Marriage and Motherhood- Rights and Responsibility - Page 3

Originally posted by: bluejalpari17

@Malikakas,

Sorry, I do not agree with your judgements. In constantly bringing Ishwari, your taking away from couple duties in Dev and Sonakshi. Its not a DIL's job to heal the insecurities of her MIL while her own parents are under attack by the same MIL. If it was an investment there should be no reason to raise such hue and cry from Dixits over it..to the extent of calling Bijoy chor by Mamiji..and then her father gets slapped by her husband at the same sitting. Definitely she will and should think as daughter of Bose family first in that scenario.

A girl who cannot standup for her parents while they are insulted at her in laws house...such a girl cannot uplift her in laws home also. I know this firsthand because I went through similar harrowing experience sans the slap. I know how many sleepless nights it caused and how confused I was between both families.And worse I know how that disrupts your otherwise normal marital life.

<font color="#333333" face="Roboto, sans-serif">As I have too many differences from your analysis..and I feel that your dissectionis very theoritical rather than personal or practical experience..</font>

So , I will agree to disagree and will not debate with you anymore.

:)

what I dont understand is.. why is it commendable for Dev to respect & love & honor his mother, despite the evilness, devisiveness and negativity she has demonstratef in every action. But its not ok for sonakshi to stand up for her dad and family when they were accused. Why isit not OK for her to do everything possible to reclaim that honor by returning the funds to MIL who made the accusations? Why is Sona expected to stay in dixit house until she reclaimed that honow. While dad was being accused by GKB, despite Dev's clarification.. aidhwari had a meltdown and Dev focused on her vs... the continued accusations being thrown at his FIL.. who had nothing to do with the investment. Bijoy himself had just learned about it a day before.

Watching your dad get slapped by your husband, mistanely or not, is a very hard thingto digest andovercome. Why was it OK for Dev to push sonakshi and then accuse her of purposely trying to hurthis mother and ask her to get out? But otok for sonakshi to be upset and outraged at whole scenario and not discuss ituntil she returns her dad's honor?

Originally posted by: vibg

what I dont understand is.. why is it commendable for Dev to respect & love & honor his mother, despite the evilness, devisiveness and negativity she has demonstratef in every action. But its not ok for sonakshi to stand up for her dad and family when they were accused. Why isit not OK for her to do everything possible to reclaim that honor by returning the funds to MIL who made the accusations? Why is Sona expected to stay in dixit house until she reclaimed that honow. While dad was being accused by GKB, despite Dev's clarification.. aidhwari had a meltdown and Dev focused on her vs... the continued accusations being thrown at his FIL.. who had nothing to do with the investment. Bijoy himself had just learned about it a day before.

Watching your dad get slapped by your husband, mistanely or not, is a very hard thingto digest andovercome. Why was it OK for Dev to push sonakshi and then accuse her of purposely trying to hurthis mother and ask her to get out? But otok for sonakshi to be upset and outraged at whole scenario and not discuss ituntil she returns her dad's honor?

Originally posted by: bluejalpari17

@Malikakas,

Sorry, I do not agree with your judgements. In constantly bringing Ishwari, your taking away from couple duties in Dev and Sonakshi. Its not a DIL's job to heal the insecurities of her MIL while her own parents are under attack by the same MIL. If it was an investment there should be no reason to raise such hue and cry from Dixits over it..to the extent of calling Bijoy chor by Mamiji..and then her father gets slapped by her husband at the same sitting. Definitely she will and should think as daughter of Bose family first in that scenario.

A girl who cannot standup for her parents while they are insulted at her in laws house...such a girl cannot uplift her in laws home also. I know this firsthand because I went through similar harrowing experience sans the slap. I know how many sleepless nights it caused and how confused I was between both families.And worse I know how that disrupts your otherwise normal marital life.

As I have too many differences from your analysis..and I feel that your dissection is very theoritical rather than personal or practical experience..

So , I will agree to disagree and will not debate with you anymore.

:)

Originally posted by: malikakas

No worries. We all have our own perspectives.

The only reason I was bringing up Ishwari is that dealing with her as a couple was a fundamental part of their equation. Theoretically she shouldn't be. In an ideal world that would never be the case. But this was the reality of Dev's life.

We may disagree on a few things but I'd agreed with your above post that Sona should've likely not gotten married into this family and expect it to be easily managed. Sona knew Ishwari's insecurities played havoc in their life in the past. She had a choice... either she learns to help Ishwari deal with her insecurities or choose not to marry into that family. For me that's not being theoretical.. its just being practical. For me being practical is understanding that the world doesn't work according to only my perspective. That everyone sees the world from their own filter and how you find common ground with someone is how you make good relationships. As far as I could see Sona made that choice thinking she could change Dev and Ishwari but its wasn't a very realistic choice.

I empathize with your struggles as a wife, daughter and daughter in law. I am not saying it was easy for you. And I am sure you did the best you could in the circumstances that you had. The fact that you made your marriage work despite all the odds is a testament to your resiliency and I admire that immensely. But I feel there is likely a bit of difference between your story and Sona's story.

The way this story started out, Sona was written as a character who had a very idealistic view of love. She was looking for a Prince Charming and fairytale. She believed in the perfection of her parent's relationship and expected her relationship to be the same. The fact that the writers continue to display her as a character who believes she is perfect, that her daughter is perfect, that her father was a perfect husband reinforces my interpretation that she needed character growth to make her relationship last. As far as I can see, the story wasn't written to be Dev's fault alone. It was written as a combination of errors.

As for the investment thing.. what I meant was that Ishwari didn't understand it was for investment purposes when she had her initial outburst. It was Dev's responsibility to come back and explain to Ishwari that he had done it as an investment and own his decision despite her insecurities.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Originally posted by: coolmeet

Thanks for sharing your story.

I have told my sister's story a number of times on this forum.She too went through a lot.She got married when she was 20 yrs old and my jiju at that time wS 25 yrs old.When she was giving birth to her younger son, her husband was not there with her.We all were there, but jiju was not there.Aur mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai kaise woh mujhe dekh rahi thi jaise pooch rahi ho ki koi call aaya .

But she never wanted to get divorced and nor jiju hi chahte the.Meri di kehti thi that her mil was the root cause of all the mess.M y jiju was and is his mother's bhakt.She was a single parent jinhone apne 3bavhhon ( 2 daughters and a son)ko akele Pala .her husband( my sis file) died or say was murdered (as he was in CBI) when my jiju was 7 yrs old.

Today everything is fine, my di Is happy in her family.Even today my jiju takes care of her mother and listens to her lekin har baat ko apne tak rakhte hain.

And my sister says " Jo apni maa ka nahi hua woh biwi ka kya hoga" and " mere bte Jo dekhenge wahi seekhenge".

I always say ki Meri di is the strongest.Unhone apne sasural mein Reh kar apne and hamare respect ke liye fight kiya and she won.

Woh kabhi Apna ghar chod ke nahi aayi .

thanks for sharing your story 👍🏼

I perfectly agree to the show as i have seen all the same things going on in my life. Infact you can call mine as male prespective in marriage. I can fully understand dev dixit as i have been in his shoes minus drinking and seperation part. Fortunately our son was born 1 year after marriage. So regardless of what we decided early on to stay in marriage for our son. We have said many insensitive things to other like dev and sona did. But it does not mean that we run packing bags and apply for divorce at first available opportunity.

Originally posted by: ..BhUvaNa

Thanks for sharing your experience, glad you are in a happy place .kudos to your strength!!

Coming to Dev , i feel this only one side of the coin..I agree with your to an extent on how and where Dev failed as a husband, specially that infertility track..but do you think Sona was perfect in her roles and responsibilities as wife, DIL and mother of Soha?

Leaving inlaws house for weeks ( I understand if she didn't come for 2-3 days) , stopping communicating with them including husband , cuting his calls continuously and returned only to return the cheque..isn't this the root cause for "Get out"?( one shouldnt forget just before this Bijoy said the Same " get out to Dev by throwing him and his patience levels ,sanity in the neighborhood of bose family )

No dear the only thing which led Dev say "Get Out" was because he thought Sona pushed his God mother and insulted her. He would kill for his mother and he could even kill Sona or anybody for that matter. Hard to believe but even today he cannot hear a word against his mother. Person like him never change so If Sona wants to get back with Dev again she very well knows what is waiting for her in IN.

Originally posted by: bluejalpari17

Thanks Raatri. I openly opened up because I see many many young girls posting here who may not have experience with real pain points in marriage, or have not faced pregnancy and childbirth or faced abuse where they have to think about self respect. Its very different when at 16, 18 or 20 and have not gone through the things I mentioned...marriage seems a romantic venture where you and husband will take half half share and all will be fine.

Real life is not like that. Its much more difficult. . One of the biggest cause of separations and divorces is interfering in laws ..whose boundaries are not set. The marriage needs to be controlled by husband and wife only. Not by a third party...not even the parents. Only then there is sanctity and respect to it.

I find it very odd that still today , even at this age people still expect the girl to tolerate and save the marriage rather than stand up for herself.Its easy at a young age to make judgmental comments or not understanding the pain of being told by the person you love, your husband that you should leave, in front of others. Its the worst thing to hear. Is it so hard for a man to apologize for his behavior I wonder.

hi your post is awesome, yes i agree to what you say,no husband should ever say that his wife needs to leave. this is gravest mistake of Dev, yet when his family or rather should i say ishwari threw him an ultimatum to choose between his wife and her, he Chose Sonakshi.