Posted:
Originally posted by: pallavi25
Just because some Indians' minds are in the gutter, doesnt mean we sensible people have to support it and sing the same tune! Change comes from within, and if common people dont change their attitudes, rapes, domestic abuse, female foeticide and other crimes against women will continue.Just because Purvi lives in a chawl, doesnt mean we have to think like those chawl-wasis too! Then what is the use of our education and enlightenment? Especially as educated women we must change our mindsets and stop blaming the woman in the cases of rape, abuse, or even premarital pregnancies.Women's situation in India is at its lowest! If educated people concur with those horrible khaap panchayat mentalities, those ministers and common men who insult, degrade women, then there is no hope for Indian society at all!
pallavi,
Education may change the way people think about rape and domestical abuse and even marital rape or violating a woman's rights. In all this, there is a choice that the woman has NOT made. Men abuse their wives, men rape and men hit or violate a woman's modesty. It is not the woman calling it upon herself. So the choice is not two way. That is why, being educated, both me, my husband and even our families obviously do not have a tolerance for that kind of treatment meted out to women in indian society. I highly abhor it and I find it a shameful thing to support any of the above mentioned atrocities against women.
Having pre-marital sex is a choice both people intelligently make. That is a big difference. I have said in some other post too, it is an individual choice and if you can live with the consequences, be it, unwed pregnancy, ridicule by society, unmarried forever, and abandoned by the family, by all means go for it.
I have a personal opinion on it and I would personally not do something that I do not have the gall to face later on. My parents, my upbringing and the society around me is such where it will always be shameful, simply because it is said you did not have control over yourself.
This is one freudian theory that I find very interesting and easy to explain. Humans minds have 3 components - Id, ego, superego. Id is bodily needs, wants, desires, and impulses, particularly our sexual and aggressive drives. The id operates according to the pleasure principle, and contains the libido. Ego is reality principle; i.e. it seeks to please the ID's drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long term rather than bring grief. it works on a mechanism that enables the individual to delay gratifying immediate needs and function effectively in the real world. An example would be to resist the urge to grab other people's belongings and purchasing them for self. The super-ego works in contradiction to the id. The super-ego strives to act in a socially appropriate manner, whereas the id just wants instant self-gratification. The super-ego controls our sense of right and wrong and guilt. It helps us fit into society by getting us to act in socially acceptable ways. (wikipedia- source)
Now, sex is what is ID, a bodily need. But if you had to simply follow what choices you wanna make, without a heed for society and it's norms, then by all means people would make love in this world like rabbits with anyone and everyone they wanted to. Same with aggression too, if you cannot keep it in control in socially acceptable ways, you will be a murderer and put in jail. This is simply how society functions. You do somethings because you want to, but you have to keep a control to adhere with norms. Sex is just one of them, especially in Indian society. So there is no un-educated judgement that I am passing, I am simply stating that when two people make this choice, they better be prepared to face society head on without feeling guilty of their choices. And yes, it is ok, when they do not have babies out of wedlock. Those babies suffer and are always reminded of being "mistake" babies. It is a whole different ball game trying to grow up on that psyche and the constant mocking you face in society.
Purvi and Arjun were simply stupid and irresponsible and that is no un-educated judgement at the, They could not keep their hormones in control and that in Indian society, anywhere is not lauded as some pyaar ki nishaani, but as foolishness and shamelessness even today.
People in India still cannot make that distinction between rape and willingness of pre-marital sex and that is what I was trying to point out, about the mindset that you say has changed so much in India, wherein it simply hasn't. Educated people will not think about rape as a woman's fault, but a child out of wedlock and a pre-marital sex scandal will not even appease the educated people, cuz rape was not a choice, but this irresponsibility was.
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