SS - Can we talk? Part 6 pg 84 Feb 14 - Page 16

I know a lot has happened and I don't deserve even a minute of your time. But... Can we talk? Please? - Dev.

How dare he? After all these years Dev would just send flowers and think she would run into his arms. Just how dare he? Sonakshi was fuming when Soha simply tugged her dress.

"Wow! Flowers! Who gave them mamma?"

Sonakshi didn't know how to reply. She simply said," Just someone at work. They made a mistake and now want to talk to me"

Soha cutely replied, "Sorry bolna hoga na mamma. Can I place them in the vase? Gunni Di, help me arrange these please."

Sonakshi for once didn't know how to react. The last time Dev had sent her flowers he had created a profile of hers and she was so angry at that. He asked for her favourite flowers.

She remembered he was working out and she was attracted to him even then.

He asked her, "Aapke favourite phool kause hain?"

"Fool, you called me a fool".

"Nahi. Phool, flowers what are your favourite flowers so I can send them to you and apologize."

Sonakshi couldn't help but smile. He was undoubtedly Mr. Obodhro but he still was the same Dev... or was he? Anyway. What did he want now? He threatened to take Soha away just this morning and come what may she couldn't let that happen. But the Dev Dixit she knew would not bow down. He would have spoken to his lawyers by now. Was she up for a custody battle? Should she talk to Bijoy, her lawyers before she responded to him?

"Sorry bolna hoga na mamma", Soha's words rang in her ears.

Dev sending her flowers was an unexpected move. He stumped her Like in a game of chess and she was completely taken back by his move. Did he just take a step back?

Thinking all this would only drive her more crazy. More for Soha than anyone else, Sonakshi had to meet Dev. She at least had to hear him out. If that was one thing she knew about Dev was he would never shy away from throwing a punch. Then why did he take a step back? What was this man up to? After all these years he was still a mystery to her.

Reluctantly she messaged Dev.

***

In his hotel room, Dev's phone beeped. "Fine!! Tomorrow morning 11:00 am at the Coffee Shop," it said. Sonakshi had messaged him. Only after reading that message did Dev realize how nervous he actually was. Dev Dixit was actually scared that she would never agree to talk to him. He didn't even think so much before proposing to her. He would have wanted to storm into her room and talk to her now. Damn it tomorrow was too far away. But Dev knew impatience was not going to get him anywhere.

If she wanted to meet him tomorrow. Tomorrow it will be.

***

As Sonakshi walked in a couple of minutes early into the coffee shop she froze. Dev was already there. A cup of coffee nearly empty in front of him. Dev saw Sonakshi and stood right up pulled up a chair waiting for her to take her seat.

"Thanks for agreeing to see me"

"I didn't. I thought you wanted to talk and I was just curious what you wanted to say."

Dev sighed. This was probably one of the most difficult conversations he ever was going to have and this girl who was once his life was doing everything in her power to make it as difficult as it could be.

Dev tentatively asked "When did you ... find out...?"

"We moved to Kolkata after we were thrown out. A couple of weeks after that."

"Did you not once think of informing me?"

Sonakshi was indignant. "I thought I told you Dev. I didn't want my child to be thrown out. Face the same humiliation I did. The prenup was clear enough you didn't want to have anything to do with me or my child." She stood up and was ready to walk out.

But stopped on hearing Dev say. "Sonakshi, trust me believe me I didn't. I didn't know when those papers were signed. I didn't know when I signed them. Trust me. I didn't even know such a clause. I always wanted children. You know I did. How could I have agreed to something like this? Did you think about it even once? Let's just ..."

"Sir would you like to order?" The waiter asked.

Sonakshi refused while Dev ordered a coffee and waited for it to arrive. This time neither said anything. If Sonakshi thought Dev was going to give her a tough fight she realized Dev wasn't here to fight. If Dev thought Sonakshi would forgive him easily then he couldn't be further from the truth.

"Did you ever look for me." Sonakshi couldn't help but ask. The minute she did she realized that she shouldn't have. Too much water have flown over the bridge. Raking old wounds would only hurt. "It's okay, forget I said that. It doesn't matter."

"It does. I should have. And no I didn't. ". Dev paused to take a sip. "I was angry Sonakshi. I was angry that you let go of me."

"How Dev how can you blame me?", questioned Sona. She was angry and fuming. Just how could he come and accuse her of abandoning him. Did he just forget what all he did? This man lived in his bubble and nothing would get him out.

Dev smiled at her, "I know what you are thinking Sonakshi. You are angry and thinking that I live in my own bubble and nothing could get me out."

Sonakshi was zapped. If he read her so correctly. He was here with an agenda. He really only wanted to talk and this time she wanted to listen to him. She was willing to give him that. If anything the father of her child did deserve that.

Sonakshi took a deep breath and put her purse aside. She waved at the waiter and called for some coffee herself. Finally, Dev and Sonakshi were ready to have a conversation without anyone else hovering around them, screaming at them or taunting them.

Dev quietly started talking. "I was angry Sonakshi. I always had the fear of losing you. I remember when the first time the prenup was mentioned, this was before marriage, I rushed to you Sona I was so scared of losing you. Baba was there, he saw me throw out the documents and tell Maa very, very clearly that it didn't matter to me. I told them money was not something that you were remotely interested in. I told them this was such a trap that we wouldn't be able to escape. Yeh aisa jaal hai jiska koi tod nahi. Even that day Sonakshi I asked you to promise me not to ever leave me and go. That you would fight the world."

"And I said I won't fight alone. I need you beside me. Fighting along with me."

"Yes. Yes, you did. And I tried. I tried being right beside you. I kept asking you to live with me to focus on us but you wanted to be the best bahu, the best sister in law and I knew how the others were hurting you and believe me the balancing act was so difficult. You have no idea how much toll that took."

"Sonakshi when we came back from Shimla, we promised each other we will face the world together. We promised that we will support each other. You didn't even trust me with the money incident. You cut me off completely. I begged you to include me, to talk to me. You just gave up on us. Was the Bose ego and pride so important that you refused me in your life? That you didn't want to me to be a part of your life? You wanted to be a part of all my decisions right. You didn't even share with me when you started the company with your brother. You were the stronger one Sonakshi. You held me together. Maa had given me the ultimatum and I chose you Sonakshi. I was willing to let go of my god for you and you didn't even trust me then. What kind of love was that if there was no trust? Why my words had no value for you I now understand. Because I made it about Maa sometimes. But did my feelings have no value for you either. "

Dev paused only to take another sip and Sonakshi was spell bound. In all these years, it was just easier to just blame Dev. She never really looked at situation from Dev's point of view. She was still trying to grasp what he was saying but he just continued. Now that the flood gates opened. There was no stopping him either.

"I am not asking you to forget all that happened. I am not even asking you to trust me. Trust needs to be earned. The very foundation of our relationship was weak. We didn't really live for ourselves. We spent all our time trying to please other people and paid a heavy price. It cost us our marriage. It cost me my wife." He paused and the eyes that met her tired. Sad. "And my daughter."

Dev looked away. Paused to take a sip of his coffee. Like he needed that little time to bring his emotions under control. "I know I made mistakes and these mistakes cost me dearly. I know Sonakshi what it means to have a fatherless childhood and if there was one thing I could change I would change this. I wouldn't want to miss my child's childhood. I missed out on 7 years of Soha's life. Sonakshi, do you realize, I missed seeing her for the first time. I missed holding her in my arms. I missed her first cry, her first giggle, her first step, her first word. I missed so many things Sonakshi and it's not fair. It's just not fair.

I don't want the mistakes to cost me my child too Sonakshi. I want to know her. I want to meet her. To talk to her. To spend time with her. To create some memories. Can you give me that much? Can you introduce me to her as her father?"

If anything, this conversation was not exactly what Sonakshi had in mind. Come to think of it, nothing changed between them but everything did. Was Dev right? Did she have a part to play in the breakup? Was she equally responsible? Did she let her ego overshadow her love? The answers were not going to be easy to find. But one thing that needed to be answered is if Dev could meet Soha. Soha had clearly mentioned that she didn't want to meet her Dad.

"Dev I need time. Can I think it over?" H nodded, albeit a little reluctantly. Before that, she had to make one thing very clear. "But on one condition. When...if...you get a chance to spend time with Suhana, you can't take her to your house. I don't want that. I don't trust my daughter with your family. If I agree, you have to meet her under my roof in my presence."

"Sure Sonakshi. I agree." Dev's response only further shocked her. What? No demands or further requests that his Maa should meet her granddaughter?

"Okay Dev I will think it over." was all that she managed to say.

****

Can we talk, she'd asked. His maa wanted to talk. About what? What more was there to be said? Nothing would give him back the last six years of his life. The first six years of his daughter's life. He had lost them. But she was his mother. He couldn't completely turn his back on her no matter how much he wanted to. So here he was. Back in the house that had once been his home.

Ishwari was sitting in the hall, waiting for him. Her lips stretched into a tentative smile when she saw him. "Dev! You have come!"

He didn't say why he didn't come the previous night when she'd said they needed to talk. No apology. No explanation.

"You look like you haven't slept the whole night. Shall I make some tea and breakfast for you?"

Dev, who had been about to sit, straightened and started to walk out. "If that's what you've called me here for or if this is another session to blame Sonakshi, then I'm out of here."

"You asked me a question. At least listen to the answer and go."

His feet halted. Ishwari had never had to explain her thoughts, decisions or actions to him ever before. She didn't know how to now. But she had to. Or like her bhaiya said, she would completely lose him. Taking a deep breath, she plunged. "Day before yesterday you'd asked if it was just Sonakshi or would I have been this way with any other woman. I have been thinking about it. I think the answer to that question is, yes. I would have been that way irrespective of who it was."

Dev turned and looked at her intently. Ishwari knew it was not going to get any easy but now was not a time to get weak. She took a deep breath and continued.

"You know Dev, whenever bhabhi started on the topic of your marriage, I used to put it off. Mujhe Tulsi jaisi bahu chahiye thi. Mein yeh bhool gayi ki Tulsi puji toh jaati hain par uski jagah humesha ghar ke baahar hoti hain. I didn't want you to share your affections with anyone else. I didn't want you to share your time with anyone else. You are my son and I wanted you to remain my son forever." She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "I wasn't comfortable when you had decided to marry Natasha. That's why I didn't press you for your reasons when you'd cancelled the engagement. Any other mother would have wondered. I didn't. I was just plain relieved."

Dev was zapped. Whatever he'd been expecting, it hadn't been this. This was before Sonakshi had come into his life. His maa had an agenda. She really did want to talk and this time he wanted to listen to her. He was willing to give her that. Despite everything, his mother did deserve that.

Dev took a deep breath and sat down. "Mamiji ke bhakt!" he called out. "If you are done with serving your ma'am for the time being, can you get me a cup of tea?" The guy nodded and left, leaving them both once again alone. Finally, Dev and Ishwari were ready to have a conversation like two adults. As equals.

Ishwari quietly started talking. "Then I came to know about Sonakshi. It wasn't that you hid the truth from me. But you had given a part of yourself to her. You shared yourself with her. Talked to her. Listened to her. Valued her opinion. You even sat in the puja because she told you to."

Dev shook his head and ran a rough hand through his hair. "But I never neglected or given any less time to you maa. I talked to you, listened to you, valued your opinion...so how did it matter?"

"It mattered!" Ishwari got up, restless. "It mattered. Before it had only ever been me. Only I had the right on your time."

"I had my sisters too maa."

But even as he said that, he knew. He never spent much time with his sisters. His maa had always been there. Making sure his attention remained on her. And he got so used to it that he never found anything odd or unusual about it. For the first time he felt sorry for his sisters. They had been so focused on each other that he hadn't even realised he was depriving his sisters of their mother's attention and affection. Whose fault was it? Just how deep rooted were his mother's insecurities? He accepted the tea and quietly sipped it.

Ishwari didn't say anything. Probably she saw the dawning realisation on his face. "When you told me about Sonakshi first, I wanted to accept her. I tried Dev, I truly tried. But I couldn't. All I saw was my son slipping away from my fingers."

"Slipping away." Dev's smile was full of irony. "I literally threw her out of my life because I didn't want to lose you. I chose you. Over her. Time and again I chose you. You made me choose. You forced me to choose."

"I was scared!" Ishwari almost shouted out that word. Scared. "I didn't want to lose you. I know you blame me for the pre-nup. But at that time, I really thought I was protecting my family."

"From Sonakshi. From my wife. You wanted to protect your family from my wife. Because that was what she had always been to you na maa. My wife. Never your bahu. Never a part of our family. Always an outsider. Had we stayed married, had we had children, then? Would they have lived as outcasts too maa?"

"No!" Ishwari shook her head rapidly. "They were your kids. They would belong. I thought if Sonakshi had kids, she would be taking care of them and I would have you back to myself."

Dev opened his mouth and snapped it shut. It was like he didn't know what to say after hearing that. Seconds ticked by until the silence turned oppressive. Ishwari, after hearing her own words, knowing what they said about her thoughts, didn't have the courage to break that silence.

"You...you didn't think I would want to spend time with my kids? That I would want to be a good father to them? I didn't spend time with my sisters as I should have. So you thought I wouldn't want to, with my kids?" He had always wanted to be a good son. Never realised that he was being that at the cost of being a bad brother and a bad husband. Would he have been a bad father too?

"Was that why you showered so much love on her when you thought she was pregnant and kicked her down with your words and accusations when you came to know she wasn't? Waaris. Chiraag. What was all that about then? You forced me to agree to those treatments for Sonakshi. That trip to Shimla. Sonakshi had called it Mission Baby Dixit. And the pre-nup that would alienate my kids from me. All this. Everything because you didn't want me to move away from you?"

"I was sure I would one day lose you to her. I was insecure. Scared."

Dev dug his fingers in his hair. Try as he might, he could not understand the reason for that fear. "You were scared so you used me as a weapon to lash out at Sonakshi? Insult her time and again? Put her down time and again?"

"Why didn't you stop me?" Ishwari's question cut through his hurt fury. "If you loved her so much and knew what was hurting her, why didn't you put a stop to it? Why didn't you say something when bhabhi and Vicky taunted her? It hadn't been just you that day who had told her to get out. They said too. Why didn't you stop them from throwing your wife out? She had asked you, are you sure you want me to go. Even then you didn't say anything. It was like you wanted her to go. If you loved her, wanted her in your life, why didn't you take a stand? Why didn't you tear up the pre-nup yourself? What stopped you?"

Dev got up from the couch. His gaze distant. Lost. He had no answer. His maa was right. Fault hadn't been entirely hers. He had been at fault too. His silence had cost him more than he could afford.

Ishwari walked up to her son slowly. "Maa, tu mera Bhagwaan hain, you used to say. I think I really did see myself that way. I tried to dictate your destiny. But I am no Bhagwaan. I'm just an insecure mother whose greatest fear is losing her son. I'm human after all. I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes."

Dev didn't turn to her. The eyes staring at nothing were lifeless. "What you did that day...it was deceit maa. The pre-nup had not been my fault. But look what happened! You got your son. Sonakshi got her daughter. What did I get? I lost. Everything."

His phone started ringing. He wanted to ignore. He didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment. But there had been a client meeting that he had told his team to handle, assuring them that he would be available on phone if they wanted to reach. Smothering a sigh, he answered.

"Yes?"

"Hello? Am I speaking to Dev Dixit?" asked a child's voice. His heart stopped for a nanosecond before thundering in his ears. Blood rushed and pumped at double speed. He knew that voice. He'd heard it once before and he could never forget it.

Then he heard her speak again. "Mamma, no one is speaking. What should I do?"

Recovering fast, wiping his suddenly damp palm over his jeans, swallowing the sudden lump that seemed to be lodging in his throat and blinking away the sudden moisture rushing into his eyes, he spoke. "H-hello? Y-yes. Yes, this-this is Dev Dixit."

"I am Miss Suhana Bose. Can we talk?"

------x------

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Love,

Suvika and Divya.