DAYA's B'day Contest 2(STORY) RESULT DECLARED

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sunny

@sunnyp1414

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#101

Originally posted by: debasree04
Entry 4
the storyline is fully justified the plot

I just read my own story finally. and found out that I actually never shown that person which intechanged bag committed suicide. I directly showed its murder. 😛. After reading so many stories I realized I missed this point😛.

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Benzaiten

@Minionite

Channel Moderator

+ 43

Team Silver Trio

Posted: 13 years ago

#102

@ Astonish: Story bahut achi thi. Neend main aur aisi stories likhna. 😆

Thanks for clarifying. I actually don't know about these procedures, so I guess it's something new for me.

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astonish

@astonish

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#103

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri
@ Astonish: Story bahut achi thi. Neend main aur aisi stories likhna. 😆

Waise... all the positive comments on my story go to Vis because i didnt wanna write the story and Vis ki wajah se likha ... loopholes are because of my sleep 😉

@Vis - 😈

Edited by astonish - 13 years ago

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sunny

@sunnyp1414

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#104

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri
Thanks for the clarification. But then how does Daya get two bags as well: one which he gives the team and the real one which he keeps?

Actually Daya lost original bag (Savant one's), Bag he gave to team which he got from Ranjan (while exchange Daya has fingerprints on both bags). Later in hotel Daya tried to find lost bag and finally found in store room and still kept hiding bag from CID team.

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Benzaiten

@Minionite

Channel Moderator

+ 43

Team Silver Trio

Posted: 13 years ago

#105

@ Sunny: Ohh. I see. Thanks for the clarification. I guess I missed that somehow. 😃

@ Astonish: Vis di ko thank you kaho ke unhone itni achi story likhwayi aap se. 😛

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Debasree

@debasree04

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#106

I want to share something about my story...
at first i wrote something totally different & wrote 16 pages...then i was realized its good but not Daya sir centric as in out of 16 pages, 7pages were totally on others team members then i just deleted the maximum of the story & started again...
In my last all stories everyone said- story ka end bohot jaldi khatam hota hein...so this time i kept it in my mind & try to do something better...
I was in dilemma about the climax...i wanted to do it in the Reserve bank & Stock exchange but for their in between distance i changed my thought...
One thing i should be said here that i m inspired by some writing to write the trio action portion...yes Ravi's version of CID & Nanhe detectives...I know i m not so good in writing but this time i m happy what i wrote 😃

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Debasree

@debasree04

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#107

Originally posted by: sunnyp1414

I just read my own story finally. and found out that I actually never shown that person which intechanged bag committed suicide. I directly showed its murder. 😛. After reading so many stories I realized I missed this point😛.

Sunny the plot also said----

What was in the suit case ? why the man committed suicide ?

was that a murder ? then who killed him ?

So u just directly come to the point...

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Debasree

@debasree04

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#108

Originally posted by: NandiniPS
I read the first story its wow.
I am sure its either Sunny or Demonstar😃

When i saw this comment i was 😳 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😃😳
yeh soch kar hi achha lagta hein ke koi meri story ko itne achhe writers ki story samjh rehe hein 😃
Thanx Nandini...i want to comment on your post but i am just waiting for the result 😃

Edited by debasree04 - 13 years ago

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#109

NOW i m with MY REVIEWS... plz DUNT feel HURT/BAD/SAD😊... its only a READER POINT of VIEW... i APPOLOGIZE to ALL!!!😊

STORY ONE: STORY on FIRST PLOT... very very GOOD EFFORT👍🏼... especially the ABHI Sir HOUSE BURNT, ATS inclusion and that FAKE ACP Sir jus MIND BLOWING👏... sumhow the KIDNAPPING of ABHI Sir and the DHARVI SLUM parts was NOT SO much EFFECTIVE but yup

done a GOOD JOB😊... the LAST PATCH was quite LENTHY... the UNDERCONSTRUCTION

BLDG... but GOOD... one POINT... here U told that RAJEEV slipped by BHAI

oops DAYA Sir hand... but in another scene U said that RAJEEV got sum GRANADES!!!

ye kiya tha buddy!!!!😲😕

but all an all a THRILLING-ACTION packed STORY... AWESUME work!!!⭐️👏

STORY TWO: as SUNNY also told earlier... detailed JAANKAARI of RAILWAYS😊...

as i did not travel once in TRAIN😭... so enjoyed alot😃!!! JULIE caught so easily

BHAI sirf SOTAY rahay🥱😆😉... so!!! all and all a windy breez cz mostly STORY moved around RAILWAY and JOURNEY...😊 wesay saheh mein i did not think once in sec thats its VIS DII STORY... so SHORT but NICE...very GOOD work!!!👏

STORY THREE: NICE TENSION portrayed at BHAI... again yaar matlab DAYA Sir face...

the SABUN idea was GOOD👍🏼... but MOTIVE... kuch SOLID NAHI laga... kahir NICE TRY...

even GOOD EFFORT ASTONISH!!!👏

STORY FOUR: as everybody guessing abt SUNNY story... ME also... very GOOD shade...

especially that BAG THROWING scene from HOTEL... FABULOUS man👍🏼... even i imagined that SCENE... KEEPING EYE concept was also GOOD👍🏼... but thora aur SUSPECIOUS TOUCH dena tha.. cz at ONE moment laga kay SUSPECIOUS SHADE kuch aur STRONG hona tha... especially on that ABHI Sir n DAYA Sir CHASING and then talking at ROAD... BAG throwing on DUSTBIN as well😊... the LAST SCENE was MAZIADAAR😉!!! obviously itni DETAILING ki UMEED kisi BARAY WRITER say hee ki ja sakti hay... and SUNNY is ONE of them in our FORUM... so FANTABULOUS!!!👏⭐️

STORY FIVE: its SOONALI STORY... cz she used sum SPECIFIC words so GUESSING easily... STORY started with GOOD👍🏼 pace but at the MIDDLE... LOST the FOCUS😭... especially the inclusion of M1 n M2 did not BOOST the PACE and THRILLING... the use of BHAI BD at that moment was NOT GOOD cz still he did not get the CULPRIT and also bit SUSPECIOUS abt the CASE... but i admitted that FINGERPRINT and LEFTY POINT was FABULOUS👍🏼... its SO ORIGINAL👍🏼... ABHI Sir treatment to SAVE BHAI at that minute was also GOOD😊... all and all due to her HEALTH condition... jao LARKI TUM ko MAAF kiya😉!!!! GOOD EFFORT!!!👏

STORY SIX: DEMONSTAR style was SO CATCHY👍🏼... i must admitted that his any WORK wen cuming up always a JOYFUL TREAT😊... RAMIREZ character was so PROMISING... HANDLING... INVESTIGATIVE points... LANGUAGE... all are SO EXCILLENT... its really FANTASTIC to READ anything cuming from that PROMISING WRITER!!!👍🏼👏

STORY SEVEN: so SHREYA in my way... GOOD yaar👍🏼... but SHREYA i have sum POINTS on UR STORY... first U buildup ABDUL REHMAN character in a THRILLING way👍🏼... the BUs HIJACK... then to CONTACT CID for completing the TASK!! but WHY BHAI😕???!!! then the FIRST CLUE of that TWO PAPER exchanging was CLASSY👍🏼... but after that U did not

HANDLE the AR character in that PACE... i dunt think in today's era any TERRORIST who had BASIC TRAINING did such SILLY MISTAKE??!!! he did not checked BHAI before he entered in BUS, stepped out from it... at GOONS as well... BHAI easily used that BUG on BUS but AR did not once think abt to attach any kind of BUG aur using sum EYE CATCHER to check HIM😲??!!! that WIRE!!! also CONFUSING if U used sum DIALOGUES inside Bearue abt that WIRE like...

ACP Sir told FREDDIE or anyone to wat is that!! REPAIRED it etc... then its quite easy to connect that WIRE in our MINDS!!! and a HUMBLE REQUEST plz SHERYA use CHARACTER FIRST and then DIALOGUE... sumtimes its quite DIFFICULT to UNDERSTAND😊...!! but a NICE TRY!!!👏

STORY SEVEN: a SIMPLE and SHORT STORY without any STRONG MOTIVE... but lookin NICE to READ... BLOSSOM FOUNDATION..😃 BHAVNA DII... a GOOD attempt!!!👏

STORY EIGHT: its DREAMYDEPZ aka DD here... NICE idea of that CANCER PATIENT TREATMENT👍🏼... GOOD pace... NOTHING much meant NO SOLID MOTIVE... but all an all a GOOD TRY!!! 👏

STORY TEN: wesay i did not get the WRITER of that STORY... i like the way... VERY CONCRETE👍🏼... especially without CID nabbed

the CULPRIT like ENDING..GOOD to READ sumtthin which PORTRAYED only by SENTENSES👍🏼... which really gives GOOD feel the only thing at initial point wen ABHI Sir opened the SCUITECASE, he found a SCARLET and KNIFE... but after that only GUN was used in whole😕!!! the BANK LOCKER idea was also NICE... i think its really a REFRESHER to read such SHORT but COMPLETE STORY... EXCILLENT CHINNU DII!!!👏

STORY TWELVE: even at initial point... i guessed its written by KD aka SHREELA... i liked it MOST👍🏼 especially how KD used Ins VIJAY CHARACTER and the SENTENSES... WOW👍🏼!!! the dialogue of BHAI wen he said kay: SMS NAHI JAYEYGA, BALANCE

KHATAM HO GAYA HAY" was SO MAST😆!!! TREATMENT and PACE was also EXCILLENT... its really an AWESUME TREAT KD!!!👍🏼👏

now back to MYSELF... at first i was NOT at FORUM in month of NOV due to EXAMS... so ONE of MY FRND sent ME the LINK.. i was starting to WRITE but wen i checked the MAIN THREAD... SHOCKED😲 to READ abt SCUITECASE!!! dunt understand that there was NO SCUITECASE in MY STORY yet😕... i thought may be there was SUM AMENDMENTS in PLOT so i again checked it and then realize that there were TWO PLOTS😃!!! khair i m that WRITER who sent TWO STORIES to NEEME DII (as she told it earlier on THREAD) on BOTH the PLOTS but its AGAINST the RULES so i again PM HER to only POST my THIS STORY... but after reading all

STORIES on that PLOT... i think MERI bhi THEEK hee thi😊... aur kafi HUT kay thi!!! but it was DUO CENTRIC... NOT DAYA centric so loose it...😔!!! wesay still i dunt understand how READERS caught MY STORY... its really SAD😭!!! i tried to CHANGE but i think i must learnt

sumthin from all WRITERS that how to change the STYLE to HIDE the REVEAL of WRITER... 😊

Edited by gadhadada - 13 years ago

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Debasree

@debasree04

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#110

Originally posted by: gadhadada

STORY ONE: STORY on FIRST PLOT... very very GOOD EFFORT👍🏼... especially the ABHI Sir HOUSE BURNT, ATS inclusion and that FAKE ACP Sir jus MIND BLOWING👏... sumhow the KIDNAPPING of ABHI Sir and the DHARVI SLUM parts was NOT SO much EFFECTIVE but yup
done a GOOD JOB😊... the LAST PATCH was quite LENTHY... the UNDERCONSTRUCTION
BLDG... but GOOD... one POINT... here U told that RAJEEV slipped by BHAI
oops DAYA Sir hand... but in another scene U said that RAJEEV got sum GRANADES!!!
ye kiya tha buddy!!!!😲😕
but all an all a THRILLING-ACTION packed STORY... AWESUME work!!!⭐️👏

Thanx GD for the review 😊
Even I dnt understand what r u talking about??? 😕
I wrote--- where i wrote Rajeev got some grenades??? 😕 Can u tell me...may be i missed it

In the meantime Rajeev was able to escape from his hand. Daya thought that at first he had to check the reason of the continuous explosions then he again caught the Rajeev...

Rajeev was tried to escape when the CID team caught him.

Edited by debasree04 - 13 years ago