Why we hate the 'mahaan' ?

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Vidya

@Shinya

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#21

By the way, who is the 'mahan' in this discussion and who hates the 'mahan'??

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andv

@andv

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#22

Very well said Antara.

Just yesterday I had mentioned that the way we perceive people, situations and events depends on our experiences and our conditioning. Its not necessary to be rude in order to put your point across or for that matter show some one down to express your displeasure with them. A little bit of empathy and politeness can do the trick and in fact much more efficiently than a scream or order.

For me the way A talked to Sachi was her way of showing Sachi where she stands and what to expect from her whether she likes or not. Her way was very polite but it reached the ears of an otherwise deaf Sachi. Did she get her point across, yes she did and at the same time she gained respect from the family as well. Moreover it also made Sachi ponder a bit and feel guilty about her behavior. If everyone screams then no one listens, so its better for at least one person to be calm. Its a tough to keep calm in a tensed situation but that's the true test of one's character. I have always wanted to develop this quality of keeping calm and diplomatically dealing with a rough situation, so I totally adore the way A handles such events as well as relationships.

A did admit that she feels inadequate for S, which is the truth in her own eyes. Its clear that A has a low self esteem due to her rough past, but at the same time I believe that if one is truly worth something, it will be visible to all in the person's actions. One need not go around propagating it. Similarly although A may have a low self esteem but her true worth is well recognized not only by her family but also the whole village.

Today Shiv shouted at Sachi, although he was right in his own place given Saachi's increasingly manner-less behavior but the outcome was her defiance. One's well wishers can only show you the right path. Weather you choose it or not is totally dependent on you. Unfortunately some people only learn the hard way and that becomes too late.

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#23

Very thought provoking post Antara 👏 its always surprize me whn people criticize a positive character taging thm over mahan and unreal but always find a negative character a real one and relate with
Thm.although in serial both negativity and positivity shown overly. Thn why positivity is criticized and negativity is accepted.

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: woman11

parri, I agree with you. The point is not that we shouldn't be critical, the point is what is it we are laughing about? In fact, lets take out the Anandi factor completely, lets look at the larger society. I have seen far too many people criticized for their 'overt' goodness than meanness or baseness of human nature being criticized, because we tend to feel more in one with the morally less elevated.

A lady in my parents' neighborhood pays her maid a higher salary than the rest of our neighbors, not because she makes her do more work, but because she feels the existent wage rate is unfair. She also feeds the maid meals everyday, gives tuition to the her children and treats her with much more respect --- though the other ladies in the neighborhood don't do that. Now it's her personal choice, and a contract between her and her maid. Yet, many women in the neighborhood taunt and sneer at her for being "too kind" and "giving too much leeway" to the servant class, who must be kept in control. Has she done anything bad? NO. Then why do people so enthusiastically feel like bashing her? There are numerous other things that happen in the neighborhood---a man abuses his wife, a woman utterly neglects her dying mother in law, a man cheated his own brother to get ownership of the house------yet nobody feels the eagerness to talk about them since they are "private" matters, and more important quite normal. Rather, the most talked about thing in any gathering is how Mrs.so and so is the devi of kalyug or the savior of the poor, and how she will come waving a red flag demanding rights for the servants!! The poor lady is not even the firebrand type demanding for equal rights for all maids. She just practices some fairness herself.

What do you think is the problem here? Do you think a constructive criticism is going on here? No. People in general do love to deride goodness, while considering mean acts as normal.

Certainly, what you say it true in a general context, but they may have a selfish motive of wanting to preserve the status quo where the servant class is not given more than the bare minimum of their rights. It like the so called protectors of the caste system who do not want to share their privileges for fear that they may lose control or their luxuries.

I guess my response is more valid in context of the character and the series because some of the responses were that Anandi is never wrong and if we find fault with her then the fault really lies with the critic. The critics moral compass was being questioned. And I just wanted a fair discussion because Anandi's critics cannot be dissed by merely stating that they are morally not up to par. The implication was also being made that those that side with Anandi with unquestioning devotion are moral like her. BUT same can be said for those that side with Anandi and criticise Sanchi...why can't they be more understanding of Sanchi's POV like their role model Anandi...Is it because their moral compass is not up to par? (just playing devil's advocate here).

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mansimat

@mansimat

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#25

I read the article that you shared. It's insightful. What I love about the post is that it makes me think beyond the show. It takes the discussion to a higher level. Thanks.

I thought over my own life & experiences and realized that yes there have been people whom I have judged as 'fake', 'Mahan' or seeking attention through altruism. And you know in my heart I knew that they were not wrong. But I don't know if it was jealousy or selfishness or what, but I couldn't appreciate them because I was not like them! With more maturity I realized that I was at fault or arrogant in my stand.

I know this is a show and there is a huge polarity between good and evil. But believe me, sometimes when I looked at the way Gauri behaved with Jagya, I used to pledge to myself that I won't ever treat my husband that deceitfully. Or sometimes when Anandi exhibited supreme patience or selflessness, I used to think about how selfless I was being in my relations. Many of the virtues that she portrays are mentioned in our Vedas. But people are unable to act according to them. Since they are beyond reach, people cast them as 'Mahan' conveniently so that they need not carry the burden of not leading life with the prescribed virtues, on their head or they need not accept their flaws.

This brings out the inherent inability of the human ego, the 'I' to understand the complexity of existence and the path to god. Arrogance, ego are the base here. In my own life, I try to make such people role models or I simply try to respect their grace and understating. I hope more humankind do the same. There is a lot to learn for us.

Edited by mansimat - 12 years ago

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Sree

@Katyayani_devi

Trailblazer

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#26

nice post. thanks for the article. different humans different mindsets,different psychologies. everything exists frm lower truth to higher truth.

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#27

shy

Originally posted by: parri814

Certainly, what you say it true in a general context, but they may have a selfish motive of wanting to preserve the status quo where the servant class is not given more than the bare minimum of their rights. It like the so called protectors of the caste system who do not want to share their privileges for fear that they may lose control or their luxuries.

I guess my response is more valid in context of the character and the series because some of the responses were that Anandi is never wrong and if we find fault with her then the fault really lies with the critic. The critics moral compass was being questioned. And I just wanted a fair discussion because Anandi's critics cannot be dissed by merely stating that they are morally not up to par. The implication was also being made that those that side with Anandi with unquestioning devotion are moral like her. BUT same can be said for those that side with Anandi and criticise Sanchi...why can't they be more understanding of Sanchi's POV like their role model Anandi...Is it because their moral compass is not up to par? (just playing devil's advocate here).

parri, I think there is a fundamental difference between criticizing Anandi and criticizing her acts of goodness. Goodness or virtue is not synonymous with a person. Here I am talking solely about virtue, not the character.

Let me give you an example: Anandi almost forced Shiv to marry her to fulfill her mother's wish. To me, it was an act unfair and to an extent selfish. Shiv is no way tied to Bhago's promise, nor should have Anandi forced him to agree to marriage when he was very clear that he was not ready for marriage with an unwilling Anandi. I do not support that act,and would not shy away from criticizing Anandi for this. This act is not an act of virtue.

What I am talking about here is the negativity towards her virtues or any act of goodness. If she is patient and non-bellicose--which i think is a very rare virtue, it becomes a point of mockery as "mahaanta" or "absurdity" that no real life girl would do. Similarly, her passion for social work gets mocked as her acting as Mother Teresa---which indeed is very condescending for Mother Teresa herself.; her sympathy for others get mocked as sainthood. And it's not limited to Anandi---a lot of people do get mocked and discouraged in real life too for trying to do deeds of goodness that the general crowd would not bother to think about. Dismissing the acts of virtue or ideals of goodness as something derisible---that's my focus, not the person doing them.

Coming to Sanchi, I think here again we need to assess her by her deeds rather than whether we like her or not. Till now, Sanchi has not done a single act of virtue; hence there is no question of seeing another side to her character. If she does an act of virtue, and still gets mocked for her goodness, then we can definitely speak in her defense.😛

Edited by woman11 - 12 years ago

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 12 years ago

#28

Maybe they have made her more assertive recently, but I haven't watched BV episodes since very long, and have just read a few updates today...so

I would differ on why I did not love Anandi's character when I used to watch BV. I do like a lot of people who, I believe have better principles than I have. I am a normal person with normal values, and I am quite comfortable with that. That's a choice I have made for myself...I feel I am generally ok with people who are better than me in life , unless ofcours I have a direct competition with them in profession etc..lol :-)) !!

However, my annoyance, with Anandi, was more reflective of my annoyance with creatives, and their choices of lead and side characters. I feel such shows typecast women. They show so much negativity in the characterization of urban women, and most of the empathy falls in the lot of women characters who are adjusting in conservative environmentsI mean Gauri did not have to be hysterical, and manipulative--they could have simply shown a woman, who is aggressive and assertive about what she wants in her life. Ashima really looked dumb to me--and from whatever I haven read about Saanchi's character--I totally hate her.!! Why do they make urban women so full of trash--duhhh (I still like some aspects of Gauri though, but nothing about Saanchi)

I also feel virtue of tolerance for women is over-glorified. From a comparison point of view---I feel such shows put a huge pressure on women for keeping upto norms of holding the "family" together by showing humongous patience... I don't like shows that tell me that its the onus of women to keep their husband's parents and siblings together---if men want to live with their parents and siblings in what you call a joint family(portrayed as the "ideal family" system)...they should be the ones to set examples of extraordinary patience. So my main problem is NOT that Anandi stays silent while dadisa insults her, or burns her books...my main problem is that why can't I see a "balak" or someone...where a man is oppressed by taunts and he puts up with those ...for the sake of keeping his wife's family together !!! I would definitely uphold and applaud these ideals that time---I would religiously watch the show...shed tears for the man who is putting up with so much shit..and yet keeps doing sacrifices while making the best tasting tea for his wife's father--while the wife's father continues to put him down.

so its not that I have a problem with such ideals ...I just have a problem with some TV creative who wants me to think that "ideal" women have these x,y,z responsibilities--while the "ideal" man(if there is an ideal man) doesn't. Yes, they have shown anandi doing some community service---- but that's not the most highlighted part of her...that's just been a sidey mention...the most highlighted, and repeated part in the story has been to what extent she goes to keep her "family" (which categorically means her in-laws) happy and together. While I am all for "sacrifices"...I would be more appreciative--if a man does ALL that for his wife's/fiancee's family--. So its not about anandi..its an irritation with creatives about what they are trying to preach me about men and women roles!! Instead of loving Anandi..I want to love shiv/jagya/x/y/z while these leading/not so leading men discover their paradise in making adrak waali chaai for their brutal saasu-maa/sasur saaa!!

Edited by hima_123 - 12 years ago

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mansimat

@mansimat

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#29

I like your thought.

It's in the realm of women empowerment and equality of women & men. It's slightly off the topic here, but relevant. Well what can be said, it's not easy to change an attitude & way of life that is present world wide. I can only say that I see progress. I do agree that women & men be given equal weigh age in family affairs. But I wonder if all women are ready conversely, to shoulder equally the burden of earning/sustaining the family? I see a lot of women with shallow existences around clothes, fashion, make up, getting a bachelor degree and snagging the right man.

Thanks

Mansi

Originally posted by: hima_123
Maybe they have made her more assertive recently, but I haven't watched BV episodes since very long, and have just read a few updates today...so

I would differ on why I did not love Anandi's character when I used to watch BV. I do like a lot of people who, I believe have better principles than I have. I am a normal person with normal values, and I am quite comfortable with that. That's a choice I have made for myself...I feel I am generally ok with people who are better than me in life , unless ofcours I have a direct competition with them in profession etc..lol :-)) !!

However, my annoyance, with Anandi, was more reflective of my annoyance with creatives, and their choices of lead and side characters. I feel such shows typecast women. They show so much negativity in the characterization of urban women, and most of the empathy falls in the lot of women characters who are adjusting in conservative environmentsI mean Gauri did not have to be hysterical, and manipulative--they could have simply shown a woman, who is aggressive and assertive about what she wants in her life. Ashima really looked dumb to me--and from whatever I haven read about Saanchi's character--I totally hate her.!! Why do they make urban women so full of trash--duhhh (I still like some aspects of Gauri though, but nothing about Saanchi)

I also feel virtue of tolerance for women is over-glorified. From a comparison point of view---I feel such shows put a huge pressure on women for keeping upto norms of holding the "family" together by showing humongous patience... I don't like shows that tell me that its the onus of women to keep their husband's parents and siblings together---if men want to live with their parents and siblings in what you call a joint family(portrayed as the "ideal family" system)...they should be the ones to set examples of extraordinary patience. So my main problem is NOT that Anandi stays silent while dadisa insults her, or burns her books...my main problem is that why can't I see a "balak" or someone...where a man is oppressed by taunts and he puts up with those ...for the sake of keeping his wife's family together !!! I would definitely uphold and applaud these ideals that time---I would religiously watch the show...shed tears for the man who is putting up with so much shit..and yet keeps doing sacrifices while making the best tasting tea for his wife's father--while the wife's father continues to put him down.

so its not that I have a problem with such ideals ...I just have a problem with some TV creative who wants me to think that "ideal" women have these x,y,z responsibilities--while the "ideal" man(if there is an ideal man) doesn't. Yes, they have shown anandi doing some community service---- but that's not the most highlighted part of her...that's just been a sidey mention...the most highlighted, and repeated part in the story has been to what extent she goes to keep her "family" (which categorically means her in-laws) happy and together. While I am all for "sacrifices"...I would be more appreciative--if a man does ALL that for his wife's/fiancee's family--. So its not about anandi..its an irritation with creatives about what they are trying to preach me about men and women roles!! Instead of loving Anandi..I want to love shiv/jagya/x/y/z while these leading/not so leading men discover their paradise in making adrak waali chaai for their brutal saasu-maa/sasur saaa!!

Edited by mansimat - 12 years ago

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Amni

@amni375

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#30

Very good topic.

I am kind of sad that a lot of the BV form members do not know someone like Anandi. I have two family members who are like Anandi, my Mom and my 14 year old daughter. somehow the mahaanta gene skipped one generation. 😆

But i don't think it's being mahaan. I think it's being nurturing and being empathetic with others. My mom helps the needy's. She is always helping with the food drive/pantry, clothes donations, and soup kitchen around town. My daughter since she was 5 is into helping girl child, collecting money for books for the needy, bake sales to help the Sandy victims. Always look at positive and not negative. BOth of them always see the glass half full. I call them gentle souls, angels on earth. they always try to look at other person's point of view.

Anandi does the same thing. i don't think she is mahaan. that's the way she is. There are people like Anandi in this world.