My first attempt at more than a single shot- I think this will have four parts. Hope you like it
The most confusing feeling is when your mind hates someone but your heart loves the same person and you don't know what to do
It has been a week since Shiva has sent her divorce papers. A week since maasi was hell bent to make her sign the papers soon so that she could look for her remarriage. A week since Raavi felt so cold like she could never feel anything again. She had felt angry- she had been furious to hear those words from him. How could he? But the anger had passed leaving only a flood of hurt with nobody to comfort her this time. She had kept blaming Shiva but now she was tired of that too. In her heart of hearts she knew it could never be his blame alone. And the guilt of slapping him festered in her heart- whatever her justifications, they weren't satisfactory to even her own self. Her self respect mattered and the words hurt yet she hated herself for having slapped him. As she grew weary, she kept replaying all that happened on that disastrous day- maybe Shiva had a reason to fly into such a rage. Maybe it was his temper and fury speaking to her. Yet the words had hurt- hurt too quick and too deep. She wanted one conversation with him- just one to know what happened and why. Since he didn't come, she decided to venture. And the next moment she found divorce papers signed by him. And everything broke for her. Shiva didn't want her in his life anymore- her heart wailed. Yet could she ever be free of him?
Bachpan ki har yaad mei tu hai- these were his words but she realised the meaning now. How entwined they have always been- even the thought to separate herself completely from him feels like somebody is physically ripping her apart.
14 year old Raavi was very uncomfortable since the hook of her kurti had broken when she roaming around in the mela. She wanted to go back but she was conscious to speak to Gaumbi and Dhara hadn't accompanied them this time. She couldn't ask Dev, Shiva or Krish to help in this. She couldn't enjoy one bit- not even in bangle shop they had stopped only for her sake. She kept feeling people staring at her. Somehow Shiva found this was the opportune moment to fight with her.
"Ayy Maami ki behen ki beti muh sujake rehna tha toh aayi kyun..abhi tereko woh maami ke paas chodke aata hu..humein shanti se rehne de."
Despite Gaumbi and Dev trying to stop Shiva, he grabbed Raavi's wrists and pulled her along leaving her at Maami's place. Raavi had half heartedly tried to stop Shiva- anyway she wanted to go back. Yet before entering she had screamed-" Shiva tujhe mujhse kya problem hai. Humesha gussa karta hai baaki sab mujhse itna pyaar karte hai."
"Karte hai pyaar issliye agli baar jab problem ho toh bata dena unhe."
And he stomped off. The words had confused Raavi then but now she can see that Shiva had seen her discomfort and made it a point to take her home. He hadn't justified himself even when Dhara and Gaumbi had told him off for behaving that way with Raavi.
16 year old Raavi was on the verge of a panic attack for her board examination the following week. She had tried hard and wanted good marks to be like Dhara di. Packet of her favorite chocolates were sent to her from Pandya store. She always thought it had been Dev. But now- maybe it was Shiva? Dev could never see Raavi unless she was physically hurt or fighting with Shiva. Since this involves neither, pretty decent chance that it had been Shiva, her silent protector .
18yr old Raavi- she had aced her +2 examinations. When everyone thought she was happy, a wave of despair had overtaken her. She missed her parents terribly and wanted them to be a part of this. She went to the temple saying she wanted to thank god. She just sat on the stairs looking at the sky trying to will her parents know about today wherever they are. Shiva slid next to her- unhe pata hai gadhedi aur woh tujhe aaj dukhi toh nahi dekhna chahte honge. And just like that he made Raavi smile, a small one but a smile nevertheless. That was the only time Shiva had been soft with her- he had just been with her and then walked her home.
College had brought its own share of problems. Raavi had always been a social butterfly. In school all the children were known as somebody's son or daughter that somebody being an acquaintance of either the Pandyas or Maama maami. College brought all new people in Raavi's life. And suddenly she had felt out of place. She wanted to fit in desperately. She laughed at things which she didn't find funny, showed herself different than what she is. She had loved gossip but hers had been light hearted and fun- here she was sucked into the gossip which was malicious to the core. She did not dress up for the pleasure of it but to be in the league of the popular ones in her college. And she was kind of successful. She became very popular in her college- the beauty queen of the college. Yet the only one who had noticed all these changes was not her Maasima but Shiva. Shiva who had been furious and disappointed- Tu jaisi chipkali thi behtar thi, yeh kya haal banake rakha hai tune apna..aise logo nka liye khud ko badlegi. Jo aayenge woh dost nahi hai- dost toh woh hai jo aap ko aap jaise ho waise pasand kare.
Raavi had just said that he was jealous of her popularity. He had scoffed at her. Raavi knew it that he was right yet she couldn't bring herself to lose image and popularity she had gained. And now he was proved right- those were no friends of her. Even though she had happy memories of them yet each meeting with them had worsened her relation with Shiva. Especially the last one. It was her mistake- she let them speak.
Raavi sighed. The sun was rising. She had stayed up the full night again. Shiva's words had stung her but tonight had shown her many instances when Shiva was right despite appearing wrong to her. She already had the example of kidnapping too. Nothing would justify those words but Raavi would give Shiva's temper the benefit of doubt. Something had caused him to flare up.
Tonight had also shown her that despite everything Dev had never been there for her. He might be what Society called Prince charming but he was not made for Raavi. Raavi had given so much efforts to make her marriage to Dev happen. Dev who hadn't even cared enough to let her know that he didn't love her, he loved somebody else even when he was getting married to her. If she could fight for him, she will fight with everything she had to protect her relation with Shiva the one who had always been with her despite hating her for maasi. Shiva had told her not to change but this time she would try to fit in hopefully for the last time- she would do her best to fit in to whatever image Shiva had of his wife. At the end of it if she still can't win him over, she would free him from this burden forever.
Thanks for reading 🤗Apologies for any mistakes
Part 2- page 6
Part 3-page 11
Part 4- page 14
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