MaYur Gallery - Updated OS Page 29

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#171

Originally posted by: Pia-
Fantastic update
Waiting for next part

Thank you Pia and welcome to you too! Unfortunately there is no next part to it..it was just an OS. But I hope to see you in my next writings. Send me a bud request if you want to be added to my PM list.

Thanks

Neela

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#172

Originally posted by: --Mahima--
Look whose back!

It's Neela!

Glad to have you back!

The OS was simple and enchanting!

So much conveyed in so less words!

The work was simply beautiful!

Hope to read more from you soon!

Luv

Mahi

And look who is on my thread after years!!! I'm so happy to see you Mahi just when I thought you converted from MaYur to AsYa now 😛 You couldnt be any more right! That was the whole idea and perhaps the challenge as well to be able to portray the whole story in as little scope that I had available which is a last minute but first conversation between MaYur. I am so glad you liked it and it feels great to have such an old reader like you on my thread again. Reminds me of the good old days we used to have 😊 Hope to see more of you ...

Love..
Neela

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#173

Originally posted by: shafy_MN
when will you presenting us new mayur story

Hi Shafy,

Not sure if you read the one that I published couple of days ago. Check it out on page 25 of this thread...I will be putting up a new one now..hope to see your comments on that as well 😊

If you are referring to MaYur FFs then I am not sure if I will write FFs on MaYur as such. But I will try to write a few short stories and OS to keep the fluids running 😃

Please do read and as always leave your comments behind 😊 Its always a pleasure to see you on my thread Shafy...Thank you!

-Neela

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#174

Originally posted by: Faria.

Happy Ending ki dushman
tragic queen- abhi bhi waise he hai. bilkul nehi badli..:(. i said na- u should try new things. try to make uncomfortable things comfortable- pher dekhna kya maza ata hai..

abbbaaayyy...happy ending ka dushman nahi hoon! bas ending ka dushman hoon! 😆 I don't know...I just don't like ending a story. Although people think that I leave my readers on a cliffhanger but the truth is I believe I always give an open ending that helps readers to direct their thoughts to whichever endings they like. You're right! I am not comfortable writing confession stories like "I love you...do you love me? If yes, how much..?" such cliche! shaadi hogayi ...honeymoon pe chale gaye...phir kya? saas bahu k jhagre ya husband wife ki growing distance? daal chawal k bhao poocho ya bacchon k school k fees? Its difficult for me...I cannot leave a Mayank and Nupur happily married and end the story and then write another one where they face a different problem but ultimately get married again. And then write another one...let them thru hell and heaven but get them married...again! I have to leave them at a stage where they can re-live their love thru another story of mine. Something that is realistic ...yet immortalizes them. 😳

Anyways, I understand your frustration. So I want to really try something that does challenge me and the only way I can do it is get out side of MaYur. I will probably write something like that. I want to test it and see k waqai me kitna maza aata hai. Hope you will read something that is based on my imaginary characters but honestly speaking with MaYur...its tough.

Check out the next OS. shayed...may be I managed to meet your expectations...who knows? 😉

-Neela

Edited by NorthernLight - 11 years ago

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#175

Originally posted by: .SilentPrincess
Reserved.
Edited.

This is a very simple story.. yet its not. :) shayad yehi aapki haasiyat hain.. kuch na keh k bohat kuch keh jaate ho. And this is one of the many reasons why you're my favorite writer.

Its a beautiful story.. or what should i say.. aik bohat he khubsoorat mukhtasar mulakat thi. The title is just perfect.. i love your titles because they describe the whole story in just a few words..

A 5 minute meeting told us so much about them.. and strangely. They didn't know that the other person know so much about them..

Like bua jee mentioned.. There's no privacy in the area.. although there's a certain barrier.. but when it comes to MN, everything turns invisible.. and they can see right thru each other..

"The color blue to get a feel of the heaven.." it brought back a beautiful memory.. so thank you for that. :)

I think this is the simplest story you have ever written.. but there's so much you can absorb from it.. which makes this story complicated. Or unique I'd say the right word is.. :)
You still have the magic intact.. and it makes even the simplest story so beautiful..

And lastly.. those 4 lines in the end. I'm more than happy.. ecstatic to see them.. I've truly missed them.. even more than your writings. :)
What do i say .. its.. painfully beautiful.. i want to shed a tear. But also smile.. whole heartedly..

The perfect way to end this OS.

-----

Now the writer herself..

WELCOME BACK! 🤗

I've really missed you.. and your beautiful work.. and finallyyy you're back. :) I hope you intend to stay as well and not run off again.. :p

it's really good to see you back ... now keep writing.. so we can read more from you.

-Fatima-

res

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#176

~~~~~~ Lost in Translation ~~~~~

Story of her life! Whenever she arrives on time, the bus is late and those days when she is occasionally late the bus seems to be perfectly on time! And today, its even worse! Not only was she late but the bus seems to be taking extra time at each stop!!

"pata nahi logon ko utha rahe hai ya uthaane se pehle 3 course menu ka khaana bhi serve kar rahe hai. iss haal me bus chalta raha toh issi bus se ghar wapas aana parega. itni important lecture thee aaj by God ...gaya sab! " she murmurs to herself as she tries to take a peek towards the open doors of the bus.."ho kya raha hai aakhir..!" Soon enough, she realizes that there is some kind of dispute going on between the bus conductor and a passenger which is causing this unnecessary delay. Although the conductor seems really agitated the passenger, however, seems to be on a rather amusing mood. Disappointed by the delay of the bus, the passenger sitting next to Nupur decides to get off the bus leaving the seat vacant. Suddenly the bus starts rolling and before Nupur can rejoice, a faint voice snaps her out of her reverie. The owner of that voice was none other than that silhouette she saw arguing with the compounder. Now she sees him clearly...dressed in hand embroidered elegant kurta and nicely pleated dhoti, he seemed like one of those zameedar types walking straight out of a novel written back in 1952!! As she gazes at him from top to bottom, he speaks again..

M: Ami ki ekhane boshte pari?
N: (completely clueless she stares at him again)
M: (This time he also makes some gestures explaining...) Apnar kono oshubidha na hole ami ekhane boshe pori?
N: (she nods in a rather confused way)
M: (while taking the seat in his own comfort and time he continues) apnader ei shohor ta na boroi odbhut..bujhlen? amar khurtuto bhai er station e ashar kotha chilo kintu pooro station e taake khujei pelum na! phone korte gelum booth e hothat dekhi amar shob maal pottro udhao. taxi k dhore bollum ek jaygay jete she amake onno kothao phele chole gelo. or bhara dite giye pocket shunno! ekhon ei bus conductor k jiggesh korlam shonapur er dike jay kina...ulta palta ki jani borrborr kore bollo...kichui bujhlam na. boli apnar shohorer lokjon emon keno bolun to??
N: (has no idea what on earth is he talking about. By his looks and the tone, she can tell he is Bangali. But why on earth is he talking to me? she wonders! )

She smiles at him and looks away. She seems to be more worried about the fact that she has missed her classes and now she has to go home and take some notes from her friends instead.

The conductor comes and Nupur asks for a ticket to Sonapur as she decides to return home and catch up with her studies. At the same time, conductor gets into yet another argument with her co-passenger.

C: o babu moshay...500 ka chutta nahi hai meray paas! 12 rupay ki ticket k liye itna bara note kyun dikha rahe ho woh bhi subhe subhe?
M: apni mohashoy sharakkhon jhogra korchen keno bolen to? ticket ta katun aar bhangti taka pherot den. ajotha rege jacchen keno?
C: bhai saab kya bol rahe ho kuch samajh nahi aaraha. ticket ki paisay dijiye..12 rupay (he makes gestures with his fingers)
M: haath diye ki dekhaccho dada...taka to dilam tomar haathe. 500 takar note...abar kisher taka chai? he makes gesture with his hands for the ticket
C: paisay nahi dauge toh ticket kaise kaatunga meray baap??

Nupur gets really irritated with this and decides to pay for his ticket so that the conductor moves on. This is not her day..really!!!

M: arre arre ki korchen? apni abar taka dicchen keno?
N: (gestures with her hands that its ok)
M: apni keno kosto korte gelen...chenen na janen na aar omni taka diye dilen? bujhlam na 500 taka nilo na keno? shomossha ki bhoddroloker?? (he seemed lost)
N: (Nupur realises he is trying to say thanks so she makes gesture to show iagain that ts ok but that doesn't stop him from chatting away!)
M: Amar naam Mayank Sharma. aaj e Kolkata theke ashlam. amar ek maashi maa thaken ekhane. tar shathe dekha korte ar shohor ta ghure dekhte ashlam. jotoi bolen Delhi bole kotha!
N: (trying her best to ignore him)
M: beshidin kintu thakbo na...boro jor shoptaho khanek! amar maa k eka rekhe eshechi to!

Nupur can't wait for the bus to reach her stop. She is really getting annoyed now but being modest and understanding the situation the poor soul is in, she decides to be patient but tries to keep her distance. Finally the bus stops at sonapur and she gets off feeling relieved! "finally uss kolkata mail se mukti mili.." she starts walking towards home when suddenly she feels someone following her. When she looks back, she notices the bangali guy right behind her. With a part of his dhoti in his one hand and another piece of paper on the other he seems to be treading along right behind her! She shrugs him off but decides to keep a close eye on him. Suddenly she notices him waving at her with a big grin on his face and fastly approaching her. She tries to run but he catches up with her soon! Before he could say anything, she begins to lash at him

N: kya problem hai aapki? hamari peechay kyun pare hai aap?
M: arre apni? apni o ei stop e nemechen. she to bhalo kotha. cholen duijone ekshathe choli. (there's excitement in his voice)
N: (hitting her head) ufffo subhe subhe kiski shakal dekh k utthay the...(she starts walking and again notices he is still following her. She raises her pointer and becomes really stern with her voice)..dekhiye meray peeche mat aayye. aapko jahan jaana hai jayye. hum aapki aur koi madad nahi ker sakte (she waves her hand like a mad person)
M: arre arre ki holo apnar hothat kore? apni theek achen to? paani ene debo?
N: listen..khabardar jo meray peeche aaye aap.
M: kintu amake je maashi ma..
N: (she interrupts abruptly) ssshh! ek lafz aur kaha na toh mera dimagh phat jayega! yehi kharay raho bas! Don't move!!
M: (he nods in consent and places his finger on his lips)

Nupur leaves him behind standing like a statue but she keeps looking back if he is still following her. To her great relief, there seems no sign of him. By the time she reaches home, it starts raining heavily! In couple of minutes time she is soaked wet as she rushes inside. Buaji sees her and instructs her to take a quick hot shower before she catches cold. When she comes out, she grabs something to eat. "What a day..!" she says to herself. And starts wondering about the Bangali guy. The more she thinks about him the more she starts to feel sorry for him. "becharay ki madad karni chahiye thee. lagta hai naya hai Delhi me...hindi se toh door door tak naata nahi isska. pata nahi apne thikaane pe pohuncha k bhi nahi" She looks outside towards the pouring sky when Buaji comes in.

B: beta mujhe bohat fiker horahi hai.
N: kyun? kya hua?
B: woh meri saheli hai na Shilpa jo Kolkata me rehti hai
N: haan haan Bua ji. aap ki bachpan ki saheli
B: haan wohi...usska ek lauta beta Mayank aaj Delhi aaya hua hai. Maine Uday ko bheja tha usse station se laane k liye per woh wahan mila nahi. kaafi dair ho chuki hai, abhi tak to aajana chahiye tha usse. uss per yeh mausam aur yeh sheher bhi naya hai usske liye...samajh nahi aaraha kya karoon? Shilpa ka 2 daffa phone aa chuka hai. kehti hai mobile me bhi koi answer nahi
N: Bua ji kya naam bataya aap ne?
B: Mayank
N: oh God! (she recalls his name from all that he was blabbering in bengali) I think I know...
B: kyaa?
N: Buaji main abhi aati hoon...aake sab samjhati hoon
B: per abhi itni baarish me kahan jaana hai?
N: Bua ji main Gunji ko leke jaarahi hoon

So both Nupur and Gunjan rush outside to the very spot where Nupur left that Kolkata mail. To her great surprise, she sees him still standing there just the way she left him... he is soaked wet, shivering in cold. Somehow, she manages to explain to him to come with her and takes him home.

Buaji, who is fluent in Bengali recognises Mayank instantly and after hearing the whole story, she asks Mayank to freshen up and change his clothes and come downstairs for dinner. Nupur feels really guilty about what she did and approaches his room to apologise. Mayank has just freshened up and changed into something more conventional i.e. shirts and pants. Just as he walks towards the door he sees her standing near the door. Folding his arms above his chest, he waits for her to break the silence. Eventually she does...

N: humain nahi pata aapko hamari baat samajh aayegi k bhi nahi per hum bohat sharminda hai. bajaye aapke madad karne ki humnain aap ko ghalat samjha..bura bhala kaha aur beech sadak per chhor aaye. pata nahi kyun...aaj ka din bohat bura guzar raha tha..I was so irritated aur shayed wohi ghussa aap per utaar diya. hum aap se muaafi maangte hai. please...humain muaaf ker dijiye. hamari wajah se aap ghanton wahan kharay rahe aur baarish me bheegtay rahe. shuker hai k aapki tabiyet nahi bigri warna toh Buaji humain jaan se maar daalti. waise bhi woh humain chhorengi nahi...so I am sorry! I truly am..(she lowers her gaze in shame)
M: You have nothing to be ashamed of! aap ne aisa kuch nahi kiya jiske wajah sharam se aapki nazrein jhuk jaaye
N: arre aapko toh hindi aati hai (she sounds astonished)
M: hahhaa...of course aati hai. Let me introduce myself, properly this time, I am Mayank Sharma. I am an Engineer by profession, Kolkata me paida hue, baray hue aur haal hi me parhayi khatam kar ke UK se lautay. Aap ki Delhi me hamari posting hui hai, so its my first visit here.
N: haan per woh hindi na samajhne ka natak..woh kyun?
M: I wanted to meet you..know you in my own way.
N: matlab?
M: matlab apne bua ji se pooch lijiyega (he starts walking out of the room)
N: ek minute...aap ne yeh toh bataya nahi k sab baatein samajhne k bawajud bhi aap wahan kharay kyun rahe woh bhi itni dair tak iss baarish me?
M: kyun ke aap hi ne kaha tha ..Don't move ...remember? (he looks at her)
N: haan per...(she doesn't take this conversation any further as she can somehow understand what's happening here)
M: ab chaliye...bua ji hum dono ka intezar ker rahe hai

She smiles and they both walk down for dinner together.

-Neela-

Edited by NorthernLight - 11 years ago

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#177

~~~~~~ Writer's Note ~~~~~~~

There are few reasons why I have yet another Writer's note for this one. Let's bullet them out here..

My experiment begins here 😊 I have been very subtle whenever it came to share a piece of my life or learning in my writings. So now, I am sharing my language skills. I grew up in a multicultural atmosphere and throughout my life I learned various languages, from Asian to European! But as I grew up, I begun to lose them sooner than the time it took me to learn them. Out of the 7 languages I learned inside out, I think I can confidently use only a couple now. So here's something I hope you will enjoy!
Being this OS in a different language would mean my readers' get an opportunity to live that moment as Nupur herself. If you don't know Bengali then take a step back and put yourself in Nupur's shoes and just imagine how you would feel in the same situation. If it gives you the least bit of thrill then I'd more than ecstatic for what I have achieved thru this OS. Those who can read Bengali however, this should be hilarious for you guys. So do leave a comment if this put a smile on your face
Its a comedy and its an OS. Means there is no logic that has been applied to it. If you try to apply some then you will miss out on fun. And again there are some hidden facts here and a hidden but open ending here. I hope i is obvious that Mayank has landed with a purpose to meet Nupur.
Finally, this one is dedicated to all my Bengali readers especially Anila (you know why) and a hidden reader who somehow became a rather inherent reason for me to start thinking about writing again. This one is for you guys.

Oh yes! One more thing..I will write a full hindi/urdu version of their convi later on. If you want to wait feel free to. But it will be interesting to see what you think as being "lost in translation"

*** Reserved for Translation****

Thank you for reading

-Neela

Edited by NorthernLight - 11 years ago

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ALIMA AFRIN KHEYA

@kheya-mayur

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#178

gosh i just lovd it.
specially mayank's typical westbengal accent was too cute.

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aswathy

@sreevijayan

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#179

i was getting irritated with mayanks language bcz i cudnt understnd a bit of it...nupurs reaction is quite natural..loved d os...

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maria

@Maria.

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 11 years ago

#180

Res:)

*Edited*

it was really really Amazing and different OS Neela,Although,i couldn't understand what Mayank was saying in the initial conversation and my reaction was exactly what Nupur showed.But later,i really enjoyed the way,Nupur reacted after knowing he knew Hindi..it was lovely and both MaYur were adorable..loved them.

Do write more as i'll wait for another master piece from you.

Edited by Maria. - 11 years ago

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