New Short FF: 'Ajnabee' Part 5, pg.21 - Page 3

Originally posted by: sareeta

OK, now that you have given the guilt confession of yours and thrust me into a guilt for even confessing my hurt.. here I go... my honest feedback... now you can get those tamatar and rotten eggs my way for giving a feedback... I am waiting...! 😊

hehe... admit it Boss, Circuit ke binna Munna Bhai kahin ke nahin😉😆 and I love tamatar, why waste them! as for rotten eggs, I'll save them for a special occasion *ahem*😳

Feedback -

1. The concept is really something that is very , should I use the word, "philosophical". One could get in touch with the more philosophical self when they read the title.. You do seem to have started off on that note , as your intro, as a preface, that I really really liked and I hope to see that tone in the story too, coz that would be unique, but I would also want to see how you intend to this story forward.. Oh crap... its philosophical... erm... yes... I chose the title as the word "Ajnabee" has alawys had a mysterious intruiging aura to it... and it seemed to reflect the character's experiences... as for style, lord help me!😕😆

2. As again once the story has started off after the preface, the description of the place is beautiful and detailed , but yet the pain of the woman and her angst at being alone and finding herself an ajnabee is kinda lost in the details.. Jus my opinion... Uske dard aur uske ehsaas about being Ajnabee would be lovely to see! This is where it might get confusing... the style of writing might confuse some as I tend to drift in and out of the character's thoughts... but its like "Irony of Fate" mostly... as for expressing her dard... this was only the teaser and I hope to get at some of that as the story progresses or something. I'm in testy waters!😕 we'll see how the current flows...

Kuch likha hai, on this concept , a few minutes back after reading your FF. Will PM you the same. I'm still waiting... "tick... tock.."

Di, your insight is appreciated much and will try and work on applying to it.

Cheers,

dc

Originally posted by: apapap

yo chiclet....

awaiting an update

tu na... sudhar ja😆

Cheers,

dc

derrrr se hui par commento toh ki reeee... ok i dont know how to continue on😆😆😆

haila haila kya intro maari hai.. too good.. 👏

im speechless.. sach mein 😳 😳 😳 .. d way u pen down.. thoughts.. words.. ur usage of grammer.. its just.. WOW!!!!!!!!!.. luv ur ishtyle of writing.. 👏

ab aage bhi likh .. that was short sautan buddy.. ajnabee ka toh samajh mein aa gaya 😳 😳 😳 .. lekin yeh ladki kaun hai .. kiska intezaar kar rahi hai .. gusse mein lag rahi hai 😕 .. hmm.. so many unanswered questions 😭 😭 😭 .. ab update kar jaldi jaldi.. 😳 😳 😳

loveddddddddddd it 👏

Originally posted by: sareeta

Aakriti , please dont blame yourself dahling! And neither should you Neetu.

I had something that bothered and I vented it out. I had to, hoping someone out there would know, how much it hurt , when friends go silent...and posts and writings go unnoticed...

Love you too Aakriti... and Neetu... so stay cool..

Boss apun cool shool hi hai... we lub ju too... behna, u're too cute for words I tell ya😆

Cheers,

dc

Originally posted by: Catwoman

Dc booking space will ...comment after sorted out office zoo 😳 😳 ....


Thank you so much!! 🤗

Billo 😳

Billoji, u ask and I don't respond... how can that be!

Cheers,

dc

Originally posted by: sareeta

THank you for saying such nice things abt me , but I know , I dont deserve them! My writings were appreciated and encouraged and thatz what made me believe that I could try something new at an fiction... and well...

uff di... tussi vi na... u're humility is just... *japphi*

Cheers,

dc

Originally posted by: desi chic

tu na... sudhar ja😆

Cheers,

dc