The explosion of emotions that erupted from the last three episodes of week 14, left me reeling... Some of the things happened in a way which we expected while some unexpected things left us in a daze... While I continued to remain a silent reader on this thread, I decided to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself until I could form and reflect on the scenes shown to us in the previous week...
I always believed, that this show transitions from one phase to another, in approximately, 3-4 months... And, each month acts a like a chapter that combines to become a volume...
And, I felt that April was the first chapter of the second phase of Season 2... And, I believe, that by the mid or end of June, we will see Dev and Sonakshi will again reunite... And, the coming month will be the bridge between the beginning and the end of this phase...
And, this feeling was reinforced when I remember how the events in the last 3 weeks, especially the episodes of the previous week..
Since, I already made a post after watching previous Tuesday's episode, I will build up on some of the points mentioned in my previous post or use them as a reference...
I have also read the other fabulous threads of the authors and contributors of this thread... And, I will try to connect my points with their ideas and thoughts...
So, here we go again...
1. The difference between the first week of Ronita and Sonakshi, after their marriage, in their respective in-laws...
While we all witnessed Sonakshi, undergoing through a series of changes in her first week, due to her fear that if she didn't adapt quickly or gain acceptance from Ishwari, then, she would not be accepted as Dixit's daughter-in-law or Dev's wife...
The same fears didn't plague Ronita and hence, she continued to remain herself (barring some minor changes, which are naturally expected)... The space and the lack of judgement on the part of her in-laws helped her in getting adjusted to Bose's family dynamics comfortably..
On the other hand, Sonakshi was always in a constant struggle with her inner demons and hence, the reason for her actions in the initial days of their marriage..
From an outsider's point of view, it would feel like Ronita is so blessed (and, indeed, she is) and Boses are the ideal family and hence, would create a feeling of hatred or disgust for the manner, in which, Dixits treated their daughter-in-law...
But, I guess, that would be an wrong conclusion to make.. I am not speaking against the Boses or speaking in favor in the Dixits... Ideally, I would wish that every woman is treated and given respect in a way, that Ronita received from the Boses...
Every daughter deserves to be respected and should be welcomed with happiness and joy, in her husband's home and life, instead of fear and judgement...
But, sometimes, the path to that happiness and joy is not so easy, like in case of Sonakshi...
So, while in the last post (of mine), I spoke about similarities... In this post, I will like to focus on the contrasts between the two daughter-in-law's circumstances and their respective in-law's inner dynamics...
1-a. The circumstances that revolved around Dev and Sona's marriage, and Saurabh and Ronita's marriage might look similar from outside, but they were actually quite different...
Dev and Sona were married after their parents consented... True.. But, was it wholehearted acceptance?? And, the honest answer is No...
Both Ishwari and Bijoy considered their children were receiving the short end of the stick and hence, were insecure regarding their respective children's happiness... Also, their personal differences also played a huge role in increasing their fear and insecurities...
Both were pushed to a corner and hence, were forced to accept their children's wish to marry each other (Sonakshi running away from her engagement and Dev questioning Ishwari, albeit, in an inebriated state) ... But, none of them, on their own free will, will ever allow their children to marry one another...
This created the first hurdle in their marriage...
But, in case of Saurabh and Ronita, it was an arranged marriage set up where their respective families approached each other and liked each other, on a personal basis (excluding, Mrs. Mondal insecurity which was mainly due to Sona's presence in the Bose family, rather than Saurabh) ...
Hence, this allowed their children to interact freely and hence, were given both time and space to breathe and understand each other, without the added pressure of pleasing each other's in-laws..
1-b. If I have accused Ishwari of being over-possessive and insecure of her place in her son's life (even though, her son worshipped her like a goddess).. I will not go in deep since I have felt we have already dissected her quite a lot and anything, I will say will just be a repetition...
I have also always been very critical of Bijoy (not to an extreme extent, like Ishwari... But, that might change in the coming days.. It all depends on his actions) and his false pride of being morally superior than other people, especially those who criticised him as well as his inner inferiority complex...
In the case with Sonakshi, he was highly critical of the Dixits (not in the beginning, but after the confrontation between Ishwari and himself) and hence, considered them lacking the principles of being decent human beings... Also, his inner inferiority complex of being of less social standing and financially weaker than Dixits, added fuel to an already raging fire inside him..
That is why, I felt he was always doubtful of Dev's intentions... But, when it came to Ritwik's family or even, Jatin, he always felt comfortable since he felt that he was given the importance that he deserved, as the father of Sonakshi... And, his false pride was never hurt, in these cases...
His inferiority complex also rose with Ritwik's family, when he voiced his fears of Sonakshi, not being able to cook, as a factor which might cause a hurdle (This was the same man who was against Sona spending time in the kitchen during the Halwa track).. But, when Ritwik's family assured him, his respect for them also grew and hence, he started considering them as the perfect family for his daughter...
This was why, he begged them to reconsider their decision after the engagement was broken and hence, was always on the defensive when it came to Ritwik's family..
But, it was the opposite, in case of Dixits, since his ego was hurt and bruised after his arguments with Dixits... Instead of being rational, he continued being aggressive in his approach towards them, even after his daughter's marriage...
1-c. Bose inner family dynamics are quite simple.. This is, in my opinion, is one of the features of being part of a nuclear family.. It is quite easy for a newcomer to observe and understand the dynamics in the family...
Bose family, being a nuclear family, didn't have the overlapping of roles, that we can observe in the Dixits (explained below)... There was a very clear hierarchy and division of responsibilities in the Boses...
Asha and Bijoy being the head of the familial or emotional decisions while Sonakshi and Saurabh being responsible for financial stability of the house... Dida, playing a role of supposed matriarch of the household (like the President of India... Not an executive member but still, the most respected figure in the country)...
The lack of inner bitterness and the openness between the members of the Bose family, also aided in keeping this family strong and united, at times of adversities...
But, a joint family structure is a lot more complicated... It might seem simple from the outside, but if you delve deeper, you will witness, you will find an architecture quite similar to that of a spider's web... A lot of threads intermingling and overlapping each other...
So, let's look at some of the hidden threads or strings that were present in the Dixit family structure which made it so much more complicated...
For example, Dev, not only played the role of being a son for Ishwari.. He, also played the role of a patriarch of the household... At the same time, he was not only the elder brother of Neha, Nikki and Rhea... He was Neha's partner in raising and bringing up Nikki and Rhea...
While Neha played a role of a mother or 'Choti Ma' (as Ishwari called Neha, during the Rhea-Ayan track), Dev also acted like a father figure, with being responsible for things like educating his youngest sisters..
We can clearly see that there was a significant age difference between Dev (and Neha) and his youngest sisters, especially Nikki... (Nikki would have been, at most, few months old, when her father died).. For Nikki and Rhea, Ishwari might have been their actual mother... But, for them, the real parents were Dev and Neha, respectively...
This is just one of the hidden dynamics present in the Dixits... Another hidden or less noticeable dynamic was the one shared between Neha and Ishwari or Neha and Dev... Neha might have loved her elder brother and mother... But, she blamed both of them for her painful childhood and felt that she was ignored by them, despite playing an equally important role, in pulling Dixits out of their miserable past...
But, most interesting aspect of this kind of structure, is the fact that none of these dynamics remain static...
I always believed that relationships shared between two individuals is dynamic in nature due to the transient nature of both time and circumstances revolving the two individuals... People change with time, and with them, the relationships also undergoes a change...
And, hence, when Dixits started coming out of the financial crisis, both Dev and Neha stepped back from their roles of acting like godparents for their youngest siblings.. And, hence, transitioned into their natural roles of being elder brother and sister, respectively...
Their inner feelings of being protective and nurturing their siblings might have continued to exist, but they were no longer actively playing the roles of being godparents...
Hence, even though, the name given to their relationship was that of being brother or sisters, but there was constant switching of roles played by the various parties involved in that particular relationship...
I am not saying that these inner switching of roles doesn't happen in nuclear families... They do, but the frequency of this internal switching of roles, happens at a more sedate and calm pace...
The most notable being Asha's ability to switch between being a parent, friend or confidant... All of these roles are a part of being a mother...
(Something which Ishwari could never realise... She was always continued to remain stuck with thinking that being mother and a parent is the one and the same thing... And this, I believe, is one of the main reasons why Ishwari could never truly move on from her past... She was unable to switch to another role or shade of being a mother, unlike Asha...)
This was in stark contrast to the rapid switching that existed between the various members of the Dixit family...
1-d. Keeping the above point in mind, I will like it to use as an instrument to explain how the difference in dynamics affected Ronita and Sonakshi respectively...
Ronita is a single child, living only with her parents... In short, she is part of, probably, the simplest family structure...
She moves into a slightly more complicated family structure i.e, the Boses... And, she was also, I felt, was slightly overwhelmed of being part of this family..
That was why, she was hesitant to join the group hug.. Because, she didn't know how to fit into this family... But, due to lack of inner conflicts in the Bose family dynamics, she was able to quickly find her place in the family.. (Due credit should be given to the Boses here, for welcoming Ronita, in the correct way)
On the other hand, Sonakshi's situation was slightly more challenging and difficult... She was entering into a very different structure, which put her at a more of a disadvantage...
Sonakshi might have observed Dixits as Ishwari's nutritionist or as Dev's girlfriend... But, in both of these cases, she was only able to observe the outer layers of the family...
And, before entering into her marriage, she was never truly aware of the inner workings of the Dixits... I don't think Dev ever revealed this aspect of his family to her... (Pretty evident from the statement that Sona spoke to Jatin about meeting Dev at the coffee shop and only speaking about themselves, and not of things related to their professional or family lives)
And, hence, what she ideally needed to do after entering into the Dixit family as its daughter-in-law, was to silently observe and understand these hidden dynamics.. And, take help from Dev, if she faces any kind of difficulty in her endeavors...
But, due to her fears, she was in a haste to gain acceptance from other members of the family, especially Ishwari... This led to her taking impulsive decisions and overstepping boundaries, which she didn't even realise existed...
The most notable example is the Rhea-Ayan marriage track... By declaring Ayan as an unfit partner for Rhea (not taking into account the conclusion), she was not only going against Rhea.. But, she was also questioning and pointing fingers at Ishwari's as well as Neha's authority or their role as Rhea's guardians/parents.. (And, to a small extent, Dev's role as a father figure was also questioned)...
I am not saying that she directly accused them of this thing or was even actually accusing anyone or blaming anyone.. She was just concerned for Rhea... But, without knowing the inner dynamics, she ended up putting herself in a precarious situation... And, hence, widened the distance between herself and her in-laws (especially Neha, which was originated during the Neha-Ranveer divorce issue)...
That was why, I felt that Dev stopping Sona from interfering in Neha- Ranveer's issue was a sensible action.. (The way, he did it was wrong, once again..) But, instead of asking Dev, the reason for his action (which was the correct way to go, in my opinion), she jumped to a wrong conclusion (that he considered as an outsider) and hence, left the Dixit to stay at the Bose house for a few days.. (which was terrible a decision, which I will explain in my next point..)
1.e. Unlike Dev and Sonakshi, Saurabh and Ronita didn't have any kind of past history between them... Which truly made their marriage, a beginning of a new chapter of their respective lives... They had the luxury of building the relationship from the ground-up and hence, focusing on strengthening the foundation of their relationship..
In this respect, both Dev and Sonakshi was at a disadvantage... Both of them had scars from their separation and hence, became the origin of their fears...
In Sonakshi's case, she, without any fault of her own, was forced to break up due to Ishwari's insecurities... And, she realised that she only could live the life of her dreams, if she is accepted wholeheartedly by Ishwari...
On the other hand, Dev, seeing how seemingly easy, it was for Sonakshi to move on in her life, made him realise how easily, he could lose Sonakshi... He knew that Sona's emotional maturity and strength would have allowed her to move on or walk out of their relationship, much more easily.. (This was why, he continued to hide the infertility truth from Sonakshi...) Dev's habit to hide things from her didn't help in eliminating this fear...
Sonakshi going to Bose house after their argument regarding her interference in Neha-Ranveer's further exacerbated his fears... (When they both promised to resolve their conflicts on the same day itself, after their argument regarding Dev gifting Saurabh a car as a goodwill gesture) This was why, I considered going away from Dev, was such a bad decision on her part...
Hence, for both of them, their marriage was not a new beginning (like they envisioned), but the start of their second chapter or a second chance...
It could only have been considered as a start of a new dawn in their lives, if they could have moved on from their fears and realised their dreams... Which, unfortunately never happened and their worst nightmare turned into a harsh reality..
In fact, both of them, are still struggling with the same fears which originated during their first break-up...
2. I can't believe that the first point is finally complete... I thought that I was running an everlasting marathon...
But, finally I could move on to the next big point which gained my attention and I am sure, was the most talked about topic in the past weekend...
And, if you have not yet been able to understand what I am talking about, then, in simple words, I am talking about the quality which Asha's considers the most important of all.. That's right, I am going to talk about Trust...
Watching Sonakshi contemplate about the importance and the significance of trust in one's relationship made me want to face palm myself... I was mentally yelling at her, 'Of course, it's important.. How can you not realise this, until now??'
I only call people friends, when they gain my trust... But, once, I cooled down and reflected back to their relationship days (both before their first break-up and their marriage), I realised that it actually made sense... So, let me elaborate my point...
(And, once again, we go down.. Hopefully, this point will not make me run another marathon..)
Both Dev and Sonakshi believed that the reason they were married and survived their bitter separation was because of the love that existed between them... And, while it was partially true, it was not the complete truth..
The prime reason for both of them to come out of their separation (the way, they did) was due to the fact, even though, they were physically apart, their friendship remained strong and intact during this phase..
This was why, both of them knew the thought process of the other one so clearly and hence, connected in a deeper and soulful level...
Their friendship gave them the confidence and the faith that they knew their respective partners and in their relationship... Hence, this gave them the trust that they lacked during their marriage days...
But, what went missing in their relationship or their friendship, which led them to their current state?
And, while thinking about this question, it reminded me of another scenario that I am sure that we have all witnessed and experienced in our daily lives...
Sometimes, we start a new task or a job, we end up succeeding on the very first try.. And, we start believing that that particular task or job is easy..
But, after a gap of few days, when someone else asks to repeat the same job, we found ourselves struggling...
The main reason for this struggle is because while we are attempting a task for the first time, we are more focused on the process than on the result... But, since, the result comes out in our favor.. We stop considering the task as difficult and hence, move on to other things in which we face hardships...
But, when go back to the task, we find ourselves stuck and instead, of using the first success, as a guide and a motivation that we can achieve success again.. We often find ourselves discouraged and frustrated due to the lack of quick results...
I guess, something similar happened between Dev and Sonakshi too...
During their first relationship, they both spend time with each other, in order to know each other's desires, dreams and aspirations... They invested time and effort to know each other better...
And, hence, by constant and unhindered communication between the two, a sense of trust and faith developed between them regarding their relationship.. During those initial days, their relationship was the most important thing and hence, was strong..
They had successfully been able to lay a strong foundation... This was further proven during the separation, when their friendship was tested and emerged victorious...
Because, their first time was relatively easy, apart from some minor hiccups, they never realised the effort, that each of them put in their relationship.. What they took as something natural was in reality, not the truth...
But, they never realised it and once again, when they were tested during their marriage, both of them found marriage difficult and hence, were frustrated and annoyed with each other due to the lack of ease or comfort that they experienced during their initial days of their relationship...
And, hence, I believe, their first break-up just added physical distance between them, they were both connected in a more intimate level...
But, with their second break-up, the friendship, which at one point, was their biggest strength, also went up in flames, along with their marriage...
3. Another conversation which caught my attention was during Vicky-Elena's scene on Friday... I am referring to the dialogue spoken by Vicky, that they are in a relationship meant for life. And, they are supposed to live with each other, till their very end...
This gist of this conversation, I felt, was an echo of another conversation that happened between Sonakshi and Asha (where Asha tells Sona about her initial struggle in her marriage with Bijoy)... In that conversation, she told Sona that when she married, the concept of separations and divorces didn't exist or were not prevalent...
In both of the above mentioned conversations, the underlying message is the same: 'Marriage is a bond of a lifetime. And, once, you are bound to your partner, you cannot escape until death do you part.'
We know that it is not always the case, but sometimes, this thought process aids in moving a relationship forward...
For example, if we are stuck in a house where the door from which we once entered the house, is locked from the outside... The only way we can come out of the house is by working together and moving forward...
Similarly, if we consider a marriage as an inescapable bond/unbreakable relationship... Then, in this scenario, both the partners will be forced to work together and find a way to balance each other in such a way, that they could end up finding comfort and happiness in their relationship and hence, in their life...
But, this was not the case with Dev and Sona... Both were coming out of a brief but a bitter separation from each other, with their biggest fear of the other person breaking or walking away from their marriage...
Both were aware that the other person could use the exit door to escape their relationship.. And, since their common fear has gripped them so fiercely, that they could never move forward without looking back...
The only way that they could have moved forward was if one of them gathered the courage to move ahead, without the fear of their partner exiting... And, once one did, the other will also move alongside them.. And, hence, they would have been successfully able to eliminate their inner demons..
But, this never happened... And, they remained in the same place as before, neither moving forward or backward...
They never were able to built on their friendship and hence, in the end, their friendship crumbled into dust and was blown away by the wind, as they both decided to walk out/break their relationship. (albeit, unwillingly)
(If you haven't noticed, I have nearly a 4 hour nap in between writing the third and fourth points... So, if you feel any kind of inconsistency in my writing, you could blame it on my sleepiness)
4. Finally, the scene that we were all holding our breaths happened... Sonakshi broke down...
My first reaction was 'Yes!!!'... But, then, I realised.. 'Wait a minute, I have already seen this...'
This was not the first time that Sona has broken down emotionally... There has been several instances throughout the series when she has let down her walls... Each of the time, she has expressed it, in front of a person who is not directly related to her emotional state (i.e Dev)...
In most of the cases, she has spoken with Asha... And, Asha, being the sensible person that she is, has always tried to show her the other side of the story... The only reason, she did that was not to avoid conflict between Dev and Sona but, to make her daughter calm down enough, so that Sona and Dev could have a sane and a logical conversation...
But, Sona, misinterpreted this talk as a way for Asha to tell her that she should forgive Dev for his misgivings, since it was not intentional... But, again, her assumption was wrong and hence, she always forgave Dev very quickly after having these kind of breakdowns...
This created a sense of loneliness and isolation in the emotional sense, inside her with regards to Dev... I don't think that she, initially had an issue with expressing herself in front of Dev..
And, here, I am not talking about their arguments but looking at the times when she was hurt/in pain either directly or indirectly due to Dev, after their relationship started...
The most notable examples being when she made Dev eat chilies for being late for their breakfast (Morning after their confession.. Absolutely loved that episode and Sona's reaction, when Dev ate those chilies...) as well as when she expressed the pain that she felt being away from Dev (when he was ill and Ishwari didn't allow her to enter Dev's room)... (Another one of my favorite episodes)
Only after expressing her pain and her desire to be near him, made Dev gather the courage and express his feelings in front of Ishwari...
The above examples clearly showed that Dev always reacted when she told the reason behind her emotional turmoil and tried to solve it... But, due to her fear, she stopped expressing her fears and hid the anguish behind a smiling facade...
Since, she felt so lonely, despite being physically close to her husband.. She started depending on Asha for the emotional support and guidance during her marriage period...
This was indeed a surprise seeing this was the same woman who told Ishwari that she knows Dev much better than her (Ishwari), whom he considered as a God... This was when she was no longer in a relationship with Dev..
But, the same woman stopped revealing her inner agony since, she felt that if she expressed her true feelings, she would lose her husband once again...
The only notable exception is her breakdown in Shimla during the infertility fiasco.. But, we never could see the result of the conversation due to the ensuing chaos that happened when they reached back home.. (Talking about slapgate and the ensuing drama)
But, the only saving grace about Friday's breakdown is not that she has spoken to Dev's photo (which is much better decision than speaking to Asha or another person) but the fact that she had lost Dev's trust and hence, will need to reveal her emotions and expose her vulnerable side to Dev...
This, in my personal opinion, is a much better thing to watch out for during this Khatri's track rather than knowing about Ishwari's past crime...
5. Building on where I have left the previous point, I have always been taught that there are three things in life which can't neither be bought nor freely given, they need to be earned...
And, these three things are: Respect, Trust and Forgiveness...
And, since Sona always forgave Dev pretty easily (as explained in the previous point), he never really learnt how 'not-to-repeat' the same mistake again... He never truly redeemed himself from his unintentional mistakes...
At the same time, Sona, by being a little more forgiving and merciful (and, in some ways, being 'mahaan') continued sacrificing herself, hoping that Dev will automatically learn from his mistakes (without revealing her true self)..
But, this never happened.. And, the vicious cycle continued to repeat itself until their relationship became another painful chapter of her past...
6. Now, coming to another interesting thing that Sona spoke about was her reference to Sun and Moon...
@Shaavi explanation was an absolutely fantastic read...
I want to add my two cents to this already intriguing and deeply analysed subject..
The first thing that popped in my mind after hearing that dialogue was that she is comparing two completely different celestial entities...
Sun is a celestial object which naturally emits light, by continuously burning itself (like a candle)... And, its gravitational field ensures that other celestial bodies remain in their original path... Hence, it is acting as the one entity balancing other objects..
On the other hand, Moon is a celestial object which does not emit its own light but instead, reflects on the light being emitted by other stars (Sun is also a star)... It continues to revolve and depend on other bodies...
When I keep the above things in mind, it makes me come to a realisation that both Sona and Dev exhibit qualities of the Sun while Bijoy and Ishwari emulated the qualities of the Moon..
Both Sona and Dev believed that their parents (Ishwari and Bijoy) were people who can be a source of happiness in their lives.. But, that was not the case... Since, neither Bijoy nor Ishwari could never bring a sense of warmth for their children by being supportive of their relationship...
On the other hand, both Sona and Dev continued to sacrifice themselves for others without thinking about their own happiness...
Another interesting aspect is that if two Suns come close to each other, then, after the initial stage of transfer of energy between them, they reach a stage of equilibrium and hence, becomes stable.. (after reading some articles regarding binary star systems on Google)
But, the initial transfer of energy causes havoc on the celestial bodies depending on these stars...
This is quite similar to what we observed in the case of Dev and Sonakshi... Both of them were like stars for their respective families and their coming together caused a state of unrest to enter in their families...
7. Finally, I reached my final point... And, after this, I could finally take a well-deserved rest... But, before I can get lost in the dreams of having a peaceful nap... Let me explain about the final point of interest that I have observed in the last three episodes..
Especially, after Dev-Sona's confrontation (after which Dev left Ishwari Niwas), Sona has been made aware of the fact that Dev was also affected and hurt from their divorce...
Up until now, she felt that Dev's only intention was to cause her pain and hurt.. And, that's why, he was doing what he was doing... She felt that he had actually moved on.. And, that is why, she was so keen in maintaining her facade since she didn't want herself to feel further pain and hurt...
But, by after her conversations with Elena and Mamaji as well as Golu's observations... She realised that Dev was only masking his inner hurt and anguish by putting on a mask of anger, and continuously taunting and irritating her...
She always felt that Dev had brutally used his right to hurt her and caused her pain.. Hence, she didn't want to put herself in the same position where she found herself during her marriage...
But, now, she has realised that she also caused Dev pain... And, hence, she (subconsciously) came to a realisation that he also gave her the same rights as she did.. This will make her understand that both of them are travelling on the same boat..
And, hence, they could use this hurt as a way to rebuild their lost trust and hence, begin a new chapter of their lives..
And, since, this time they will (most likely) know each other's significance in their lives as well as in their happiness, they will put their relationship on the front, which they failed to do during their marriage...
Another interesting point to note, is while, they are constantly being at loggerheads with one another, they could never truly bring a sense of stability and security in Suhana's (as well as Golu's) life...
For them to bring a sense of happiness in their children's lives (since I consider both Suhana and Golu as part of Dev and Sona's own family), they need to reach a stable ground... Otherwise, they will only end up causing hurt in their children's lives (something which will kill them from the inside.. If they realise that they are causing pain to the most precious gifts of their lives, they could never forgive themselves for it)..
But, this will also push them to keep their relationship as their topmost priority because on their personal equation depends the innocence and happiness of two young children (who are in the true sense, their greatest source of happiness).
Yes, finally, I have said what I wanted to say... Never thought, in a million years, that this post is going to make me the first episode of the ongoing week...
But, now, I can take a sigh of relief and hence, could finally watch the episode that I have missed...
Will love to hear all of your thoughts and once again, apologise if I hurt someone's feelings... I hope that I have justified each of my points and if you have any doubt, you can always ask for clarification... I will try to bring clarity to your confusion.
-Suyash.
Edited by Harryfan011 - 8 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
