How stupid can this get?:Mod note pg19 - Page 13

Originally posted by: pari87

Zamaana humesha badlega, but because the society norms have been carried on since our ancestors, some things will never change, because your grandmom will pass it on to your mom and so on so forth...

I have lived in India all my life, except for the past 4 years here, especially growing up as a teenager, as college going girl and even a young adult...So I also know how things are back home...It is pretty common for pre-marital sex to happen, but there is ample awareness of protection and women who are in that position with boyfriends/lovers/fiances are a little smarter than purvi at knowing the consequences of their actions...

People everywhere in India yet, and I come from a regular indian family, even though my parents are pretty broad minded about a lot of things, will always hold pre-marital sex as an irresonsible act. Nobody glorifies it and nobody is OK with it, especially parents and families,. YEs, youngsters indulge in it, because it is a certain peer pressure even in india now, a little bit of recklessness as youngsters that is attractive and simply, the entire social media and movie/Television frenzy that makes all these things seem way more common than they are...PR glorifies Arjun-Purvi's pre-marital sex as some pyaar ki nishaani and all youth on this forum find that oh so tantalizing, but actually, it was simply an irresponsible stupid lack of better judgement...one more night would not have killed them..and even if they do it, protection and pill, why would they not take that into consideration? And even if they did not think they would need it, why give up the loverboy like candy so easily when you know there is that 0.01 % chance of carrying his baby and after being THAT intimate with a guy?

I have friends who come from very broad minded families, where mom knows about the boyfriend, where boyfriends comes home easily for dinner with dad, and there is no hint of marriage on the cards, but the parents are cool. But I'll tell you this too, that moms have told their daughter not to have pre-marital sex as that is out of boundaries. Infact, one of the reasons they are so chill about the boyfriend is that, it is better they know and keep them in front of their eyes and talk openly with their child about it, rather than chupke se, daughter doing it all behind her back...This is reality..Most moms and dads are still not cool with that idea, no matter what...

So, even though you claim you go to India every year, I have lived there through those crucial youngster days before getting married and only been here 4 years, out of which I still do go every year, and I can tlel you, that the youngsters mindsets have changed and become easy to mould, but adults and consequences of pre-marital sex and the resultant babies are still very much the same...People gossip and people talk and they do not move on...those girls will ALWAYS have an impossible time finding a suitable groom in arranged marriage...Like Purvi. girls in India are not that luck to find an Onir to take them in and that is the reality today..People in India still consider rape which is heinous to say best, as the girls fault...tune in to the news and hear the ministers and the common man talking about how girl must have provoked him to rape her..that is the cruel mindset women face...so for girls who knowingly and willingly do pre-marital sex with boyfriend.lover and then do not get married to that man and their secret is out, you can only imagine what is said about those women by these very common men in India.

Originally posted by: sowmya_jairam

Shyamala Aunty,

Agree with each and every one of your brilliantly written posts. I'm in my twenties and have lived all my life in Hyderabad, which is a metro in everything but name. I consider my family quite modern in thinking. My mom makes coffee for our maid servant daily, and drinks coffee with her. She talks to her, and her family about everything happening in our lives and in their lives. She took care of a part of her expenses when her daughter recently got married. It's not just my mom, everyone in my family and even my friends family are very fair-minded and modern in their thinking in every way. But they would not be happy if I wore Western outfits. It was always fully covered from head to toe, and it is only after we came to the US that we even started wearing jeans. It's a little infuriating sometimes when mom gets worried about me being out late with friends, but I understand her concern. If anybody in my family or any of my friends' or relatives family came to know that one of us had pre-marital relations even with our to-be partners, there would be hell to pay. In fact, I was the first one to have a love marriage in my pretty forward-thinking family. Zamaana may have changed, with both girls and boys being more lax about sexual relationships. But it still is done without knowledge of parents or family, because it will never be condoned. In the West, while parents are unhappy about the many relationships of their children, they expect it because that's how the culture is. It's the norm, and part of it stems from the fact that kids in the West become independent right after school earning their bread and living out of home. In India, it hasn't reached that stage yet and it will be a long time before it will, if ever. Because in India, living together with family is still the norm; in a majority of cases, even after marriage.

About the classes, I don't believe in them and think everybody is equal. But there's no denying they exist, it is simply a fact. I agree with you and Kalapi, that both the poorest and the richest classes are outside normal societal rules because they're a minority and it's difficult to integrate them with the middle class which makes up 90% of the population. Marrying into either extreme for anyone apart from the same class is so difficult, it's near impossible. So, there's no mixing apart from social relations. I've seen both cases where the men or the women are dominant in the lower classes; it depends on the women really. Some have the spunk to make it on their own so they leave like Shyamala aunty said, some don't and suffer. Since they don't care about rules or the laws, it's simply a matter of deciding if they want to leave or stay and doing it. The middle class has not enough money to not care about the rules, their anchor is their moral code or principles. Their honor, their sanskaars are most important to them, and that is what they are recognized by in society. if a family loses its honor, it loses its place in society. That's why what purvi did is wrong in the eyes of society and her family. It doesn't matter that manav is super rich, they still live in the chawl and since their social interactions are with the lower middle class, the middle class rules apply to them.

Originally posted by: pari87

Zamaana humesha badlega, but because the society norms have been carried on since our ancestors, some things will never change, because your grandmom will pass it on to your mom and so on so forth...

I have lived in India all my life, except for the past 4 years here, especially growing up as a teenager, as college going girl and even a young adult...So I also know how things are back home...It is pretty common for pre-marital sex to happen, but there is ample awareness of protection and women who are in that position with boyfriends/lovers/fiances are a little smarter than purvi at knowing the consequences of their actions...

People everywhere in India yet, and I come from a regular indian family, even though my parents are pretty broad minded about a lot of things, will always hold pre-marital sex as an irresonsible act. Nobody glorifies it and nobody is OK with it, especially parents and families,. YEs, youngsters indulge in it, because it is a certain peer pressure even in india now, a little bit of recklessness as youngsters that is attractive and simply, the entire social media and movie/Television frenzy that makes all these things seem way more common than they are...PR glorifies Arjun-Purvi's pre-marital sex as some pyaar ki nishaani and all youth on this forum find that oh so tantalizing, but actually, it was simply an irresponsible stupid lack of better judgement...one more night would not have killed them..and even if they do it, protection and pill, why would they not take that into consideration? And even if they did not think they would need it, why give up the loverboy like candy so easily when you know there is that 0.01 % chance of carrying his baby and after being THAT intimate with a guy?

I have friends who come from very broad minded families, where mom knows about the boyfriend, where boyfriends comes home easily for dinner with dad, and there is no hint of marriage on the cards, but the parents are cool. But I'll tell you this too, that moms have told their daughter not to have pre-marital sex as that is out of boundaries. Infact, one of the reasons they are so chill about the boyfriend is that, it is better they know and keep them in front of their eyes and talk openly with their child about it, rather than chupke se, daughter doing it all behind her back...This is reality..Most moms and dads are still not cool with that idea, no matter what...

So, even though you claim you go to India every year, I have lived there through those crucial youngster days before getting married and only been here 4 years, out of which I still do go every year, and I can tlel you, that the youngsters mindsets have changed and become easy to mould, but adults and consequences of pre-marital sex and the resultant babies are still very much the same...People gossip and people talk and they do not move on...those girls will ALWAYS have an impossible time finding a suitable groom in arranged marriage...Like Purvi. girls in India are not that luck to find an Onir to take them in and that is the reality today..People in India still consider rape which is heinous to say best, as the girls fault...tune in to the news and hear the ministers and the common man talking about how girl must have provoked him to rape her..that is the cruel mindset women face...so for girls who knowingly and willingly do pre-marital sex with boyfriend.lover and then do not get married to that man and their secret is out, you can only imagine what is said about those women by these very common men in India.

Originally posted by: m_masti

so according to many, people in India changed...so then why did Purvi got married to Onir so that she could be safe from society...i mean when Purvi-Onir are just friends then why to show to society that they are married, why the society will not accept they staying together like friends instead of wife-husband...

if changed India accepts premarital sex and babies out from wedlock...then why India will not accept a man and woman staying together like friends...

Originally posted by: m_masti

so according to many, people in India changed...so then why did Purvi got married to Onir so that she could be safe from society...i mean when Purvi-Onir are just friends then why to show to society that they are married, why the society will not accept they staying together like friends instead of wife-husband...

if changed India accepts premarital sex and babies out from wedlock...then why India will not accept a man and woman staying together like friends...

Originally posted by: Kalapi

Originally posted by: pallavi25

Perhaps we could stop being so judgemental abt others, who knows what future may bring? Sometimes the more people shout abt morality, the more immoral they are! 😆 Examples are those ministers and religious leaders who are spouting moral craps abt women and their supposed responsibilties for rape and abuse!

Originally posted by: pari87

samek, so right on archana and her parvarish...

She had slapped purvi on seeing that tiny MMS clip when it was only presumed that they were kissing...Pre-marital sex was never a sanskaar she had given purvi...

This is why I condemn purvi so much...all nonsensical talk about sanskaars and parvarsih and judging punni, but then khud pe aaya toh, she was doing tyaag of herself to arjun apparently..!! LOL..

Originally posted by: pari87

sowmya,

excellent post...esp @bold Agree with each word..

Also, I mentioned in my post, some aspects of a society in any culture remain rooted to ancient times..some things just never change..you may broaden your horizon a little bit, but the core will never wither away...Also, arranged marriage is such a huge part of Indian life, and arranged marriages are done on a family and the boy/girl's reputation, because other than that you have nothing else to boot for...money, education and looks are all there, but parents always look for a spotless reputation to get their girls or boys married off to...and that is why, pre-marital sex is such a huge shame for families even now...middle class is what consitutes 90% as rightly said by you, kalapi and aunty...And this is the moral code for almost a good 99% of them...

what zamaana has badloed is only the way youngsters think, and this pre-marital sex indulgence is also done without familie's knowledge as you rightly put. I was engaged for a year before marriage, but I was NEVER allowed to visit him in his city all by myself staying with him...I always stayed with a friend and met him through the day...And I consider my parents pretty broad minded for Indian standards...but even then, this basic deal is not under that broad mindedness of families.

Like I said, I am appalled to see how rape is seen by people in our country which seems so backward in thinking and so degressive, so pre-marital sex willingly is something that will never be ok for a long long time yet, atleast.,