Should G be concerned with J's treatment of A ? - Page 5

Originally posted by: tiny15

@annika even child marriage isn't sumthing 2 b ashamed 2 such extent & 4 such frnds who don't respect u & ur commitments that u've 2 change ur name & birthplace!!

u know wen i was in class8th we've a classmate who belongs 2 the region in our state where polyandry was & in lesser extent is still prevalent.he was brought 2 our region by a army prsnl 4 household chores & here in our state though ppl avoid making children work like child labour but even if sum1 do this they ask the owner 2 take care of their children's educn & 2 send them 2 the school may b even a govt.school!!.

so at that time he told us that hes getting married as his elder bro was getting married so boz of polyandry he was also married 2 the same gal. though he was feeling ashamed while telling this but didn't hide this fact from let alone from his frnds but wid whole of class including gals. and though we were shocked 2 listen that polyandry still exists & that 2 in our state but we never made fun of him rather all students always tried 2 get along well wid him!!😊😊

anika-see dear,i do understand it,,bt i just say a has whole family to suport her so much dat they neglect their blood isnt it?is there a need for g to do anything.n regarding j i also agree with u.watever it is .now it is her future n i think if j misbehaves with g then she wil the first one to step out of it.n if u just forget j bad actions ,just think of inocent boy who entire family blaming ruining A life so u think the boy doesnt have right to reset his life in case of child mariage.for women in the end r sufferors bt is it only j n g s mistake or the whole society ,the traditions.

Till the time Gauri was unaware of this.. yes all is well.. but when she came to know about Jagya and Anandi - it about being human. Neither Gauri nor Jagya thought of what about Anandi. Even before Gauri Jagya should have thougt about this. Its ok for him to not have feelings for Anandi, but for one you have a relationship with her and 2 you are a human being. He alone decided for this relationship, did he ever talked to Anandi about this?

Originally posted by: intruderfast

arre main kyun jawaab doon , tum vaise bhi mera jawaab ko maanoge nahin😆
main jo bollonga uskaa galat matlab niklega toh mujhpe dayaa karo 😊😆
@dolly i dont understand ur qs😕my brain is not worling properly so u have to explain it clearly😆

anmol isse zayada clearly main nahi bata sakti hoon.kyunki abb mere bhi samajhane hi taqat khatm ho rahi hai!!😆😆so wenever u've clear mind then try 2 ans it!!no hurry!!😊

Who told tht G is not concern of J treatment to A. She is following him even in midnight to chk how he is treating A. 😉 😉 she even show her concern towards A on the occasion of SR by asking question abt A. Sometimes she even scold J for bad treatment of A by J. 😉 😉 how anyone can blame her 😡

Originally posted by: annika20

In my own life, even in modern educated family, I have seen a young woman who was neglected by her husband since the first day of her marriage (funny they married with mutual consent but still dunno what happened to the man). The girl was educated, smart, pretty, independent, had full support from her in-laws -everyone loved her and was attached to her, except her husband. But you know? She was always an object of pity and sympathy. People laughed behind her back and it was insulting for her, her mother and her in-laws, when people would suggest them religious or astrological remedies so that her married life becomes happy. She was a ''bechaari'' for everyone. Her in-laws educated her further and she even got a PhD and got a wonderful job. Still, she only put up a smiling face in front of everyone but would cry whenever alone. Her husband's neglect and sheer ignorance of her existence was visible to everyone! Some even blamed her that due to this woman the son of the family stays away from home...She kept trying for 6 years...but eventually she and her parents gave up, that boy also announced he wanted a divorce. I happened to meet her even after she was no longer attached to our family...and I could see how depressed, frail and weak she had become. It took her years to deal with this trauma and put her life back on track. She is the principal of a college now...the youngest principal in the history of that college! But she suffered for 10-12 years!

Her fate made me think - are women so replaceable? The way you get a new TV or fridge, you can also get a new wife? Kids can be told they have new aunts! Cell phone or computer get outdated so replace them with better technology ones, same case with wives?! 😕😡

''New wife'', ''New DIL'', ''New aunt'' ...I can't tell how irritating and demeaning it sounds!🤢 As if a woman is a replaceable object!😲

🤢

I really appreciate this girl because if within 6 years from marriage to divorce, she realized what abandonment meant...she felt for herself ...finished a phd and got a job, its worth appreciating. Her life was not a mess reallu...and I am sure a girl like this would herself seek divorce, if her husband has abandoned (if it is real/complete/absolute abandonment...) her. If you are so busy doing something for yourself, its very difficult to focus single minded on someone else who is away and has nothing to do with you for 6 years!...

at the end of it--its like a mad person throws a stone at you...how long will you hold on to the wound and cry about it, or simply feel bad someone did this to you--without doing anything about the wound. You will go to the hospital, and treat yourself in the best way you know.

I think there are no fixed answers to some-one who wants to marry someone else. (what Jagya, did was illegal because he was careless, but the thing is when people want to marry someone else they find the legal way out, and majority is not careless about it).But the real questions are------ Is a person entitled to do it? Does marriage mean nothing more than extended courtship? What about the breach of trust?

But then, you can't take fundamental right to emotions ...and marriage means emotional commitment and loyalty too. Its not quite a thing--that is possible to completely be dominated.

Result? People will lie, hide, emotionally cheat their partners...and yet continue marriage...because society expects them to. Because they are expected to "feel" in a certain way about a specific person till they die. The society would be like "ok...you don't love your partners any more...never mind ...suck it up and keep pretending..."...From their begins unhappiness in marriage, and society that imposed marriage rules, takes a step back, becomes an onlooker,...and pretends there its the husband-wife's "personal matter" and their own problems.

the world is very rapidly changing...what looks nice to you today, there is a big chance will not appeal to you tomorrow. Networking is fast and rapid...people can connect to anyone anytime, its very possible that feelings and likings will change fast (compare 2 situations--.when a husband got married at a young age...and he never had a chance to even see other women properly...he would go work in fields/or a workplace, where there would be only men...and the only female closeness he got was with his wife, at home. Same with wives, who waited the whole day to seek husband's company in the evening. How could they think of being in love with someone else...when there was hardly a chance?

NOW--- girls, boys are studying together...going to work places...recreation places...people are no longer limited to a single exposure...with opposite sex...there is newness everywhere. affairs begin early...and get broken..!!...people get to talk with men/women outside their homes too...and they get to know that their wife/husband are not the best they could get. There is comparison...and with comparison, comes dissatisfaction and unhappiness...and now there is more unhappiness in marriages.)

NOW, how will the society control this change?? When society tries to manage marriages...its trying to manage emotions too...because marriage cannot be kept separate from emotional loyalty.With wavering emotions,there is no guarantee of marital happiness anymore !!...
Since emotions are changing...and they will change, with changing lifestyles...this change is uncontrollable. So the expectations from marriage have to change too...or else there will be a dis-balance.
Now it has to be accepted that the probability of failing/unhappy marriages is more. so the marital promises and expectations from partners need to also be changed, including the expected permanency of marriage.

If we don't understand the pulse of changing social orders, and don't change the expectations from marriage, become more self dependent...chances are there will be more rude shocks for everyone...not just serial characters.

The changes in technology, communication, lifestyles have impacted a lot of difference in the way people think. We cannot expect thoughts to remain unaffected by changing environments.

Not all marriages are about true love. those marriages which are about true, everlasting love will never change their form...whatever is their background--era or region . However, a lot of marriages are social arrangements, and its very difficult to let social systems completely control the direction of one's emotional loyalty.

whether G should be concerned about A...is a very subjective thing.I think G's decision to marry J was based on her own feelings and her own emotional loyalty. so in that case..she would not consider Anandi...

However, She could be concerned about A, as a human, as a victim of situations...and help her out with A's ambition to become a doctor perhaps. In helping her counsel...that is if A wanted G's help...but G's own insecurities got better of her...probably G's own unhappy childhood was responsible, for her not understanding A's situation.

Originally posted by: annika20

@ Hima

See, I understand it is plausible that J got changed upon getting exposed to a new environment.

I don't say he should have stuck with Anandi. I feel the way he handled things was wrong!

See, either he could have got A also educated and brought her to the city, by pressuring DS to yield. Or if he didn't want to do anything of Anandi, he should have at least told clear cut truth to family, Anandi and Gauri! Keeping everyone in dark and sneakily conveying a break up on phone is not done. It's no way of dealing with things.

Like I said, he should have formally dissociated with Anandi! Called a panchayat or gone to a court. He should have tried to convince the family or else made it clear to them that if they didn't let him divorce Anandi, he wouldn't come back anyway and marry the other girl no matter what.

Jagya should have done things the right way, instead of running away, without bothering about Anandi or her fate or the family. He is more responsible to Anandi than Gauri.

See, Anandi couldn't have asked for divorce since she is from rural background! If a modern woman hesitates and it takes her 6 years to finally agree for a divorce and another 6 years to rebuild her life or move on from that incident, then you can well imagine how difficult it would be for someone like Anandi - in whose culture, marriage is the be all and end all of life and beend is center of universe!

Gauri is not supposed to go to Anandi or think of her (even as human or as woman). But she should have thought about her own future with such a man! ''Such a man'' because he's a liar and can cut off people, delete them from his life if they don't act as he pleases!

If he could treat one woman like dirt, and if he could keep even her in dark for years then how could he be a good guy to trust one's whole life with? At least she should have pondered over such aspects for her OWN good.

I don't say she should have broken off instantly with Jagya. But she should have made it clear that she'd marry him only when Anandi chapter is duly closed and done away with in his life. She should not have done this for the sake of Anandi, but for the sake of security of her own future.

@annika ..I too agree Jagya's way of dealing with things was wrong. However, sticking with Anandi forever, when he did not love her...wasn't the right choice either. I guess I dislike everything about him except his love for Gauri.

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About Anandi...as I said..initiating divorce is not what I expected given her background. However, ignoring the fact that your husband has abandoned you...and not doing anything about it for day after day, month after month, year after year...is weird too in my opinion. Its un-natural...she did have a lot of resources except for a whining daadi-saa. How could she not think for once, that her husband abandoned her for soo many years----and she needs to do something for herself. I mean even a rural woman given half resources as Anandi's, atleast talks about her husband's abandoning, and that talking is not just meant for venting frustrations...its also for gathering some support and thats whatever help a rural woman gives to herself...but Anandi did nothing at all for so many years...

As a rural/urban person...you might do different KIND things to help yourself out...but there is no one who does nothing. Women who are helpless too atleast speak to family members for helping their future...
Anandi was not even so helpless like so many other rural women...she could have done something, because even if once she'd have spoken to Bhairav about Jagya's abandoning her--and requesting him to let her study as she felt her future was insecure, Bhairav would have definitely helped her---but that time too she did nothing.

I can't even pity people who dont help themselves at all. Now that she is taking a stand, trying to do something... I definitely will relate to her...but uptil now for her prolonged suffering, she cannot be completely absolved too.
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As for Gauri, I can't understand HOW could someone be so irresponsible about not checking legalities of her own wedding. esp if you are an educated doctor. Also cannot understand what she thought screaming would get for her...

About her own choices on the matter of Jagya. the primary thing that determines your relation with someone is what is your equation with him. This thing others judge, while two people feel. a love relation relationship is a consequence of logical judgments + undefinable feelings--and cannot be based on statistics or judgments exclusively...Also I think even a big time casanova can be serious for one girl depending on how much he values his relation with her...
If Gauri can pull off this relationship--fine...however, she always has the choice to move out, the way Anandi has.
I feel Jagya is a miserable guy, but till now his love for Gauri is undeniable...it can change...but it has not till now, against all odds...and when people are in love they take that risk!...No love, no relation, no marriage comes without a risk...people need to hedge that risk by making themselves emotionally and socially strong to bear all consequences, including separation...and if Gauri is making this choice, she better be prepared for the consequences...