I need you for myself!!
Mamaji quickly cleaned the wound on Dev's palm and set about wrapping the bandage. His once strong nephew was slowly but surely falling apart right in front of his eyes and all he could do was helplessly stand and watch him crash to the floor. But he loved Dev like his own son. He couldn't remain silent. He had to try. He had to try and break Dev's silence. Make him talk. Maybe then the torrent of pain that was sucking the life of his nephew would find an outlet.
"Dev beta," he ventured, looking at Dev's pale face and distant eyes. The shutters had already started to come down. He was hiding away his pain. "Dev beta, what you are doing is wrong. What you did was wrong."
Dev blinked. Gazed at his bandaged hand almost dispassionately. "I did what I had to do, mamaji. You know it. My maa is my life. My everything. Nothing is more important than her. No one is more important that her."
"And Sonakshi? She is not important to you?"
Pain slashed across Dev's face. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision. "Nothing is more important than my maa," he repeated. "I-I enquired about this Dr Ritwik mamaji," he continued bravely. "He is a nice guy. Nice family. I know my Sona...I-I know Sonakshi...I mean...Ms Bose is still hurting. Her agreeing to this alliance is her way of hurting me. To show me that she's moving on. She-she's not going to be happy..."
He stumbled to an abrupt halt when he realized he's not making any sense to himself, never mind to his mamaji. What does he want? Does he want Sonakshi to move on? No. Did that mean he wanted to see her broken? Shattered? In pieces? Barely able to stay alive, yet forced to live? Like him? No. Most definitely not. He didn't want his Sona to hurt like he was hurting. He didn't want Sona to suffocate like he was. He didn't want Sona to go mad just for a glimpse of him. Then what did he want? Dammit! He didn't know! All he knew was she was his Sona. A part of him. All that part that was vital, lively, bright, joyful, balanced. And he had ripped out that part of him. He wanted that back. He wanted what he had lost. What he had thrown away.
"Dev, are you listening to me?"
Mamaji firmly holding his shoulders and shaking him out of his reverie dragged him back to the dark world he'd been existing in. "Dev, you can't do this. You are hurting yourself and Sonakshi. Your decision to break up with her was wrong beta. Neither of you can survive this. Sonakshi can never be happy without you and you..." Mamaji gestured to Dev's disheveled appearance. "Look at yourself. Look at what you are turning into. This is not our Dev. Beta, please listen to me. This engagement? It's wrong. Whatever is happening is wrong. Stop it before it goes any further."
Dev shook his head mutely. Stop it? Does his mamaji think he hadn't tried? He had tried everything. He had tried to lure the guy away with money. He had tried to take away the place that the guy had chosen to open his clinic. Nothing worked. Dr Ritwik Sen was more principled than Dev would ever be. Hell, even the newspapers splashing the reports of their alleged affair hadn't put a dent on this doctor's determination. And Sona? Why was she rushing into this? For her parents, he realized. She has disappointed them once. Now she wants to make them happy. Like he was trying to make his maa happy. Yes. That's what she was doing. She wasn't doing any of this happily. She wasn't happy without him. But today when he'd gone by her house to see her, she had been standing outside. Seeing off Ritwik's family. Dev had been able to see the mehendi on her palms as she waved them bye. Did she have that guy's name on her palm? No. NO! He slammed his injured hand on his desk, rattling its contents, barely feeling the pain shooting up his palm. Compared what his heart was putting him through, this was bloody nothing.
"DEV!" Mamaji strode towards him.
"Please leave mamaji. I-I'm fine."
"But Dev beta, your hand..."
"Leave mamaji. Please!" He spoke as firmly as he could through the locked jaw.
Darting another worried glance, mamaji reluctantly left Dev alone and made his way to his sister's room. He had to do something. He couldn't sit and watch two lives being torn apart like this because his sister was being blind and deaf.
Ishwari looked up from her book. "Arre bhaiya, please come. How is it that you are still awake?"
"I couldn't sleep Ishwari. Not when the nephew I love like my own son is in so much pain."
Ishwari frowned, sitting up straight. "What are you saying bhaiya? What happened to Dev? Is he not well? Why didn't he say something? He works so hard these days..." she muttered, shaking her head and getting up. "I'll go and give him some haldi wala doodh. Mera bachcha..."
Something snapped inside him. "STOP being so blind Ishwari! You know what is causing Dev so much pain. You know it. Don't deny it. And you alone have the ability to heal him. Do it. Before it's too late, do it."
"Bhaiya, I don't understand. Heal what? Dev is fine. Yes, he is just out of a broken relationship and it will take time for him to settle down but I know my son. He is not the kind to break bhaiya. He is strong. And I'm with him. My love is with him. Mother's love. That will give him the strength."
"Ishwari, you are wrong. And you know it. This is your one last chance. Your son is falling. Breaking apart. Save him Ishwari!"
Ishwari shook her head in bewilderment. "No bhaiya. You are mistaken. Dev is fine. He talks to me every day. He took me to mandir today. He probably is just stressed out about his office work. I'll make sure he has his favorite breakfast tomorrow and I'll tell the girls not to wake him up early in the morning with all their noise."
Mamaji sprang up from his place on the bed as if he has lost his patience. "I'll leave you to your dreams now Ishwari."
"Bhaiya..."
"One can show a way to a blind person, my sister. But how to show anything to the one who can see but refuses to open her eyes? I just hope when all this comes crashing down on you, you can salvage your son out of it. I will pray for that."
****
"Sir, the clients are here for the meeting. I have arranged some refreshments in the conference room while they wait..." Tina's monologue came to an awkward halt as she noticed her boss. His unshaved face. His bloodshot eyes. And the sheen of tears glistening in them. "Sir?"
She wasn't stupid. She knew what was hurting her boss so much. She was the mute witness to his crucifixion. But other than smoothing out his workload as much as she could and making sure he didn't do or sign anything that he wasn't supposed to, there wasn't much she could do.
"Sir?" she called again, when Dev's attention didn't move away from his laptop screen. "Sir?" Why wasn't he moving? He didn't even seem to be breathing. After a slight hesitation, she went a step closer and placed her hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. "SIR!"
Dev blinked once and looked up. Tina almost flinched at what she saw in his eyes. Those were the eyes of a man being flayed alive. Of his skin being peeled off his body in the crudest way possible.
"Sir..."
Without a word, he got up, sat down again as if he didn't know why he got up, got up again, panting, trying to breathe in some much needed oxygen. Choking, he grabbed his tie, trying to loosen it. Only there was no tie. And the top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. So what was choking him? Stumbling back a couple of steps, ignoring Tina's startled exclamation, he tethered a few more steps and almost ran out of his cabin. Out of his office. Like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. Concerned, bewildered, confused, Tina, walked around his table to see what her boss had been staring at on his laptop. It was a Facebook page. And the image of Dr Sonakshi Bose's smiling face stared back at her. Dr Sonakshi Bose dressed up like some bride, sitting beside another young man in a sherwani. Both of them smiling up at the camera. Maybe it was her imagination, but for Tina it looked like Dr Sonakshi's was smiling with her lips and crying with her eyes.
****
"What do you think jiji?" RR asked, perching herself on the couch beside Ishwari, a sly grin on her face. "That Bengalan's engagement would've been done by now, right?"
Ishwari smiled, the relief on her face obvious. "Probably bhabhi. That guy from matrimony had said it was this evening. I hope everything went well and Sonakshi moves on in her life. The boy is a doctor. Bengali. A nice family. Everything matches."
"But I have to hand it to you jiji. What an idea that had been! The other night when that Bengalan had come to our house, what kind of airs she'd put on! She had been so confident that our Dev had been happy with her. Ha!" Derision dripped her tone. "What was it that she'd said? That she'd lost everything here! As if! I showed her, her place, didn't I? And I say her family should know how much you've done for them even after all this! You picked the groom for her. You sent the alliance to her house..."
Ishwari shook her head, smiling. "Bhabhi whatever I did..." Her eyes widened as they fell on the doorway. "Dev?!"
She hardly recognized the man standing in front of her as her son. Her Dev. His eyes! The look in his eyes was something she'd never seen before. NEVER! He was looking at her like she'd walked up to him and stabbed him square in his heart. Like she'd grabbed and pulled his heart out of his chest with her bare hands. "Beta, what happened? Why are you looking at me like that? Come, sit first, drink some..."
Dev pulled away from her. Stumbled back a couple of steps like a drunkard. "Dev?"
Dev stumbled back some more. He didn't know anything anymore. His maa wanted Sonakshi to get married? His Sona? Why? She hated Sonakshi that much? His maa hated him that much? Why? Sona...his Sona was getting engaged. His Sona was going to get married! She wouldn't be his anymore. And his maa was making sure of it. Why? Sona...his Sona!
Aap mujhe chodenge tab bhi nahi.
Ab hume alag hojaana chahiye Sonakshi.
Aap mere liye itne important hochuke hain ki sirf aap mujhe hurt karsakte hain.
Tum jao Sonakshi.
Meri jagah yahi toh hain! Aap ke paas!
"No!" he mumbled, shaking his head. "NO!"
"Dev! Beta, listen to me!" Ishwari, pleaded, panicking.
Pain, rage, helplessness, betrayal! He was surrounded by them. BETRAYED! He was betrayed. By the one person whom he trusted most in the world. He was betrayed. By the one person who was his world. He was betrayed. By his God. He was betrayed. By his mother.
SONA! He lost his Sona! She's lost to him. Forever. SONA! SONA!
Right there, in the center of his huge luxurious mansion that he'd built in the name of his mother, Dev Dixit, fell down to his knees, screaming to the heaven above, the pain that he'd been swallowing all these days. "AAARRGGGHHH!"
The walls echoed and bounced back the scream. Bringing everyone running from their rooms. Riya, Nikki, Mamaji, Kichu...everyone! Ishwari could only stand and stare. Listen to her son's loud wails.
Mamaji tried to reach Dev. "Dev! Calm down beta!" Riya took a step forward.
Dev pushed away whoever tried to come close to him. Rage and despair intermingling. Smothering him. Driving him insane. With a loud growl that resembled an injured beast, he found his feet, stumbled and swiped a hand. The flower vases went crashing down to the floor. It didn't stop there. He didn't stop there. Another growl and the glass top of the table cracked and crashed, leaving his arms cut and bleeding. It didn't even slow him down. He pushed away RR who tried to stop him, lifting the dining chair and bring it crashing down on the dining table.
Nikki and Riya held on to each other. Terrified at seeing their stoic, stable brother devolving into a mad man in front of their eyes. Pulling and tearing at the curtains, breaking the furniture, shoving at people who tried to stop him...then just like that Dev stopped. Or so they thought. No. He didn't stop. His eyes locked on the family portrait, he snarled like the lunatic he'd turned into, grabbed it and threw it across the room. At Ishwari's feet. The broken frame and glass staring back at her. Accusing. And then she heard it. A scream unlike anything that had preceded it.
"SONAAA!!!!"
And that's it my readers!! The silent screams of Dev Dixit are no longer silent. No longer can Ishwari turn a deaf ear. The mute pain in his eyes is no longer muted. No longer can Ishwari turn a blind eye.
Thank you for reading.
Link to part two:
Jhanak
Shiv Shakti
