New Short FF: 'Ajnabee' Part 5, pg.21 - Page 2

OK, now that you have given the guilt confession of yours and thrust me into a guilt for even confessing my hurt.. here I go... my honest feedback... now you can get those tamatar and rotten eggs my way for giving a feedback... I am waiting...! 😊

Feedback -

1. The concept is really something that is very , should I use the word, "philosophical". One could get in touch with the more philosophical self when they read the title.. You do seem to have started off on that note , as your intro, as a preface, that I really really liked and I hope to see that tone in the story too, coz that would be unique, but I would also want to see how you intend to this story forward..

2. As again once the story has started off after the preface, the description of the place is beautiful and detailed , but yet the pain of the woman and her angst at being alone and finding herself an ajnabee is kinda lost in the details.. Jus my opinion... Uske dard aur uske ehsaas about being Ajnabee would be lovely to see!

Kuch likha hai, on this concept , a few minutes back after reading your FF. Will PM you the same.

Originally posted by: lil_desi_goddes

sareeta dii aur neetu dii..

if i have done any thing please forgive me in the way you would for your
younger sister..

par aap dono please upset nahin hona... please!!😭
😭

love u both alot and the neetu dii the preview was beautifull..!

Aakriti , please dont blame yourself dahling! And neither should you Neetu.

I had something that bothered and I vented it out. I had to, hoping someone out there would know, how much it hurt , when friends go silent...and posts and writings go unnoticed...

Love you too Aakriti... and Neetu... so stay cool..

Dc booking space will ...comment after sorted out office zoo 😳 😳 ....


Thank you so much!! 🤗

Billo 😳

Originally posted by: *Spandana*

ye kya hooraha hi...
sareeta dii.. aap hi tou dc ke inspiration hi..she always refers to u as kayamat ki jubaan... 😳 and i totally agree with her... 😃 u r one heck of a writer... 😳 why u saying like this..kinda depressing...poor dc... 😳


amu~

THank you for saying such nice things abt me , but I know , I dont deserve them! My writings were appreciated and encouraged and thatz what made me believe that I could try something new at an fiction... and well...

OK first of how can u every disappoint me???? 😕 😕 .... NO Way sweetie!! 😛 ... Never!!!...

Wow im hooked on this

What need had she for such things... She had no connection with anything... anyone... Ajnabee shehar... Ajnabee log... Ajnabee hasrat... She was but a mere... Ajnabee.......

Me hooked remembers me of that song in Dil se...SRK plays that song on the radio..... 😍 ... "Hai Ajnabee"... 😳 😳

OK me hooked and geared up for this ride... Hell Yes!!

Billo

BTW.... Cheers for this really... now i'm having this Shiv!!😉

oooooohh I like it, I love her expressions, her feeling, mouthwatering stuff,

give it to me baby, 😳 😳, I have so much stuff on word which i am to read, yet.

Hopefully I will keep up with this, keep writing, Ajnabee is such an expressive name in itself makes u wanna read. loved what I read.

cheersxoxo

btw r u sure it is not a poem, 😳, it is so like, limrick

Originally posted by: *Spandana*

ye kya hooraha hi...
sareeta dii.. aap hi tou dc ke inspiration hi..she always refers to u as kayamat ki jubaan... 😳 and i totally agree with her... 😃 u r one heck of a writer... 😳 why u saying like this..kinda depressing...poor dc... 😳


amu~

Oye bachi... *coughs* my schweetie😳 thanks yaar... tujhse ye hi expect kiya tah... par you opened an "ff" post, what's this?😆 Sareeta Di is lafzon ki malika, no doubt... and I think I just stretched something a bit far. but in any case, I was at fault. I hope she gets well soon as I don't like the sad atmosphere either... apun ka eshtyle nahin hai na😕... thanks BBQ, I lub ya!

Cheers,

dc

Originally posted by: lil_desi_goddes

sareeta dii aur neetu dii..

if i have done any thing please forgive me in the way you would for your
younger sister..

par aap dono please upset nahin hona... please!!😭
😭

love u both alot and the neetu dii the preview was beautifull..!

My lil speechless behna, why the heck are you sorry girl? You didn't do anything! I was just kinda upset yesterday and trying to find other ways to think over it, which I have. In any case, don't you be crying, especially on your B-day! Schmile baby, and spread it~

I'm better today, no worries... will be back to normal soon😳 And thanks for the commentos cutie!

Cheers,

dc

dii don't be sad i was also feeling very guilty yesterday...i am fine now...anyways i loved the preview...it sound really interesting
can't wait to read it

glad ur startin a new fic.....actually i think i'm gonna do a jig right now..."stands up and dances around the room".....ok i'm done hehehee....its a great begining....man i really envy ur choice of words.....each one has sooo much depth...keep up the great work.