The Final Battle! A letter to the Shehenshah.

(This post was originally as a response to Mansi's recent thread, but now posted as a separate thread as suggested by friends.)

I have been watching the last few days of your life and what you have been undergoing. I suppose, unknowingly you have given a call for "The Final Battle", a battle that is very much yours. But true to your character, you will win this battle as well. Here, is my victory tilak on your forehead, a victory that is yours for sure.

And if you wonder, how I am so sure of your victory - is it the faith in your sword, intelligence or MA's counsel? Well, this time, I would say it is the faith in the weapon you are wielding. While, you have said that you have lost battles before (you know where), which I still look at only as a stepping stone and the due victory still in that sense, still taking it as defeat so far, today you can be confident that it is Advantage Jalal.

Because, today you have the powerful weapon called love' and you also know how to wield it without any inhibition. You are comfortable with it and also realize it as your true power. And, for a change, your beloved is defenseless. The very love with which she won everyone all these days, is now waiting to defeat her.

A word of caution though... wield your weapon smartly!

Let me share with you some thoughts and you could decide (taking guidance from CVs) on your next course. For this, first, I would like to take you back to the days when Bakshi Bano broke your trust. How were you feeling then? Let us not get into the details of what she did or how she did, was she justified (given her love for Sherrifuddin) or not etc. etc. The scope of the discussion is only w.r.t. your emotions post the incident. Your heart was broken, you felt totally betrayed. Someone you would have trusted all your life has done this unthinkable right? And it was such an unbearable punishment both for her and you. Still, you stuck to it. Though you may argue on the grounds of being just (which seem compromised in the case of Adham and MA), my question here is that the intent of being just alone the reason or the hurt caused to you, a brother, a reason as well, if you want me to put it that way? And how were you those days - during the court case and even post that? Bakshi pleaded mercy, even Jodha, the directly affected party here had forgiven her and pleaded for her mercy. Were you in a mental frame to discuss the matter with anyone, be it Bakshi herself or anyone else? You were sulking and sulking by the day. It had wiped out all traces of smile from your face those days, you were badly affected. You could not bear to be let down by someone so very dear and trusted upon. You could not even bear a lie from Ruqaiyya (Harem election lie) and ofcourse, Jodha's hiding of the secret from you, meaning, she not trusting you, ate into you every moment. You could not carry on with your kingly duties, you lost your sleep and were heartbroken to be let down on your faith that she has faith in you. I understand what exactly you had gone through then Jalal, its perfect and in place, every bit of your emotion. I think even to be told that you are hated by your beloved is bearable compared to being let down on trust. And then your resultant outburst on the night and the throwing away of your very life. I could feel your pain very much, it was such a tough moment for you. And I suppose it was more a tough moment for you, when you realized the truth, for which you could not forgive yourself. It has been eating into you more than when the secret was withheld from you and you would be at peace only when you are forgiven for this big sin of yours. Again, I perfectly appreciate what you are going through now. I also, appreciate your earnest effort towards this and win back your love. As I said above, end of this, victory is written as yours! And I am happy about it.

Now, coming back to the battle on hand, everyone is aware of your intelligence and war prep. You go the extent of going in disguise to assess the enemy's strengths and weakness. You do such a detailed study of your enemy. You strategize smartly and every move is executed to perfection for that lasting victory. When the prep is done well, it is like battle half won already as you know and why you do also. So, in the current battle you are being engaged, I would like to understand what is your strategy, what prep work have you done and how much have you have understood to win your battle (contextually)? And what is it you are exactly looking to win over here?

I can hear you saying saaf saaf bataayiye. I may not be doing just that, but I am willing to present the case in front of you for your decision.

If the goal of this battle is to win your wife's love - then let me tell you that you will never achieve this. I know you are stunned to hear this. But, my simple question to you is, how can something that is already won, be won over again? Whenever you are saying that I will win her love (be it to Abul Mali or your self talk), you seem to be contradicting yourself, who have seen, experienced and said that Jodha loves you and cares for you. Does this then mean the battle is over, meaning nothing to be fought about? Well, not quite so, as you have only love now and there is something else which still remains to be won and as you would have guessed, her Trust. And this is battle for which I put the tilak on you.

And what is that she is not trusting? Your love? Is she not able to see feelings and relate to your outpour, or even the desperate search for her? Hers is a broken heart gripped by insecurity and fear, as I see. And her reaction and external responses are a product or those to hide these. In the process of loosing your trust on her, you have lost her trust very much. (My data point for her above state would be her soul talk on the showdown night, talk to Krishna, plea to Jalal on the banks of the lake. There is a concern that Jodha does not self talk, but when she does I am not sure how many are willing to listen to her!) The insight that I get from the quoted data points is that she knows the extent to which he loves her, but her heart is broken now as her trust is broken, the very trust which is the basis and which blossomed into love later and this is broken by the one whom she loves (night self-talk in palace), and secondly, that she is not sure that there might not be a repeat (refer outpour to her Krishna) of this repeat. She has taken a tough decision and is unwilling to be in this situation yet again - she pleaded to be let alone (near lake), she now refuses to be treated this way anyway anymore - by the whim and fancy of Jalal (she is tired of this - outpour to Krishna), she wants her identity very much. Well Jalal, you might not be aware of these talks, but you need to know this for sure, you need to understand why she is unwilling to forgive you though, importantly, when she loves you so much, you need to get to the root of the problem if you want it solved.

Coming back, when this is the situation on hand, how is it being resolved by you now? By saying that you love her, cannot live without her, forgive you and return to Agra. Do any of these statements of yours address the core issue stated above? So, summarily, are you solving the right issue is the question I would like to ask you? Are your actions directed to win what needs to be won?

You may also want to take notice of the fact that these are repetitive and consider if there could be any other factors contributing to these repeat issues between you both (when many a time you accuse each other still when the other denies a role to it)! All these days you both were only forgiving each other's mistakes because of your love for the other, which you are seeking now also, but did you realize that you both have not been forgetting those? The outburst by you both stands proof to this statement? And, is there an understanding and mutual respect for what each other value, be it your self-esteem or Mughal Saltanat esteem and likewise vachan etc for her? Please think about it.

Now, I would like to place few other data points in your presence for you to ponder. You are now concluding her reaction to be from her bloated ego. I do not want to get into an argument on whether she has ego or not. I just have few questions to you. Did her letter give an impression of ego (atleast you did not react that way) or did it give that impression when she went into the lake at Mathura or did she give this impression while pleading to be left alone (near the lake)? She also cooked for you at Mathura and willingly made the lep for you (Bharmal was not there then) - did you see any signs of ego then? Or is it that you are only seeing this reaction at Amer? So, even if we take that she has an ego now and hence her reaction at Amer, based on the above two pointers, could it be that she developed this ego now? And if so, what could be the reason?

Let us park this for a moment here and go back to Bakshi Bano with which we started this discussion. So, Jalal, w.r.t. Bakshi your trust was broken and you were devastated now. And when people were trying to take the topic, you did not encourage nor did you talk it out with anyone, you had wanted your space and time to reconcile. Suppose in this mental frame of yours, let us say, Bakshi went on pressuring you to forgive you, how would you have reacted? Or if HB and all others took Bakshi's side and were pressurizing you directly or indirectly to forgive her, how would you have reacted? (Bakshi's case was later taken up by when she was pregnant). And worse case, without understanding the depth of your wound and your state, not being sensitive, if you were engaged in such conversation as teasing and action that net-net amounts to mockery of your feelings (though not intentional), how would you have reacted? And after all this, if you are told that you are high on your ego?????? which someone swears to break it also? Tell me, what exactly would you have done in this situation? Revolted? But, here again, there is a catch that your hands are tied. You are emotionally blackmailed. You are hit at your weakest point and you are pushed to put your values before emotions, while being claimed that it is fair to do so in love and war. Net-net you are pushed to do what you do not want to and yet named egoistic. How will you behave in such a situation?

I am sure by now you have understood what I want to say. And, Jodha is deeply in love with you and she sees that she is vulnerable on that count. You may want to recollect that she asked to turn your face away when applying the lep and later when you lost balance and she held you, her eyes revealed a lot (if one believes in eye reading, I know you do that). That is what she herself is fighting against, her own emotions. Her intellect tells her to keep away, but her mind refuses to pull away.

Her own words that she has still not forgiven you - does it not indicate that she would? And that she has not closed the doors for good?? She first has to reconcile it for herself. She needs the time and space just as you needed then for Bakshi's incident. And I am sure you are able to understand the magnitude of the situation now in comparison to Bakshi's. Then what to say? What caused it, who caused it and who all are responsible for it is beyond the point and the discussion here. The fact of the matter is - that which is not to be said has been said.

Heart is not a toy to be used and thrown by one's whims and fancy (like you might have been used to toys at Harem). I am not essentially saying you are this bad, but what I am trying to point out is that it does not work like that of a heart surgery, where it gets torn, then stitched immediately and then, ready for the next tear. Even here, it has to recover back completely, before it is actually even ready for the next tear! So don't you think that her torn heart first needs to recuperate? But the heart can recuperate not just by not taxing it, but also giving the required medicine. So, do you think instead of going to the medicine (for yourself - sword scene), you could be the soothing and strengthening medicine for this grave injury of your beloved wife and help her to recuperate? I agree that she could have treated you better in public, but you were graceful enough still not to hold it against her.

Well, you may argue that you tried talking to her (though am not sure what you would have talked if given a chance - maybe forgive you, how desperately you searched for her and request her to come back to Agra?). Before that did you assess if she is in a mental frame to talk. You did not want to talk either during Bakshi's case. So, what to do then is your question right? My answer is you could try to do what your wife did then. She asked you to forgive, when she saw that it was not working, she tried to rationalize, but did not push you beyond a point. She presented her case and left it for it to work on you. Later, when there was a good case on hand (Bakshi s pregnancy) she took it up emphatically. So, give your beloved time to reconcile, then as she settles down talk and clarify things, then win her trust back by your act. Please note that talking will only clarify, but action will only convince. But talking is also needed to sustain the conviction. You guys need to bare your chest to each other. But at the right time please. Also, when you do that, remember that you need to move on and there is no point in holding to the past and pointing fingers anymore. This effort and dedication has to come in from both of you.

Hope you would have realized that by your current action you are bruising her more and making her more aggressive. By the way did you notice that she is not wearing green dress these days - any message? You may want to think about it?

So, end of the day it does not matter whether she is at Agra or Amer, these need to fall in line. But it matters whether you are at Amer or Agra, as it is only from Agra that your action can be seen. And for the action to be seen, maybe she has to be in Agra?? I give it to you for holding her weak point (HB) and pushing her to go to Agra, if this can be achieved. I also would like to say that there is not much of risk from MA or Ruk now as I see. Ofcourse, if you hold on to the ego' conclusion, you are vulnerable and this card could be played on you- alert! Resolve to yourself, that you will not succumb to any such and be steadfast in your goal of winning Jodha back. You resolved earlier too that you will not allow silence between the both of you (Kajri days), but it lacked implementation. So, when you resolve, resolve for good.

And importantly, even if she is it at Agra, remember that she has to come to you. This time make her come to you. Stay true to your words to Abdul, that she will come to you. This is what will work in the long run too. I remember sharing this with my friend Radhika sometime back that you have to wait for her to return, decision hers. And you, ofcourse, know that this is well done by your gentle and effective act as well. And if required give the required shock too to jolt her up and bring her to reality, else she just sulks away (you saying that you are going back to Agra to your people is a good step in this direction, am sure it will work on her. Only when pushed to the edge, people really act and with such dertermination. She will feel the force of you in her now). She would also need the right company who can help her through this rough time, make her see things in the right perspective etc., I only hope Shehnaaz will play in here. And, I wish you also get some good buddy out there who would help you see things and enable you on your important role here, for your eternal love life to kick off. Though I wish that buddy to be Jodha itself, given the state of affairs now, Jodha herself needs help. This love is a new experience to her also just as for you, and she is struggling herself with it, again just as you with the inability to understand the other and the resultant conclusion of each other. But I do place my hope in that given time Jodha could introspect, understand her areas of improvement as well and handle things better. But some kind of reassurance from you is very much required though for the new journey to kick start. She is not even opening up because of the lack of it. Now, here again, just do not give a vachan that you will trust her eternally, though she loves vachan. Your action should speak instead. And remember, it has always been your act, that has won her faith and thereby the resultant love for you. And this whole thing may take some time as you see, but worth all the wait for sure! And while I say all this, Jodha very much has her bit to do as well (it is a letter to you and so her role is not elaborated). She has to accept the fact that she loves you way too much to be cut off from you, but at the same time be clear on how the relationship should move forward, not giving room for any more strain in future. She has her homework to do. It is the sustained effort of both that could see this through. And the fact that she has said that she will come to you when she feels so (ready), clearly points out her intention to return and the big first step taken in this direction.

To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.

The best victory is when the opponent surrenders of its own accord

Best wishes! May you be victorious!

Caution: When you return to Agra, you may be in yet another situation where you will be at cross roads to trust HB or MA. It is not easy for you to doubt MA, how can it be possible for anyone who is told that one's parent is a traitor to oneself? But nevertheless, you need to face it. Maybe, yet another instance of a life being at stake shaking you up, could bring the truth in front you. Also, Ruks might have fallen in love with you too in this period of separation!!!!

This post is dedicated to Mansi, a brilliant writer, who has been delighting us with her posts consistently. This post, ofcourse, is also dedicated to you dear Jalal - you guessed it right on the font colour.

Originally posted by: Kaana

but her heart is broken now as her trust is broken, the very trust which is the basis and which blossomed into love later and this is broken by the one whom she loves (night self-talk in palace), and secondly, that she is not sure that there might not be a repeat (refer outpour to her Krishna) of this repeat. She has taken a tough decision and is unwilling to be in this situation yet again - she pleaded to be let alone (near lake), she now refuses to be treated this way anyway anymore - by the whim and fancy of Jalal (she is tired of this - outpour to Krishna), she wants her identity very much. Well Jalal, you might not be aware of these talks, but you need to know this for sure, you need to understand why she is unwilling to forgive you though, importantly, when she loves you so much, you need to get to the root of the problem if you want it solved.

Well said. She said it in the letter , in Mathura and again now., What is her astitva? Is she an object? . She has no feelings? It was literally in the middle of the night he said he was freeing her from all bondage and asked her to get out. One MU and the relationship is just cut-off? She had no say?

Coming back, when this is the situation on hand, how is it being resolved by you now? By saying that you love her, cannot live without her, forgive you and return to Agra. Do any of these statements of yours address the core issue stated above? So, summarily, are you solving the right issue is the question I would like to ask you? Are your actions directed to win what needs to be won?

He was very profound and sincere and earnest in his apology. It looks like she gets him there...But him following it by "Come back to Agra with me" seems to put her off as again he does not seem to ask her if she is okay to return back with him.

I am sure by now you have understood what I want to say. And, Jodha is deeply in love with you and she sees that she is vulnerable on that count. You may want to recollect that she asked to turn your face away when applying the lep and later when you lost balance and she held you, her eyes revealed a lot (if one believes in eye reading, I know you do that). That is what she herself is fighting against, her own emotions. Her intellect tells her to keep away, but her mind refuses to pull away.

Yup! I grew tired of defending her at one point. She was fighting with her own emotions. And hence coming out looking stubborn and proud.

Heart is not a toy to be used and thrown by one's whims and fancy (like you might have been used to toys at Harem). I am not essentially saying you are this bad, but what I am trying to point out is that it does not work like that of a heart surgery, where it gets torn, then stitched immediately and then, ready for the next tear. Even here, it has to recover back completely, before it is actually even ready for the next tear! So don't you think that her torn heart first needs to recuperate? But the heart can recuperate not just by not taxing it, but also giving the required medicine. So, do you think instead of going to the medicine (for yourself - sword scene), you could be the soothing and strengthening medicine for this grave injury of your beloved wife and help her to recuperate? I agree that she could have treated you better in public, but you were graceful enough still not to hold it against her.

The root cause of this Mu is a good lesson for them on trust issues. Jalaal is a quick learner. They both have some deep thinking to do in their alone time.

Again am so glad there is some alone time for both. . Where they both can ponder, learn from their mistakes and also do a little pinning for the other.

Originally posted by: Sandhya.A

Jalal's reply

Dear Kanaa (that you call me a friend, I also will consider you one. I value friendship a lot)

Bakshi's crime was intentional, cold-blooded, unforgivable and cheap but my mistake was an error of judgement and momentary loss of control of emotions. There is a huge difference between the two. The reactions to both the situations cannot be compared. So the very base of your letter stands on flimsy grounds.

I felt betrayed by my sister, as she did an act of evil knowingly, fully aware of the situation and its implications and so I could not forgive her easily. But was my act such an evil intentional one. I leave it to you to judge.

Moreover there was nothing in the my sister's betrayal that I was the indirect cause because of which my sister had to cheat on me. But here, my begum, did not trust me with the secret of her brother even before he took the vachan from her, which laid the foundation for such a mess. Has she no trust in my sense of Justice even after she has seen me in the Tasneem issue, The slavery issue and various other issues. Even in the case of Benazir when I was lividly angry with her for having insulted me, I did, as is the duty of an Emperor, conduct and enquiry in the DEK (milk test), but Benazir pulled a fast one. Did my Jodha not trust that I would conduct an enquiry for her brother and punish him ONLY if I found him wrong? Where is her implicit trust in me that she demands from me?

Whenever she has made a mistake of errors of judgement on me or lashed out hard words against me, they have even gone unnoticed as I have never even made an issue of them as I love her. She has also accused me of cheap things, questioned my integrity and conduct many a times, but I have learnt to see her beyond her words. I never take her words seriously. Neither have I expected her to apologise. .(Btw, dear Kanaa, whether it is the 16th century or the 21st century, why is respect and integrity spoken of as exclusive women's property?)

Raja Bharmal also betrayed Jodha and trapped her into a marriage that she was against. The entire family lied to her about the identity of the groom to save their skins. But ultimately it was me whom she blamed. By now I am used to all this. Forever being the gunehgaar in her eyes, for she is yet to see me beyond my words. But this time, I went out of the way to seek forgivance. And she knows herself that she is partially at fault as well. Then why all the fuss?

Well, I have a kingdom to care for and my responsibilities, to my kingdom and the rest of my family. Hence I leave. I leave it to her good sense to make a decision. God has given me abundant persistence if not patience. I trust in God. What happens, let it happen, and happen for the best.

Affectionately yours

Jalalluddin.