How stupid can this get?:Mod note pg19 - Page 16

Originally posted by: Kalapi

[

Pallavi dear, I am at a loss, how is premarital sex lined to rape, domestic abuse, female foeticide etc. Do you mean that when ppl are open to premarital sex, these other social evil will lessen?

Or, being educated is equivalent to being so broad minded that one given away the value system or throw caution (and possibly a bright future) to the wind. The way I see premarital sex is that it is an action and like any actions it comes with possible consequences. So, a teenage girl getting pregnant out of wedlock isn't necessarily a thing to be glorified. Here, is this girl, who herself is, probably dependent on parents for support, neither ready physically nor emotional becomes saddled with the responsibility for another life. The question that is needed to be asked, aren't we throwing these girls to a life of challenges that she might not be even be ready of or even appreciate what she has in store. I find instead of trying to glorifying premarital pregnancy as that of being progressive, one must judge what it will entrails for a girl or if the risk are worthy of having premarital sex. A girl saddle with a baby, maybe doesn't get enough opportunity at education and consequently might end up herself in an abusive relationship...she, for her premarital sex, might end up being in a vicious cycle of which she may not even have the key to get out...why are we so ready to glorify such actions where possible outcome seems only spell doom???

Originally posted by: rayadallie

From the way in which the story is going, it seems as though archu will support purvi although she will be mad at her for what she did.

I want for Manav to be the first one she take care of, THEN SULO...

In terms of what happens in society and what will happen, facts or not, we as women must not cease the first opportunity to ridicule another woman for a mistake/moment of weakness/bad judgement. We must do something to change that. We are not God so we should not judge. We should allow the creator to judge his creations not us especially if we are living in glass houses, we must not throw stones.

It seem to me that pre marital sex is all good as long as you keep it under wraps but if you get caught then its no longer good and likewise if you get pregnant as a result of pre marital sex, its good if you take an abortion (kill the child) rather than decide to give it life (hence more varshas will be born)

Originally posted by: rayadallie

From the way in which the story is going, it seems as though archu will support purvi although she will be mad at her for what she did.

I want for Manav to be the first one she take care of, THEN SULO...

In terms of what happens in society and what will happen, facts or not, we as women must not cease the first opportunity to ridicule another woman for a mistake/moment of weakness/bad judgement. We must do something to change that. We are not God so we should not judge. We should allow the creator to judge his creations not us especially if we are living in glass houses, we must not throw stones.

It seem to me that pre marital sex is all good as long as you keep it under wraps but if you get caught then its no longer good and likewise if you get pregnant as a result of pre marital sex, its good if you take an abortion (kill the child) rather than decide to give it life (hence more varshas will be born)

Originally posted by: pallavi25

After reading some of these posts (dont have time to go thru all of the long ones)...I have reached the conclusion that India is indeed going backwards at a spectacular speed!

In my teenage days in the 70s in Delhi, also as a young woman in 80s in Kolkata, we used to wear jeans, bell-bottom pants with shirts, tops.

None of our aunties,neighbours, our moms ever commented on those dresses being inappropriate! In fact they used to buy jeans for their daughters, that is US!

We used to travel alone in Ahmedabad as teenagers in autos...we went to school in autos, nobody ever tried to molest us!

We grew up on movies like Aradhana, where we saw examples of premarital sex, pregnancy, then heroine suffering a lot for her "mistakes". We sympathized with such women, lauded their courage in dealing with such situations, like Hema Malini in Andaaz who gives birth to her baby and moves to another town, just like Purvi. Oh Yes, Julie too was a huge hit, which dealt mainly with such a theme of teenage pregnancy.

My point is:

Yes, we admit Purvi and Arjun both made a mistake. And they are paying for it now! But why go on harping on the premarital sex? Why label poor Pari a bas***d? Surely we are better than that, being educated, sensible individuals and not illiterate chawl-wasis or supposedly educated people like the Deshmukhs who are constantly bashing them inspite of knowing the circumstances which led to ArVi separation and the resultant mess!

I'm guessing at least part of your post is addressed to me since I wrote about wearing jeans only after coming to the US. So, let me clarify. I've been taught to be fair, strong and independent and not to show false bravado when cautiousness and practicality is needed. I and mys sister used to go to college and all over the city by ourselves too, we didn't have bodyguards with us. I also came to the USA by myself immediately after undergrad without knowing a single person here, no family no friends not even an acquaintance I met before arriving here. My family didn't imprison me or otherwise abuse me in any way, in fact they supported me and my siblings in whatever we wanted to do. My not wearing jeans was simply a by-product of the environment I grew up in. Just like my being a pure vegetarian is. I wear jeans and tops in India now, though I would still not wear shorts like I do in the US. Not just coz my family wouldn't like it but coz if I step out wearing shorts, all eyes most of them unwanted would be on me making me feel uncomfortable at best.

Being a girl, unfair or not, we have to be practical and safeguard ourselves. It's easy to be brave and mouth off about how everyone is equal, but when we're attacked girls have more things to worry about than simply killing or maiming compared to boys. It's not just the biological consequence, but a violation of mind, body and soul that's worse. Recently, I was moving and found a beautiful apartment with a gorgeous view. I so wanted to take it, but my family gently encouraged me to take something closer to school. I ranted and raved about the injustice of it all, but I would have taken it if I didn't know in my heart that I would not feel safe with the longer distance and the isolated location however beautiful the house itself was. That's not backward thinking, rather it's being cautious and practical, and safeguarding myself to the best of my ability; or at least not exposing myself to unnecessary dangers. Talking about "progressive thinking" and fairness in the safety of home is one thing, actually going out and unnecessarily putting yourself in a dangerous or non-ideal situation is another--the latter is just stupid actually. Premarital sex is a choice, it's not necessary or right to do it. But if you do, you have to face the consequences. Purvi should not have given up arjun after that, not even for her aai. If she thought the sex had no consequences other than personal at the time of marriage, she knew at the time of that anniversary party when she left that she was pregnant and that would bring unnecessary and downright ugly consequences for everyone involved--herself, her family, the baby she was carrying. She should have then told that truth and married arjun, especially when he declared in the same party that he still loved purvi and his marriage with ovi was a fake. You can say she was brave by trying to hide her pregnancy and be a single unwed mom and it was "progressive thinking"--something to be applauded; I will say it was stupid and dangerous and nothing but false bravado.

Oh and just one more thing before I leave, somebody had posted links to Fetal Alcohol syndrome and how it is connected to alcohol. And that Ovi is partly to blame for her baby dying. Nearly all of that is false, and I am saying because my current thesis research is on alcoholism so I am at least somewhat more knowledgeable on that subject. First of all, fetal alcohol syndrome in most cases results in developmental abnormalities, not stillbirth. The womb is not compromised. The connection between alcohol and FAS is that when a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, it doesn't allow generation of nutrients necessary for the fetus to develop normally, especially retinoic acid or vitamin A in laymen terms. The amount of alcohol that leads to this nutrient deprivation is different from person to person, and since one can't say what that level is without testing, it is just easier to consider it unsafe to drink alcohol in general. The second thing is that, Onir had declared both mother and baby were doing fine before the accident happened. If anything, Ovi took extra care of herself and her baby after her talk with Onir to get rid of her complicated pregnancy.

So, the notion that Ovi is responsible in some part for her baby's death is completely wrong. The baby died because of the trauma of the accident and nothing else.

Originally posted by: sowmya_jairam

I'm guessing at least part of your post is addressed to me since I wrote about wearing jeans only after coming to the US. So, let me clarify. I've been taught to be fair, strong and independent and not to show false bravado when cautiousness and practicality is needed. I and mys sister used to go to college and all over the city by ourselves too, we didn't have bodyguards with us. I also came to the USA by myself immediately after undergrad without knowing a single person here, no family no friends not even an acquaintance I met before arriving here. My family didn't imprison me or otherwise abuse me in any way, in fact they supported me and my siblings in whatever we wanted to do. My not wearing jeans was simply a by-product of the environment I grew up in. Just like my being a pure vegetarian is. I wear jeans and tops in India now, though I would still not wear shorts like I do in the US. Not just coz my family wouldn't like it but coz if I step out wearing shorts, all eyes most of them unwanted would be on me making me feel uncomfortable at best.

Being a girl, unfair or not, we have to be practical and safeguard ourselves. It's easy to be brave and mouth off about how everyone is equal, but when we're attacked girls have more things to worry about than simply killing or maiming compared to boys. It's not just the biological consequence, but a violation of mind, body and soul that's worse. Recently, I was moving and found a beautiful apartment with a gorgeous view. I so wanted to take it, but my family gently encouraged me to take something closer to school. I ranted and raved about the injustice of it all, but I would have taken it if I didn't know in my heart that I would not feel safe with the longer distance and the isolated location however beautiful the house itself was. That's not backward thinking, rather it's being cautious and practical, and safeguarding myself to the best of my ability; or at least not exposing myself to unnecessary dangers. Talking about "progressive thinking" and fairness in the safety of home is one thing, actually going out and unnecessarily putting yourself in a dangerous or non-ideal situation is another--the latter is just stupid actually. Premarital sex is a choice, it's not necessary or right to do it. But if you do, you have to face the consequences. Purvi should not have given up arjun after that, not even for her aai. If she thought the sex had no consequences other than personal at the time of marriage, she knew at the time of that anniversary party when she left that she was pregnant and that would bring unnecessary and downright ugly consequences for everyone involved--herself, her family, the baby she was carrying. She should have then told that truth and married arjun, especially when he declared in the same party that he still loved purvi and his marriage with ovi was a fake. You can say she was brave by trying to hide her pregnancy and be a single unwed mom and it was "progressive thinking"--something to be applauded; I will say it was stupid and dangerous and nothing but false bravado.

Originally posted by: sowmya_jairam

Oh and just one more thing before I leave, somebody had posted links to Fetal Alcohol syndrome and how it is connected to alcohol. And that Ovi is partly to blame for her baby dying. Nearly all of that is false, and I am saying because my current thesis research is on alcoholism so I am at least somewhat more knowledgeable on that subject. First of all, fetal alcohol syndrome in most cases results in developmental abnormalities, not stillbirth. The womb is not compromised. The connection between alcohol and FAS is that when a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, it doesn't allow generation of nutrients necessary for the fetus to develop normally, especially retinoic acid or vitamin A in laymen terms. The amount of alcohol that leads to this nutrient deprivation is different from person to person, and since one can't say what that level is without testing, it is just easier to consider it unsafe to drink alcohol in general. The second thing is that, Onir had declared both mother and baby were doing fine before the accident happened. If anything, Ovi took extra care of herself and her baby after her talk with Onir to get rid of her complicated pregnancy.

So, the notion that Ovi is responsible in some part for her baby's death is completely wrong. The baby died because of the trauma of the accident and nothing else.

You are very correct in your research results, because a few years ago, I had to do research on alcoholism and how it affects the Fetus for a project. I was helping out someone.👍🏼

Originally posted by: pallavi25

Did she know before or after the 1st month anniversary party that she was pregnant? I dont remember, I think it was after...anyway I totally agree with you on that. I detest all those stupid, demented sacrifices she made for Ovi...especially the baby donation. Why be such a do-gooder when the recipient of ur sacrifices hates you, despises you? If she knew she was preggy before the party, definitely she shd have told Arjun abt it, hes the father he had a right to know it, and she shd have let Ovi divorce Arjun and then married him. But then how would Ekta create all the mess and melodrama? How would PR continue? 😆

Yeah she did. Because it was shown later that she got the results of her pregnancy test when she was in Mumbai, not in Kolkata. And she left mumbai immediately after the party, so she obviously knew she was pregnant when she left. And it doesn't matter if the recipient of her "sacrifices" hates her or loves her; it's unnecessary. Yeah, I guess it was necessary for the story to progress just like the physical intimacy between arjun and ovi the night before she left was needed to make way for the future plot. Either way, we can't blame CVs and plot for one thing and characters for another. So, if you can't understand Ovi's motives behind making love while already having decided to leave, then you can think of it as a necessary plot-point?

http://www.nutraingredients.com/Research/Moderate-alcohol-intake-during-pregnancy-increases-risk-of-stillbirth