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Chaap tilak sab cheen li re
Mose naina milai ke.
~*~
"Sab bhool jao, ye na bhoolo - tum bikao nahin ho."
The words she lived by, the words that shaped up all her attitude, the words which allowed her to hold her head high and see eye-to-eye with anyone who came to luxurious round hall of the most beautiful and scorned building of the city; they went flying out of the window in one moment. The moment she twirled around and her eyes met with the pair of brown eyes set on the face of a stranger.
It didn't take her long to sell herself to that.
"Kya hua tha tujhe? Raqs karte waqt rukk kyun gayi thi?"
Later that night, her acquaintance held her by the arm and tried to shake her out of her reverie. But she was far too lost in the that gaze to register how her physical body was being shaken. She was asked this question by different people, in different words, but she didn't answer to anyone.
"Arey bol na! Hua kya hai tujhe?! Aise butt banni kyun khadi hai?!"
Impatience reigned high in the questions that were directed her way. She just stood up and walked to the mirror and saw the reflection which she saw every day. A young girl of 20 with a slender, curvy body and hair as dark as the night, stared back at her. But she seemed like such a new sight to her.
"Koi kisi butt ko aise poojta hoga jaisa ik nazar mein who mujhe pooj ke chala gaya?"
Days passed. She'd lock herself in the room and refuse to come out. She wouldn't speak to anyone and just sit by the window, mindlessly playing with her hair as an incomprehensible smile made its home on her face. She wouldn't dance for any of those who came to her doorstep night after night to get a glimpse of poetry in motion. She risked their disappointment and the anger of her elders for the sake of nights alone where she wouldn't do anything but relive the memory of her heart stopping when she experienced his gaze.
For weeks, the memory was all she had.
Then, she started getting ready, going out and dancing again. She couldn't bear the others' interrupting her privacy and their constant questions and demands of explanations. To shut them up, she started doing what they wanted them to. She danced. Each time she twirled, her eyes wandered around the spot where that stranger had sat but her eyes never met those brown eyes again.
Melancholy became a part of her. Then, he came.
She saw him standing below her window, looking up at her. Her original intention of finding the eyes which made her sell herself in onee gaze in the brightness of the full moon was forgotten the moment she saw his face staring at her. He was too far, he was too dear to her to be this far. So she ran outside, not caring that it was that part of the night when all passion was reserved for locked doors. It was a sight to be seen, a bare feet wearing only a simple dress of light fabric which in no way protected her from the chill of the night outside, run towards the spot where no one came. But he was there.
She didn't stop running till she was three feet away from him. Her uncovered chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, she only had eyes for his eyes. And it seemed like the eternities hadn't passed between then and now. The gaze was still the same.
She was so sold by that look in his eyes.
He came towards her and touched her cheek and she felt the peace she didn't know she had been missing till now. The gaze from this close was wreaking havoc inside her chest but she dare not close her eyes. He seemed to be drinking her in with his mere gaze only and she felt like she was dissipating into him. His other hand was softly trailing over arms and hands. All the pores of her body were on fire. Under his touch, she was nothing and everything.
He pulled her and cornered her against a tree. He held her face with both his hands and she felt his breath become one with hers. As he leaned down and touched his forehead with hers, a surge of inexpressible joy rushed through her body and came out in the form of a lone tear sliding down her cheek.
"Kon ho tum?"
He whispered, so softly, as if he wanted only her to hear it and not even the wind which surrounded them. His voice gave her another rush of pure exhilaration and she smiled as yet another tear slid down.
"Tumhari."
She breathed out the answer and he looked up at her. The smile didn't leave her face as he looked at her with the gaze which had made her forget her own self all these days. She had lived in the memory of this gaze, this sense of being worshiped with one gaze. It had made her feel that she was alive only when this gaze was on her, anything before this or after it would be worthless.
He wiped the tear off her cheek and leaned down again to kiss her. And it seemed to her that her life was fulfilled in that moment. Could there anything be more real than this? Not for her. She felt alive for the first time in that moment. And when he pulled back, she was done living.
And just like that, he was gone.
"Arey, tu kitni khushkismat hai! Chote Nawab ne tumhare liye apna rishta bheja hai."
The excited cry rang in her ears after a few days and she stared blankly at the happy faces of the strangers she had grown up with. That was the only response she had for them.
"Hayyee...rajkumari ki tarah rakhe ga wo tujhe. Tu jo chahe wo khareed sake gi, puri dunya wo tere qadmo mein rakh dega."
Another dreamy voice said the reason for all the excitement. Another voice that she ignored.
"Arey suno! Kuch hafte pehle wo khubru sa nojawan nahin aya tha jo tera raqs palak jhapkaye bina dekh raha tha? Arey wohi, Sultan ke saath aaya tha jo? Khabar chali hai ke jasoos tha wo. Kal raat sarhad paar karte waqt pakda gaya, apni bagawat ke saboot ke saath."
This got all her attention.
"Aaj dopahar usko chowk pe phansi di jaegi. Sab ke samne. Allah tauba, kaisa khaufnaak manzar hoga wo!"
Hearing this, she fell on her bed as a puppet cut from a string.
The crowd in the marketplace was getting thicker by the moment as all gathered to see the public death of a spy who dared threaten their prosperity. She joined the crowd silently, covered in all black so that no one from this honorable crowd would recognize her. Her face was hidden in a veil which only showed her eyes. She saw it all, him all tied up with ropes and dragged to the platform. He had his head bowed down all the time. It was only when he was made to stand on the stool and the knot of death tied around his death that he looked up.
And her eyes met the brown eyes which had turned her life around with one gaze. She saw it all, she kept looking at the eyes which drank her in till the shine from it was all gone. She kept standing there long after the crowd disappeared, staring at the dead face of the stranger who made her feel alive.
"Nawab ko kehdo, apna rishta wapas le le. Main bikki hui cheez hun, uske kaam ke nahin. Mera aaqa ais dunya se gaya, ab ye dunya meri nahin rahi."
Those were the only words she said when she came back to the excited faces. Before they could ask her any questions, she locked herself in the room.
The next day she was found on her bed, completely in peace. No one knew if her death came in sleep or she slept like that because she died.
~*~
I had to take this out of my system.
I'm ready to talk about it.
Just...feels man.
Ishq mein fanaa hone feels hain..
I'm ready to talk about it.
Just...feels man.
Ishq mein fanaa hone feels hain..
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
