Live-in Relationships; Staying Together

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--Revv--

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Dazzler

Posted: 15 years ago

#121

Hi all,

A very interesting topic!! But the way some of the comments are going - looks to be Marriage Vs. live-in relationship 😆😆😆..

I agree to most of the pro-live in and pro marriage comments.. Loved the various perspectives that the readers brought to this forum.. Very mature way of dealing with disagreements 👏👏👏...

Like some of u said , brought up in an conservative Hindu South indian family, I would tend to agree to marriage and not live in.. But my mom has always supported me in being an invidual and not be bogged by what others think I should be.. Both my parents though may not agree have always allowed my personal space and freedom. So I find nothing wrong in a live relationship..

I think it all depends on the cirumcustances and it is an individual's choice. Live in does not mean only sex, also it does not mean that we can walk out anytime we want.. I have friends who are in a live-in relationship and I see the same effort they put in making their relationship work that I put for my marriage to work.. And all would love to marry if not for some personal baggage.. Some have family issues ( inter-caste, age, language, etc), some are bogged by previous relationships and some just dont think they are ready to enter the intituition but want to explore if they are right for each other..I have also have friends who stay with their partners because of the high rents each one has to shell. So they rather stay together. So are they wrong in living together ?? A BIG NO!! My friend had asked me before moving in with her partner about the rightness of her decision - I told her just one thing- Follow ur heart.. 3 years down the lane.. I dont see her regretting her decision.. Both have learnt a lot about each other which would otherwise have been impossible..

Another question to post - What about weekend getaways - isnt that also a temporary live in ? When u go with ur partners out of town and stay together?? That time too u learn quite a lot about their habits.. Is it wrong ??

How many of u agree that emotional scars take longer to heal than the physical ones?? So if u have emotionally involved with a person, arent u opening urself to greater wounds??? So if u trust ur emotions with him/her, then live in should not seem to be a great sin/inconvenience.. And please remove from minds that live in means only the 3 letter word (Dont want warning from anyone 😉)...

Now question arises, why marriage ???

I am in a relationship with my husband for nearly 10 years now (we married about a year and half ago).. But we were staying with our parents.. If we were alone in a different city, would we have stayed together.. I think yes.. It would taken sometime for my conservative mind to agree because of the norms society has put in the mind, but I would do it.. Why, because its more convenient - please do not misunderstand this word.. I mean that we spend every spare time together, so would this not give us more time to spend and easier to take care of each other.. I am not saying all should be in a live in relation, but if u are OK with it and dont give a damn, go ahead!!

So did we get married because we could not have a live in relationship - NO WAY..

I wanted to get married to him and vice versa because I wanted the stamp of my possession on him in every way possible... Marriage is more binding.. It is not an obligation.. If we are sure of both ourselves, parents have approved, why not take the next step??

Another point of view -

Have you thought a bout children?? We can say we dont care for society.. But I have seen how cruel children can be - unintentional ofcourse but they take the cues from their elders.. When its just u, u would not care, but when another comes into pic, thats when the dynamics change..

Like I said - I am not pro live in or marriage.. Both have their own merits and dismerits.. But its upto us to choose what we want from life and learn from our experiences.. Like Bri said, dont close ur mind, open it to explore possibilities..

A fool learns from his mistakes, a wise man from others experiences.. So learn to open ur mind, accept people for what they are.. If all were the same , we would be clones - God has created a masterpiece when he designed each one of us!!

Coming to Geet - I would not mind either way- but seeing Geet and Maan's mindset- live in does not seem to be an option...

Wont apologize for the lengthy post 😛😛.. Wanted to write since the day I saw the post, but wanted time to do justice to this unconventional post 😉😉

Rev

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Opti

@Opti

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 15 years ago

#122

Originally posted by: ash08
Sweets,

Trust you to get a topic like this on board the forum.

I would say a relationship between a man and a woman is similar to a any other relationship of the heart. Will you go and legalise your friendship with someone whom you think of a true friend? Do you go and register your feelings for your neighbour whom you think of as your mom? Do you go and perform rituals to announce to the world that your classmate from school is like a brother to you? NO, you don't. They why do you have to legalise, solemnise, register a relation between a man and a woman? Yes, marriage is an institution. A sacred institution. But when you force two individuals into it, it loses its sanctity.

A relationship between a man and a woman need to be based on consensus - consensus on love, trust, understanding, sex, money, family, space etc. You need a person to share your life with, share every day moments with, a person who understands your likes and dislikes, a person who knows when to console you and when to leave you alone, a person who is there for you but still gives you space to grow. A person with whom at the end of a hard day you just snuggle upto revelling in the marvel that he just exists. A marriage cannot guarantee all this. A union of souls does.

Coming to Geet, it is her choice. She has had a bad marriage, albeit fake. She is still recovering from the wounds. Why thrust it again on her? I wish the CVs would look at it from this angle too.

Worrying about what the world talks is easier because you can tend to ignore it. But getting into a marriage without happiness is not easy for you are the one who tends to suffer.

Why do we have to legalise marriage when we dont need to legalise friendship? Good question. The answer to that is that marriage is not only a relationship between two individuals but also an institution within which the progeny is brought forth. Human babies are the most helpless of all the species. They require much more care than any other animal. Apart for physical security children also require emotional security. No matter how old we grow we never grow out of seeking our parents' guidance from time to time. Now with such a huge responsibility it is not always possible for one parent (the mother) to fulfil it. (Ofcourse it is not to say one parent cannopt fulfil it and may even be forced to when the other dies or gets divorced) But it is always easier if both the parents are around. Now for men, the act of bringing into existence the new life is always more pleasurable than the commitment to raise it and given a chance not one which he may look forward to. This is the reason why society over the years has evolved a mechanism called marriage where the couple are committed to stay together not only for each other's sake but also for the children.

One can argue why such an arrangement cannot be through a mere mutual agreement between the couple, why get married. Why not raise children even without this legal commitment. Well those who are parents know how difficult it is to raise a child and I doubt many men will willingly accept this responsibility when they always have this option to walk out when the going gets tough, which it is bound to happen. Marriage, at least, does not make it easy for the guy to walk out and even if he does, he still has to support the kid.

I accept that a relationship between a man and a woman has to be based on everything you said and I also agree that marriage may not always guarantee that. Do you mean to say that a live-in will? In fact I think with no societal pressure, the chances of the relationship crumbling is much more. All this talk about union of soul is fine but not all couples are soulmates. Marriage is about working together, making adjustments etc for the greater good of not only each other but all the children the couple beget. The couple may not always be able to keep this larger interest in mind. It is then that the so-called fence that the society has built that will act as the buffer so that the couple are forced to look for solutions within their marriage instead of taking the easy way out. Marriages can still crumble despite all this but divorce is not easy to come by. That will at least act as some deterrent.

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Do not Tell

@bDgT

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#123

Originally posted by: Harpreet.M

yeah nobody can push you but it happens, you know I had a friend who moved in with her fianc they were doing alright for two weeks but then you know they both could not control the desire so ended up sleeping together b4 marriage, then they made it a habit and one day she became pregnant. the couple wasn't ready so the guy basically left her she was devastated and had a miscarriage and was hospitalized for a couple months it sucks

I mean alot of my friends living together with their bfs are not virgins anymore cuz they can't control their emotions so even if your human you can be pushed still

about commitment: when your married to someone you have responsibility to take care if something happens your not only bounded together by name but also by whatever religion you practice. society accepts you we say who cares about what ppl say but we all care.

love this discussion topic sorry for typos replying from iPhone

Great points made Harpreet. No worries on the typos!

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Do not Tell

@bDgT

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#124

Originally posted by: nairprasu
And hence I went with the flow and got into an arranged marriage. It turned out good for me that's all...and that is what I wanted to highlight...

All relationships come with no guarantees and it is all about the 'to each his/her own' perspective.

I am glad it has worked for you Nairprasu! You are absolutely right that no relationship comes with a guarantee. I add be it a blood relationship or an acquired relationship or a relationship that is conceived. We see the failure or the family in so many ways, be it parental, spousal, siblings or even progeny.

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Do not Tell

@bDgT

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#125

Originally posted by: taqdir
loved the whole discussions. All of it, excellent! 👏
3 months or more, no problem with me! They are already living in the same house for some time and the team can easily create situations where they wuld have no other choice but to stay together. Once they start the live-in relationship and put some fun moments there, people would be busy laughing and forget the live-in thing. It would be really fun. Loved your post a lot.👍🏼

Taqdir! Perfect! Yeah all the audience wants is fun and games, lol!

Edited by bDgT - 15 years ago

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Do not Tell

@bDgT

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#126

Originally posted by: MaaneetDD
Hi all,

A very interesting topic!! But the way some of the comments are going - looks to be Marriage Vs. live-in relationship 😆😆😆..

I agree to most of the pro-live in and pro marriage comments.. Loved the various perspectives that the readers brought to this forum.. Very mature way of dealing with disagreements 👏👏👏...

Like some of u said , brought up in an conservative Hindu South indian family, I would tend to agree to marriage and not live in.. But my mom has always supported me in being an invidual and not be bogged by what others think I should be.. Both my parents though may not agree have always allowed my personal space and freedom. So I find nothing wrong in a live relationship..

I think it all depends on the cirumcustances and it is an individual's choice. Live in does not mean only sex, also it does not mean that we can walk out anytime we want.. I have friends who are in a live-in relationship and I see the same effort they put in making their relationship work that I put for my marriage to work.. And all would love to marry if not for some personal baggage.. Some have family issues ( inter-caste, age, language, etc), some are bogged by previous relationships and some just dont think they are ready to enter the intituition but want to explore if they are right for each other..I have also have friends who stay with their partners because of the high rents each one has to shell. So they rather stay together. So are they wrong in living together ?? A BIG NO!! My friend had asked me before moving in with her partner about the rightness of her decision - I told her just one thing- Follow ur heart.. 3 years down the lane.. I dont see her regretting her decision.. Both have learnt a lot about each other which would otherwise have been impossible..

Another question to post - What about weekend getaways - isnt that also a temporary live in ? When u go with ur partners out of town and stay together?? That time too u learn quite a lot about their habits.. Is it wrong ??

How many of u agree that emotional scars take longer to heal than the physical ones?? So if u have emotionally involved with a person, arent u opening urself to greater wounds??? So if u trust ur emotions with him/her, then live in should not seem to be a great sin/inconvenience.. And please remove from minds that live in means only the 3 letter word (Dont want warning from anyone 😉)...

Now question arises, why marriage ???

I am in a relationship with my husband for nearly 10 years now (we married about a year and half ago).. But we were staying with our parents.. If we were alone in a different city, would we have stayed together.. I think yes.. It would taken sometime for my conservative mind to agree because of the norms society has put in the mind, but I would do it.. Why, because its more convenient - please do not misunderstand this word.. I mean that we spend every spare time together, so would this not give us more time to spend and easier to take care of each other.. I am not saying all should be in a live in relation, but if u are OK with it and dont give a damn, go ahead!!

So did we get married because we could not have a live in relationship - NO WAY..

I wanted to get married to him and vice versa because I wanted the stamp of my possession on him in every way possible... Marriage is more binding.. It is not an obligation.. If we are sure of both ourselves, parents have approved, why not take the next step??

Another point of view -

Have you thought a bout children?? We can say we dont care for society.. But I have seen how cruel children can be - unintentional ofcourse but they take the cues from their elders.. When its just u, u would not care, but when another comes into pic, thats when the dynamics change..

Like I said - I am not pro live in or marriage.. Both have their own merits and dismerits.. But its upto us to choose what we want from life and learn from our experiences.. Like Bri said, dont close ur mind, open it to explore possibilities..

A fool learns from his mistakes, a wise man from others experiences.. So learn to open ur mind, accept people for what they are.. If all were the same , we would be clones - God has created a masterpiece when he designed each one of us!!

Coming to Geet - I would not mind either way- but seeing Geet and Maan's mindset- live in does not seem to be an option...

Wont apologize for the lengthy post 😛😛.. Wanted to write since the day I saw the post, but wanted time to do justice to this unconventional post 😉😉

Rev

Rev, just love your opinions and views. Wonderful and so sensible. Again let me reiterate, this discussion is not between marriage Vs. Live in. It is only that any choice is the same provided one wants to go with it and that each choice has its loopholes as well as advantages. But that there is nothing to condemn if one chooses to "live-in" rather than "marry"

Thanks for the wonderful post.
Bri

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--Revv--

@--Revv--

Dazzler

Posted: 15 years ago

#127

Thank you Bri.. I understand that we are not discussing about marriage vs live in, but some of the comments just led to those directions was what I felt 😳😳.. Exactly, ultimately - we need to choose whats best for us.. Just like a dress may compliment me and not other.. One man's poison is ambrosia for another..

I feel this post is a exploration of new possibilities and sharing of our experiences to give a unique perspective to widen our mindsets.. So I really appreciate u opening this post.. It helped identify with many readers and understand their POVs too 😃😃

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jasw

@jasw

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

#128

Interesting topic. I guess till there are only two people involved, live-in or marriage, anything will do as long as you have love in the relationship but once kid comes into picture then it's better to follow the institution of marriage for the sake of your kid. The kid won't understand the emancipation of his parents and definitely will have to bear the brunt for being an illegitimate kid.

Personally, It took us years to get married ..not because we wanted to experiment with live-in but because of convince-in of our respective parents!! 😃 Now I can laugh, but to tell you the truth, it was most challenging phase!

The way Maan is so eager to announce his engagement, I am sure he'll go for the ultimate-marriage! Geet being brought up in conventional family would definitely feel awkward in a live-in relationship!

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Doodle

@Doodle

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 15 years ago

#129

Bri, fantastic topic.

Live-in relationships – Yes when a serial like Hasratein can deal with that ages back then why not now? I just wanna say if any need arises where Geet had to leave Khurana Mansion after the truth being out then I want Maan to be her mental strength and support Geet and walk out of the mansion and they can be each other's support. We can see their struggle to make a mark and create a position for themselves in the world. I have always been fond of doing something different and be an example and I want them to be an inspiration to all those who wants to have a Live-in relationships.