FF: Ankahee | Completed

At about 715 pm, the doorbell rang. RK's heartbeat suddenly raced. He stood up, switched on the lights and ran to the door. Was Madhu back?

His hopes were dashed though as he opened the door. It wasn't Madhu at the door. It was Nisha, Maya's younger sister.

"Nisha, what are you doing here?" he asked as she came inside.

"Rishabh bhaiya...I, I wanted to talk to you" Nisha hesitantly said.

"To me? About what?"

"Well...ummm...about Maya di. I got back this morning and she was...she has been locked up in a room all day..."

"Nisha, I don't want to talk about Maya. I can't help her. It's...it's complicated. If that's what you came here..."

"I know what happened last night..."Nisha blurted out.

"You know? So Maya told you..."

"No...not her. Rohan bhaiya came over this morning. He was really angry and yelling at Maya di. I heard everything. Maya di...she was so shattered."

"Nisha, listen to me. If you know, then you should also understand whatever happened here last night shouldn't have happened. What I did was wrong. And what Maya did was worse because at least she was in her senses. It was a sin..."Rishabh's voice was raised bubbling with his anger and his guilt.

"I know but..."

"No, you don't know anything Nisha. You know my wife still hasn't come home? My Madhu...my life...you know what I did to her? You know what both me and your Maya di did to her? I don't even know if she's dead or alive Goddammit. In this moment, until my Madhu comes back, I couldn't care less about Maya being hurt!" RK was yelling in a mix of pain and outrage, tears falling from his eyes "I am sorry ok Nisha...I shouldn't be yelling at you. Please go home ok. I can't do anything for Maya. I am sorry for my part in creating this misunderstanding...if Maya ever felt that I encouraged her or anything...I never wanted her to be hurt...but really, I have no feelings for her. I never did. She was my friend. But Madhu is my love. And if her feelings are causing her pain right now, I can't do anything about it. You should go and be there for her...I...I need to find my Madhu..."

"I came here for Madhu di" Nisha said suddenly, making RK stop. "I didn't come here for Maya di, I came here for Madhu di."

"What do you mean?"

"I...I thought you should know something. When I learnt what happened and that Madhu di saw and left, I couldn't stop myself. Madhu di...she knew. She knew that Maya di was in love with you."

"What?!?!" RK was shocked. Madhu knew? But he himself didn't know.

"Yeah...you remember Maya di's birthday party last year at our farmhouse. You were all so drunk. Well that night, I was trying to get Maya di to sleep when she told me in her drunken stupor that she loved you. She kept blabbering over and over she loved you and Madhu di overheard. I saw her. She was...she was so hurt, but she didn't say anything" RK remembered the night of that party. Madhu had abruptly left the next morning. They had a fight after that. But she didn't...she didn't say anything.

Nisha interrupted RK's memories "I thought she would tell you or something, but later I figured she hadn't. I don't know if she believed it or not, but now...I think after last night, maybe she remembered it. I don't know, maybe not. But Rohan bhaiya said she was missing and I was worried, so I came here" RK was too stunned to react. If Madhu knew that Maya loved him, then she probably had no reason to doubt that last night's kiss was a mistake...that's why she didn't stay to ask an explanation!!! She probably already had one!

"Madhu...knew? But she never...she never said anything Nisha." RK stuttered

"I don't really know. I...I told Maya di so many times to move on because I never thought you loved her, but she always said she was trying. I don't know what happened here last night, but I know it wasn't right. You need to find Madhu di Rishabh bhaiya. You really need to find her..."

************************************

Nisha left, but her truth left RK dizzy. He stumbled towards their bedroom, where he caught his reflection in the mirror.

"Did Madhu really know that Maya had feelings for me?" he seemed to ask his reflection, trying to make the implications of Nisha's words sink in.

"Seems like it. And for more than a year!" the reflection responded back "How do you suppose that made her feel?"

The question shook RK. He had known for some time that Madhu didn't really like Maya, or that there was something off in the way she reacted to him being with Maya. He never knew the reason, but he sensed Madhu's discomfort when it came to Maya and that's why he instinctively tried to not talk about Maya in front of Madhu. Ever since their marriage or actually even before that...ever since he had asked Madhu to marry him, he had deliberately tried to not tell Madhu about his conversations with Maya because he didn't want to upset her. That was the whole reason he spoke to Maya only when he was alone, driving to or from work, instead of when Madhu was with him. He deleted Maya's texts from his phone and a few times avoided mentioning Maya's name when RK was out with him. He had never thought he was doing anything wrong because he never thought that his friendship with Maya was wrong. Madhu was a big part of his life but even Maya was his best friend and a smaller but important part of his life. Yes, he hid a few things from Madhu - he never felt great about doing it but he thought it was the pragmatic thing to do because Madhu got unnecessarily possessive or jealous which helped nobody.

"Why don't you admit it? Isn't that what you always thought of Madhu - that she got possessive and jealous without reason?" the reflection asked RK.

"I came to accept it as a part of Madhu's nature and even Madhu had stopped behaving in that manner of late..."

"Yeah, but wasn't that the fundamental reason that had caused all the trouble in your relationship early on?" the person in the mirror countered.

Rishabh's mind raced back to the days before they had broken up, when he was anguished by Madhu's behavior and her rising insecurity. But what Nisha said...that party...that was before all that happened, was it not? That meant Maya had been in her so-called love with him for so long, and he still did not know!!! How blind he had been?

"But Madhu...if Nisha was right, then Madhu knew. Maybe that was the reason for her insecurity?"

"But why hadn't she said anything? Why didn't she tell me what he heard?"

"Maybe she trusted you...she trusted that you had no such feelings for Maya."

"Yeah"

"Still, weren't you in Mumbai all the time those days, with Maya? Even if she trusted you, would it be so improbable to believe that she felt a little insecure, especially with all the distance?"

RK sat down, thinking back to all the moments of time when he had believed Madhu to be too needy, too demanding or too possessive. Most of them had been before that break-up, but could RK honestly admit to himself that he no longer believed Madhu to be a bit too possessive even now. Wasn't that why he tried to avoid Maya's name all the time in front of Madhu, even though he talked about Madhu to Maya all the time? But if Madhu had always been aware of Maya's feelings, if she believed them even a little bit, wasn't her discomfort somewhat justified? And while she trusted her, hadn't he in some way abused the trust by hiding and lying about Maya, even though he had justified it thinking he was doing it to not hurt Madhu for no reason?

For no reason.

Yes, that is what he had believed. But there was a reason, wasn't there? It seems like he was the only person who didn't know and had therefore complicated things even more.

"I wish Maya had said something sooner. I could have cleared the misunderstanding! I wish Madhu had told me what she heard...so much pain could have been avoided!" he spoke out aloud.

After a minute, a counter-question came "Would you have really believed her if she told you? Or would you have questioned her trust and called her paranoid, or worse, a liar?"

RK had no answers and no further questions. He just sat there absorbing the desperate feeling of being the only person alive and walking amongst the corpses of a bloody war that he had himself caused. Even if he had never meant to start one.

****************************************

She hid herself in the darkness. Her eyes stung with the pain of her shame. That one moment, that one moment had destroyed everything. She had always believed that she had wanted RK's happiness more than her own. And yet, she had misjudged the source of RK's happiness. The memories of the previous night continued to haunt her. Questions on her existence hounded her - was she really the person she thought she was?

"Di! Open the door", came her sister's voice from across the door, but Maya ignored it. She didn't want to face her, or anyone for that matter, until she could once again make sense of what she had done to her life. For once, tonight, she felt she could think rationally. Or if not rationally, at least objectively. After all, she had single-handedly destroyed the friendship she cherished and valued more than any other relationship in her life because for one fateful moment, she had allowed herself to ignore every sensible thought and let go. She had allowed herself to believe there would be no consequence if she stole just one moment for herself.

Ha! Look how that had turned out!

Who am I? the question rankled Maya, because somehow she no longer recognized herself. She wasn't an evil homewrecking person who destroys her best friend's marriage and tries to snatch his love away. No! She wasn't!

She was...she was just another girl, wasn't she?

At least in college she was, she remembered. She was fun, she loved life, she was sensible. Until she had become smitten with Mr. Wrong! The anguish of her life with Hemant seemed like a blur to her now, but at the time, it had destroyed her. And the only reason she had been able to see sense and overcome something like that was because she had the support of her friends Rohan and RK. Especially RK. She didn't realize when she had become so dependent on RK. She didn't realize when they became the best of friends. One day, he had been this nerdy introverted but smart guy who was Rohan's new roommate. And then the next, he was her mentor, her guide, her confidante, her best buddy.

With him, she felt safe, like she could say anything and be herself. With him, she felt like she could never be lonely again. He had healed her, and she knew as long as he was around, he would keep her from making any more mistakes like that again. He would tell her what to do and she truly believed he would be with her if she faltered. And that friendship was all she had wanted.

But then what happened? How come today she was here, having made not just new mistakes but actually committing a sin? How had she become exactly the kind of women she hated the most? Why didn't you stop me, RK, from making this mistake?

She tried to remember when she started loving RK, when her friendship had started meaning more. She couldn't put a finger to it. When RK had first told them about Madhu, she had felt odd, but mostly because it had been so sudden and also because the idea of sharing RK with one more person felt a bit weird for a moment. Yet, she didn't think anything of it. She was happy, really happy in fact, for her friend. And she liked Madhu because she was sure Madhu truly cared for her friend. But as time passed, as she saw less of RK and as Madhu permeated more of his conversations, she started disliking Madhu a little bit. Not a lot, but just enough so she never tried to be friends with her. Maybe because not knowing Madhu gave her the freedom to judge her the way she wanted. The more Madhu became a part of RK's life, the less of his time and attention she got, and at some point, she remembered, she had started waiting for their "fling" to end. People dated a lot, after all, but not every relationship sustained and turned serious. And RK himself did not seem sure at that time about the nature of his relationship. She knew then, she now remembered, that she wanted more depth in their relationship, but of course she couldn't have done or said anything as long as RK was dating someone else. So she had swallowed her feelings and decided to just wait.

Maya remembered how difficult it had seemed then, though it was nothing compared to what happened later. Especially when she started sensing that RK was troubled by his relationship. It reminded her instantly of how anguished she had felt in her own previous relationship and that sparked a lot of concern and worry for her friend. Thinking back, Maya now recognized that her concern and worry was flamed by the fact that subconsciously she had started believing at that point that she could understand RK much better and make him a lot happier than he was during those days with Madhu. As much fun as the time she had spent in Mumbai with him had been, it had made her really understand RK very well, and watching him unhappy and struggling to meet Madhu's needs made her heart cry out. It had been so hard to not take him in her arms and tell him that it was going to be ok and that he should be with her instead. But she hadn't done anything like that, because of course she was not going to break Madhu's relationship to build her own! She was not someone who could do something like that! All she wanted was RK to be happy. If it was with Madhu, then he should be with Madhu. And even when she saw him troubled, she always reminded herself that she was his friend, and her role was to be his friend and watch out as his friend so that he makes the right decisions for his own happiness, wherever it lay!

Maya remembered that she cursed herself everyday - making a decision because it is the right thing to do is easy, but then living with it and fighting with your heart every day about it was a whole different ball game - but none more than the day RK had called her drunk in a bar and told her how he had broken up with Madhu.

Listening to him that day, watching him completely broken had shattered Maya's heart. She knew how he felt. Breaking someone's heart is never easy, even when it is the right thing to do for both people involved. She had gone through that with Hemant, and watching RK going through exactly the same pain melted Maya's heart. She cursed herself for not doing more sooner - something, anything that could have avoided this pain for RK. She resolved to help him move on exactly the way he had helped her move on. She couldn't let him live through the same guilt and loneliness. And over the next few days, he did seem to have recovered a bit. That was when her heart had convinced her that the fastest way to help RK be happy again was to tell him that she would always be there for him, every moment for the rest of his life. She wanted to tell him how he had done the right thing and he deserved to be happy. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him. But before she had the chance, on his birthday, she had lost him again, leaving her heartbroken.

By the next day though, she had steeled herself. One night of tears and alcohol later, she started trying to again make peace with the fact that RK did really love Madhu and did really want her in her life. And all she could do was to step away. She tried, but it was hard. So she tried to avoid RK till she had control on her feelings again. But it wasn't working. Her heart was broken and unwilling to accept that RK had made the right decision by walking back into a relationship he had been so unhappy in only a week ago. Almost out of spite, Maya now admitted, she had started dating Paras again, so that she could get RK's attention. It was childish and incredibly stupid, of course. RK told her she was being an idiot, but somehow that hadn't seemed to help. It was such an idiotic thing to do, and eventually she had broken up with him. It wasn't Paras she ever wanted anyway.

RK had taken them all by surprise by proposing Madhu to marry him. That day had felt like someone had finally thrown iced water on her heart. She had asked RK if he was sure. And he said he was. More than his words, it was his eyes that spoke how truly happy he was with Madhu. And Madhu looked so blissful as well. That was the day Maya had felt really selfish for having any feelings for RK and was convinced that her unrequited love was doomed for a silent death. That was the day, watching RK and Madhu together, that Maya had finally accepted her fate and promised herself to never share her feelings and get over them as soon as possible. She truly wanted her friend to be happy, and decided she would never step the boundaries of her friendship and support RK in every way.

That was the decision that she had been living by from that day until today.

She knew it was the right thing to do and she had stuck to doing that because that's who she was and she was convinced that it was her destiny. RK was not for her, and some day she would find someone else to love.

It hadn't been easy of course, because this stupid heart does not follow the diktat of the mind very well. No matter how hard she tried to kill her love for RK, some part of it had managed to survive, even till today. It had been tough to smile and laugh and watch RK and Madhu get engaged, but she had done it. It was only when she was alone later in the night that the pain caught up with her which she tried to drown in alcohol. She had really tried to just be the friend that RK needed her to be and no matter how much her heart wanted to be with RK, she had respected her boundaries. RK used to ask her for advice, particularly in the early days of his marriage after Madhu's parents died when Madhu was in shock and RK did not know how to interpret what girls really meant when they said something or wanted advice on making her happy.

She had truly, sincerely, earnestly been RK's friend and done the best she could because that is what her role was in RK's happiness. Madhu was his heroine and she a side character who in her own small way was supposed to contribute to make RK happier. That was the job. Those were the limits and Maya always knew that.

Until last night.

What came over her last night?

Listening to RK pine for Madhu, seeing him lost in his own world, something had stirred inside Maya. He had asked for a hug - maybe not her hug, but she was the only one there - and she had given him a hug. But once she was in that embrace, suddenly, from somewhere a thought came to her. What if she stole one moment, just one simple kiss, from her destiny and kept it for herself? She had made peace with the fact that RK would never be her life, but could she be selfish for just a second and take something that she could savor and remember the memories of RK's love by?

That one rogue thought, that one weak moment had destroyed everything. It was truly a slippery slope, and it was the result of that one false step that she found herself here, morphed into a person she didn't recognize. What had she done to RK in her selfishness? What had she done to Madhu? At least she could still blame RK in a way for her pain over the last year because he did not reciprocate her love. But what was Madhu's fault?

Maya broke down. Her guilt, her shame and her hatred for herself made her want to run away. Rohan was right. She had betrayed the foundation of friendship and abused the meaning of trust. She had been nothing but a selfish home-wrecking bitch who had destroyed a marriage for her own selfish whims. She was a disgrace of a woman, for she had entered another woman's home, her life and her marriage and adulterated it with her own pettiness. She hated herself, she hated love and she hated her destiny for turning into a monster and bringing her to a point from which there was no going back, no redemption.

Somewhere else, RK too was drowning in despair, dying under the weight of the pain he knew he had caused Madhu. Not just today but for a long time. He yearned for her love. He yearned for another chance even though he wasn't sure he deserved one. More than anything, he yearned to see his Madhu just one more time. His tears tasted of a hue of helplessness that Destiny recognized tasted a lot like a young girl's silent anguish who yearned for her parent's love.

And then, at another place, Destiny saw Madhu walk over the pieces of her own shattered heart. Each piece pierced her feet, but she continued to walk, and Destiny worried what all left Madhu's body mixed with the blood.

That night, even Destiny cried.