From Jagya's point of view - Page 2

Keeping j's lying and cheating aside !!...hmmm though those r the integral part of jag but lets do that!

There is 2 things which j always said to prove that he is totally innocent

1^st his right to choose the life partner

2^nd to settle in city to for his "tarakki"

1^st one---yes he has the right to choose his life partner for sure coz he wasn't satisfy life with anandi ….fine…..then y did he object when anandi topped in 10th,y he said live like a my beendni…I am ur beendh!!...y he didn't want anandi's progress??...coz he wanted to please ds to get rid of anandi…that's right??...keeping aside that anandi is his wife..fine she is his best frd , saved his life, y didn't he bother about anandi was alive or dead in hospital(ulser prob)…his behavior was who cares!!...what is the excuse??...bhairon kept telling him…anandi needs u…we r very scared…we want u ...j didn't able to know what the exact condition of anandi…if any other person was there in stead of him…uske per k niche zameez khisak jati..yeh soch k ki…aree kuchh serious toh nehin….yeh family is there with anandi…but as a human he should take interest specially when there was a inhuman type of phone break up happened and that girl is his life savior, his child hood best frd….

When gauri came to his life he was a teen ager…so didn't undertand what to do…fine(its other thing that at 18..a person gets right to vote in India..such a big thing…and he didn't able to understand what to do with anandi…fine!!)…but when sumitra and bhiron came to him …y he asked them to throw anandi out??...y??...u cant take her responsibility fine!!...ur parents can…then y did he object??

All of his actions cant be ignored for one thing that he has the right to choose his life partner by simply throwing out his 1^st wife like a toy!!...his right to choose his life partner doesn't give him the right to play with his 1^st wife's life , progress and emotions.

2^nd---- city life!!...he wants to settle in city not exactly for more opportunity available in city…he wants that coz he thinks village is not worthy for his practice….on the other word he is ashamed of his root and his village. U don't want to stay her fine but that don't give the right to think village ppl r gawar and not worthy!!his motive is not exactly to improve. His motive is to get rid of village!! The person who is ashamed of his root is certainly not a good person for me!

Just like if anyone is having master degree then that doesn't mean that the person holding grad degree is worthless!!...but he is thinking like that!!...if a person is going abroad for higher study …not like in India it is not available….but he/she can go there coz they have money and facilities to go there….not coz they think India is not worthy for higher study!

And it not like jag didn't know about family's intensions that they want j to do his practice her…when JA were on thier honeymoon and went to meet the dr who saved anandi's lfe…j did talk that he will practice in village…and few times with family also regarding this..i didn't remember clearly!!...yes he didn't know about the hospital but he did know about family's wish!!...what's the difference!...that shouldn't be a shocking thing for him…but…he pretended like that. Family's love I think cant be questionable coz they wanted j to stay in village!!

awesome answer khusi.

you answered the question i had in my mind.

the sentence that resonated with me is that jagya did not go to the city to improve his skills, he turned against the village out of contempt.

thanks!

actually i should thank u tinoo for opening the topic...coz 1st time i didnt talk about j's lying and cheating...while writting about him!!😆 thanx!

@tinoo gud topic!!

There are two main issues here: Let me just write about the issue of Jagya's marriage

1. Does Jagya have a right to choose his life partner? Yes he does. It was unfair that he was married off in his childhood and was clubbed with Anandi before he even understood whether he wants Anandi or not. I absolutely agree with this. I also agree with the fact that if any girl is made available to an adolescent boy, the hormones will do their work and the boy cannot be blamed completely. However, the catch here is Jagya and Anandi were separated during those peak years of hormonal imbalance. Bhairon kept them apart precisely because the hormones were starting to work.
Now why were they united again at 18? Because 18 is considered to be the age of adulthood. You are given voting rights at 18, you become an official adult at 18 and the understanding is from this point onwards you are responsible for your own decisions. Now it is a different issue that some people remain immature even at the age of 80. But mental immaturity is not commensurate with the expectations of adulthood you attain with a certain age. In my opinion, an 18 year boy is an adult who takes his own decisions and should be responsible for his decisions. Since, Jagya chose to Anandi as his ADULT life partner again and decided to be with her when he was 18, it was his own conscious decision as AN ADULT, it was no more an imposed child marriage. Now if one tries to debate that a person does not become an adult at 18, then that is a separate issue. That way we can say even a 40 year old man might not act like an adult. In that case, one should contest all the rights of adulthood that comes to a person when he is 18.

2. Now let us consider another issue. Suppose Anandi and Jagya were not married at all in their childhood. Suppose they were just a normal couple tied in arranged marriage and Jagya fell out of love with his wife when he moved to the city. A lot of cases like this happen in real life, all the time. So we can ask the question, does a partner have a right to choose another partner and break his/her marriage? In my opinion, it depends on the specific dynamics of the individual couple. Some couples discover bad habits in each other after marriage, some relationships turn out to be abusive, some couples find irresolvable issues with each other---all these issues might create problems for people in an arranged marriage. The issues arise because the partners don't get to know each other before marriage and hence the difference. Now let us look at Jagya's case. The sole cause Jagya started drifting away from Anandi is because he fell in love with a city life. Now this is a most trivial issue or almost a non-issue. Anandi was adaptable to change, she was ready to work on her marriage. Jagya could have brought Anandi to the city, like Lal Singh, and tried to groom her in the city life. If Anandi's education was an issue, he could have worked on that too. Instead, he did not give a chance to Anandi at all. He did not try even once to work on his marriage. As soon as he got a better version of a city girl in Gauri, he just dumped Anandi. This is what I find most detestable in Jagya. It is almost like if Jagya decides to dump Gauri for a chef after getting bored of her bad cooking skills, without giving her a chance to improve, or finding a solution towards it. Breaking away from a marriage is not a crime--- but breaking away from a marriage on a flimsy reason that you got a better version, without letting your spouse even try or trying to work on the issue together, is what I find objectionable.

Jagya dumped Anandi so easily, precisely because he thought he could get away with the child marriage card. And here is my question to those who support Jagya's actions solely on the logic of child marriage----suppose Jagya went to the city as a 40 year old man after living in Jetsar for 20 years with Anandi. Suppose he met Gauri in the city then and decided to dump Anandi because he never had a chance to choose his wife. So is he justified to dump Anandi just because his marriage with Anandi was a child marriage? Can an adult child groom dump his wife just like that at any age---30, 40, 50, 60, 70----just because he never got a chance to choose in the first place? Does the excuse of child marriage grant special rights to men throughout their lives to dump their wives at any time they want?

Originally posted by: tinoo

If we take aside the lying and cheating that Jagya has done...

I just want to know if Jagya has no right to make any choices he wants in his life without his family disowning him.

I mean, if he doesnt feel anandi is an appropriate life partner then does he have to spend the rest of his life with her under duress (because it is what the singhs seem to expect)

Also, I have no issues with the fact that bhairon gave lal singh the reins of the hospital... but he made several comparisons between lal singh and jagya.

Does jagya have no right to have any city life aspirations?

Jagya's lying and cheating have compounded all the problems, to the extent that I have no sympathy for him.

But it doesn't take away from the fundamental question -- is one to live the life chosen by one's parents only? Or can anyone have their own independent identity?

Is bhairon's love conditional?

To those who will say that he could have gone to Mumbai and done whatever he wants and no one would have forced him to come back to Jayetsar... I agree... but my thinking is why does this have to be an either/or proposition? Can he not do what he finds in his best interests AND have his family supportive of him?

Just exploring the question. This is more a parenting question rather than a balika vadhu question, so I would appreciate it if people would give replies from a broader parenting context and not just the balika vadhu context.

Thank you.

tinoo,the answer to the first question is definitely with me as Jagya did have full rights to live a life with the life partner he chose provided he had not spoiled Anandi's life after she came back to saasra living at her maayka aged 12-18.After consumerating the marriage,after making her wait for him 5 years do you think that question still stands?Jagya is definitely at fault so he has to repent for it but what was Anandi's fault?now even if she gets married to somebody else she will never be able to recover from this first marriage as Those things you inculcate in urself as a child are for your whole life whether u like or not..this is truth...Had Jagya told her 5 years back and before consumerating the marriage,things would have been in a different place.Many people here say that balika vadhu is supporting child marriage but ur question is one of the main reason that spoils a child bride's life in the future and Anandi is suffering it.Maybe we are living in cities so we wont understand but in those villages where this pratha still continues,ask them how the serial made a difference in their lives.

Secondly Jagya wanted to be a doctor so he is.he wanted to go to city to study he did.that was his own life and his own set of choices.But again this is India and one more reason we are known for.We are known for nourishing relations,fulfilling our own life along with parents wishes who sacrificed their own happiness to bring us up .we cannot keep their wishes aside.If Jagya has city life aspirations he should remember that because of the financial and moral support of his family he has led that life and now is the turn of giving back.He just cannot run away saying

ok..what u did u did...now its my life
i will live as I wish and away from you and please
keep your wish list aside,maybe u sacrificed ur wish list to bring me up but I didnt ask you to do so...
so keep me out of it,
I cant fulfill them...

Do u think that reply will be worth it?No...so he has to fulfill his responsibilities as a son if he has got all the rights of DS ka ladesar and Bhairos son.remember if they were not there we would have never been what we are today.So how can we just run away saying plss be practical enuf and let me live my life you emotional fools?No.we cant do that.Indians cant.Actually I think none nowhere in the world people should do that.

We have a lot of fight on the forum but when you talk sense I think I can reply back

1^st part; trying to analyze purely from a parenting POV:-

Does an adult son not have right to choose his life partner? - Yes. Assumption is his unmarried status. Relevant exception as a 'maturity' aided corrective measure by a victim of a Balvivah, is best answered by Woman11. How long could one be given a leeway of 'maturity threshold?- 20/30/40 years? 'until he finds his desired lolly of a more 'suitable'/ glamorous partner and invokes his indemnity of 'unexercised' choice?! Isn't it precisely this abuse that law is safeguarding against, when laying down a limit on 'correction measure' time? Now in this light, aren't parents also right to disapprove the ill used self assertion or unscrupulous desertion by their son, if their moral system forces them?

Does an adult son not have a right to aspire for his choice of life?- Yes by all means. Shan't parents always be supportive?-very much subjective ...That they raise a child, equip with good education or skills and prepare him to navigate further on, is minimum they generally do. Now they further help him with seed capital or 'specialization' skills when they do have means is again normal. But is it obligatory? If an adult son exercises his right of choice, then why can't parents too exercise their right to do or do not extend the support, IF they think it's against their assessment of good? More so, when they clearly feel reneged by change of plans? Shouldn't freewheeling adult provide for his own assertions. Why should parents be unwillingly providing for ever?

Coming back to the particular case, Bhairon has even stronger reasons to refuse. The adult son has duped, cheated and disregarded him in every possible ways. At a specific point of their life, (Gauri's ashirvad abhiyan entree), he had dared him openly and disdained his paternal authority in tatters. Now why should he continue to be a parent ideal to a son denied? More than that, J. has acted in such steps which go against very fibre of his moral code. The son has recklessly but wilfully destroyed the life of that girl whom, not only he has adopted as her own daughter in heart, but who is also responsible for the continued existence of this very son. By what discount of blocked out shame or apologetic value system (for his own integrity) can he continue to support his adult son in his city life aspirations?

When we analyze, is this parental love conditional? More, I feel bad for this injured love of both parents, who had never had enough of eyeful of this prince son when in innocent years, and later, their struggled efforts to instil good morals against overriding pampering of Gandma.

Originally posted by: payalgarg

tinoo,the answer to the first question is definitely with me as Jagya did have full rights to live a life with the life partner he chose provided he had not spoiled Anandi's life after she came back to saasra living at her maayka aged 12-18.After consumerating the marriage,after making her wait for him 5 years do you think that question still stands?Jagya is definitely at fault so he has to repent for it but what was Anandi's fault?now even if she gets married to somebody else she will never be able to recover from this first marriage as Those things you inculcate in urself as a child are for your whole life whether u like or not..this is truth...Had Jagya told her 5 years back and before consumerating the marriage,things would have been in a different place.Many people here say that balika vadhu is supporting child marriage but ur question is one of the main reason that spoils a child bride's life in the future and Anandi is suffering it.Maybe we are living in cities so we wont understand but in those villages where this pratha still continues,ask them how the serial made a difference in their lives.

Secondly Jagya wanted to be a doctor so he is.he wanted to go to city to study he did.that was his own life and his own set of choices.But again this is India and one more reason we are known for.We are known for nourishing relations,fulfilling our own life along with parents wishes who sacrificed their own happiness to bring us up .we cannot keep their wishes aside.If Jagya has city life aspirations he should remember that because of the financial and moral support of his family he has led that life and now is the turn of giving back.He just cannot run away saying

ok..what u did u did...now its my life
i will live as I wish and away from you and please
keep your wish list aside,maybe u sacrificed ur wish list to bring me up but I didnt ask you to do so...
so keep me out of it,
I cant fulfill them...

Do u think that reply will be worth it?No...so he has to fulfill his responsibilities as a son if he has got all the rights of DS ka ladesar and Bhairos son.remember if they were not there we would have never been what we are today.So how can we just run away saying plss be practical enuf and let me live my life you emotional fools?No.we cant do that.Indians cant.Actually I think none nowhere in the world people should do that.

We have a lot of fight on the forum but when you talk sense I think I can reply back

Dear Jagat,
Ur dad had given u sex(male status),vitality ,education & assets which r all permanent in nature & were given 2 u out of caring unconditional love N affection.
Ur mother had given her flesh n blood whn in womb & ftr that u sucked in the form of milk.cared,nurtured taught walk n talk out of caring unconditional love n affection on permanent basis..
Biologically u cn hv only one unique set of parents specific 2 u ..


In contrast, Ur gouri gives u a temporary sensual pleasure with conditions,& will leave u whn u ignore the conditions...just as u changed wives,wife is not a unique partner by nature,but Indian tradition makes it possible for being a unique set of partners on permanent basis (read Ramayan) by inculcating the bond of love in the family system.On other side,what 'll happen 2 gouri if J decides 2 leave her just as he had left A(as he is a major he can take any foolish decision he fancies ,the same logic he applied it to leave A)? Also we can not say that J does not get the MOOD to sleep with A..They had SUHAG RATH n shared plenty of sweet nothings..This simple fact indicates that male can sleep with any one like animals...so the difference has to be shown by excercising restraint by male that keep ur family alive...what can J do if G exercise the same option to run ftr another guy? It's chaotic path...
Every one can't marry katrina/aish/priyanka...we can't go eveywhere our eyes take us to...as we are not animals..& of course u can support parent animals as they don't keep attachment n accountabilities to feel sorry /get feelings hurt...
...
It is the obligatory responsibility of J to delve into the human values as to why parents? N lead his life to get his biproduct of happiness from the happiness he extended to the society at large that includes parents ,wife ,children,relatives,friends,n coleagues...

@stutishah - fantastic post. Thank you! Awesome writing.

I have a few more questions. Will get back to you. you were excellent in the post I had written asking about the concept of forgiveness in jain paryushan too. 😊