Counting those Days l AR One shot :) - Page 7

Originally posted by: *Huma*

I totally understand what you are trying to say Neetzy about finding the write place to fit it. A writer envisages the story a certain way and sometimes its easier for a reader to say what they would like to read, but its harder for the writer to include it, because for a writer they live the story through the characters. So totally understandble, I just mentioned coz I felt that there was something lacking while reading the story.

Originally posted by: *Huma*

I don't think Ridz's character in the other story was fairytale-ish, I thought the concept some what was; I think its just me but I find the whole concept of unconditional love a bit airy fairy-ish. I am not against love, I guess its just me. Anyhow that's a complete different subject and discussion altogether..may be some other time.😆

I liked this Ridz more, like you said it was easier to identify with her, coz its what a normal individual would go through when missing a beloved. The character in itself was more believable.

read it liz, i'll comment tomorrow morning the first i can get my hand on something thats not a lab system... :)

*edit*

bits of this one shot i loved... here's my best

"...We're standing close now. He's saying something, I'm not listening. All I can see is his face, ...." something about this line hit the most real chord of the entire shot :) (the line ahead of it of crumbling walls inevitably made me think of beyonce/halo )

i like also, the last of the count-up (its not a countdown really) cause it gives the exact value before her eyes fall on him...
the mechanical description bit... esp where she talks of it being tough but less than the pain, i think i like it best cause you said it big very simply :)

but! here's what i don't like... and technically perhaps there isn't a real way to change it... i mean this is a shot and all that has to happen must happen now and here... but, in some sense, the description of what she had been, had gone though, and had become... and the sight of him right after... him returning.. and worst of all his words... was, abrupt cause... i don't know. i guess i would have possibly even preferred if you had just dealt with her and never got him back to the picture... it was like a movie where all is good cause its a movie and so it has to be good... the whole bit preceding that was so real that when i read of him there it was just, an abrupt happily ever after... although u didn't exactly word it like that... u left scope for much by saying for then she just had to talk... but ... maybe his words... yeh i think that went down the worst with me... when he said he was sorry it was like nailing down a once upon a time ... name the leads - get in trouble talks - dont deal with it - let hero come sort it out... happily ever after... yeh... one i didn't want him to come ther, like that, and then least of all with those words i guess... it just turned over the impact of all that had been before that bit, somehow for me...

really! i like the way u pick up and write shots on random themes liz, they come across well simply and with an impact... so did this one ... in fact the ridhima bit was so real i thought i could see more than a couple real faces there of people i know, not always for the same reason but goung through something similar nonetheless.. Armaan just came in abruptly for me. like i said if thats how u planned it then he had to come in right there too.. but ur the writer, there must be a way u know or should get to know to make it look other wise... (nij says that to me when i mess up, and i agree, the writer has the last word after all!)

aite! thanks for the PM though, and continue getting your impulses please, u do very well with shots! like the VM, and again i think i like it indep of the shot, but yeh, i do!

cheers,
nj :)

PheW long one that is! see why i said ill get to it in the morning?!

Thanks for the PM Liz! :)

A good read..simple and to the point. I like the way you ended it ...letting the readers decide their fate (lol).

I agree with nj (sorta)...armaan appeared out of nowhere...but then i also think like some things that are meant to be...it would have lost its charm if you'd mentioned him anywhere else. It was AR one shot and hence i knew he would show up somewhere but till he did i was really thinking it was Ridz and her thoughts and wishes to see him one more time...maybe the last time...to get rid of her adjusted robotic life...!

Its like when you give someone the important of guarding your heart...and they don't value it the same...sometimes time passes but it leaves behind a moment/invisible water filled stones...which is inevitably impossible to fill on your own...and only the one who left you behind or someone else who has the capability to capture those stones with the right amount of effort and will...can rejuvenate the unreal function of the heart...!
Here...as i said earlier...upto readers to decide...for me...it wasn't a happy ending...but relief from a caged hold...(okay! the whole water stone theory and all...i hope you made sense of it...i never learned to be straight with my thoughts :P)

cheers!

~nij