Nirmala and Ramnath understood that sharvan addressed them, both nodded happily but as soon as they raised their heads to glance at their son both had lump in their throat and silently followed him toward study room.
Before entering room he stopped with heavy heart turned to see in her eyes and gather much needed strength, he so wanted to just grab her hand and take her with him out from this house made up of only materialistic things where no emotions and love lies specially for him, only he can get is betrayed of his parents, his aunt.
What a irony the house where his parents cant give him happiness and he was expecting from others, he sighed in despair. this house which was nothing but a jinx for his happiness but she was correct he cant just run away, its time to taste them their own medicines but at the same time he need to think about his sumo, his life and last few bits of a son who still lies inside him. how much he want to run away with his love and hide somewhere where no heartbreak, no anguish...
He want to end this via dolorosa of his last 10 years of desolation but it seems here was no end so soon, he have to face it not for him but for her...
He don't want to drag her in this, already it will be too much for her to be with him for her whole life as all this sins of his parents were impossible for him to forgot and he was so sure that will affect her badly, so for now he have to deal with all this alone, he don't want to take her into this nasty situation created by his parents and he have to handle it by himself
standing in front of his parent and listening them was royal pain for him but he have to do that, he finally gathered his strength through her warm reassuring smile and went inside room and locked door behind.
Kise poochun, hai aisa kyun
Bezubaan sa, ye jahaan hai
nirmala and ramnath was sitting on couch side by side, their eyes were fixed on floor while both were fidgeting with their fingers. shravan took seat on armchair opposite to them. he glanced his namesake parents, yes they are only namesake at-least that's what their actions spoke "shravan do you really think you need your answers from them and what is the assurance that they will tell you truth or they wont play a new game or put new facade of love for you" he sank down on his seat and rested his head on backrest and closed his eyes
He had never felt so alone, so lost... So incapable of doing even the smallest tasks, confronting his parents for truth of all their deeds. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless congo line of emotions that were in store for him.
He sighed and straighten himself and cleared his throat abrasively just to get attention of his parents which worked in the way he expected, both raised their eyelids to glance him with pale faces "so Mr ramnath malhotra and Mrs. Nirmala ahu.. sorry as per Mr ramnath its Mrs. Nirmala Malhotra" he gave a small sarcastic smile and clicked his lips in disappointment "tch tch, kya kismat hai shravan teri tuze apane khudki maa ka naam tak nahi pata thik se kabhi bola jata hai woh ahuja hai aur fir ek din achanak se pata chalta hai ki etane sal to zut ke sath ji raha tha woh to ab bhi malhotra hai" he murmured to himself but stopped when discern his parents eyes were welled up by his acerbic wit but he stayed unaffected
he shifted his gaze to ramnath and continued directly locking his gaze with his father "aaj tak aapne jo bhi kaha meine use pathhar ki lakir samaz ke man liya bina kisi sawal aur jawab ke, kabhi bhi meine aapse palat ke ek sawal nahi pucha ki kyu yeh hume chod kar chali gayi?kaha chali gayi? ya meri aisi kya galati thi? apane aap kosta raha aur aapko koi takleef na ho es liye jo bhi aapke sapne the me mere liye use takdeer smaz kar pura karate chala gaya" his voice chocked and then only mere to his surprise he felt wetness on his chicks, he wiped out his tears quickly, but it was too much for ramnath to hold more his gaze with his son's fierce gaze so lowered his eyes
"jab bhi en sab ke bare me sochata tha ghutan hoti thi muze, lekin aap dono ko muzape taras nahi aaya na, ek yeh hai" he pointed his finger to nirmala "jinhe jab mauka mila sabse pahale muze choda" nirmala lowered her eyes and tears found their way down from her chicks with full flow "aur dusare aap jinhone jab chaha muze ek trophy bana ke sabke samne present kar diya" voice was low but full with vehement heartfell for his parents
"aap logo ko jara sa bhi andaza tha jab aap dono apani zindagi me khush the apane apane chune raste pe chalte hue, tab muzape kya guzar rahi thi, mein akela us raste pe chal raha tha jise meine kabhi nahi chaha tha aur nahi kabhi chuna tha" he tried to hold but felt miserably and tears ran down his cheeks, his eyes burned with feelings of loath, pain, blues and loneliness from which he suffered.
He remembered his initial days in oxford when he was used to seat in his dorm shading jillions of tears for his mom and for his sumo. The two important and closest persons around whom his whole life used to revolve was left and they abandoned him, they did it with so ease without a single crease on their faces and on other hand he was cursing himself for all.
It was his routine to cry until there was nothing left inside him but a raw emptiness that nibbles at his insides like a hungry rat. His irises were threaded scarlet and his eyeballs hung heavy in their sockets. His whole body hung limp like each limb weighed twice as much as it had before and just moving it about was a slow, painful effort. The sun was still shone in the sky, but not for him, the birds sung in bursts of melody, but not for him, for him there was no beauty left in the world.
It was very difficult for him to subdue the feelings which was so strange; too familiar yet too strange.
He never know how to define it. he wanted to smile as other students, laugh along with everyone but something in him always grabs his heart tight, crushes it to pieces.
Khushi ke pal, kahan dhoondhoon
Benishan sa, waqt bhi yahan hai
Brightness inside of him was gulped by something dark which slowly transformed him from a caring, loving, and innocent boy to the heartless, heartbreaking and women-hater one. No, he would be wrong to say it is dark better to say it was empty, nothing else.
That heartache was like a red hot coal placed in his chest, which used to glowed and burnt him at the same time, he used its glow to transform him into the well built and most alluring boy in his law school but that burn used for aversion to not only this two women's but for all women species and just to mollify his burn he played and broke hearts of many girls, but it did not cool quickly like a coal in water, it throbbed and tortured him in all his walking hours and there was no relief to be found.
he shut his eyes to get rid of all the flashes of all those painful somber years, what a irony the girl whom he thought he used to hate form bottom of his heart but if truth be told he used to love her from bottom of his heart and he still do and will for rest of his life, today he was only satisfied with the truth that his love was not one sided and just before some hours it was reciprocated with same intensity and now that her love is only his strength and reason he is standing here
"aaj bas muze aapse kuchh bate puchani hai, aur atleast etana toh expect kar sakta hu ki aaj bina kisi garbling ke aap muze batao?" he gave a cynical raise to his brow, both nirmala and ramnath was tongue tied on sardonic smirk in his eyes and only they could do was just to bob their heads in affirmation
he stared nirmala for a while, she was looking pale all colors was already drained out from her face, she was looking so vulnerable and this was something new he witnessed today, he always observed this women with some spark and confidence in her face, that was the only thing he can say he blessed with from her, but today before saying or asking anything she was looking all lost, and his father was all annihilated, he confounded about his parents behavior oblivious to the fact that his tigress was already done her part to show them mirror of their deeds
"meine subah suna ki aapne kaha enake sath zindagi shuru karna aapki sabse badi galti thi, aur us zindagi ki den mein hu to aapko yehi lagta hoga na ki mein aapki sabse badi galti hu?" his tone was abusive but still he managed to keep it cold and calm
both nirmala and ramnath stared at him awestruck "shravan tum aise kaise soch sakate ho tum humare zindagi ki sabse badi khushi ho shravan, tum humare liye kisi dua se kam nahi ho, tumane muze nayi zindagi di thi, tumhare janam ke sath mera bhi naya janam hua tha, tumhare papa aur mein hum dono satve asman pe the tumhe pakar, tum aise kaise..." she chocked and felt loss of words , only her eyes was speaking with tears, ramnath placed his hand on her shoulder and she broke down completely
"shravan humare bich jo bhi hua lekin nirmala aur meine kabhi tumhe apani galati nahi samaza beta tum humara guroor ho, humara ansh ho, humari duniya ho aise kaise tum soch sakate ho humare bare me" ramanth's voice was heavy and his eyes also welled up, shravan's words felt as someone stabbing their hearts with sharp knife.
"kyu na sochu mein aisa, aap logo ko karate waqt kuchh nahi laga aur aaj meine bol diya to aapko etani takleef kyu ho hai?" his caustic retort was enough to stab his parents hearts and hopes "aapko jara bhi andaza hai that how i feei? I feel so raw today; like there is no skin over my pain and this passing wind makes it bleed more and more, aapne kaha mein aapki khushi tha, dua tha. to fir meri khushi ko aise kuchalate waqt aap dono ne mere bare me hi nahi socha, etane selfish aur andhe ho gaye the aap dono?"
Jaane kitne labon pe gile hain
Zindagi se kayi faasle hain
"aapko pata hai us din jab pushkar apana pahala independent case jeet ke aaya aur mein use woh pen jo aapne muze diya tha dene usake room me gaya tha tab waha lalaji, chahchi, varun bhaiyaa, bhabhi sab the usaki khushi me shamil hone ke liye , aur meine jab apana pahala case jita tha kon tha mere paas koi nahi, kitna man kar raha tha ki mein maa ko batau apani khushi, woh bhi muze ashirwad de, gale se lagaye aur muze sweet khilaye, meri tarif kare, muze pyar kare, lekin thi woh nahi infact koi nahi tha, bus meine aapko aur nanaji ko call karke bataya tha, lekin mere pas meri khushi me shamil hone koi mera apana nahi tha" longing was the only emotion was dripping in his voice
"That emptiness was always there papa; I consider myself decent at hiding it, masking it with normal human emotions.because i was pretty much sure that no one was going to ask me why I'm smiling? and you know what wahi hua, kabhi kisi ko ye nahi dikhayi diya ki meri hasi mere ankho tak kabhi nahi pohachi thi including you too papa"
He remembered how he crushed all his craving for his mother love in to umpteenth pieces over this 10 years, how much he wished that in each of his successes his mum should be there to appreciate him, to love him, to bless him, how much he yearned to keep his head on her lap and she will run her fingers through his thick hairs to sooth his pain whenever he was down with fever or other illness, when he brought his first car in london how much he wished he could take his mom for long drive as he promised her but all his desires he crushed with his own hands and while doing that he did same with his soul,
there was only one person with whom he could have shared all this but his karma she was also not there to invigorate him.In all those years when he was all alone away from his family, his mom , his bff, his dad there was the emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, many times the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the shear nothingness always took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely.
It hides everywhere, this emptiness, in the closet, the cupboards, in room. There isn't any getting away from it. It always gave him this heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and there was nothing he can do to get out from under it. Its like there was a hole in his heart that the shape of the one his lost and that makes him feel the need to wipe away any non-existent tears that he want to form but can't.
Paseejte hain sapne kyun aankhon mein
Lakeer jab chhoote in haathon se yoon bewajah
On the other hand nirmala was reminiscing all his childhood memories, all those moments which she lived with her son, when nurse gave a small living white bundle her son in her arms she was so overwhelmed that only she can do was to shade happy tears, he was so small to understand anything but his those beautiful brown eyes still managed to convey her many feelings, when he blinked his eyes he was looking so adorable, becoming mother was the best experience and feeling in the world and he was the sole reason for it, she kissed his forehead and did a silent promise to her new born baby that she will fulfill all his wishes and will never leave him alone, another promise she made to wake up him every morning by saying "Good morning" but she failed to keep her own promises miserably.
She felt emotionally bankrupt. The was nothing left to feel all she lost by herself and indignation shown by her own son was very justified, nothing left to say to him or convince him, nothing left but the void that enveloped her mind in swirling blackness and all those misdeeds she did was paid back with interest. Now only they both can do was the desire to expiate their sins without expecting his forgiveness in return.
Ramnath was on total lost, today he understood how much sinful was all his actions and decision. the worst he did which any father can do with his son he detached a small innocent boy from his own mom who was so much attached with her only to satisfy his male ego. On top of that he depicted that pure moment which two friends was sharing with each other by amending it in front of his son without giving thought about what damage it will cause to him, damage was done and it was beyond repair now, he bend down and hod his head in between his hands feeling of guilt was started to suffocate him.
Saanson ne kahan rukh mod liya
Koi raah nazar mein na aaye
"meine sab sun toh liya tha subah hi lekin apake muh se sare sach sunan chahta hu mein ek akhari baar, kyuki sumo ka kahna hai ki agar mein aise hi chala gaya to mere atit ke saye kabhi mera picha nahi chodenge" he sound so lost , defeated and his voice broke his parents trance
both stared each other, ramnath took silent permission from nirmala and started "beta dekho mein tumhe apane safai me kuchh nahi kahna chahunga kyuki muze pata hai meine jo bhi kiya woh bohat galat tha usaki koi bhi mafi nahi hai, aur mein tumase koi umeed bhi nahi karta ki tum muze maaf karo, meine ek pure maa bete ke rishte ki ahuti de di apane zute ego ki aag me, yeh sab karake muze bas lagta tha ki meine sab pa liya, tumhe sabse achhi parwarish di jo tumane chaha woh de diya lekin aaj jab tum yeh sab bol rahe ho na tab muze samaz me aa raha hai ke mein kitane buri tarah se ek achha pita banane me nakamiyab hua hu, yeh sab me lekin ek baat ko mein nahi zutlaunga ki en sabke piche mera tumhare liye beintaha pyar tha... haan wo pyar jaheer karne ka tareeka jaroor galat tha, jo aaj tumame samaza diya muze , aur esiliye mein tumase mafi nahi mangunga shayad yahi meri saza hogi aur prayashchitt bhi ki tumhare es nafrat ke sath jiyu" ramnath's voice was trembling with emotions and finally its choked with tears
nirmala was just staring him, she never imagined this man who was so cocky and conceited can break down like this and so defeated, she felt so pity for him but she cant deny his love for shravan,she also have equal share to spoil his childhood, she placed one hand on ramnath's shoulder "shravan galalti sirf tumhare papa ki nahi hai meri bhi hai, kaam karate karate kahi na kahi mein tumhe hi bhulane lagi thi" she slowly shifted her gaze from her broken husband to her son "jab tumhe meri sabse jyada jaroorath thi mein kam karne me busy thi, kahi na kahi mein ek maa bhi hu yeh bhul rahi thi aur us waqt ram the tumhare sath" ramnath snapped his eyes toward nirmala, after ages he heard his name from her, she blinked in assurance with a mild smile "lekin beta us waqt sirf etana samaz pa rahi thi ki kuchh bhi karake tumhe duniya ki sari khushiya doon, kabhi tum kuch aagar mango to hum logo ko sochana na pade, aur yeh shuruwat hui thi apane pati ka sath dene se aur kab muze unake khilaf le jakar khada kar diya mein samaz hi nahi payi, es sab ka tumape aur ram pr kya asar ho raha hai yeh dekhake bhi apani ankhe mund li thi meine, mana ki enaki galati thi jo unhone muzape shaq kiya , muzape hath uthaya lekin kahi na kahi meine bhi woh wajah di thi, aise yuh sab chod ke jana meri galati thi, yeh sab kuch samazdari ke sath sulzaya bhi jaa sakta tha lekin hum dono etane andhe ho gaye the ki tumhe dekh hi nahi paye, unhone kaha chali jao to mein chali gayi, unhone kaha tumase dur ho jau mein ho gayi, yeh sochake ki yahi tumhare liye sahi hai, lekin firse wahi galati ki... humne hi soch liya ki tumhare liye kya achha hoga, naki ki kabhi yeh janane ki koshish ki tum kya chahate ho, ek bar bhi koshish nahi ki tumhe contact karane ki, wapas aake chizon ko sulzane ki" while all this time tears was running down her cheeks "lekin bas ek baat kahana chahati hu ki hum dono ne jo bhi kiya woh hum logo ne socha ki tumhare liye best tha, aur tumhare liye pyar ke wajah se kiya, aur jaisa ki ram ne kaha hum log tumase mafi ki umeed bhi nahi karate beta kyuki hum log janate hai tum sahi ho aur tumhe pura haq hai humase naraz hone ka, lekin bas etani aasha karate hai ki ek na ek din tum hum logo ko maaf karke humare paas aao wapas aur us din ka hum dono intezar karenge"
she hold ramnath's hand in her "aur aaj hum dono ek wada karate hai ki aajke baad tum apane maa papa ko hamesha apane sath paoge jaha bhi raho, jisake sath bhi raho lekin hum dono apna wada nibhayenge" ramnath gave a gentle squeeze on her hand and nodded in agreement
Dhadkan ne kahan dil chhod diya
Kahan chhode in jismoN ne saaye
He was numb to respond, when he entered in this room he never expected that his parents will accept all their faults so easily, and in return they are not expecting his forgiveness too, all of a sudden what changed, are they really felt guilty or something else, how much he want to forgive them and move on but for him its not possible he need time and his own space
"hmm...mein nahi janta hu ki muze kya chahiye abhi es waq, lekin shayad mein yaha nahi rah paunga, muze samay chahiye en sari chizo ko bhulake aage badhane ke liye and i hope aap log muze woh donge" both bobbed their heads in affirmation "haan aur ek baat shayad aap logo ko ab tak to anadaza toh aa hi gaya hoga ki sumo mere liye kya hai, lekin fir bhi mere zutlane se yeh baat nahi badal jayegi ki aap mere parents ho toh yeh mera farz banta hai ki mein aapko khud batau, aap bhale hi apani responsibilities bhul gaye ho lekin mein nahi bhula" his taunted words was piercing his parents hearts but they managed to hold their tears "sumo aur mein hum dono ek dusare se pyar karate hai, aur mein usase shadi karna chahata hu jald se jald aur usake sath london jana chata hu aur ek nayi shurwat karna chahata hu"
ramnath and nirmala exhilarated by listening his decision and relieved thinking suman will be there with him unlike last time when he was all alone "thik hai beta agar tum chaho to hum dono aaj hi tiwarijise es bare me baat karate hai" ramnath suggested, nirmala nodded in agreement and both waited for his consent
"ok thik hai... lekin aap dono yeh mat sochiye ki meien aap dono ko maaf kar diya, mein sirf yeh sumo ke liye kar raha hu, use lagata hai ki sabko ek mauka milna chahiye aur mein bas wahi kar raha hu" her expression hardened
He was never been a person to hold a grudge, instead seeking to understand the motives of another. It doesn't mean there was no scar, only that he need have no forgiveness of the other.
Emotional pain leaves invisible scars, yet they can be traced by the most gentle of touch. Sometimes, like a cyst, the "wound" must be opened to be healed; other times a well meaning person may seek to heal what should be left alone. If it can be ignored and a normal happy life resumed, isn't it kinder to have faith in the natural healing process?
Yehi baar-baar sochta hoon tanha main yahan
Mere saath-saath chal raha hai yaadon ka dhuaan
"thik hai beta tumhe koi explaination dene ki jaroorat nahi hai hum logo ko, hum samaz sakate hai, bas esi baat ki khushi hai ki suman ke wajah se hi kyu na ho tumane hume yeh haq diya ke hum log ek toh tumhare hume maa baap hone ka farz pura karane ka mauka diya, hum log usi me khush hai" nirmala got up from her sit and reached shravan, she placed her hand on his head" beta ek baat yaad rahko hamesha ki tum mere aur ram ke liye ek blessing ho aur yahi sach hai, hum dono manate hai ki hum es blessing ko nahi sambhal paye tumhe tumhare hisse ka pyar dene me nakamiyab rahe lekin hum dono ne tumase sirf pyar kiya hai, haan us pyar ko jatane ka tarika jaroor galat tha, lekin shayad jis din tum ek baap banoge shayad tab hume samaz paoge lekin please kabhi humari galati mat dohrana, lekin muze yeh yakeen hai suman tumhe yeh galati kabhi nahi karane degi" he felt alleviated by her loving words and caressing
Jo bheji thi duaa, woh jaake aasmaan
se yoon takra gayi ke aa gayi
Hai laut ke sadaa
Shravan along with nirmala and ramnath came out and informed about shraman's marriage and his decision to leave for London after marriage, everyone averse to his decision including kamini but nirmala and ramnath convinced them saying he need his time and space to accept all this, later they went to tiwari killa and asked nanu suman's hand for shravan, all tiwari's also accepted proposal happily and within a week they got married, It was a simple affair in the presence of both families for which sumo always wished. He left Malhotra house with his newly wed wife but this time sumo convinced him that they will visit them once in a year at least, he was reluctant but gave in for his love !!!
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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