*Season 2, Week 17* Analysis Thread

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sona_naksh

@sona_naksh

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

#81

I am loving reading so many varied analysis in this thread . So many point of viewz but presented so aptly . Thanks Sam n DQ for maintaining peace in this thread .

I know there is a lot of debate over dev favouring soha over golu and i agree with both the views till some extent . Golu is a 6 year old kid who is habitual of getting most of his bigcha's attention which is getting diverted so he is naturally feeling bad and add to it RR's instigation he is bound to get angry . Golu is a child deprived of his parents love and dev has always been his place to feel loved and cherished so now if he feels he is being deprived of his bigcha's love he is feeling abandoned . But if we see from dev's pov - for hom golu was is and will always be his best friend his best buddy ,golu is a person with whom he shares his deepest secrets but till now he has never addressed golu as his son . I feel for him soha and golu are way different . suhana is his daughter whom he once dreamt of and golu is his confidate .

I dont think it is the case of parental favouritism although i agree dev needs to learn to balance his relations . All the time its not about favouring one over other its most of the times about balancing both relations .

Extremely sorry if i offended anyone .

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Tardis

@DreamOfEndless

Alumni

+ 20

Posted: 8 years ago

#82

Originally posted by: grace4317

Tia...you have well presented all the facts with reasons...and thank you for it.

That's all what I wanted to say...being a parent or guardian, we need to be aware of the other child's feelings when he is let down, whether it was done knowingly or unknowingly.

Dev now already have seen Golu being disappointed with him not once or twice. And it should for sure ring an alarm in him on why the otherwise understanding Golu who supported him to the extent of taking the mobile to school so that his bigcha could talk to Soha, is now throwing tantrums. Don't want to see another Dev-Sona parallel in their relationship.

Thank you Grace 😊

I completely agree with you, especially the @bold part. I wish Dev realizes that history is on the way to repeat itself and only he can change its course. Golu is a sensible kid but he is a kid.. He needs to be handled sensitively so that these beautiful Bigcha-nephew bond and cousin-cousin continues to florish. Better even if Sonaskshi-Golu develop an independent special bond.

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#83

For the last seven years, Golu was the only child who looked at him as a father figure and his only ray of hope. The realization that Dev has become a father, he has a daughter of his own has brought a huge change in him. He has changed forever and his ray of hope is now Suhana. Now with both Golu and Suhana in the picture, another similar tug of war has started, but an innocent one (till now, God knows what RR would do). Dev's approach is still the same and this time too he cannot choose any one and needs to balance relationships. The faster he realizes this, the better.

@ Tia

Loved the way you presented your thoughts. But mostly disagree with the points. Firstly from the begining of season2 Dev and Golu were shown more like comrades rather than father kid . They interacted on an equal plane despite the age barrier. For Golu Dev is his Big Cha who is a super man,and his close associate in every way. They shared a bond that is beyond a father son relationship.

Golu never felt Dev as a replacement for his father since he has his father before him . He enjoyed Dev's company . He has his bike rides,eating and playing games . He had fun and craved to be in his Big Cha's presence.

For Dev Golu is the only link that kept him still tied up to Deixit mansion. He shared his innermost secrets with him and that too like he does with a grown up friend. He loved Golu wholeheartedly and tried to keep him happy . It can be taken like the bond that exists between a kid and his Chachu or Kaka but not like that of a father and son. Dev would never have imagined Golu as his son offered to him by God since the glaring truth will never allow him to do so. That truth is Elena and Vicky . Even if they are not good as parents they are right there before him. So Dev never could assume Golu as his son.

Ofcourse Golu may feel bad much due to RR's instigation. But thankfully in the very next scene we see either Dev making amends or Golu running to his BigCha to extend his help.

I don't think Dev is not balancing relationships. He is very much aware of Golu's mindset. That is why he makes it a point to reach out to him whenever he feels Golu must have been hurt. I don't think he is unaware of Golu's feelings.

Actually I never thought he is not competent to tackle more than one relationship at a time. Unfortunately for him the two most important women of his life bothered more about each other and kept him in the loop. Iswari wanted to prove she is the be all for her son while Sonakshi strived hard to win Iswari rather than understand Dev and enjoy every moment in her new found bliss.( after marriage)

Soha is a blessing for Dev's drained heart. She is like the shower of first rain drops in a hot summer day. He is still in his trance experiencing the bliss of watching his own blood,his daughter touch him,hug him and call him Papa with immense love. I think he being so noble and generous in love will never ditch Golu nor would he dethrone him from the throne of his heart. He will definitely make space for both,his dearest daughter and his most loved nephew. No place for discrimination . I believe Dev Dixit...completely.

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melliflous

@melliflous

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#84

Originally posted by: dreamy.tiara
Hi all😊

Amazing discussion going on 👏regarding Dev favoring Suhana over Golu and balancing relationships.

I am not a parent, not even married. But, I would like to share my views and contribute to the discussion on parental favoritism based on what I feel and what I saw around me growing up and few observations about Dev's nature from the show.

Let me first start with the latter. From the beginning of the story, Dev has been a person who would focus only on one thing at a time. All through his childhood and early adulthood, his main focus was on upliftment of his family from poverty, to become capable enough and earn good enough for his family, to provide his family a well settled life. During this time, his main motivation was his mother. He worshiped her like God, cared for little things related to her but still his main focus was his studies and work (because his mother wanted it to be so). For example, in a flashback a 10 or 12 year old Dev runs to lift buckets for Ishwari, but she sends him away for studying. In another instance, Dev doesn't even know that his mother is facing health problems for past one year as he was abroad due to his work and his mother didn't bother to tell him.

When Sonakshi became his love, we see Dev neglecting work for Sonakshi. He begins to cancel and postpone meetings randomly. In fact, even before the realization of love, he forgot to call his mother about Sonakshi's accident, he forgot about that important meeting with Gujrals and investors because he came to know that Sonakshi was not feeling well etc.

Next, when Ishwari overdosed herself with sleeping pills, his focus shifted to his mother and he broke up with Sonakshi. However, he continued to suffer with a bruised heart and kept stalking Sonakshi (his focus again shifts to her). When he could not take anymore, they reunited, on the face of it with Ishwari's consent, and during the marriage phase, the real tug of war started. Dev is mostly used to give all his focus at one thing at a given time. But here he couldn't choose any one or take a stand. He also failed to create a balance between the relationships. So the marriage broke, and so did his ties with his mother.

For the last seven years, Golu was the only child who looked at him as a father figure and his only ray of hope. The realization that Dev has become a father, he has a daughter of his own has brought a huge change in him. He has changed forever and his ray of hope is now Suhana. Now with both Golu and Suhana in the picture, another similar tug of war has started, but an innocent one (till now, God knows what RR would do). Dev's approach is still the same and this time too he cannot choose any one and needs to balance relationships. The faster he realizes this, the better.

Now I come to the first point.

Parental favoritism is very common and maybe even natural. But just because it is common, it does not mean that it is acceptable. There are many more things that are common but not acceptable; like patriarchy, crime against women, racial discrimination etc.

Parental favoritism may not be much of a big deal for the parent. It may only be an extra scoop of ice-cream, little cheating on the game of ludo, a little more attention, love or an extra piece of chocolate or whatever. But for a child it means a lot. Children are very perceptive and sensitive to such things, because they thrive on love and attention by the parent. And both kids on either side of the partiality line bear its brunt, especially if the kids really care for each other. The discriminated kid feels being let down by their parent and bears a strong sense of resentment, towards the parent or the favored child or both, that may even carry forward till adulthood. It may even affect their self esteem. The favored kid ends up feeling guilty for no fault of his/hers.

One can compare the situation with Neha-Ishwari-Dev relationship. Neha bore a lifelong resentment over Ishwari's favoritism for Dev, though she loved both her mother and brother. We could starkly see how her jealosy affected even Dev-Sona's marriage after she came back to IN. Neha and Dev would have shared a different relationship, they may have been best of friends (a small glimpse of which is seen when Dev approaches Neha to understand how to identify if you are in love) had Ishwari not separated them with this invisible line of partiality that brewed a poisonous one-sided resentment on Neha's side. Dev may been more stable emotionally with a sister to guide him and Neha would have been happier with a brother to show her path to liberate herself from all past sorrows. Instead, due to Neha's resentment, Dev always ended up feeling guilty for "stealing" her mother from her, while he was not even the real culprit. (Trust me, I know this feeling; it feels very bad. I am glad, all is now well between me and my sister).

Another example is Vicky, who felt his father loved and cared for Dev more than him. We can clearly see today in Vicky's actions what fruits are borne by those early seeds of resentment and unfairness towards Dev, bowed by his own father. Vicky has turned into a ruthless person driven by jealosy, but one day he too was an innocent kid like Golu. How did he grow into the Vicky he is today? What drove him to be this? Now imagine Mamaji asking young Vicky gently why he is not studying, if he has any kind of problem, or something he wants to talk about, is he angry about something that he is throwing these temper tantrums; instead of scolding him why are you not like Dev, learn something from your cousin. "Shabash Dev, well done son." "My son is permanently nalayak"...Vicky always felt his cousin stole his father's love and appreciation that was rightfully his.

Or think about Bijoy-Saurav relationship for a moment. Their relationship has been well dissected in the series of this thread, along with now Ronita coming into the mix. Hence I am not writing much about it.

Not only homes, such favoritism happens in classrooms as well and they affect a growing child's self-esteem as well. And we all know how much the other kids hate that kid who is the teacher's pet , because the teacher would not give them enough chances for reading aloud or acknowledge their participation in the class just because they are not her favorite.

I believe, it may be natural that the parent (Dev) like one kid (Suhana) over the other (Golu), but while showering with love, attention and care one should be cognizant about each child's feeling. These little things leave a lifelong mark. (On that note imagine how much difficult it would be to manage a pair of twins😕😆).

Useful links:

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/09/17/349246014/kids-perception-of-parents-favoritism-counts-more-than-reality

http://www.newsminer.com/opinion/community_perspectives/parental-favoritism-does-long-term-damage/article_ee54943c-ca22-11e4-a401-0791e2cfc67d.html

Thanks for reading.😊

- Tia

Fabulously written with all the instances from the show supporting your POV. Especially how you pointed out Dev and Neha. For Neha it had a lifetime long impact.
My thoughts are similar. Except I can't write as beautifully as you! Favoritism between kids is common for a parent and there could be n number of reasons for a parent having soft corner for one over the other. I have seen it all the time with very close people around me and also how it has affected them and their relationships with their parents. And for a parent it's alright because honestly they feel they love every child equally but feel that one of child may need more support than the others.
For Dev, he has missed out on raising Soha , seeing her grow into this mature child. Small things that parent cherishes like the first step, first food, first word and so many more things. He is just probably trying to make for that. Golu has been his support and a reason to smile for these years. He perhaps feels that he is in dev's team to make soha feel better or be a part of their family. Just like golu was doing everything in his control during summer camp and in school to get soha closer to Dev. In fact , golu is the reason Dev is with sona and soha today... golu insisted and kept encouraging soha that she can see her parents together .But he did his part and now Dev needs to be more aware of golu's feelings when golu and soha are together with Dev. I agree that he goes and tries to make up for it with golu later ... but it's important for golu that his bigcha supports him equally as he does to his own daughter in front of her.. ..I hope Dev learns the balancing act and doesn't lose such a precious relationship that he shares with golu.

@everyone great discussions by everyone about Dev- golu-soha... pleasure reading everyone's opinions.

-Meghal

Edited by melliflous - 8 years ago

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dhank

@dhank

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#85

Originally posted by: dreamy.tiara
Hi all 😊

Amazing discussion going on 👏 regarding Dev favoring Suhana over Golu and balancing relationships.

I am not a parent, not even married. But, I would like to share my views and contribute to the discussion on parental favoritism based on what I feel and what I saw around me growing up and few observations about Dev's nature from the show.

Let me first start with the latter. From the beginning of the story, Dev has been a person who would focus only on one thing at a time. All through his childhood and early adulthood, his main focus was on upliftment of his family from poverty, to become capable enough and earn good enough for his family, to provide his family a well settled life. During this time, his main motivation was his mother. He worshiped her like God, cared for little things related to her but still his main focus was his studies and work (because his mother wanted it to be so). For example, in a flashback a 10 or 12 year old Dev runs to lift buckets for Ishwari, but she sends him away for studying. In another instance, Dev doesn't even know that his mother is facing health problems for past one year as he was abroad due to his work and his mother didn't bother to tell him.

When Sonakshi became his love, we see Dev neglecting work for Sonakshi. He begins to cancel and postpone meetings randomly. In fact, even before the realization of love, he forgot to call his mother about Sonakshi's accident, he forgot about that important meeting with Gujrals and investors because he came to know that Sonakshi was not feeling well etc.

Next, when Ishwari overdosed herself with sleeping pills, his focus shifted to his mother and he broke up with Sonakshi. However, he continued to suffer with a bruised heart and kept stalking Sonakshi (his focus again shifts to her). When he could not take anymore, they reunited, on the face of it with Ishwari's consent, and during the marriage phase, the real tug of war started. Dev is mostly used to give all his focus at one thing at a given time. But here he couldn't choose any one or take a stand. He also failed to create a balance between the relationships. So the marriage broke, and so did his ties with his mother.

For the last seven years, Golu was the only child who looked at him as a father figure and his only ray of hope. The realization that Dev has become a father, he has a daughter of his own has brought a huge change in him. He has changed forever and his ray of hope is now Suhana. Now with both Golu and Suhana in the picture, another similar tug of war has started, but an innocent one (till now, God knows what RR would do). Dev's approach is still the same and this time too he cannot choose any one and needs to balance relationships. The faster he realizes this, the better.

Now I come to the first point.

Parental favoritism is very common and maybe even natural. But just because it is common, it does not mean that it is acceptable. There are many more things that are common but not acceptable; like patriarchy, crime against women, racial discrimination etc.

Parental favoritism may not be much of a big deal for the parent. It may only be an extra scoop of ice-cream, little cheating on the game of ludo, a little more attention, love or an extra piece of chocolate or whatever. But for a child it means a lot. Children are very perceptive and sensitive to such things, because they thrive on love and attention by the parent. And both kids on either side of the partiality line bear its brunt, especially if the kids really care for each other. The discriminated kid feels being let down by their parent and bears a strong sense of resentment, towards the parent or the favored child or both, that may even carry forward till adulthood. It may even affect their self esteem. The favored kid ends up feeling guilty for no fault of his/hers.

One can compare the situation with Neha-Ishwari-Dev relationship. Neha bore a lifelong resentment over Ishwari's favoritism for Dev, though she loved both her mother and brother. We could starkly see how her jealosy affected even Dev-Sona's marriage after she came back to IN. Neha and Dev would have shared a different relationship, they may have been best of friends (a small glimpse of which is seen when Dev approaches Neha to understand how to identify if you are in love) had Ishwari not separated them with this invisible line of partiality that brewed a poisonous one-sided resentment on Neha's side. Dev may been more stable emotionally with a sister to guide him and Neha would have been happier with a brother to show her path to liberate herself from all past sorrows. Instead, due to Neha's resentment, Dev always ended up feeling guilty for "stealing" her mother from her, while he was not even the real culprit. (Trust me, I know this feeling; it feels very bad. I am glad, all is now well between me and my sister).

Another example is Vicky, who felt his father loved and cared for Dev more than him. We can clearly see today in Vicky's actions what fruits are borne by those early seeds of resentment and unfairness towards Dev, bowed by his own father. Vicky has turned into a ruthless person driven by jealosy, but one day he too was an innocent kid like Golu. How did he grow into the Vicky he is today? What drove him to be this? Now imagine Mamaji asking young Vicky gently why he is not studying, if he has any kind of problem, or something he wants to talk about, is he angry about something that he is throwing these temper tantrums; instead of scolding him why are you not like Dev, learn something from your cousin. "Shabash Dev, well done son." "My son is permanently nalayak"...Vicky always felt his cousin stole his father's love and appreciation that was rightfully his.

Or think about Bijoy-Saurav relationship for a moment. Their relationship has been well dissected in the series of this thread, along with now Ronita coming into the mix. Hence I am not writing much about it.

Not only homes, such favoritism happens in classrooms as well and they affect a growing child's self-esteem as well. And we all know how much the other kids hate that kid who is the teacher's pet , because the teacher would not give them enough chances for reading aloud or acknowledge their participation in the class just because they are not her favorite.

I believe, it may be natural that the parent (Dev) like one kid (Suhana) over the other (Golu), but while showering with love, attention and care one should be cognizant about each child's feeling. These little things leave a lifelong mark. (On that note imagine how much difficult it would be to manage a pair of twins😕😆).

Useful links:

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/09/17/349246014/kids-perception-of-parents-favoritism-counts-more-than-reality

http://www.newsminer.com/opinion/community_perspectives/parental-favoritism-does-long-term-damage/article_ee54943c-ca22-11e4-a401-0791e2cfc67d.html

Thanks for reading.😊

- Tia

Hi Tia

agree with u..firstly coz even I m not married n not a parent

but this is very common... will u not favor ur own child over other???certainly we r humans not god...we will have some soft corner 4 our own kid..

here in this case though it was very small...for golu its too big...

I m not defending dev's actions its completely wrong...at the same time.. I m sure dev will always stand by golu..2crs FD he did now right??after soha came in his life..so anyway ..dev will not do anything which will harm golu..

as far as neha is concerned she never had probs with dev per se...coz she knew ish is d root cause n neha is d one just like gkb who knows what ish is in & out...even sona knows her... right now she is blind eyed dunno why???

N I liked your teacher wala eg...bang on👍🏼

Edited by dhank - 8 years ago

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cscs

@cscs

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

#86

Chalo m not the only one who wants their plan to fail. 😆

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Tardis

@DreamOfEndless

Alumni

+ 20

Posted: 8 years ago

#87

Originally posted by: ltelidevara

@ Tia

Loved the way you presented your thoughts. But mostly disagree with the points. Firstly from the begining of season2 Dev and Golu were shown more like comrades rather than father kid . They interacted on an equal plane despite the age barrier. For Golu Dev is his Big Cha who is a super man,and his close associate in every way. They shared a bond that is beyond a father son relationship.

Thank you so much 😊

I agree they treat each other more like comrades than "Golu under Dev care and protection". But that doesn't mean Dev doesn't love Golu the way one loves a son or Golu doesn't love Dev the way one love father. There are a lot of father-son relationship where they treat each other as equals. For eg. I can discuss anything with my dad, including my crushes/BF,. He treats me like an equal, asks for suggestions, acknowledges them, though I am his daughter. And I had this equation with him since childhood. Also, though quite understanding, Golu is only a kid after all.

Originally posted by: ltelidevara

Actually I never thought he is not competent to tackle more than one relationship at a time. Unfortunately for him the two most important women of his life bothered more about each other and kept him in the loop. Iswari wanted to prove she is the be all for her son while Sonakshi strived hard to win Iswari rather than understand Dev and enjoy every moment in her new found bliss.( after marriage)

Sure, there was too much pressure to maintain a balance. If enough time time and understanding was provided he would have succeeded. I too never felt he is incompetent to handle or balance relationships. I felt he tends to focus on one thing at a time, whether he always followed that tendency or not is upto him.

Originally posted by: ltelidevara

Soha is a blessing for Dev's drained heart. She is like the shower of first rain drops in a hot summer day. He is still in his trance experiencing the bliss of watching his own blood,his daughter touch him,hug him and call him Papa with immense love. I think he being so noble and generous in love will never ditch Golu nor would he dethrone him from the throne of his heart. He will definitely make space for both,his dearest daughter and his most loved nephew. No place for discrimination . I believe Dev Dixit...completely.

I agree with you, esp @Bold part 👍🏼. It makes me remember one dialogue by Dev - "Hisse jaydadon k hote h, rishton k nahi"

About discrimination part, I am not yet sure. He has to pass tests for that 😆

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Tardis

@DreamOfEndless

Alumni

+ 20

Posted: 8 years ago

#88

Originally posted by: melliflous

Fabulously written with all the instances from the show supporting your POV. Especially how you pointed out Dev and Neha. For Neha it had a lifetime long impact.
My thoughts are similar. Except I can't write as beautifully as you! Favoritism between kids is common for a parent and there could be n number of reasons for a parent having soft corner for one over the other. I have seen it all the time with very close people around me and also how it has affected them and their relationships with their parents. And for a parent it's alright because honestly they feel they love every child equally but feel that one of child may need more support than the others.
For Dev, he has missed out on raising Soha , seeing her grow into this mature child. Small things that parent cherishes like the first step, first food, first word and so many more things. He is just probably trying to make for that. Golu has been his support and a reason to smile for these years. He perhaps feels that he is in dev's team to make soha feel better or be a part of their family. Just like golu was doing everything in his control during summer camp and in school to get soha closer to Dev. In fact , golu is the reason Dev is with sona and soha today... golu insisted and kept encouraging soha that she can see her parents together .But he did his part and now Dev needs to be more aware of golu's feelings when golu and soha are together with Dev. I agree that he goes and tries to make up for it with golu later ... but it's important for golu that his bigcha supports him equally as he does to his own daughter in front of her.. ..I hope Dev learns the balancing act and doesn't lose such a precious relationship that he shares with golu.

@everyone great discussions by everyone about Dev- golu-soha... pleasure reading everyone's opinions.

-Meghal

Thank you Meghal😊

@Blue: You may be right. It might be a possible reason behind his actions. But he should never let Golu loose confidence in him. Golu should have so much confidence, in fact, that he can shut RR when she is trying to poison his mind.

Edited by dreamy.tiara - 8 years ago

Quote

Harryfan011

@Harryfan011

Explorer

Posted: 8 years ago

#89

Originally posted by: dreamy.tiara
Hi all 😊

Amazing discussion going on 👏 regarding Dev favoring Suhana over Golu and balancing relationships.

I am not a parent, not even married. But, I would like to share my views and contribute to the discussion on parental favoritism based on what I feel and what I saw around me growing up and few observations about Dev's nature from the show.

Let me first start with the latter. From the beginning of the story, Dev has been a person who would focus only on one thing at a time. All through his childhood and early adulthood, his main focus was on upliftment of his family from poverty, to become capable enough and earn good enough for his family, to provide his family a well settled life. During this time, his main motivation was his mother. He worshiped her like God, cared for little things related to her but still his main focus was his studies and work (because his mother wanted it to be so). For example, in a flashback a 10 or 12 year old Dev runs to lift buckets for Ishwari, but she sends him away for studying. In another instance, Dev doesn't even know that his mother is facing health problems for past one year as he was abroad due to his work and his mother didn't bother to tell him.

When Sonakshi became his love, we see Dev neglecting work for Sonakshi. He begins to cancel and postpone meetings randomly. In fact, even before the realization of love, he forgot to call his mother about Sonakshi's accident, he forgot about that important meeting with Gujrals and investors because he came to know that Sonakshi was not feeling well etc.

Next, when Ishwari overdosed herself with sleeping pills, his focus shifted to his mother and he broke up with Sonakshi. However, he continued to suffer with a bruised heart and kept stalking Sonakshi (his focus again shifts to her). When he could not take anymore, they reunited, on the face of it with Ishwari's consent, and during the marriage phase, the real tug of war started. Dev is mostly used to give all his focus at one thing at a given time. But here he couldn't choose any one or take a stand. He also failed to create a balance between the relationships. So the marriage broke, and so did his ties with his mother.

For the last seven years, Golu was the only child who looked at him as a father figure and his only ray of hope. The realization that Dev has become a father, he has a daughter of his own has brought a huge change in him. He has changed forever and his ray of hope is now Suhana. Now with both Golu and Suhana in the picture, another similar tug of war has started, but an innocent one (till now, God knows what RR would do). Dev's approach is still the same and this time too he cannot choose any one and needs to balance relationships. The faster he realizes this, the better.

Now I come to the first point.

Parental favoritism is very common and maybe even natural. But just because it is common, it does not mean that it is acceptable. There are many more things that are common but not acceptable; like patriarchy, crime against women, racial discrimination etc.

Parental favoritism may not be much of a big deal for the parent. It may only be an extra scoop of ice-cream, little cheating on the game of ludo, a little more attention, love or an extra piece of chocolate or whatever. But for a child it means a lot. Children are very perceptive and sensitive to such things, because they thrive on love and attention by the parent. And both kids on either side of the partiality line bear its brunt, especially if the kids really care for each other. The discriminated kid feels being let down by their parent and bears a strong sense of resentment, towards the parent or the favored child or both, that may even carry forward till adulthood. It may even affect their self esteem. The favored kid ends up feeling guilty for no fault of his/hers.

One can compare the situation with Neha-Ishwari-Dev relationship. Neha bore a lifelong resentment over Ishwari's favoritism for Dev, though she loved both her mother and brother. We could starkly see how her jealosy affected even Dev-Sona's marriage after she came back to IN. Neha and Dev would have shared a different relationship, they may have been best of friends (a small glimpse of which is seen when Dev approaches Neha to understand how to identify if you are in love) had Ishwari not separated them with this invisible line of partiality that brewed a poisonous one-sided resentment on Neha's side. Dev may been more stable emotionally with a sister to guide him and Neha would have been happier with a brother to show her path to liberate herself from all past sorrows. Instead, due to Neha's resentment, Dev always ended up feeling guilty for "stealing" her mother from her, while he was not even the real culprit. (Trust me, I know this feeling; it feels very bad. I am glad, all is now well between me and my sister).

Another example is Vicky, who felt his father loved and cared for Dev more than him. We can clearly see today in Vicky's actions what fruits are borne by those early seeds of resentment and unfairness towards Dev, bowed by his own father. Vicky has turned into a ruthless person driven by jealosy, but one day he too was an innocent kid like Golu. How did he grow into the Vicky he is today? What drove him to be this? Now imagine Mamaji asking young Vicky gently why he is not studying, if he has any kind of problem, or something he wants to talk about, is he angry about something that he is throwing these temper tantrums; instead of scolding him why are you not like Dev, learn something from your cousin. "Shabash Dev, well done son." "My son is permanently nalayak"...Vicky always felt his cousin stole his father's love and appreciation that was rightfully his.

Or think about Bijoy-Saurav relationship for a moment. Their relationship has been well dissected in the series of this thread, along with now Ronita coming into the mix. Hence I am not writing much about it.

Not only homes, such favoritism happens in classrooms as well and they affect a growing child's self-esteem as well. And we all know how much the other kids hate that kid who is the teacher's pet , because the teacher would not give them enough chances for reading aloud or acknowledge their participation in the class just because they are not her favorite.

I believe, it may be natural that the parent (Dev) like one kid (Suhana) over the other (Golu), but while showering with love, attention and care one should be cognizant about each child's feeling. These little things leave a lifelong mark. (On that note imagine how much difficult it would be to manage a pair of twins😕😆).

Useful links:

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/09/17/349246014/kids-perception-of-parents-favoritism-counts-more-than-reality

http://www.newsminer.com/opinion/community_perspectives/parental-favoritism-does-long-term-damage/article_ee54943c-ca22-11e4-a401-0791e2cfc67d.html

Thanks for reading.😊

- Tia

A wonderful post to read, @Tia...

And, I guess, your post gives me the perfect foundation to elaborate on my previous post when I mentioned about how Dev needs to balance between his roles as Golu's 'BigCha' and Soha's 'Papa'...

And, I know that we all wish to see Dev actively playing the role of a father for Golu..

But, we are missing one important thing in our discussion and i.e, Dev's perspective towards his relationship with Golu..

He does consider Golu as a very important member in his family... For the last 7 years, Golu has been the primary reason for his connection with his family... He has also performed some duties similar to that of a father..

But, what we fail to realize is that Dev doesn't consider himself as Golu's father.. According to him, he is Golu's BigCha as well as his nephew's best friend... Vicky's absence or to be more precise, his negligence has led Dev to undertake some of the responsibilities, associated with that of a father...

In many ways, Dev acts like a second parent, cool uncle or a Godfather for Golu... In fact, his role is more on the lines of the role played by Jatin in Soha's life...

In fact, if we look at things objectively, then we can clearly see that the above mentioned role is true... It is true that, for 7 long years, Golu had Dev's undivided attention but at the same time, we have also see that Dev was never really a constant presence in Golu's life...

Till Dev comes to know of Soha, he used to remain away from his home (and, hence, indirectly Golu), for long periods of time... Also, we have to realise this that Golu was fine with the distance.. He missed Dev during that period, since he lost the only person who gave him the love and the attention that he craved and yearned for...

But, as far as I know, being a father is a 24 x 7 responsibility... You couldn't step in or step out from that role.. But, Dev seeing how Golu had a father never really actively took the responsibility of being his 'nephew's father'... He only covered the void that was left by the negligence of Vicky and Elena...

If Vicky had been a better father, then, the influence and the emotional dependence of Golu on Dev would have been less... But, that is not the case...

For Golu, Dev is his 'true family', while for Dev, Golu is a 'part of his true family' (the other members being Sona and Soha)...

On the other hand, for Soha, Dev is the last piece that completes the puzzle of her 'perfect family'... Even before Dev, she was happy with her childhood but at the same time, felt the absence of her father... Hence, her curiosity to know more about her father...

But, when she finally accepted Dev as her father, her father completed the picture of her story of 'being a princess' for her parents... While she loves Dev, she is not clingy or is jealous of Dev spending more time with Golu (till now) since due to the abundance of love and affection that has surrounded her since her birth...

We have to also recognise that, for Dev, Soha is not only his daughter or a symbol of his relationship with Sonakshi... But, more importantly, Soha is a part of Sona (the Sona that he fell in love, his Khargosh)...

At the same time, he wants to be part of Suhana's life and witness her childhood in front of his eyes.. He has missed a lot of moments during Soha's initial six years (like her first smile, her first steps, her initial days of school, witnessing Sonakshi during her pregnancy), which are the real treasures which a father keep with himself till the end of his days.. He knows that, due to his mistakes during his marriage, he has lost these precious years.. And, he no longer wants to miss any more moments in his daughter's life...

And, hence, his desire to know and be a part of Soha's life (as a father) makes him slightly more partial towards Soha..

This discrepancy between their respective perspectives is one of the primary reasons for Golu's increasing jealousy, apart from Dev's partiality towards Soha...

I know that partiality and favoritism shouldn't be accepted but whether we like it or not, it is something that all of us are guilty about...

@bold - Considering I am a twin... I could safely conclude that (at least, in my case), resentment or insecurity between twins really don't exist... We might slightly feel jealous of each other, sometimes, but I don't think that we ever were hostile to each other or resented each other..

In fact, we consider each other as a part of ourselves and we feel that we complete each other... In fact, we are more like Yin and Yang than two bodies..

We fight, argue all the time but we also derive strength from one another.. And, consider each other as an irreplaceable part of each other lives..

On the other hand, I feel that since, we are so used to sharing our loved ones with each other, the feeling of insecurity or abandonment never really gripped us... We are usually more confident about the people and the relationships that we share with them...

In fact, I always tell my mother that usually the first relationship that a child creates is, with his mother... But, in my situation, my first relationship is with my sister..

Sonal (that is her name) is not only my sister... She is my twin, my Yang, my best friend, and most importantly, the one person who I know is going to be my support and will love me unconditionally, irrespective of my decisions...

But, like I said, we are a part of a family where everyone loves us and hence, I think, I should feel lucky to be a part of such a family...

I am sure that there are cases where favoritism caused havoc in the relationship shared between twins but these cases are extremely rare... Usually twins are emotionally more stable than than other children and hence, their relationships tend to be more stable...

-Suyash

Edited by Harryfan011 - 8 years ago

Quote

gaya1234

@gaya1234

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+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#90

Very insightful posts on balancing relationships - parents, family, spouse, children! I do think it is a life long learning process and evolves with time and persistent efforts! I think Dev-Golu will patch up and have their ups-downs (normal when another sibling is in picture)

Coming to recent promo- cheating in the game, I have a different take on it. I am hoping it opens Dev's eyes to start say STOP/NO to Ishwari's manipulations just like Soha did to him! Soha being sensitive will suggest him to not break Golu's TRUST and hurt his feelings. Dev is similar to his mom, and can go to any extent to be a good parent. But no parent is god.. and they must be told upon for their flaws too..Ishwari needs to hear 'stop cheating' from Dev's mouth! Hoping for this to happen! 😕

Edited by gaya1234 - 8 years ago