IS THIS WEIRD OR IS IT ME?? - Page 3

Originally posted by: varma.nishi1

Hey Victoria nice post dear

Umm some very valid Qs..and there is Only one answer for now ...depends from family to family and according to the culture ...hence u would find some agreeing like here on it thread and some finding the whole idea pretty bizarre ...

TC

Originally posted by: Guinea

You know , I have seen all this in my extended family based in meerut , just 2 hrs away from delhi , where I live and it is not that the women mind ! They know no better ...

Originally posted by: kbtr

So,

• can't go out
• can't go for honeymoon
• can't have friends over
• can't wear clothes that you want
• can't eat with your hubby
• can't talk unless given permission
• be subservient to MIL and hubby and his family
• can't breathe unless MIL says so
• have no jovial interactions with family just for the sake of
• take permission from mommy dearest in spite of being an adult (pls don't use the respect angle here, irrelevant)
• ...

Is this what being married (in India) means??

I'm pretty sure this is an extreme case and things like these do not exist anymore???

Please enlighten me!

This is extreme, but in many conservative families, some of these rules still exist.
- Can't go out without permission from in-laws, or informing them well in advance - informing makes sense, because meals have to be planned accordingly, and well in time, especially in a large family ... but permission? for adults?
- Can't wear clothes that you want - if you're alone at home or only with husband, floating around in a skimpy nighty is okay, but even a modern girl would be embarrassed if her FIL or older brother-in-law saw her that way. So making sure you're decent outside your own room comes automatically ... it doesn't have to be forced.
- Can't have friends over - if you have only one hall/drawing room, then the couples would have to check with each other if it was free for their friends to drop in ... otherwise friends have to sit in the couple's bedroom. I knew a joint family like this.

-Can't talk without permission - many families I know, the DILs are supposed to be quiet and not speak in 'family matters' ... those involving the parents and siblings. And mostly they don't, they prefer to stay out. They only give their opinions to their husbands in private. Matters involving the couples themselves are different, there they speak freely.

So most of these rules are pretty much common sense ... no sensible girl would do very much differently, especially not in her first few days in her new home. It's when they are carried to extremes that they become ridiculous ... and that's what they're trying to show here.

Being subservient to MIL and family ... being polite is normal ... it doesn't HAVE to mean subservient. Here it does ... again that's what they're trying to show. You CAN make your point and disagree with the rules, without being rude or militant.

-Can't eat with hubby ... ah, there you've got me!!! No excuses for that at all ... not in this day and age.. plus they have servants to serve the hot rotis - the only reason where that might be permissable. And not sitting at the same table, but eating in the kitchen - ridiculous!!! Like someone very perceptively remarked, that was a way to show the DILs their place - never quite part of the family, only a step above servants.

Nope..Such narrow-minded ness doesnt exist in big cities or in educated families anymore...Heck! Such things doesnt even exist in normal cities in our neighbouring countries...These shows are just freaking unreal and ofcourse this is an extreme case..Real life is not a saas-bahu daily soap and thank f** for that!

Though they have exagerated here, there is lot of reality too.

such ppl do exist in this world
sad but true

Originally posted by: DiyaS

This is extreme, but in many conservative families, some of these rules still exist.
- Can't go out without permission from in-laws, or informing them well in advance - informing makes sense, because meals have to be planned accordingly, and well in time, especially in a large family ... but permission? for adults?
- Can't wear clothes that you want - if you're alone at home or only with husband, floating around in a skimpy nighty is okay, but even a modern girl would be embarrassed if her FIL or older brother-in-law saw her that way. So making sure you're decent outside your own room comes automatically ... it doesn't have to be forced.
- Can't have friends over - if you have only one hall/drawing room, then the couples would have to check with each other if it was free for their friends to drop in ... otherwise friends have to sit in the couple's bedroom. I knew a joint family like this.

-Can't talk without permission - many families I know, the DILs are supposed to be quiet and not speak in 'family matters' ... those involving the parents and siblings. And mostly they don't, they prefer to stay out. They only give their opinions to their husbands in private. Matters involving the couples themselves are different, there they speak freely.

So most of these rules are pretty much common sense ... no sensible girl would do very much differently, especially not in her first few days in her new home. It's when they are carried to extremes that they become ridiculous ... and that's what they're trying to show here.

Being subservient to MIL and family ... being polite is normal ... it doesn't HAVE to mean subservient. Here it does ... again that's what they're trying to show. You CAN make your point and disagree with the rules, without being rude or militant.

-Can't eat with hubby ... ah, there you've got me!!! No excuses for that at all ... not in this day and age.. plus they have servants to serve the hot rotis - the only reason where that might be permissable. And not sitting at the same table, but eating in the kitchen - ridiculous!!! Like someone very perceptively remarked, that was a way to show the DILs their place - never quite part of the family, only a step above servants.

Originally posted by: Guinea

I get your pt. ... I too come from a free thinking open minded family and now live with my husband where we both do what we wish to do ...so all's good . What I was trying to say is that the above is also a reality ...its not a distant thing which happens in villages etc , i have seen it in my extended family.

You are right , it is discrimination ...

Originally posted by: shillu.arshi

I TOT AGREE WITH U

yup tht families do liv in our country especially in villages but not in towns metro cities

coz I have seen these type of typical gujju fam too...