||.. 11th STORY CONTEST ..|| Resume back, Last Week for Votes

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#51

again following Steps of Achi Mao...

back with another Story Review...😉😉

Story # 6: C/O Aristocrat Atrocity

The Title Tag was Good and Eye Catching...👏👏

The Initial Prologue giving Flair of 2005 era Episodes where Mostly Famous Four giving Introduction in Re-Run Session...😳👏

Start started as Intriguing...👏👏

the First Murder was Portrayed Extremely Well...⭐️⭐️

Now, Dr. Niyyati Entry was Absolute Awesome...⭐️⭐️

I Loved ACP Approach on Casual bases Initially...⭐️⭐️

Liked, TJI Departure with Good Background...😉👏

Next Murder, newly Wed Dulhan...👏👏

A Week later, a Small Soul Departure from that Earth...😭😭

Loved that Sweet Conversation alot...👏⭐️

Now CID, started Investigation...😊😊

Half Part of Murder are Similar, gives a Good Twist...👏👏

Duo Inclusion in Case, Somehow Daya Sir Convo was Dragged, I think after Hearing its an Emergency, all other Comments are Dragged...🥱🥱

I Like Abhijeet Sir Inquired about Background of Riddhi Family...⭐️⭐️

Small Convo with TJI also looking Unnecessary except the way Freddie Sir Included another Murder News...👏👏

DCP Entry was Forced while Sachin Comment was Cute One...😳👏👏

Nice 14 days Deadline with Serial Killing Idea appearing...😉👏

Sodium Thiopental Inclusion was Great Idea...👏⭐️

Abhijeet Sir Mocking Gestures is Totally Wastage...🤢🤢

I Loved that Bakery Investigation...👏👏

The Weapon Information was Good...👏👏

The Desi Avengers Idea was Classy...⭐️⭐️

Excellent Poetry of Leg Pulling at FB...😆👏

Nice Siggies...👏👏

An Old Servant kinda Person...

Oldie Duo Conversation regarding Stay Away their Cops from These Irritated Things are Absolutely Classical...⭐️⭐️

Vivek Inclusion is another Excellent Point...⭐️⭐️

Loved that Clue...⭐️⭐️

Daya Sir Intentions to Check Out FB, U Brilliantly Portrayed...⭐️⭐️

another Murder Happened...

then Daya Sir Tension, Hesitation, is Zabardast...⭐️⭐️

Now, Daya Sir Exchanged that Clue...👏👏

The Contact towards Psychiatrist was Really another Great Thing...⭐️⭐️

the whole Conversation and Information regarding Ennisophobia was Excellent...

the CID Nabbing the Culprit and Abhijeet Sir Injured was a Good Point...👏👏

Writer, this is the patch, U cant Handle Greatly...

So Many Missing Points cant Gathered, First How He Trapped all Alone...😕😕

I Mean He got Every Victim alone even in Mall, Beach, etc is Not a Nice Idea...😲😲

His Entry to went to Natasha house and how He entered inside was still a Mystery...😕😕

I dunt like that a Small Video Triggered Cop in such a way that He Pointed the Culprit so Straight...😲😲

He Only getting the Victim but the way He got that who is Culprit was Odd...👎🏼😒

But, its a Beautiful Story, Aptly Fixed with the Title...⭐️⭐️

Tremendous attempt...⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

Edited by gadhadada - 9 years ago

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: gadhadada

this is Story number 10...😊

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/cid/4594754/11th-story-contest-resume-back-last-week-for-votes?pn=3

awww... lastly pratak
kal tak net prob ke wajah se pura page open hi nhi ro raha tha, toh dekh nhi payi😭😭
thnk u😳

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Kousar-Aditya

@Kousar-Aditya

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

#53

Story # 1

Abhi meaningless story hi parhi he😊

bilkul meaningless to nahi hey😉

Nice work👏

but read kartey huey mujhey laga ke😲 "Kuch to gadbad he"😆

again read karne pe pata chala

DUO ke ilawa 4 persons hein, Nikhil, Sachin, Purvi & Freddy

Rules me to DUO ke ilawa 3 likha tha na😲

But jo bhi hey Story achi he👏

aagey ki parh loongi phir rating karoongi😳

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#54

Story # 2: Sea Towers Mystery...

Very Gripped and Crisped Story...👏👏

Honestly its a Story looking More Filming rather Reading...😉👏

Excellent Speed which really gives a Thrilling Appeal to Story...👏👏

Dr. Niyyati Inclusion was Baseless...

but Vivek Addition was Extra Outstanding...⭐️⭐️

Excellently Well...👏👏

the Mystery of Sea Tower was Little Confusing as Oshin and Avis went to that Flat, I mean is there only One Flat having People...?😕😕

The Ganesh Idol Exact Place Spotting was also not Convincing...😒😒

Finish was Little Rushy...

but the Speedy Ride really did not gives a Moment to Reader to get Bored...👏👏

again a Wonderful Attempt of Writer...⭐️👏

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#55

Story # 3: Five Whorls of Lybranth

No Doubt, the Writer really Worked Extreme Hard for giving Prime Elements of any Crime Thriller...⭐️⭐️

the Siggies are really Fabulous and Covering Most of the Points...👏👏

Manisha and Vivek Conversations regarding making Account on Social Sites was Lajawab...👏👏

The Usage of Police Initially was a Good Point to bring the Cases in Lime Light...👏👏

I must say, Writer showed Nice Media Role as well...👏👏

the Case coming to CID with Nice Background...👏👏

Apt Entry and Role by Both Previous Cops...⭐️⭐️

Like Cops Discussion gives Flair of Story...👏👏

Loved Freddie Sir Pick of that Profile Pic and Cops then Re-Confirmed it through Jayent...⭐️⭐️

the Alice Adventure Idea was Beyond Imagination...⭐️

Out of Box...⭐️⭐️

The Alice Character was another Classy Attempt...👏👏

The Eating of Candy by Muskan was Not a Convincing Idea...😒👎🏼

The Story was Lengthy too...🥱🥱

Loved that Poem...👏👏

its really a Wonderful Attempt by Writer...⭐️👏⭐️

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

Edited by gadhadada - 9 years ago

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#56

Story # 8: Ring In Air

Story Started Nicely...😳👏

Like the Issue Cater by One of Victim Family and when Spotted that Point, Case Referred to CID...👏👏

Nice Explanation by Salunkhy Sir...👏👏

I Like the Writer showing Not a Difficult Complications...👏

its the Small Issue about Re-Confirmation upon the Evidences found by Police...😳👏

Like all the Siggies especially Blow Up Siggies...👍🏼

Nice Distribution of Work with Verification...👏👍🏼

Like Both Cops Small Role especially Dr. Alka...👏👏

Nice Small Misconception of Culprit...😆😉

Like that Same Time Ring in Both Flats...👍🏼

Not a Strong Motive...

Good Attempt...👏👏

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

Edited by gadhadada - 9 years ago

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#57

Story 3: THE WILD GOOSE CHASE

Actual story start hone se pahele tak Freddie-Manisha part kuch jada hi lengthy hain. At first laga ki sayad ye couple hi murderer ka pahela target na ban gaye!😲

The first victim couple... the male member Aakash is quite well aware citizen. Raat ko anjaan logo pe bharosha nehi karna chahiye... shun-shan sadhak pe khas kar.😉 What a shocking end of first target!😭

Nice bonding of team. In the whole journey... ACP sir's fatherly bossy avatar is appreciable.👏

Tarika's irrational funny crying side in FL purely copied from FW which obvio is not convincing.🤣

Aarz kiya hain wala shayri main FB pe kahin dekha tha pahele😉

ACP-Salunkhe phone convo is attractive and just👏

Smooth investigation👏

Hawww... Freddie sir is the man finding clue!

Rajat sir's entry is not clear. The background of his inclusion should be narrate in details which is missing

Daya sir's disguise portion is too funny. ⭐️⭐️But Rajat sir and his silent mind game is not clear again!😕

Muskaan kiun aur kayse Narcotics me join ki? Background kahan?😵 Abhijeet sir & her disguise portion is little shabby.🥱

Jab crime branch aur narcotics ko pahele se hi sare info hath gaya tha... wo log CID ko kiun madat karne aaye? Ye teen wings ka apsi connection kuch khas nehi laga. Lots of loop-holes.

& the truck matter. Kayse itna bada truck sabse chupa tha itne din se...😲 not convincing. I guess sayad ye truck invisible color se paint kiya gaya tha.😆😆

Overall a readable attempt.👏

Writer: cant guess😕

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#58

Story 10: Baal ka Rahasya

Name is too funny. Wah!⭐️👏

Whole story is in passive voice! Creating difficulty in reading.😭

Bahat dramatic lag raha tha padhte waqt.😛

Cops ka attitude thora weird laga.😉

Dr. Niddhi kaun?😲 CID ka koi nehi jab, aur cops unhe jante hain jab pahele se... proper intro hota toh as a reader achha rehta samajhne me. 😊Thora hotchpotch laga.😒

Abhijeet disguise me bhi coat pahena! 😲Dil hain Coat ka dewana... yaaron main toh pahenaaa🤣

Plot achha tha... aaj ke date me politics ka yeh khel, proper n reliable.⭐️⭐️

But execution of whole matter not catchy.😭

Old members' intro me... Vivek ka inclusion thik hain👏

But Muskaan? She had no proper part here

Writer should improve more dear. Please don't mind... I can understand your hard work.😳 But lastly its reader's satisfaction... which is absent to some extent here.😵

Writer: cant guess😕

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bluetides

@bluetides

Stunner

Posted: 9 years ago

#59

Story #6:
What a cinematic start 😃 really loved the first murder scene ...
Dr Niyati 😃 nice inclusion ...
Couple of murders fast fast 👏 👏 👏
par wo ridhi ya bache ki cheek kisi ne nahi suni? 😕 aur wo Ridhi ka husband wash room jaane pe tensed kyon hi bhae
alag alag murders dekhte hi kaise jurte hi ek dooje se 😉 😉 😉
aur ek .. kahi similarity aisa nahi ki jo bhee doosre shahar se aaye ho wo 🤔 hmmm
good use of google translator 😆 par translator did a nasty job ( I can speak for Telugu 😉) Don't worry marks nahi kaatenge is keliye 😃
more murders
aah clues do mile 😃
par kuch nahi ho paaya 😒
ye video hee clue hoga 😛
awe I am so right 😆
par ye bhee toh ho sakta hi ki ye serial killer na ho aur bas pattern fiollow kia ho ..
acha yehi hi 👏 👏 loved inclusion of MPD 👍🏼
new drug facts and new weapon and new phobia 👏
The slight comedy flicks and bonding of team is good 👏 👏 👏
really loved the DUO bonding in particular ...
Well detailed story with no hurrying up of things ...
The length was little more especially after culprit is revealed I wanted story to wind up fast ... Loved last scene in bureau 😆

Guess: Mistic

Story #7:
Start was slow and with new character and Rajat. One case was detailed very much and rest of the cases are tied up through research. Liked the part how the cases got tied up. 😃
Inclusion of Asha was good and comes with good back ground too. 👏
Somehow, reading all dialogs in english feels little odd . 😳
Different back grounds, ages, genders and slow poisoning.. lets see how author can link them ...
Worli clue was good 👍🏼
aah with the NGO all things fall in place with few active and few non active members ..
Does Pankaj have to be foolish always? 😆
Loved the madness of the culprit 😆 ⭐️
Motive could be better
Guess:😕

Story #8:
Cynide and HCN hmm...no traces and death ... common POC and innocent ...
acha khasa plot hi 😉 I am really eager to know how they died...
A/C and food in siggies... AC me gadbad hoga 😃
awe kya AC nahi 😲 😔 hmm ... lets see
Vineet came for getting scolded 😆
nice gyaan on CN in natural products 😃
Alka 😳 par T ji kaha hi? 😕 rules ke musabit two current forensic doctors hona hi na 😕
that phone ring has got something to do
awe that kachra dibba discussion 😆
hmm agar fumes me hi toh stomach par traces kaise mile? 😲 😕
motive was a known one but the plan of Kamal to phasaofy was too good and well worked up 👍🏼
but how Kamal means sunshine? 😕 Kamal means lotus na 😕 😕
khair a good story ⭐️

Guess: GD 😃

Story #9:
Good start with a clean suspense and a typical I am a serial killer type presentation of dead body wrapped and rose. The rose immediately reminded me an old CID episode red rose killer. 😃
The built up of suspense was good with multiple people under attack and a virus missing. 👏
Investigation parts were adequate 👏but missed the wrap completely. If I were the cop, I would worry about wrap before Rose 😆
Priya's letter / challenge to CID and the media house parts are my favorites 😃 😃 😃
Cops are more aggressive than needed and were too harsh towards everyone during investigation, which I don't find good.
Inclusion of previous cops was very apt ⭐️
Clue could have been better 😳
loved the confession but was lengthy... 😆
Can I suggest not to use XYZ ABC etc? Write some name instead of these.
overall story was very lengthy too .. I feel some parts could be happily cut off. 😳

Guess: From siggie, Kousar ... awe btw Siggie was ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Story #10:

Story opens with a already escalated case 😆 murder of politicians belonging to opposition 👏 👏, I don't feel why CID should handle the case considering escalated situation 👏 👏
but a ban on media 😲 I guess that's not possible in India. DD (Door Darshan) is the only channel controlled by government to best of my knowledge ..
another murder 😲 shot in head ...
bullet ka investigation chor dia aap ne 😳 It would be one thing to check na 😳
In first scene I was confused about Muskaan and why Vivek and Muskaan came to Mumbai 😕.. baat toh phone par bhee ho sakti thee and why is Muskaan coming ...
Dr Nidhi nahi Dr Niyati hi 😆
Loved the forensic clue but if neta ji was a regular customer, his driver/ servants should know about it na? 😕
Loved the way culprit was nabbed ... but is that confirmed that the dead was indeed the serial killer?
FW way of matching DNA 😆
overall a good story 👏

Guess: 😕

Edited by bluetides - 9 years ago

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#60

Story # 9: Bazigar Kaun! CID ya Don

The Title was Typical Bollywood style and the Siggie, Somehow Pressed Appealing Buttons seeing SRK in Siggie with CID Team...😉👏

The Start was Nice with a Murder where Victim Body Wrapped in Plastic Bag with Red Rose...👏👏

Honestly, These Typical way already gives a Clue of Serial Killing...😆😆

the AUK BioChemical Lab was a Nice Addition in Clue...👏👏

Somehow Writer trying to use much Passive Conversation gives a Confusing Flair...😕😕

Sketch of Paru and Interrogation with Florist was Nice Idea...👏👍🏼

BTW, why Salunkhy Sir does not gives any Information about that Plastic Bag cz such Bag Covering whole Bodies mostly coming when anyone Buying a Big Thing having different Items na, like any Laundry, Gym Equipment, Electronic Equipment, cz in most, Different types of Plastic used... 😒

Freddie Sir already checked Criminal data of 2/3 Years found No Similarity...😲

the Group of Guys really a Thrilling Addition either I think Readers got whats their Perspective Initially...👏👏

AUK Lab Inquiring was Not Complete having Few Loopholes regarding Information about its Establishment, Owner etc...🤔👎🏼

Priya Character was Good and Threatening Letter gives Twist in Story...👏👏

XYZ News Channel and the way its Used was Portraying Tremendous...⭐️⭐️

I really find it Apt and Current...⭐️⭐️

Clue got by Abhijeet Sir was OK, cz I feel there must be an Addition of any Technical Assistance...😕😕

Koi Channel wala itna Bewakoofi Nahi karta...😉😉

Story turned so much Lengthy and Dragged...🥱🥱

End contained a Big Filmy Touch...😆😆

Rakka Revenge and Vinay Acceptance was Nice...👏👍🏼

Wonderful Attempt...👏👏

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

Edited by gadhadada - 9 years ago