Why we hate the 'mahaan' ?

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dsupriya

@dsupriya

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

Agree with your post completely Antara. People in their eagerness for women's lib and or sometimes spice and drama, are forgetting that we women espeically Indian women have been very patient. And smarter women especially housewifes have known how to get the point across without excessive nagging or impatience. As my mother always puts it, that we as women have an innate quality of adjustment, patience and tolerance, which we should not lose completely. We should definitely fight, but at times in the family, to maintain relationships, we also show our patience and bow down gracefully, This could happen with your parents as well, This has happened with me too when I may not agree with my father, but would be patient and calm, especially when he is angry on something, just not to spoil the relationship, And then calmly explain.

I think many of the members here forget that and try to bash them, as they may not be able to do the same.

Excellent post once again👏👏👏

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Uma

@adi2512

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

Excellent post ...Antara...

Very much needed...

After all its all a theory of relativity...

When we lack in some moral principles...we consider a person possesing those Mahaan...and that person...may consider another Mahaan...in whom he can see those principles...which he cannot find in himself...

So., Anandi most definitely cannot be Mahaan in a perfect sense...to some..she may be., but for Anandi...she doesn't consider herself one., as per her...there are people who are more Mahaan ...and that's what she had exactly told Saanchi y/day...

There is not an ounce of diplomacy in her talk...it came straight from her heart...

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couchie1311

@couchie1311

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

I have watched this show since almost the very beginning and have felt really bad when Anandi has felt bad. I want her to be happy and successful - nobody deserves it more than her.

Having said that, there have been times when I have been very annoyed with her and havent been able to relate to her reactions at all. I truly dont understand how one can be portrayed as so understanding and forgiving in the face of such terrible betrayal and abuses and rudeness from random women like Gauri and Sanchi. I would think that a regular, average woman would be furious and disgusted once she got over the misery - I dont know if Anandi has ever been anything but accepting and patient.

The times when she has retorted have been very few, given the provocation she has faced. I dont know if its ok to be so good and kind all the time, especially when faced with such meanness. And I defintely dont think that there's anything wrong with my moral compass for questioning Anandi's unending patience.

While I appreciate that she is so composed in the face of all these events, I would probably applaud if she, for once stood up and told the Gauris and Sanchis of this world to go to hell - without mincing words. God knows she has earned the right to let herself go and vent her ire at these pathetic people.

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aparnauma

@GoodDoc_2105

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Nice and also a very thought provoking post from you.😊

It is so right.We often compare ourselves with people who are considered as great or known for their moral high ground they take and realise that we are not upto the mark.

That's why people hate Anandi and it is so obvious from the posts that we see everyday.

We probably get satisfaction by trying to find faults in such personalities be it a fictitious character or a historical personality or any contemporary social activists.And it probably gives comforting feel.and we tell ourselves they are not so great after all.

May be we wont hate mahaan people so much if we analysed them rather than comparing ourselves with them.

We should try and look for faults in them and tell ourselves that if a person with these faults could reach the heights that we aspire to probably we will be able to reach those heights with all our faults if we took lessons from him or her.

Anandi's speech in yesterday's episode was a big take home lesson for me.She said all the things that we would have said if we were in her place but she said in such a beautiful and graceful way.

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

I understand the psychology put forth in this analysis and like you all, I am also a fan of Anandi, however, I do not agree ENTIRELY with the theory that the moral compass of those that criticised her is not up to par and that is why they criticised her. I think cynicism plays a role too. We see so few examples of truly good people in larger roles other than within their own circle that when we do, we find it hard to digest. In today's society, goodness is undervalued because per majority of our nature it is far easier to complain and criticise rather than compliment. We see the bad much before we see the good and we are more vocal about the bad than we are about the good. We have evolved into a society of instant gratification and we demand convenience everywhere we go.

Being vocal in our criticisms, no matter whom it is aimed at, is not all bad. There is always something to be learned or gleaned from any given situation. Rather than being defensive based on the inherent goodness of the person being criticised, look at it from a situational point of view, but with the baggage bearing some, not all relevance.

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: couchie1311
I have watched this show since almost the very beginning and have felt really bad when Anandi has felt bad. I want her to be happy and successful - nobody deserves it more than her.

Having said that, there have been times when I have been very annoyed with her and havent been able to relate to her reactions at all. I truly dont understand how one can be portrayed as so understanding and forgiving in the face of such terrible betrayal and abuses and rudeness from random women like Gauri and Sanchi. I would think that a regular, average woman would be furious and disgusted once she got over the misery - I dont know if Anandi has ever been anything but accepting and patient.

The times when she has retorted have been very few, given the provocation she has faced. I dont know if its ok to be so good and kind all the time, especially when faced with such meanness. And I defintely dont think that there's anything wrong with my moral compass for questioning Anandi's unending patience.

While I appreciate that she is so composed in the face of all these events, I would probably applaud if she, for once stood up and told the Gauris and Sanchis of this world to go to hell - without mincing words. God knows she has earned the right to let herself go and vent her ire at these pathetic people.

couchie, you are right. There have been many weaknesses in Anandi's character---she is far from being perfect. It was pathetic to see her get affected by the rudeness of Jagya and Gauri that drove her self esteem to the pits. There is nothing great about being a silent recipient of abuse and let others destroy you.

However, the point here I make is not about weakness; it's about her good deeds. Acting good is not equivalent to acting weak. Anandi's calm and mature response to Sanchi did not show her weakness--rather it showed her inner strength to handle a crisis situation with elan. Now I would have called her calmness a weakness if she were affected by Sanchi's behavior and let it wreck her mentally. Instead, what did we see---Anandi hardly let it brush onto her; in fact the Sekhars were much more upset about Sanchi.

There are numerous other actions of Anandi which are rather acts of goodness, rather than acts of weakness. For example, letting Jagya stay in the haveli. That was an act inspired solely from goodwill and her love for the family who she saw was suffering without Jagya. It would have been an act of weakness if she let him there because of her love for him or if she had kept silent even after knowing Jagya's truth and let her prospects with Shiv be ruined for the sake of the family. She did not do so. So none of the two acts I mentioned here are acts of weakness. They are instead acts of broadmindedness, empathy and love.

However, both these acts have been ridiculed as "too mahaan" and absurd for "any normal girl". This is what I am speaking against. 😛

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LTLFan

@LTLFan

Trailblazer

Posted: 13 years ago

#17

Yes its true. Ppl don't like "mahan" or "too good" type persona because they can't be like them for whatever reason(i presume selfishness as a main reason).

Infact, in real life, if we meet really very good or mahaan type person, we would not believe them as mahaan at all. We would say he/she is pretending to be good like gauri does😆.

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lifelessons

@lifelessons

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

Amazin Post👏...it was much needed..

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couchie1311

@couchie1311

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#19

@woman11

I agree. Her response to Sanchi yesterday was very gracious. I only wish she hadnt apologised to that brat for not being the kind of bhabhi she wanted. I definitely dont think this was a weakness, but it was taking that goodness a little bit too far for a person like Sanchi. The rest of the content of her response was bang on. The devil in me also wishes she hadnt interrupted daddu and Alok's firing of Sanchi - but I guess that was Anandi being Anandi.

On the Jagya in the haveli business, again I wouldnt call it weak, but it was inappropriate on a number of fronts. Yes, she did it for her family but it wasnt ok for her to tend to Jagya as a pretend wife, when she was engaged to someone else. I know that Shiv supported her decision, but she should have sensed his discomfort. None of us would be ok with the person we love pretending to be someone else's spouse. I would have appreciated her more if she had agreed with Bhairon and told DS that she wouldnt carry out this pretence and had suggested that Jagya be sent to hospital. I know parallels have been drawn with the badi maasi situation and for the record, I dint agree with that pretence either. Not that I cared a hoot about Gauri, but again, it wasnt fair to Anandi to be put thru that.

You are right however, that when the time came for her to speak up, she told DS clearly that she wouldnt marry Jagya and dint mess up her prospects with Shiv. So no, she wasnt mahaan, probably a little misguided by her dedication to DS.

Edited by couchie1311 - 13 years ago

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#20

Originally posted by: parri814
I understand the psychology put forth in this analysis and like you all, I am also a fan of Anandi, however, I do not agree ENTIRELY with the theory that the moral compass of those that criticised her is not up to par and that is why they criticised her. I think cynicism plays a role too. We see so few examples of truly good people in larger roles other than within their own circle that when we do, we find it hard to digest. In today's society, goodness is undervalued because per majority of our nature it is far easier to complain and criticise rather than compliment. We see the bad much before we see the good and we are more vocal about the bad than we are about the good. We have evolved into a society of instant gratification and we demand convenience everywhere we go.

Being vocal in our criticisms, no matter whom it is aimed at, is not all bad. There is always something to be learned or gleaned from any given situation. Rather than being defensive based on the inherent goodness of the person being criticised, look at it from a situational point of view, but with the baggage bearing some, not all relevance.

parri, I agree with you. The point is not that we shouldn't be critical, the point is what is it we are laughing about? In fact, lets take out the Anandi factor completely, lets look at the larger society. I have seen far too many people criticized for their 'overt' goodness than meanness or baseness of human nature being criticized, because we tend to feel more in one with the morally less elevated.

A lady in my parents' neighborhood pays her maid a higher salary than the rest of our neighbors, not because she makes her do more work, but because she feels the existent wage rate is unfair. She also feeds the maid meals everyday, gives tuition to the her children and treats her with much more respect --- though the other ladies in the neighborhood don't do that. Now it's her personal choice, and a contract between her and her maid. Yet, many women in the neighborhood taunt and sneer at her for being "too kind" and "giving too much leeway" to the servant class, who must be kept in control. Has she done anything bad? NO. Then why do people so enthusiastically feel like bashing her? There are numerous other things that happen in the neighborhood---a man abuses his wife, a woman utterly neglects her dying mother in law, a man cheated his own brother to get ownership of the house------yet nobody feels the eagerness to talk about them since they are "private" matters, and more important quite normal. Rather, the most talked about thing in any gathering is how Mrs.so and so is the devi of kalyug or the savior of the poor, and how she will come waving a red flag demanding rights for the servants!! The poor lady is not even the firebrand type demanding for equal rights for all maids. She just practices some fairness herself.

What do you think is the problem here? Do you think a constructive criticism is going on here? No. People in general do love to deride goodness, while considering mean acts as normal.

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Why we hate the 'mahaan' ? - Page 2

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