Posted:
Originally posted by: Samanalyse
@Shaavi: Thanks! I agree that the show does address parent-child relationships in general, but I was trying to point out an important subset of that more general theme: toxic mother-son relationships (something I see everywhere in Indian society!). Both Ishwari-Dev and Mami-Vicky follow the specific pattern of a woman in a patriarchal system believing that the only way to exercise her will is through a male relative, moulding their sons to carry out their desires, and then getting confused and frustrated when their sons develop wills of their own, or grow beyond their control.
Of course the important distinction between Ishwari and Mami is that Ishwari built into Dev's parvarish a lot of important tools that helped him get out of that funk, and helped him lead Ishwari out of it in turn. For example, he respected Sona's independence and integrity because Ishwari had instilled value for those qualities, both in preaching and in practice. Mami, unfortunately only instilled envy and greed, which meant that Vicky wanted what Dev had. In some ways, that makes his love for Elena pretty remarkable because it's the only genuine, positive emotion I have seen him display (other than his love for fitness). I think it's because she is the only one with whom he's been able to open up and share the true root of his unhappiness -- it actually formed the basis of their relationship.His mother and father, each in their own way, expect him to be like Dev and he feels frustrated when he can't measure up. The resentment they cause precludes a positive relationship with Dev, which could have done him a world of good. Elena is the only one who has really loved him for him, and for that she does hold a special place in his heart. Unfortunately, that tiny spot of hope is also fading because of the negativity that is overwhelming him, seeing Dev back in full form. When Dev was in his awaara phase, Vicky came off looking like the stable, family man. Now that suit-boot-Dev is back, Vicky fears that everyone will see him for the pale imitation he is (even though nobody really bought his act in the first place). That insecurity is what is driving him to madness.
Sam, sorry if I offended you, but I guess it just came from my perspective and the society I have seen. I have seen that a father imposes his dreams on his son, sometimes his daughter, mothers imposing their dreams on daughters while not really expecting much from their sons to carry their dreams. I grew up with my mom and 2 brothers and it was my brother who became the head of the family at an young age since my father passed away when I was a small child. Since then my mom's expectation was different for me to my brothers. She could excuse them for doing something they liked, but always wanted me to toe the line the society drew. She wanted me to learn things like embroidery, stitching or any of those artwork and organizing the house not because I wanted to, but because my cousins were adept and I was constantly compared with them. They were the standards for my mom and she feared that if i didn't measure upto them, then society would label me as "unsuitable" for the institute of marriage. But when it came to my brothers it didn't matter if they didn't take even a single cup of water from the kitchen by themselves or called me to give them the newspaper that was on the table. For her I had to live her dreams rather than them. It was important for her that I studied, went to job and made money and name for myself where I could fulfill my kids demands(not everything, but somethings like buying them ice creams or taking them to movies when they asked etc.)
On the other hand I have seen my aunt trying to make one of her son act like the daughter, not in the sense of dressing or any such thing, but in the sense that a mother's expectation towards her daughter like Ishwari's expectation of Neha or Nikki because she didn't have any girl children. All her kids were boys. 😊 . I have also seen another aunt who expected her daughter to be like son because she didn't have any boy children.
Hence I talked about the general terms. And on further thinking this toxicity is not limited to parent child relationships. It is related to all those relationships where there is that dependency on another person to fulfill their dreams, be it a sibling relationship like Dev and Neha or codependent relationship like Dev and Sonakshi. There should be both inter dependency and independence in relationships. There should be space in every relationship where a person should be given voice for their own thoughts and needs. There shouldn't be that imposition of one's own viewpoints all the time.
This is just my way of looking things and not intended to hurt anyone.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
