DAYA's B'day Contest 2(STORY) RESULT DECLARED

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sunny

@sunnyp1414

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#91

Originally posted by: Chiinnu
he couldn't , because he was a prisoner and have records against terrorism in his name, and not easy to get a passport. And if he deny the bag and if it comes in front of cops, then he will be answerable and can't say it is not his bag, since he is having a criminal BG. 😃

Person having criminal background committed sucide because he lost one evidence now I will argue more 😛. He could leave to any other state if not country (though using illegal means he can) why he left to another world (suicide). Person having criminal background is successfully hiding from police or intelligence why he further couldn't think of hiding himself in one way or other why suicide.

Leave it it's just my thinking he shouldn't but one never know what happens to person when they actually think of committing suicide. Sometimes things happen and person even doesn't realise why he is doing this.

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#92

Originally posted by: sunnyp1414

Reviews

Reviews are just my personal opinion. I read stories quite fast paced so may be I missed some point.

STORY 11

Story was lengthy, writer tries best to fast pace story but there were few scenes which writer could easily cut short. So many things happened in story. Writer tried to cover so manly angles in one story. Abhijeet almost saved by CID team, bomb blasts, linking of two stories. Bomb in Abhijeets body and Daya forced to do task demanded by culprit. Enjoyed reading story with so many things happening one after another but length could be kept in control. Good ground investigation.

THANX a TON😊... SUNNY... basically tried to WRITE sumthin BETTER😉... and so sorry abt LENGTH... ... but really THESE are SUM ENCOURAGEMENT WORDS from a ZABARDAST WRITER😃... THANKS alot MAN👍🏼

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Debasree

@debasree04

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#93

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri

My reviews:

Story 1: You kept using "v" for "bh". I loved the suspense and the way you tried to use imagery to describe the scenes so we could see what was happening. The distribution of the officers was good as well. The action and investigation was very good. The twists and turns were amazing. At times I thought it was Birju who would be related to the terrorists, but it wasn't. Overall, amazing story and I would love to read more.

Thanx Sri 😃
Actually my hindi is not too good as i never learn this language in my school or anywhere so its very difficult for me...next time i will keep in mind... 😊

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#94

Originally posted by: debasree04
My Reviews---Please dnt be hurt with my words may be i m wrong...its just my thought at the time of reading

Entry 11
The third story on the plot1 from the beginning...You used lots of technical & medical facts & for those part you studied a lot but you did one mistake "Surety Bond" I think the correct words for this is "Patient Consent form" & one person cannot go home just after a neurosurgery as Abhijeet sir went bureau next day while his operation was done the last night...otherwise a good story on this plot...really good job GD i didn't expect it is yours...really good job 👏👏

BUNCH of THANX DEBA😊... abt that WORD!!! SO SORRY yaa😭r... pata nahi... samjha nahi aay tou WOHI likh diya😉... and abt that SURGERY... basically its NOT NEUROSURGERY... its a simple ACUTE SURGERY😊... NOT very RISKY n CRITICAL (according to GOOGLE)😊... but yaar UR ENCOURAGEMENT really SUPPORTS ME alot...😊 THANK U BUDDY!!! 👍🏼

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#95

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri

My reviews:

Story 11: The story was a bit long and there were many parts which you could have cut short, in my opinion. There was too much happening in the story and I think it would have been much better had it been two separate stories. I liked how you had Daya doing what the terrorists wanted so he could save Abhijeet from the bomb. I did enjoy reading the story nonetheless. The investigation and team distribution was really good. It seemed like I was watching a two-hour special of CID.

THANX a TON SHERYA😊... its really a COMPLIMENT for ME😳 and also SORRY for LENGTH!!!

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sunny

@sunnyp1414

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#96

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri
Story 4: I didn't know whether to like the fact that Abhijeet was showing concern for Daya or not like the fact that he was suspecting Daya. I got a bit confused in the bit as to how many bags there were and which bags had whose fingerprints on them, but overall great story. The ending seemed a bit rushed.

First point I leave it to you. I actually tried y best and write in way concerned CID officer should react.

Second

There were 2 bags. One which Savant brought (important bag which Daya picked up) and other which Ranjan brought. After exchange of bag. Bag which Savant brought had fingerprints of Daya and Savant and other had fingerprints of Daya and Ranjan . Now CID team got bag which Ranjan brought and they thought its bag which Savant brought. From fingerprints they could make out that bag was exchanged.
I actually want CID team should investigate and should find out themselves that bag was exchanged rather Daya telling them.

Third ending was bit rushed because I had to submit before deadline. In 1 day this was best effort I could giev and I know my story lost grip towards end (because I just read my story and felt that).

Edited by sunnyp1414 - 13 years ago

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visrom

@visrom

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#97

I started my story with a certain idea, then had a sudden Mumbai trip and I completely forgot what I wanted to write. I finished it at the 11th hr 59th min and in fact changed the city too at the last min. Sorry for the sloppy work. Phir bhi mazaa aaya! 😊 Thx for feedback.

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Gamayun

@Minionite

Channel Moderator

+ 51

Team Silver Trio

Posted: 13 years ago

#98

Originally posted by: sunnyp1414
Second

There were 2 bags. One which Savant brought (important bag which Daya picked up) and other which Ranjan brought. After exchange of bag. Bag which Savant brought had fingerprints of Daya and Savant and other had fingerprints of Daya and Ranjan . Now CID team got bag which Ranjan brought and they thought its bag which Savant brought. From fingerprints they could make out that bag was exchanged.
I actually want CID team should investigate and should find out themselves that bag was exchanged rather Daya telling them.

Third ending was bit rushed because I had to submit before deadline. In 1 day this was best effort I could giev and I know my story lost grip towards end (because I just read my story and felt that).

Thanks for the clarification. But then how does Daya get two bags as well: one which he gives the team and the real one which he keeps?

Edited by khota_sikka_sri - 13 years ago

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#99

Originally posted by: visrom
First of all a BIG BIG applause to Sunny, GD and Sri. 👏

GD - very well done. wished you had cut down some of the injuries...it was very painful imagining Abhijeet unconscious in a well and fingers jutting out of the well and Freddie tripping and falling over it. But you didn't leave any loophole like the 'Theatre mein maut' story last time. 👏😆

i m anxiously WAITING for VIS DII COMMENTS😳... ohh SAARI MEHNUT WASOOL ho gayii...😃 Almighty LORD always BLESSED U DII... tons, loads, bunches, bundles of THANK YOU!!!😊

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astonish

@astonish

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#100

Originally posted by: khota_sikka_sri

Story 3: The introduction was very good, but why would Daya sir write a report in a local police station when they are CID? The investigation was really good. You distributed the team well. There was some good scenes with Dr. Salunkhe like when he asks Daya sir to explain how he would commit suicide. I didn't really get the connection between the sniper and all the important people at the beginning, but it made sense later. I liked the camaraderie between Abhijeet sir and Daya sir. Overall really good. The ending seemed a bit rushed.

Thank you 😊

Even if a cop loses something they have to report it in the police station... for losing his bag and for finding the owner of the other bag. In case the cop's lost bag has some confidential info then there might be some chances of suspecting the cop too

About the ending being rushed ... I am sorry.. I don;t remember the ending.. I had to keep it fast as I had no time.. and was sleep 😆 But thanks for the positive comments... Neend mein bhi...theek thaak story bana hai na 😉😆