I had posted in the earlier round over a long term unease with the way themes like bal vivaah , adultery, modernity vs tradition and women were being shown by BV writers in certain respects. Responses by several people - rohini, seriuslysujal, anjana, kadoo, ankit , ela etc helped me clarify and rethink some of the ways in which these themes have been renegotiated in BV so thanx to them - they made the process of thinking thru much more rewarding . Here are some thoughts- though not completely together yet in my head- at the end of it and a comment on anandi's behaviour in this light.
Where adultery, modernity etc are concerned , most popular soap's fall in the same trap of showing it in certain black and white and stereotypical ways and part of my jadedness arose from the way in most serials women who even strike a different path do so by conforming to traditional norms of good bahu in many ways - you never see modern, independent, working, pub going, fun loving women who can be deeply sensitive, ethical and good or just ordinary human beings even if they don't relate to traditional norms of being.
I have to say BV had not fully fallen in the same trap though some of the trappings were there . I still feel all the good women are still potrayed as very traditional - except till shiv's family come in - in terms of not just dressing up etc, but the way they remain within certain daayra's and maryada's and think about issues. Similarly the village/city dichotomy etc. But i think they have managed to portray a more modern and progressive way of being by introducing shiv's family finally . However i still feel traditional or rural as understood by us is still too cliche and stereotypical- built by images of oppressed and repressed women in male dominated feudal village settings as portrayed by visual media - some of which is true ofcourse, but many studies have shown village women to be far more radical, intelligent and wise in their understanding of sexuality, extramarital relationships, illicit affairs etc . And them being far more subversive and strategic in dealing with these issues.
But where bal vivaah is concerned - i still think they've mixed up adultery and the specific problem of BV in a way that the message about BV itself is getting lost . Adultery is a complex moral dilemma which is so pervasive in society that negotiating it in a manner that the problems with child marriage are not relegated to the background required more sensitive portrayals of central characters. While i feel jagat's character is still an acceptable realistic mix of grey , its not so with Gauri.
Jagat's character ' the ladla kunwar - who was always insecure. He was insecure of Anandi when she scored more than him in school as a child. He is also insecure that Gauri was a better doctor than him. To a certain extent Jagya has always been immature and egoistic and pampered . He is a product of a patriarchal upbringing which has made him self centred but not authoritarian (for the way he submits to gauri's authority at times)- and he has been truly like a pendulum ' never developed a strong will and conviction and sense of right and wrong ' at the same time has affection for his family even though he's ashamed of his village lifestyle etc, again out of his insecurity about himself ' for its only when you are insecure about yourself you get so carried away by chamak dhamak of other lives in a way u're not able to have a perspective on it ' see things in terms of both their good and bad aspects . But he's at an impressionable age ' I don't agree that a six months consummation of a child marriage in a certain context makes him guilty of willful adultery when he has a college style romance with gauri on leaving his own context. Most of us go thru these phases- have childhood sweethearts, college romances which may or may not mature into adult love which forms the basis of a marriage, or we may move on to discovering that love later in life , getting married and settling down. What I find far more reactionary is how now after having spend all these years married to gauri , having a child etc , he so easily thought on discovering greyer aspects of gauri's character, that he could just leave all that and get back to his child bride so easily, as if she would be there like a aimple village girl waiting for him and so would the family ' its again the spoilt man who's so sure of his place in the family and with the wife he left and a traditional set up he was ashamed of- and all of which he always took for granted. And also speaks of a deep immaturity if you could leave someone u've spend seven years of your adult life with , so quickly through one episode of disillusionment and disenchantment. He needed to be there - talk it thru with gauri - maybe even get her back with him for them to together apologise to his family for misbehaving the way they did. But he still hasnt grown up - is still the pampered kid who thinks he can keep changing his life like clothes ! The CVs have done a good job in bringing out all this as long as they show its culmination in the right way though thru self realisation, repentance, redemption.
I think where CVs have really gone overboard is to dramatise the contrast between gauri and anandi is by painting her in blacker and blacker shades overtime ' from initially being a fun loving person ' with many positive aspects, even though someone not as mature as anandi'( who's experiences made her so) ' to a completely selfish woman 'the bhibuti episode, misbehaving with anandi, her just happening to be the same girl jagiya was almost married to in childhood - a bit of an unnecessary coincidence as has been pointed out ' and being so egoistical in dealing with the unpleasant truth' she could have been shown as a slightly more balanced person with less black in her grey ' just to show that normal people also sometimes get involved in these entangled relationships ' especially when the focus is child marriage not pati, patni aur woh. And anandi's mother's dialogues in fb where she says she would have killed her own daughter with her own hands if she'd done what gauri had done - her subsequent death ' all reinforce a deeply moralistic understanding of marriage, adultery etc. We have to put adultery in perspective ' where the message that gets across is that one should be there to help and support the wives left behind stand up for their rights, be strong and assertive , protect their entitlements but not think that it's the end of life for them and instead of providing rigorous moral support in dealing with uncertainities which are part and parcel of adult relationships, we become depressed, suicidal etc.
I find DS- the strong assertive matriarch ' a very well brought out character even if with shades of grey' as someone had also commented in some post - despite ruling the family with an iron hand , she is steeped in traditional mores and does her best to break the rebellious spirit in a growing anadi to make her the 'perfect beendhni for her self indulgent spoiled brat of a grandson". She only changes when jagat falls for gauri, partly out of realization how unfair all this has been to anandi and partly perhaps even because subconsciously she realises someone like gauri would never bow to her authority in the same way. But I still think in this reconsideration and self realization , both she and to some extent Bhairon, are yet far from realizing how much of this outcome was brought out by them by firstly bringing about jagiya-anandi's bal vivaah in itself, as well as a very patriarchal upbringing of the spoilt kunwar of the family ! I think this is still missing in getting across the message ' the realization, repentance of different family members as well as jagiya within a frame which firmly brings out problems with this patriarchal set up and the pivotal role of bal vivaah in all this too ' in bringing out these consequences who's fallouts all ' anandi, jagiya, gauri ' are still facing. This is crucial in a serial which is centred on the theme of child marriage ' other things can be woven into it ' but this is important.
Lastly anandi's behaviour ' I agree a lot of it is natural ' fb's when ceremonies that she underwent earlier are repeated , her jadedness , her feeling low and her fear of going thru it all again . But I still think that they could have send these signals more clearly ' because a lot of people have taken them as proof of the fact that she still hasn't moved on ' which is inconsistent with the strong character she's shown to be who as rohini wrote, gave that calm ,beautiful parting speech on her divorce to jagiya about her having moved on , who tore him apart for coming with bhabut on her mother's death ' but who tearfully cries and says she'll try and forget jagiya to bhairon , even her fb's ' I agree with ankit who said its natural to think of earlier times when the same thing happened to you , I don't agree that those memories would not be tempered by abuses and trauma of that relationship which surely foregrounds those associations 'u cannot think of them in isolation when u revisit them because how u associate with them ' how painful or bittersweet they are is constantly negotiated by the reality of present. And it has been seven years now after merely 6 months of adult courtship after all!
However I feel there is also another explanation of her being curt with shiv at times ' this is an anandi who's been traditionally brought up in ways that they still have a powerful impact on her pshyche , its also an anandi attracted to shiv , and also an anadi who's been deeply hurt in the past ' the contradictions within her due to all these things ' an attraction battling with the impact of tradition with the fear of rejection ' are making her behave in these ways. However I feel her deepening admiration of shiv, her inherent ability to appreciate others and be strong in dealing with adversities, her attraction for shiv ' will all lead her to realize that he's a soulmate in the true sense for her ' with some help and understanding and unconditional love from shiv. I just wish CV writer develop this romance in a way that it also becomes the pinnacle of anandi's journey of self realization, acceptance and acknowledgement of her individuality, her sexuality and her being .
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
