Hi friends. ...sorry for the delay. ...classes in full swing. ...hope you like it
CHAPTER 8
The bride really was something to look at, people would say. But not those close to her. She looked like a doll, a porcelain one. There was a smile on her face but not in her eyes. She looked pale and numb. Swadheenta herself knew this. But this was the best she could do. She just wanted to get over with the wedding. It is not the end but a new beginning, she told herself. But the thought scared her.
She smiled as her Maamu came in.
"Bahot pyaari lag rahi hai meri bacchi. " He said giving her a hug and then told her "zindagi mein tum ne jo bhi faisla liya hai maine tumhare saath diya. Aaj bhi tum jo karogi apni Maami aur mujhe apne saath paaogi. Apni dil ki baat suno. Woh jhoot nahin bolega. "
At the moment a friend of hers came to take her to the mandap. With a smile Maamu left the room.
She walked towards the mandap accompanied by a band of girls chattering happily. Her parents looked at her proudly. Wasn't this worth it?
It was then that she saw the Sinhas standing a little away. She felt a sudden happiness and instinctively walked towards them. Her parents wouldn't like it but she wanted to talk to them. She smiled happily and took blessings from Suhasini and Manohar.
" Khush raho beta aur ho sake toh maaf kar do. " Manohar told her.
" Dad. ..I mean Sir. ...please woh sab bhool jaayiye. I am happy to see you here. " She replied.
Suhasini smiled and said " I am proud of you. Tumhe bahu nahin bana paayi par jis family mein tum jaaogi woh bahut lucky honge. "
Abhay looked at her sadly and gave her a hug " I just wish tum khush raho. Agar kabhi zaroorat pade toh apne bhai ko bhula lena "
Simmi too hugged her " you will always be family. "
She felt the tears flow down her cheeks as she hugged Aman and moved away from them . Why did she still love them? She saw Karan waiting for her at the mandap with his family. It didn't feel right. She thought of what Simmi had asked her and Karan ' s words last night. Was she making a mistake? She had known Karan and his family for a longer time than she knew Adarsh and his family when she was to marry him. She knew she wasn't in love with Karan but she thought she could be a good wife and bahu. Now she wasn't sure. She cared for Karan and his family as a friend but nothing more. She didn't feel attached to them. Five years ago it had been different. Perhaps because she loved Adarsh and knew how much he loved his family, she had accepted them as her family even before they had accepted her. She had shared their happiness and problems. But she hardly ever talked to Karan about his family and neither told him about hers. Was that the kind of marriage she wanted? Worse was it what Karan deserved ?
She was in the mandap now. Someone handed a garland to her. Jaimala was about to start. She felt suffocated. Someone was telling her to put the garland around Karan ' s neck but she couldn't raise her hand. She looked at him. This man was going to be her husband in a few minutes. Years ago the same thought had made her heart jump but today it hurt her.
"Swadheenta beta. Jaldi karo. " Her Amma said.
" No. " Swadheenta said dropping the garland. " Karan, I cannot marry you. "
"Swadheenta "Appa shouted.
" I am sorry Appa. Maine koshish ki aage badne ki par nahin kar payi. Karan, tum bahut acche insaan ho . Par main tumse pyaar nahin karti. You know that. But the fact is, main kabhi ek acchi wife ya bahu nahin ban paaongi. Main kabhi tumhe aur tumhari parivaar ko puri tarah se apna nahin sakti. Tumhe bhi iss baat ka ehsaas hai. Main jaanti hoon iss se tumhari family ki beissati hogi. Par aaj ye shaadi hui toh unhe aur embarrassment hogi jab hum ek doosre se lad jagadkar alag ho jaayenge. I am sorry but main shaadi nahin kar sakti hoon. " Swadheenta said crying.
"Toh kya tum rote hue uss Adarsh se phir se minnatein karogi ki woh tumse shaadi karle? Woh chala gaya Swadheenta. " Amma told her.
" Nahin Amma. Agar woh chala gaya toh main use tang nahin karoongi. Par main kisi aur se shaadi kar ke uski life barbaad nahin karoongi. " She said getting down from the mandap.
"SWADHEENTA! !!!!!!" she heard someone call loudly.
Everyone turned to see Adarsh standing there looking out of breath.
*****(some time ago at the airport )***
Adarsh sat down on a chair after checking in. He was exhausted. For a minute he had thought everything would be what it should have been. But the very next moment he had seen regret in her eyes. She had run away from him. He felt guilty again. He had left the place as soon as he could.
Now sitting alone in the lobby he could hear his Chottu ' s words. It was true. He was running away but what else could he do? This was probably the best.
Best for whom? , he asked himself. For her?
She was marrying a guy she herself accepted having no feelings for. It was a marriage of convenience. Would she be happy? It brought a picture into his mind. Bhai and Bhabhi. Their loveless marriage had made them both suffer. They had fallen in love eventually. But something told him it wouldn't be the end to Swadheenta ' a story. She still loved him. She was a person who believed in truth only. Wouldn't a relationship in which she was being dishonest with herself break her? That thought hurt him . This decision wasn't gonna make anyone happy. Karan would get hurt for no mistake of his, Swadheenta broken, this would break their families.
And somewhere he would be responsible for all this chaos. Then what was the point in leaving?
He couldn't run away again. The guilt would kill him if not the pain of losing her forever. Then why not go down fighting? What was he scared of? Rejection? No he plead with her. Talk to her. And if she still wanted to go ahead with the wedding he would accept it.
He had to go.
***********(wedding venue )******
Adarsh looked at Swadheenta who had stepped down from the mandap. He couldn't understand what was happening. He didn't care right now. He walked to where she stood shocked to see him and got down on his knees. Looking her in the eye he said
"I am sorry Swadheenta. Jo hua main use badal nahin sakta par tumhari future barbaad hone nahin doonga. Meri galti ki saza khud ko kyun de rahi ho? Please yeh shaadi mat karo. Sab ki life barbaad ho jayegi. Please. I love you Swadheenta. Tumhe dobara khona nahin chahta hoon. Par main jaanta hoon main tumhe deserve nahin karta hoon. Tum mujhse naaraaz ho na? Daatho, maaro par please apni life ke saath yeh mat karo. I am an idiot. Tumse ki saare promises toda maine, tumhe toda. Uski saza mujhe do. Khud ko aur Karan ko nahin. Please. "
She saw him break. No. She couldn't see him like this.
"Paithiyam, dikh nahin raha hai mandap se utar gayi hoon? " she asked amid tears.
He realised what was happening and got up and looked at her hopefully.
" Aap samjhe nahin? Freedom hamesha aage hai. Usne pehle hi shaadi tod li. " Asad said putting an arm around her.
Adarsh laughed hearing this. " Kyun? " He asked.
" Samjhe nahin? "she asked smiling and hugged him.
"Wah Swadheenta. Wah. Tumhe yahin chahiye tha toh Karan se shaadi ke liye raazi kyun hui? Hamari insult karne ke liye? " Karan ' s mother asked her.
"Haan bolo. Tumhe kisi ki fikar nahin hai na? Is ke aur iski family chahiye na tumhe? Theek hai jaao par Hume bhool jaayiye. " Appa bellowed leaving the place.
Adarsh looked at Swadheenta. She looked hurt but before he could say anything she said "I am fine
Tum saath ho na? Hum samhaal lenge "
and then she gave him a hug holding on to him with all she had.
***************
Next part will have a small revelation and the climax.
