How stupid can this get?:Mod note pg19 - Page 15

Originally posted by: pari87

Pallavi,

don't know if you meant some of us, calling us backward or what, so I would suggest you keep your personal judgement on members aside and I will simply ignore that bit of a taunt..What we think personally is no judgement call for you just as we do not make judgement on your broad minded thinking...

I grew up in a much later age, especially I grew up in 90's in Bombay, supposed fashion capital of India and one of the largest multicutlrual and metropolitan cities. I attended college too with some of the most modern and fashionable people...What people are allowed to wear is not a judgement call for anyone...Every family has their own dictates on dressing...some are religious and some are simply a decorum mindset.

The entire discussion was on what the society thinks of pre-marital sex and not what individually we feel about it...at least the past few posts...we were talking about how Indian society works...Education does not change the basic fact that everyone comes from a certain norm based moral code that their families have set...morals don't loosen up with a ph.d degree. Lol, in that case I should have been a super flexible and uber broad minded person, someone like a character off Bold and Beautiful! LOL

Ore-marital sex is an individual choice...and if they are stupid enough to make a baby because of their irresponsible behavior, it is not the baby's fault, so no one is calling pari a b******, instead it is purely arjun-purvi that are to blame and we are just laying out what pari will face growing up, not whether it is her fault in the whole scenario.

Originally posted by: pallavi25

Just because some Indians' minds are in the gutter, doesnt mean we sensible people have to support it and sing the same tune! Change comes from within, and if common people dont change their attitudes, rapes, domestic abuse, female foeticide and other crimes against women will continue.

Just because Purvi lives in a chawl, doesnt mean we have to think like those chawl-wasis too! Then what is the use of our education and enlightenment? Especially as educated women we must change our mindsets and stop blaming the woman in the cases of rape, abuse, or even premarital pregnancies.

Women's situation in India is at its lowest! If educated people concur with those horrible khaap panchayat mentalities, those ministers and common men who insult, degrade women, then there is no hope for Indian society at all!

Originally posted by: pallavi25

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I was saying backwards in general, not any family in particular. If we could wear jeans in the 70s and 80s why are they suddenly commenting on girls wearing jeans in India? Why shd anyone comment on something a girl wears as long as shes not going around half-naked? 😆

Well, I don't know who is commenting on women wearing jeans in india...everyone wears what they can...like I said, each family has their own idea about what is ok and what is not...what may be regressive to you, is a moral code for another...tons of women in bombay till date wear burkhas to college...fully clothes, with only eyes to show..that is entirely a religious or morality issue for them... If you claim to live and let live, you are no one to pass judgement on why some people are so backward...you live na your life the way you want..why bother why some people are so backward in thinking...

and if a girl goes around naked also, in such a society, it should not be a problem...so women in india should someday walk around like on a nude beach...why not? Why keep it to half naked only? That is how someone who claims a certain modesty in dressing would think...like i said, it is an individual choice at the end of the day, but collectively a society's thinking cannot be escaped.

That is the mentality Im objecting to.

Policy shd be: LIVE AND LET LIVE!

I hate interfering busybodies who make it their business to poke noses into everyone's "affairs" Deshmukhs can comment on ArVi affair as they are directly affected by it, but anyone else commenting on it, well MYOB...Mind ur own business...shd be the response!

I agree to this part. I don;t think anyone needs to comment and everyone should keep to their business.. I don't believe in the policy of commenting on other's affairs either...khud ki dekho, wohi bahut hai...sadly, in india, the system is different..your neighbours, your building walahs, your community, your temple, church etc all become an extended family and they all seem to have an opinion on your affairs...it is just how it is.

Why should Pari face anything at all if she grows up as Onir's daughter? Nobody will even know the secret of her birth unless frustrated old women like Sulo and Savita go around spreading the truth!

Nobody will spread the truth...but if arjun keeps visiting purvi when onir is not there, people will make a different story out of it anyway...it is essential pari grows up with onir as the official dad, without any knowledge of arjun as bio dad...it is dificult for a child to grow up thinking she was a pre-marital "mistake" baby as that is what society would label her if truth was out, and to think that arjun is now her maasa and onir is the dad...it is too messed up to deal with for a child..relationships are complicated and for a child, this is not easy to cope with...so your'e right, if she grows up as having only one dad, easy enough normal case...but with this constant hovering of arjun aroudn her will get people's tongues wagging and it will get to pari someday too.

Frankly speaking, I can cite hundreds of celebrities cases from Mumbai, Maharashtra, and other so called traditional places ...of pre-marital relations, babies born out of wedlock, secret abortions...but Im not the type to gossip! 😛

Oh love, I went to school with some of these new bolly guys and I know enough stories of them and their sexcapades and what not, but trust me, even in a school like mine, we girls grew up disliking them because of their so called reckless reputation and ghumaoing girls like candy...I know atleast 2 actresses with abortions out of pre-marital sex...guess why media does not report it openly in front page news? Because they being superstars are also afraid of how they would be judged for this, so they pay them off not to report such scandalous things...Any body you may be, but in india it is hard to escape some of these things and being ridiculed for it. Noone will want career to go kaput..like samek said, one south indian actress on her broad minded comment on pre-marital sex had herself sued by a hound of people for saying things against the culture..I am not sayign if it is right or wrong, because it is a person's individual choice, I am simply stating facts about indian mentality in a society even today.

Originally posted by: pallavi25

Just because some Indians' minds are in the gutter, doesnt mean we sensible people have to support it and sing the same tune! Change comes from within, and if common people dont change their attitudes, rapes, domestic abuse, female foeticide and other crimes against women will continue.

Just because Purvi lives in a chawl, doesnt mean we have to think like those chawl-wasis too! Then what is the use of our education and enlightenment? Especially as educated women we must change our mindsets and stop blaming the woman in the cases of rape, abuse, or even premarital pregnancies.

Women's situation in India is at its lowest! If educated people concur with those horrible khaap panchayat mentalities, those ministers and common men who insult, degrade women, then there is no hope for Indian society at all!

Originally posted by: soapwatcher1

Pallavi on that last para, I would like to share something. A friend's 17 yr old daughter got pregnant some years ago. The desi community that knew the family was agog with disapproval, very quick to give advice to the mom of the girl and also to cast stones. The girl and her 17 yr old boyfriend steadfastly refused an abortion. The mother threw a baby shower for her daughter (her only child) and again many in the friends circle refused to even attend. The mother in hindsight was wise, she accepted an otherwise unalterable situation. The girl who was a straight A student went on to college leaving her little daughter behind. She is now 26 with a job, married to this wonderful man she met in grad school and the baby girl now lives with her "parents." The mother's thinking was that if she threw the daughter out, the girl would be the loser, she would not continue her schooling and she would find herself in a vicious cycle of poverty and dependence on others. By coming to terms and welcoming the baby, her daughter was free to move on from the "mistake" she had made and set her own life straight.

Originally posted by: pallavi25

Me too, Shymala dear, and I am happy to report that I am yet to see out of wedlock babies, and I too, hope that it stays that way😃, so my curiosity which India we are talking about???😔

Originally posted by: rayadallie

Wow, I am amazed how some glorify the way a unwed woman would be treated and her child in certain society and seem to feel that because these thing happen makes it wrong. What purvi did may be wrong but I do not think that it should be glorified, I think this is something we need to stand up for in society. It should change. Some commit worst sin than purvi but are no ridiculed. She will not be the first and she will not be the last but at least society should not be responsible for them suffering such a bad faith.