Posted:
try as i might, and i have tried pretty hard given my deep regard and love for this show, i have failed to accept the idea of remarriage.
i understand many here will not agree with me, and that's fine. these are our individual opinions, you and i both have a right to ours. i am writing here to place a point of view, because i feel iss pyaar ko deserves this and also to have an open discussion if anyone feels like it.
i fully appreciate that often in a serial the tracks have to adapt and change course for n number of reasons. actor's needs, viewership needs, channel needs, several things affect the show. which is why, that not very well thought out kidnapping track didn't really bother me. even till now so much remains unexplained. why did shyam kidnap asr in the first place? how could four unauthorised men just walk into the secured area of an international airport? what did they say to him that he agreed to leave with them? and more lately, how come no one at home, including his devoted elder sister ever asked him a single question about the kidnapping, his state of mind, health, nothing.
no matter. we all know why the track had to be devised. and perhaps some day the loose ends will be tied up neatly. even if they aren't i'll move on, telling myself life is often like that. messy, not everything gets a well crafted denouement.
but the marriage on the night of 17 february is different.
a man and a woman stood before god (for that meant something to her) and fire, the supreme witness. mantras chanted in the background. he put two signs of marriage on her, a mangalsutra and sindoor, they came home and he declared they were married. after which they lived together for nearly six months, ending up sleeping on the same bed, defending each other with their life and honour. falling deeply in love, referring to each other as pati and patni.
the marriage was not consummated. but it was still a marriage. and if it wasn't how come it graduated to the level of intimacy it did with both openly acknowledging the relationship? and no one questioning it? from mooh dikhai to griha pravesh to suhaag raat to symbolic cooking for the family, all the rituals were observed. everybody accepted them as husband and wife.
yes, he had coerced her into marrying him. and no, in the strictest sense of the word it was not right of him to do so. but that is the crux of this relationship, it grew despite everything, even extreme distrust and near hatred. try as they might, and both did their best, they couldn't stay away from each other. the mangalsuttra and sindoor she took under duress in tears and shock, shivering with the horror of unfolding events, she came to wear them with love and deep feelings for the man she loved.
you may ask so what's the legal status of the marriage? my little reading tells me that the gandharva practice of hindu marriage (one of eight practices, all legally acceptable under certain circumstances) which requires not much more than a private ceremony between two people is still considered valid as long as there's evidence in the form of pictures and/or a period of cohabitation between the couple and acceptance by the family and neighbours of the marriage itself. in case some one wishes to challenge this, the onus is on them to prove the marriage is not legal. if the things i mentioned earlier exist, the law tends to judge in favour of maintaining not destroying the marriage.
but law is complicated. anything can be made into anything.
what bothers me more is that we all know they are indeed married, that mangalsutra and sindoor khushi wears even now says that to me. the game they play about is she his or not, "hum toh aap hi ke hain," says that to me. the fact that since 17 february i haven't heard anyone scream hey! these guys are not married, so how come they are living together says that to me. now she realises how another crucial (to her) ceremony designed by destiny and their intense relationship happened before devi maiyya, and she has been his "tab se," oh that says many things to me.
we will discover practically all the rasams have been done by them in the guise of something else. perhaps only pheras remain. but does that need a second obviously observed wedding full of rituals? is it right to be doing so? so the presence of god and fire (and legal nod if needed) mean nothing?
what bothered khushi was his bringing up of the contract the night di tried to abort her child. arnav lost his temper, as is his wont, badly with khushi. said horroiible things. realised his mistake. came back and tried to apologise. khushi was too hurt and understandably so. she wouldn't listen, insisted on leaving. failing to dissuade her, he brought up the contract forcing her to complete its terms and stay till it ended.
we know why he did it. but she didn't. and the very mention of a thing that made her commitment into a temporary affair, almost making a mockery of her love and sacrifice for him, enraged her, pained her unbearably. also understandable.
he pursued her, did all he could, there was anger, passion, hatred, then finally love, deep and flowing.
no, they didn't have the perfect marriage, but marriage it was. otherwise khushi would have no compunction to remove the sindoor and mangalsutra would she? arnav wouldn't say before all he is willing to marry his wife again, would he. question is, is this remarriage ethical?
to put khushi's mind at rest and to bring a sense of "mangal" to their union after all the harrowing events of the past months, couldn't a deeper more meaningful ceremony be conceived. a private recommitment with members of family present? i can imagine a beautiful iss pyaar ko moment, an arnav khushi uniquesness to it: under the stars (their parents as they both now believe), exchanging of garlands maybe, arnav giving his mother's bangles to her, taking the blessings of the elders... later at night, by the poolside reading his mother's letter, just the two of them. and to put everyone's mind at ease a registering of their marriage.
is a big loud indian wedding necessary or even right?
it feels awfully un-ipk for one. also seems the creatives are rushing through it "karke khatam kjaro," attitude. why am i getting the feeling, in a bid to please everyone, many rituals with big jewellery and heavy zari lehengas and saris will be done but in the end there will be yet another impediment to their wedding, and the 17th february marriage will remain their only one for the time being, pleasing no one, yet doing all the rituals in a "done" sort of way.
iss pyaar ko gave me arnav singh raizada, an outstanding character, an iconoclast. he has taken his mother's name for his own reasons, he does not believe in god but has a strong sense of ethics and a great capacity to love, he is intelligent, fearless, responsible, handsome but also nasty, with huge anger issues, uncaring at times, autocratic often. he is a man with a past that has shaped him, end result: fabulous being, impossibly sexy, good bad all included.
then there's the one of a kind khushi. sankadevi, jhalli nonpareil, spunky, gutsy, funny, loving, strong, darti hai par karti hai, innocent, clear hearted, brave intrinsically, highly ethical, believer of god and tradition, generous, a character with immense potential. an iconoclast in her own way, doing things she believes should be done.
both are orphans, broken in their own ways. people say they are opposite in character, but are they really? important thing is, each has what it takes to make the other feel a little less broken.
there is nothing about them i'd like to see drastically changed. yes, asr will learn to release the huge love within him thanks to khushi. but then it is not a newly acquired trait, it's within him already. and khushi will learn to evolve through her love, but not become another animal.
as this whole remarriage gets going, i notice subtle changes that i can't say i really enjoy. asr is suddenly too sweet. khushi's smile has an uncharacteristic know all feel to it.
perhaps what is not right does this to us. we can't really stay honest and feel our way through it.
813