IS THIS WEIRD OR IS IT ME??

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

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Posted: 12 years ago

#31

Originally posted by: princessunara

Hell are u freaking serious? i just might kill them all while they r sleeping if half this is forced on me by inlaws!!😆 what is even the use of living like this? 😲 i mean why bother marrying?

@Vittoria- i seriously wanted to make this topic too!! good u made it! for me too it seems utterly ridiculous! my mom will go anytime she pleases to my nani's place..n sometimes we r not even aware she has gone there in the morning when all of us r out for school/uni/office..its just freaking stupid and cruel if this is true!! 😡

I agree. Everyone should have the freedom to live the way they want to. A marriage should not be an obstacle, but a stepping stone to the future! A wonderful future where two souls are together in everything. Together. In everything.

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

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Posted: 12 years ago

#32

Originally posted by: sushk123
I m from India but havent come across such a family where u cant even breathe without your in laws permission! But may be such families do exist! I hv heard dat d DILs r not allowed to wear western clothes in some households! Yesterday while watching d epi I was thinking about d same thing! All I can say is Thank God I dont belong to such a family

Seems a bit archaic, when you can't even wear the clothes you want. That is a bit extreme. Worse than being in prison! Why would first of all, anyone agree to that? And second of all, even have rules like that? Rules for wearing clothes? Seriously? What's wrong with western clothes, anyway? It's not as if you wear them and your personality changes.

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showviewer

@showviewer

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Posted: 12 years ago

#33

Originally posted by: kbtr

But why? I don't understand? There is strength in diversity. The more independent the women are, the better it is not only for the household, but for society, too. Since it is from the women that thoughts and ideas stem and these are what drives the society. And a forward thinking society is an affluent one, so there will be less problems...

What you said is a ideal, which probably exists in varying degrees in different places. Gender biases and prejudices exists everywhere, it is a matter of degree, how much or how little, is it overt or subtle. Though most of us focus on subjugation of women, there is also the other side of coin which is definition of masculinity and how cultures define how man should behave or react to situations. This latter side also impacts gender relations, but not always focused on.

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

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Posted: 12 years ago

#34

Originally posted by: incandescent
I have one question, I can understand that it might be happening in villages or small towns but here the Borisagar's live in a big city and they are all educated, including the bhabhis. Considering that, isn't it a little strange what's happening in the Borisagar household? 😕

The older generation may hold such views, since they are very conservative but younger generation seems to be quite unaware of their rights.

That's exactly what I am saying. They live in the city. They know what kind of family Chhan Chhan comes from. Even if we make allowances for Manav's brothers, what about Manav? For instance, how can he even think of eating without his wife? So what if this is what has been going on in that house thus far? He is younger, and for all intents and purposes, so far in the story line, they have shown him to be a bit progressive in his thinking. So why revert to arachaic rules just because he got married?! I just cannot fathom this - forget about everything else. How can a husband who loves his wife so much, eat without her? It seems a bit strange, that they think it is OK to have sex with their wives, to sleep with their wives, to have them serve them, BUT not to eat with them??? I'm confused!!

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

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Posted: 12 years ago

#35

Originally posted by: T.R.A
it is really weird!

You said it!

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#36

Originally posted by: *KAaajAL*
So,
can't go out
can't go for honeymoon
can't have friends over
can't wear clothes that you want
can't eat with your hubby
can't talk unless given permission
be subservient to MIL and hubby and his family
can't breathe unless MIL says so
have no jovial interactions with family just for the sake of
take permission from mommy dearest in spite of being an adult (pls don't use the respect angle here, irrelevant)
...
Is this what being married (in India) means??

I'm pretty sure this is an extreme case and things like these do not exist anymore???
Please enlighten me!

Agree with whatever u say..in india still at few households people are sceptical inb allowing their dil to be free bird after marriage..thy have their pown reasons...and u cant really dop anything..atlleast nw things are changing as we find couples staying all alone..

Thank God for that! But even if you live in extended families, why should that stop you from living? My grandma in Italy does not live in the city. My uncles, three of them, live with her. With their families. But everyone does what they want. Nobody dare tell their wives, my aunts, what to do or what to wear!! This is a very weird concept for me to understand. The extended family consists of about 20 people. Sometimes, when my aunts' relatives visit, or we go to visit, it expands to more than 40 people. But we all do what we want. Nobody tells us what to wear, how to eat, what to speak...!!

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#37

Originally posted by: GodhuliLogon
no its not like that .. 😃

Its only shown in here ..

but some family like their DIL with Ghunghat .. or saari .. sometimes .. yeah ..

Thank God it's not like that! I'm against anyone doing anything against their will. If the DIL don't mind (and are not doing it out of fear, or force) then I guess it should be OK.

Edited by kbtr - 12 years ago

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

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Posted: 12 years ago

#38

Originally posted by: khoshidarling
when you live in joint and conservative families, its common
i think it also depends on the environment and country you are living
in sub continent these things matter

But why should your will be less important that that of anyone else's? Just because you live in a joint or conservative family? Wherever you are?

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

Rocker

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Posted: 12 years ago

#39

Originally posted by: misscrazyfan
i think non indians never have idea of indian joint family rules and culture..
another scary thing is even husbands will support and talk along with mom with out helping their wives,,,,
thank god atleast to some extent manav is behaving like human but i guess soon the plates will turn down wen uaben will showcase chhan chhan in a wrong way...
but i know chan willl sort...and to say all the ladies in real life willl not be like chan chan right???
it is the fate of some indian girls..

Yes, you are right. As a non-Indian, I cannot understand this concept, and hence my post, I guess. But I am not making light of it, nor dismissing it as a non-cultural understanding issue. I am genuinely puzzled as to why anyone would allow someone to treat them like they or their thoughts or ideas were of no importance.

And really, there can be no more of a conservative race than Italians. We also live in joint families. We also have rules. But there are no rules that de-base you as a person in your own right. In fact, individuality is encouraged. And the more independent you are, the better! It's a question of respect, I suppose. But if someone wants to be respected, in this case, MIL, FIL, sons, then why are they not respecting of their bahus and wives? Why are they treated as second class citizens? And if it is the fate of some, then it is high time, they change this "fate." Unless, they are OK being treated as such. OK, genuinely, not because of circumstances, or fear. (Which in this case, they are not.)

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vittoriA Giardano

@kbtr

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#40

Originally posted by: varma.nishi1

Hey Victoria nice post dear

Umm some very valid Qs..and there is Only one answer for now ...depends from family to family and according to the culture ...hence u would find some agreeing like here on it thread and some finding the whole idea pretty bizarre ...

TC

Yeah, I guess. Can't argue with that.

But it's sad, when someone is not allowed the true freedom of living the life they want.