OS - I NEED YOU FOR MYSELF!!! part 3 pg 22 Sept 03 - Page 10

Part Two

Dr Sinha lit the small torch, peering at Dev's eyes. Dev didn't even flinch. The sedative his colleague, the noted psychiatrist, Dr Bhargav, had administered a while ago seemed to have finally taken effect. Thankfully, Dr Bhargav had also accompanied him as both of them had to attend a medical conference after checking on Dev. Turned out they had to give the conference a miss. When he'd gotten a call from the Ishwari Mansion that there was something wrong with Dev, he'd assumed some mild affliction like a cold or a viral. But he'd realized there was something gravely wrong the minute he stepped into the house. It looked like a bomb had hit the main hall. Things were either broken beyond repair or torn or scattered. Hell, even the dining table had been in pieces. Quite literally. And Mr Dixit had been well in the process of destroying the kitchen. For a while he'd contemplated shifting Dev to the hospital but it had been almost impossible to hold him down, let alone shift him anywhere. To put it in the politest way possible, the man had been wild. The savvy, sophisticated, cool Dev Dixit had had turned into a beast. No other way to put it. Dr Bhargav, God bless him, quickly assessed the situation and ordered the servants to hold Dev down as he got out his emergency medical kit. It took three of them and even then Dev had been bucking and kicking and screaming and yelling. He had almost succeeded in landing a booted foot on the good doctor as Ishwariji tried to touch her son.

"Ma'am, back off!" Dr Bhargav had all but snapped at the lady.

"Dev! Mera bachcha!" she'd wailed. But Dev's uncle had held her back, urging her to listen to the doctor. That her son would soon be fine.

Dr Sinha sighed. Would Dev Dixit soon be fine? He wasn't too sure. Even though he wasn't a psychiatrist, he could see that the man was broken.

"Doctor, what happened to Dev? What happened to my son? Please, someone say something!" Ishwari was beside herself with worry. Her face still pale, eyes still glazed with shock, pain and tears.

Sinha waited, leaving it to Dr Bhargav to do the explaining. "Ma'am, your son is on the verge of a nervous breakdown," the doctor said bluntly.

"Meaning?" Ishwari and mamaji, both looked confused and worried.

"He is about to lose his mind."

"Hai Ram!" RR wailed. "Our Dev has gone mad? Do we have to tie him up? There are two girls in this house. Is it safe..."

"No ma'am," the doctor said firmly, cutting through the histrionics of RR. "Mr Dixit is not mad. He is just extremely stressed out. Some kind of anxiety has been building up inside him for quite some time now is my guess. These things don't happen in a day. This has been on the making for a while now and he has finally - snapped, is how I would put it."

"Dev is not the talkative kind," Sinha couldn't help pondering.

"That could be the reason. No outlet. Suppression of emotion is never a good thing for anyone. And from what I've seen down there..." he broke off. "He needs to be kept calm. Food and sleep. Keep the timings regular. Make the environment peaceful. And absolutely NO confrontations of ANY kind. I don't know the reason for his disturbed state of mind. But if any of you knows, try to help him. Keep the people and things that disturb him away. Do whatever is required to relax his mind. I have administered a sedative for now. But once he is awake, make sure things are calm and quiet. A total relaxed atmosphere. Get him to talk."

"Bhai doesn't talk to anyone doctor." Everyone turned to the door, where Neha was standing. Pale and shaken. Eyes glazed with tears.

Dr Bhargav acknowledged that. "Maybe not to the family. Probably friends...?"

"Bhai has no friends. He had only one but had to give up that one too." Her accusing eyes turned to her mother.

"Well, if the situation deteriorates, he would need to be admitted but I prefer if we can avoid such a situation. He is on the verge of falling. Better prevent the fall and crash."

As the doctors took their leave and the servants tried to bring some kind of order to the house, Neha stepped into the room and went to sit beside her bhai, gently wiping away the tears that were making tracking on the side of his face, disappearing into his hair. She wiped them, only to realize there was again a fresh track. The tears weren't stopping. And they were silent. So silent. No hiccupping. No hitch in the breath. Just silent pain flowing out from the broken mind. She could hear Ishwari crying softly.

"Why are you crying maa?" she asked quietly. "You finally have your son all to yourself. Here. Bhai is right here maa. Right in front of you. All yours. So why the tears? What more do you want from him?"

"Neha!" Ishwari collapsed on the other side of the bed.

"You know everything, yet refused to accept it. This is the cost that we all have to pay for your refusal. This is the cost that my bhai has to pay." With those words, she once again wiped her brother's tears and got up. "I'm going to Riya and Nikki. I will be spending the night here."

****

Elina watched her cousin huddled under the blanket, staring into space. Phone clutched in one hand. The sheen of tears in her eyes obvious even in the darkness of the night. The engagement was over. Everyone had left. Family, tired, but happy, had settled in for the night. All except Sona, who would soon turn into a bride. She went and sat beside Sona.

"Sona, what happened?"

For once, Sonakshi didn't try to clamp up. Didn't try to put on a faade that everything was fine. That clued in Elina that whatever it was, it was disturbing her cousin at a deep level. "Elly, I can't get rid of this feeling that something is wrong."

"What is wrong Sona? Did Ritwik?"

"Dev!"

"Sona..."

"There is something wrong with him. I feel it."

"Do you realize that you are engaged to another man now? You can't..."

"I know my life is tied to another person now. But I am not able to let go of this feeling. I don't know what to do. It hurts. It hurts so much. I am angry at Dev. He hurt me. He threw away my love and refused to stand by his love. He lost my trust. But..." Sonakshi shook her head. "I can't get rid of this feeling that something has happened to him. Something bad."

"Sona, stop it. Enough now. It's quite late in the night and you need to go to work tomorrow. Get some sleep." Elina switched off the light.

****

Neha and mamaji came running into Dev's room. It was still early in the morning. Not even seven. But the screams had jerked them out of the morning lethargy. A broken bowl and its contents, some kind of semi-liquid diet, lay on the floor, like someone had thrown them or pushed them away. Dev was on the bed, turned sideways in a complete fetal position, knees digging into his chest, head on the knees and both arms covering his head as he continued to yell, "NO! NO! NOOO! AAARRGGHHH!"

And beside the bed was Ishwari, trying to reach Dev. Take him in her lap and console him. "Ishwari!" Mamaji pulled her away and out of the room, away from Dev, urging Neha to call the doctor. "I told you to stay away from Dev, didn't I?"

"But bhaiya he is my son! Look at him," she said, gesturing to the pale imitation of a man huddled on the bed. "He hasn't eaten anything in two days. He doesn't sleep unless the doctor gives him that injection. He stares into vacant space and screams and yells at anyone who tries to go anywhere near him."

Two-day stubble made his sickly face even more ailing. Sunken cheeks, dark circles under his eyes, wrinkles t-shirt and tracks. This was neither the Dev, Ishwari Dixit's darling son nor the Dev Dixit, Entrepreneur Extraordinaire. This was a man whose life had been ripped away from him.

"He is getting agitated when you go near him Ishwari. You go anywhere near him, the only way to calm him down is the doctor giving him another sedative. Don't you want our Dev to get well? Become normal?"

"Of course I want bhaiya! How can you..."

"Then stay away. Until he is stable and willing to listen to what you have to say, keep yourself away from him. His wound is deep and raw, Ishwari. Extremely raw. Let it heal a little bit."

"He doesn't even look at me, bhaiya! My son doesn't even want to look at his mother!" But she knew. She knew the reason and she couldn't deny it any longer. "I did this to him. I am the reason my son is going through so much pain! What kind of a mother am I bhaiya?"

Neha waited until the doctor, a junior of Dr Bhargav, administered the injectable sedative and left the room, before approaching her mother. She extended her mother's phone silently. "If you know the reason behind my bhai's agony, you know what to do. He has always been a good son to you. I think it's time you showed him that you can be a good mother."

Ishwari didn't hesitate. Worry about her son was eating away at her and in that moment, nothing mattered. She would do whatever needed to get her son back to the land of sanity. She quickly dialed the number. "Hello? Sonakshi, this is Ishwari here."

Asha, who had answered Sona's phone because Sona was in the shower, frowned. "Ji, this is Asha, Sonakshi's mom."

"Oh. Ji. Namaste. Can I talk to Sonakshi please?"

"Why?" Asha asked point-blank.

"Please, Asha ji..."

"Ishwari ji, my daughter doesn't work for you anymore. She got engaged just a couple of days back. I don't want her past casting a shadow on her present or future. Please, don't call up again." The line went dead.

****

Bijoy ruffled through the pile of papers. "Asha! Kotha theke tumi..." where did you put...

"Offo! Bijoy! Ki halo?" What happened? Asha shouted back from the kitchen.

The doorbell rang, interrupting the banter. Probably Ritwik, thought Bijoy and opened the door with a smile. And the smile of welcome froze on his lips at the sight of Ishwari. "Aap?"

"Namaste bhai saab." Ishwari tried to smile and failed miserably.

"What do you want now, behenji?" Bijoy asked bluntly.

"Can I come in for a minute? Please?"

The father in Bijoy wanted to refuse. But the innate courteous nature wouldn't let him. Wordlessly, he stepped aside and gestured to the couch. Asha peeked out of the kitchen, took one look and came to stand beside her husband. "I came to...I need to talk to Sonakshi once bhai saab."

"Is there anything left to be said?"

Ishwari joined her palms in front of Sonakshi's parents. "Please. My son is not well. And the only one who can help him is your daughter. Please Asha ji. You are a mother. You can understand the pain of a mother."

"Dev babu? What happened to him?" Asha frowned.

Ishwari wiped her tears. "Doctor says he is broken on the inside. He is not allowing anyone near him. He is not eating or sleeping..."

She left the rest unsaid. Sonakshi's father had understood her son better than her. He'd told her the day he'd come to meet her that Dev's heart was broken. She hadn't listened. She had refused to accept. Her son was strong, she'd boasted. Like iron. But today that iron was melting. Because he had thrown himself into the fire for her.

"Aunty ji?"

Ishwari whirled towards that voice. Sonakshi stood there like she'd been ready to go out. Handbag slung over her shoulder, blue-black kurta over black leggings, sharp eyes but an impassive face. "Sonakshi, Dev..."

"I heard everything, aunty ji." She walked up to her baba. "Baba, please trust me this once. I need to go now. But I'll be back. I promise."

Bijoy shook his head. "Shona..."

Asha stalled him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let her go Bijoy. She is your daughter. Trust her."

"Thanks maa." With a small smile, she turned and walked out of the house. Ishwari, joined her palms to Sona's parents in gratitude before hurrying after Sonakshi.

****

On her way to Dev's room, Sonakshi got delayed as Riya and Nikki came running out of their room to hug her tight. "Sona di, bhai..." Nikki had looked ready to cry. "We're scared Sona di," Riya held on to Sonakshi's hand.

"Don't worry. Nothing will happen to your bhai. He'll be fine soon. You are his brave sisters." Sonakshi reassured them before taking the stairs that led her to Dev's room. RR had taken one look at her and flounced off in a huff. Sonakshi didn't care. Mamaji looked plain relieved as he stood aside to let her pass.

Ishwari stood outside Dev's room and watched Sona approach the bed in soundless tread. A sharp inhale was her only reaction when she saw Dev, in that foetal position, arms covering his face, hiding his eyes. Gently, every moment slow, deliberate, she set her bag aside and approached him, resting her palm on his tightly closed fist, letting her touch seep into his subconscious. She repeated the same with her other hand, resting it on his hunched shoulder, gently rubbing. Soothing. The clenched fist slowly uncurled. Taking that as a sign, she carefully rolled him onto his back and set about straightening his sleeping posture. Each moment unhurried. Tender. She straightened his legs, soothing the involuntary twitch, adjusted the blanket, hands, adjusting his head on the pillow and lastly, brushing back the unruly hair with her fingers. Resting her palm on his forehead for a few moments, removing that frown from it, she withdrew, picked up her bag again and walked out of the room.

"He is sleeping now aunty ji. Let him sleep. I will talk to his doctor now and draw a diet chart for him. I will explain everything to Kichu bhaiya. Please make sure he eats. It's very important. He needs his physical strength to improve his mental health."

"But Sonakshi..."