Anandi's journey to Shiv ,DS, jagat and BV - Page 2

Women blame the other women like Kunda Tai...with logic ek ladki ek ladki ka dard samaj sakta hai... I agree about this dard ka rishta, but I think its superseded by the vishwas ka rishta between a husband and wife that the cheating husband betrays. The other woman did not promise to love, honor, and cherish.

@ ela ...
Ah , but thats the classic tragedy ... in a patriarchal world - men can often afford to be less bad and enjoy women get into a cat fight over them from the margins - so is the case with many marginalities - how white people always passed on the more unpleasant jobs to a the black population from their positions of power so that they could fight for the crumbs amongst themselves , so with the employer who doles out favours or whose employees vie with each other in being in good favour with him...and in the process build a lot of animosity and resentment amongst them...so many people have shown how those in a more powerful position can afford to appear far more generous than those who are in their power due to a skewed social , economic and moral structure...and how this often becomes a part of subconcious where we start fighting with each other not realising that all are victims of a larger power structure which needs to be attacked at its base 😔

@Sarandha - that is exactly why I consider Anandi a pioneer way above the cliched Tulsi, Parvati, Prerna, etc. She unlike others never blamed G or J for that matter. She blamed bal vivah - the pratha that created her rishta with Jagiya before she or he comprehended the responsibilities of such a relationship. I liked that she didn't shout or give G big bhasans. She just crisply stated that in G's shoes she would not have done what G did. Further told J not to repeat his misdeeds by ever abandoning G. She didn't try to exact revenge, but refocused her life. She rose above the patriarchal jaal with help from B, S, and DS.

@ anjana i agree . And i agree thats the way we should all deal these with such issues - not let them overpower us in a way that we either become bitter, revengeful or so depressed or that we cease to value all else that life offers. Break ups are a part of adult life but both men and women should be given the same treatment and freedom in engaging with these complications. And no woman should get into such lows over relationships , but that is often difficult in a society which measures women with the yardstick of a skewed morality and legitimacy. The fight is also to be an anandi in dealing with these...

@Sarandha - i try not to judge women or men's reactions to adversity...to each their own...some rise, others drown, and still others try to drown others. One of free will's many side effects😆

@ anjana

i know what you mean, i try not to be judgemental too... but i feel its important to have more general discussions on these to provide alternative , more progressive yardsticks ...people might still deal with these in their own ways , but an alternative discourse forgrounding these issues sometimes helps bring in a different perspective for people fighting these battles with others and even within themselves...in the end ofcourse we deal with them in our own ways 😊...

As for shiv's impact on anandi - thats exactly what i meant - for an otherwise dutiful anandi to be this abrupt with shiv is actually a sign of how powerful an impact he has on her to behave so uncharacteristically - and a part of her resents him for it - for bringing out these internal conflicts, fears and tensions within her which arise due to this deepening attraction for him...

Anandi's potrayal is how a good woman should be, and Gauri is portayed as bad woman. Bus do tarah ki aurate hoti hai Indian serials mein.

@ Ela
i agree to some extent but i think gauri is shown to be grey not bad - i still feel they could have shown her less grey and more normal . However i think they tried to prtray her not as an evil but a grey person - driven by insecurities as others have pointed out. But i think what has happened is that people are so used to seeing women prtrayed either as black or white that greyer characters unless their strong points are brought out adequately inevitably get painted black in popular perception. One just has to rewind and see how gauri is epitomised as evil personified in so many comments- everything she does is construed in that light even when they show relatively harmless incidents like her teej vrat .
That is why they needed to prtray the positive aspects more strongly to make the grey less black and show and ordinary woman - with some good and bad traits, some selfish and some introspective elements etc . More relatable as ordinary everyday women we encounter.

Originally posted by: sarandha

I had posted in the earlier round over a long term unease with the way themes like bal vivaah , adultery, modernity vs tradition and women were being shown by BV writers in certain respects. Responses by several people - rohini, seriuslysujal, anjana, kadoo, ankit , ela etc helped me clarify and rethink some of the ways in which these themes have been renegotiated in BV so thanx to them - they made the process of thinking thru much more rewarding . Here are some thoughts- though not completely together yet in my head- at the end of it and a comment on anandi's behaviour in this light.

Where adultery, modernity etc are concerned , most popular soap's fall in the same trap of showing it in certain black and white and stereotypical ways and part of my jadedness arose from the way in most serials women who even strike a different path do so by conforming to traditional norms of good bahu in many ways - you never see modern, independent, working, pub going, fun loving women who can be deeply sensitive, ethical and good or just ordinary human beings even if they don't relate to traditional norms of being.
I have to say BV had not fully fallen in the same trap though some of the trappings were there . I still feel all the good women are still potrayed as very traditional - except till shiv's family come in - in terms of not just dressing up etc, but the way they remain within certain daayra's and maryada's and think about issues. Similarly the village/city dichotomy etc. But i think they have managed to portray a more modern and progressive way of being by introducing shiv's family finally . However i still feel traditional or rural as understood by us is still too cliche and stereotypical- built by images of oppressed and repressed women in male dominated feudal village settings as portrayed by visual media - some of which is true ofcourse, but many studies have shown village women ts.o be far more radical, intelligent and wise in their understanding of sexuality, extramarital relationships, illicit affairs etc . And them being far more subversive and strategic in dealing with these issue

But where bal vivaah is concerned - i still think they've mixed up adultery and the specific problem of BV in a way that the message about BV itself is getting lost . Adultery is a complex moral dilemma which is so pervasive in society that negotiating it in a manner that the problems with child marriage are not relegated to the background required more sensitive portrayals of central characters. While i feel jagat's character is still an acceptable realistic mix of grey , its not so with Gauri.
Jagat's character ' the ladla kunwar - who was always insecure. He was insecure of Anandi when she scored more than him in school as a child. He is also insecure that Gauri was a better doctor than him. To a certain extent Jagya has always been immature and egoistic and pampered . He is a product of a patriarchal upbringing which has made him self centred but not authoritarian (for the way he submits to gauri's authority at times)- and he has been truly like a pendulum ' never developed a strong will and conviction and sense of right and wrong ' at the same time has affection for his family even though he's ashamed of his village lifestyle etc, again out of his insecurity about himself ' for its only when you are insecure about yourself you get so carried away by chamak dhamak of other lives in a way u're not able to have a perspective on it ' see things in terms of both their good and bad aspects . But he's at an impressionable age ' I don't agree that a six months consummation of a child marriage in a certain context makes him guilty of willful adultery when he has a college style romance with gauri on leaving his own context. Most of us go thru these phases- have childhood sweethearts, college romances which may or may not mature into adult love which forms the basis of a marriage, or we may move on to discovering that love later in life , getting married and settling down. What I find far more reactionary is how now after having spend all these years married to gauri , having a child etc , he so easily thought on discovering greyer aspects of gauri's character, that he could just leave all that and get back to his child bride so easily, as if she would be there like a aimple village girl waiting for him and so would the family ' its again the spoilt man who's so sure of his place in the family and with the wife he left and a traditional set up he was ashamed of- and all of which he always took for granted. And also speaks of a deep immaturity if you could leave someone u've spend seven years of your adult life with , so quickly through one episode of disillusionment and disenchantment. He needed to be there - talk it thru with gauri - maybe even get her back with him for them to together apologise to his family for misbehaving the way they did. But he still hasnt grown up - is still the pampered kid who thinks he can keep changing his life like clothes ! The CVs have done a good job in bringing out all this as long as they show its culmination in the right way though thru self realisation, repentance, redemption.
I think where CVs have really gone overboard is to dramatise the contrast between gauri and anandi is by painting her in blacker and blacker shades overtime ' from initially being a fun loving person ' with many positive aspects, even though someone not as mature as anandi'( who's experiences made her so) ' to a completely selfish woman 'the bhibuti episode, misbehaving with anandi, her just happening to be the same girl jagiya was almost married to in childhood - a bit of an unnecessary coincidence as has been pointed out ' and being so egoistical in dealing with the unpleasant truth' she could have been shown as a slightly more balanced person with less black in her grey ' just to show that normal people also sometimes get involved in these entangled relationships ' especially when the focus is child marriage not pati, patni aur woh. And anandi's mother's dialogues in fb where she says she would have killed her own daughter with her own hands if she'd done what gauri had done - her subsequent death ' all reinforce a deeply moralistic understanding of marriage, adultery etc. We have to put adultery in perspective ' where the message that gets across is that one should be there to help and support the wives left behind stand up for their rights, be strong and assertive , protect their entitlements but not think that it's the end of life for them and instead of providing rigorous moral support in dealing with uncertainities which are part and parcel of adult relationships, we become depressed, suicidal etc.

I find DS- the strong assertive matriarch ' a very well brought out character even if with shades of grey' as someone had also commented in some post - despite ruling the family with an iron hand , she is steeped in traditional mores and does her best to break the rebellious spirit in a growing anadi to make her the 'perfect beendhni for her self indulgent spoiled brat of a grandson". She only changes when jagat falls for gauri, partly out of realization how unfair all this has been to anandi and partly perhaps even because subconsciously she realises someone like gauri would never bow to her authority in the same way. But I still think in this reconsideration and self realization , both she and to some extent Bhairon, are yet far from realizing how much of this outcome was brought out by them by firstly bringing about jagiya-anandi's bal vivaah in itself, as well as a very patriarchal upbringing of the spoilt kunwar of the family ! I think this is still missing in getting across the message ' the realization, repentance of different family members as well as jagiya within a frame which firmly brings out problems with this patriarchal set up and the pivotal role of bal vivaah in all this too ' in bringing out these consequences who's fallouts all ' anandi, jagiya, gauri ' are still facing. This is crucial in a serial which is centred on the theme of child marriage ' other things can be woven into it ' but this is important.

Lastly anandi's behaviour ' I agree a lot of it is natural ' fb's when ceremonies that she underwent earlier are repeated , her jadedness , her feeling low and her fear of going thru it all again . But I still think that they could have send these signals more clearly ' because a lot of people have taken them as proof of the fact that she still hasn't moved on ' which is inconsistent with the strong character she's shown to be who as rohini wrote, gave that calm ,beautiful parting speech on her divorce to jagiya about her having moved on , who tore him apart for coming with bhabut on her mother's death ' but who tearfully cries and says she'll try and forget jagiya to bhairon , even her fb's ' I agree with ankit who said its natural to think of earlier times when the same thing happened to you , I don't agree that those memories would not be tempered by abuses and trauma of that relationship which surely foregrounds those associations 'u cannot think of them in isolation when u revisit them because how u associate with them ' how painful or bittersweet they are is constantly negotiated by the reality of present. And it has been seven years now after merely 6 months of adult courtship after all!

However I feel there is also another explanation of her being curt with shiv at times ' this is an anandi who's been traditionally brought up in ways that they still have a powerful impact on her pshyche , its also an anandi attracted to shiv , and also an anadi who's been deeply hurt in the past ' the contradictions within her due to all these things ' an attraction battling with the impact of tradition with the fear of rejection ' are making her behave in these ways. However I feel her deepening admiration of shiv, her inherent ability to appreciate others and be strong in dealing with adversities, her attraction for shiv ' will all lead her to realize that he's a soulmate in the true sense for her ' with some help and understanding and unconditional love from shiv. I just wish CV writer develop this romance in a way that it also becomes the pinnacle of anandi's journey of self realization, acceptance and acknowledgement of her individuality, her sexuality and her being .

@aparnauma
I'm not disagreeing with the fact that modernity is a state of mind and can exist in ghagra choli and ancient haveli too - ofcourse it can , though it coexisted with many other things in that haveli - child marriage, patriarchy etc - there is a mix of the regressive and the progressive which existed there and it is the regressive aspects which led to rethinking, reconsideration on part of those involved .
All i'm saying is that just like a mix of good and bad existed there ( and all that is modern is not good niether is all that is traditional , what is good and bad keeps changing too ! ) , just like that in setups which look more modern - like woman who are part of this working, pub going culture ( and woman shown drinking and smoking are still associated with the worst kind of modernity by many) - also both good and bad exists. Both traditional and modern set ups can have a mix of modern and traditional, good and bad thinking.
My point is that serials often fail to bring this aspect out - especially in k serial type soap operas where only a culture of the good bahu traditionally brought up is shown.
Just like good and bad /modern and traditional ways of thinking exist in girls who appear modern like gauri , both good and bad/ modern and traditional exists in more traditional set ups like the character of DS shows. I'm just wary of the fact that indian soaps havent caught on to the fact that most indian urban middle class woman who are working, who can be seen in pubs , dress differently can also be good human beings who care about their partners, friends and families ., who are kind and considerate and generous , who are ordinary beings like any one of us . Thats what most soaps are unable to bring out in their prtrayals. ...its not to say that a way of thinking - whether modern or traditional - can exist only with a way of dressing or living !