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visrom

@visrom

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#61

I just started reading.

Story 1:

I am unable to understand this bit.

There are 4 people who coated the store. '2 ladies, ek cash payment or ek aadmi'.

This means the cash payment was not by aadmi or ladies? 😕
How they deduced from the bag size and gift was nice. 😊
It was really disappointing to see CID team concentrating on Dharma productions and leaving out Dar Motion pictures. 😔

Devyana deducing that the killer is a woman is a little far fetched. 😛 But nice to see that you chose her. she was the kind of cop who would do such profiling. I remember that wild orchid thing she did in Dr O's treasure.

The investigation was very nice but somehow the motive for murder was a bit disappointing and I am not convinced about the Facebook clue. I expected it to be a bit more cryptic and not an open challenge like this.
The positives are the screenplay...I could see everything happening in front of me and DCP talking sense for a change.

very nice attempt. 😊

Will edit as I read.

Edited by visrom - 9 years ago

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#62

Story 8: Ring in Air

The smooth, perfect mixture emo starting really gives a gust of fresh air.😃⭐️

Naughtiness of Bhai😉 (mera nehi, 😛he is writer's bhai😆😆)

Hmm... as usual writer started just like bayen hath ka khel

Aise hi main kaha tha... dusri duniya walon ne dimag pe chip fix kar ke gaya chupke se😳

Fantastic siggies⭐️⭐️

Samajhne me kinna ashani🤗

Hay hayyy Abhijeet sir's small taunt at investigation place of Keshav's society, extra marks de doon iss liye dear apko?😉

Ha haaa Fluuti ka kya awesome narration😆😉

Hain! Yeh kya baat hui jab kisi ko pata tak nhi, koi use chahti hain... bechare ka kya kasoor! Usne engagement kar li aur tuta dil premika suicide kar li! God! Dil pe itna bhi jor nehi, kiun bhae... Pyar hi zindegi ka eklauta destination hain kya? 👎🏼Aur uss nakam prem ke chalte uska bhai lag gaya badla lene!😲😲

Duniya me kitna sara pagal ulte dimag ka admi hote hain😒

But still I can't remember Dr. Alka's chahra even, 😭episode dekhni padhegi lagta hain😳

Overall a concise piece⭐️⭐️

Writer: GD😃... Koi shak?👏👏

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#63

Story 6: C/O Aristocrat Atrocity

Baapre kitna sara blood! Starting me hi!😲😲

Olden golden day's essence at starting.⭐️👏

Hawww...what a brutal end of teenage girl!😭

Well inclusion of Dr. Niyati Pradhan ⭐️and proper vanishing of Tji😈

Naughty newly married couple😉... but the dulhan's end😒

Poor l'll soul😭

Nice starting of investigation👏

Heheee dialogue from Big B's classic Shahenshah is in Abhijeet's mouth😆😆

Sapne me bhi Daya sir is thinking about khana!🤣

Duo's inclusion part's end convo seems a bit exaggeration unnecessary,🥱 writer. Think about it🤢

Tji-Abhijeet convo rakhna zaroori tha kya?😡

Writer well follows DCP's entry as per FWP. 😆Case me bhi jayse wo bewajah tapak padhte hain, writer also safai se picked it🤪

Small teasing avatar of Abhijeet sir infront of Pankaj...⭐️⭐️

Eee... again Abhijeet sir bana flirt Tji ke naam se😡... not acceptable🤢

Vivek's inclusion is another impressive part👏

The psychiatrist part again relevant👏

But the murderer from FB... in such a direct way🥱... thora not convincing. It should be more tricky😵🤔

Ending is good. 😊But where are the explanations about Bhanu's other murders? How he trapped others?

& last but not the least, how the Japanese Katana reached at Bhanu? 😲It's not clear writer.👎🏼

Overall good story. Not boring at all.😈

Writer: I can guess, but will not reveal😉

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#64

Story # 7: Believe Me

Honestly, I m always Amazed on this Writer Huge Talent Skills...👏👏

The Most Amuzing thing is the Comfortability of Writing, Flowing in whole either in any Genre of Theme/Plot tells Readers about the Multi-Talent found inside Writer Brain...⭐️⭐️

The initial thing, which makes Unique about this Story as it Written in Complete English so gives a Good Flair in Readers Mood...😃👏

The Story started so Practically and with One of Previous Officer Inclusion...👏👏

The Small Incident, turn to Accident and Lastly Murder after getting Out Poison in Second Postmortem...👏👏

Loved the Connection of Rajat and Sameer...👏👏

Loved Sameer getting Info of Rajat background from CID Mumbai, ACP Sir Call to Rajat, Rajat Replying Call coming on Kavya Parents in Ambulance, Later Sameer and Rajat Telephonic Conversation...⭐️⭐️⭐️

a Lovely Professional Behavior Readers find in this Story...👏👏

the Transferring of Case and Cops Discussion with Sameer and Rajat was Excellent... 👏👏

I Like ACP Sir Orders and Other and that few minutes pause during meeting was a Great Twist...👏👏

another Beautiful Entry of Asha with a Strong Back Ground...👏👏

The Letter, Specific Dates of giving Poisoned, Mucus found on Food Pipe, Letter Posting from Navi Mumbai...⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Likes and Tags after getting out Suraj Article and that Save Mumbai thing...👏👏

Absolute Nice Information regarding Multiple of 8...👏👏

Loved the way Age was Estimate...👏👏

the Solid Clue as Worli...👏👏

Suraj Interrogation was Nice, Loved His Case and Duo Small Comment...👏👏

Mrs, Raina Addition with All Graphology Studies gives a Classy Point...👏👏

Superior Complexity and Fond of Numbers is Alert thought...⭐️⭐️

Awesome Information, handed by Freddie Sir, Loved His Excitement and added Orders too showed a Lovely Bonding as well Atmosphere...👏👏

Healing Hands Visit of Both Girls including other Cops too...😳👏

Mr. Jameel Entry was Nice...👍🏼

then Pankaj Peeping that FB Profile...👏👏

Hilirious His Inclusion...😆👏

Numbers and God...👏👏

Nice Try for Catching Culprit...😉👏

OML! Sach, Calling by Numbers...😲👏

Motive was not much Strong as per My Idea...

Loved the Culprit Smallest way of Killing People...👏👏

Following till House another Shocking Matter...😲👏

Seriously, I want this Story should be Shoot... Soon... as per it Writes...⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fabulous Attempt by Writer...⭐️⭐️

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

Edited by gadhadada - 9 years ago

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#65

Story # 10: Baal Ka Rahasya

Honestly, the way DCP Entry and His All Comment especially those Pics and jokes is the Icing of this Story...⭐️⭐️

this whole Conversation gives a Blast to the Story...⭐️⭐️

Story moved in passive Voice, Lose Readers Interest at some Points...🥱🥱

Like 4 Murders of Political Leaders gives Nice Idea,...👏👏

the Broken Key chain was a Nice Clue...👏👏

Like Vivek and Muskaan Addition especially Vivek cz of Solid Background...👏👏

regarding Dr. Niddhi... Ohh Writer its Dr. Niyyati... not Niddhi...

the Conversation at lab was Dragged ...🥱🥱

BTW, Only 2 Previous Officers Inclusion was Allowed not the Three...

Clue of Wood Cok and Devil House Club was Nice...👏👏

Like Duo Visit there and then caught Small Clue of Skull and then Searched the Room after Talking to Waiter...👏👏

Entry of Santosh was Nice...👍🏼

Santosh House Visit and got Ashoke Presence was another Good Twist...👏👏

Delhi Visit and Flash back was Additve Points...👍🏼👍🏼

Writer, a Small Suggestion, Plz Not gives Your Personal Likes, Interest regarding any Character in Stories especially Contest Stories...

Good Attempt...👏👏

Thank You so much...😳😳

The Review and Opinion is Reader Personal Thinking, does not mean to Hurt the Writer, Fans and Frnds of Writer, Efforts of Writer, Apology in Advance... 😳😊

GUESSING is really Meaningless from My Site...😉😆😆

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#66

I've Done All Ratings to All of Brilliant Stuff by Our Forum Brilliant Writers...👏

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MysticMorning

@MysticMorning

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#67

shit, today IF is too slow😒
page 2 not opened fully
cant finish GD's maha story

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Benzaiten

@Minionite

Channel Moderator

+ 43

Team Silver Trio

Posted: 9 years ago

#68

All ratings and reviews done! Great contest GD.

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visrom

@visrom

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#69

Sorry, I just couldn't read more than one story.

I am really busy of late. Excuse me. 😔

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visrom

@visrom

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#70

Finished story no 4. it was very nicely thought out and the investigation details were very nice. 😊

But it took me 4 days to finish it! itna lamba!

the culprit was unexpected, but I expected a logical motive. Why would she create such a complicated clue? Really I didn't understand that.

but it was overall very nice and gripping. 😊 well done.

oh yeah... I loved Freddie's wife checking Facebook. 😊

Edited by visrom - 9 years ago

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