even look at another girl let alone fall in love. I never planned for any of these things to happen, but I'm so glad that they did. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Astha!"
He said it all in one breath. She kept looking at him with tears streaming down her rose tinted cheeks. She kissed his hands and smiled through her tears. He said trying to lighten the mood "do you want me to stay like this or will you please ask me to sit on the couch?"
With that he sat next to her. Still holding her hand. He looked at her and it Pained him to see her angel eyes filled with tears. He wiped her tears with his thumbs. Her face seemed so little trapped between his hands. He leaned forward to kiss her eyes. But she quickly pulled back.
"Shlok, I'm sorry I can't do this. I thought I can go through with it. I'm over this, but I'm not. I don't deserve you nor your love. You're too good for me. You deserve someone as special as you. Please Shlok don't do this to your self. I can't let you do this to yourself. I'm not lucky or good enough to be part of you life. I have nothing to give you. Everything has been taken away from me. I'm a broken mirror. You wouldn't even want to be near me let alone love me once you know the truth about my past. Pleas just go Shlok. I'm not worthy of your love. Please forgive me. Please just forgive me...I'm so so sorry..I'm sorry..."
She completely broke down. He grabbed her and she protested. But he held on to her, finally she gave in and let him hold her. He held her as tight as he could. Her crying didn't stop. He didn't say anything. He just let her sadness flow out. He knew that he's not going anywhere.
After her sobs have stopped he pulled her away from him and lifted her face to look at him. She tried to move away from him. But he held on to her, "what ever it is just tell me Astha. I don't care if you've been married before. I know that you're a mother. Its not going to change my love for you."
She pushed him away and tried to get up but he held her hand. She looked away saying "Shlok why don't you just get it to your head what It is I'm trying to say here, it's not about my kids father, I've never been married. I'm not their biological mother"
"Astha, then why don't you just tell me what ever it is that's stopping you from moving forward? I'm all ears. Please just tell me once and for all. Stop speaking in riddles and Just tell me Astha, you owe me that much!"
Astha didn't look at Shlok. She again tried to stand up. But he held her hand again.
"Please Shlok, don't make me, I don't want you to hate me, I don't want you to be disgusted about me. Just leave me. Please I beg you!" Saying this she put her hands together. He held her hands with tears in his eyes.
"Please Astha, nothing you say about you is gonna change the way I feel. Trust me. Do you trust me. Look at me and tell me do you trust me?" Shlok made her look at him. And when he did, she saw the tears in his eyes. "I do trust you" she said.
"Then talk to me. Please!" He said pleadingly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for the delay in posting the update. Jane...the kiss is coming in the next update. I'm trying to finish it today itself. Working on it. So hopeful tonight I'll post the next chapter. Forgive me for any spellings and grammar errors.
Thank you even the silent readers. Hope you all are enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Thank you and
EID MUBARAK TO ALL!
Chapter 19
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/110857220
