Chapter 68: Incomplete

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Chapter Sixty-Eight

Incomplete

Khushi was having a bad day.

It was exactly a week since her father’s admission inAbhaya Hospital and once again, she had woken up restless, more tired than shehad been the night before. There was just something about the air in GuptaManor that refused to let her mind be at peace. Perhaps it was the remnants ofher childhood, the majority of which, of course, she had spent pining to escapethe humongous mansion and its suffocating customs.

Or perhaps it was the lack of people in it.

Khushi refused to go down that road, grimly remindingherself that the penthouse too was inhabited only by two people, and she hadnowhere felt as alone there as she did here. 

Besides, it wasn’t that Gupta Manor was reallyempty. It housed at least a dozen staff, all who woke up at the crack of dawn,drenching the house in an array of sounds. After the scare of Alok’s heartattack, most of them had been thankful for her presence, saying that postVihaan’s departure to London the house had felt lifeless to them. They spentmuch of the initial days getting her room unnecessarily dusted and cleaned,filling the vases with her cherished orchid flowers, and cooking up all herfavourite dishes.

Khushi genuinely appreciated these efforts… Well, she triedto. Truth be told, the kitchen staff, although loyal to the family and expertlytrained by her mother, were no match–

“Ugh.” 

Khushi set down the morning cup of coffee she had just madethe mistake of sipping. She was seated alone at the dining table, looking atthe variety of food spread wide in front of her.

“What's this?” she asked, trying to sound polite. 

The butler, Ramesh, scurried forward. “Um, coffee ma’am.It’s made exactly the way you had asked.”

Khushi gritted her teeth and almost in reflex, she sawRamesh’s shoulders hang in shame. He prided himself on serving the Gupta familyfor years, going on to become Alok’s most trusted in a span of few short years.So needless to say, he took disappointment with his services too seriously.

“It’s fine,” Khushi said, standing up and leaving herbreakfast untouched. God knew what horrors lay there.

“I can get something else made, ma’am?”

Khushi didn’t reply. 

Deep down, she knew it wasn’t their fault. She had beenasking the chefs to change the coffee recipe almost every single day since herarrival, hoping that one of them would result in a taste similar, if notidentical, to the one she used to have in the penthouse. Clearly, it wasn’tgoing to happen. Because what was missing was not the recipe, but the chef whoused to make it.

“Papa will be discharged in the morning,” she told Ramesh.They were at the main door now, where her driver was patiently waiting. “Youcan expect him to be home by lunch.”

“Of course, ma’am… I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”

She didn’t. Of all the things bothering her, her father,surprisingly, was not one of them.

And it was simply because Alok Raj Gupta gave her no reasonto. He patiently listened to everything the nurses said, took all hismedications on time and even ate the tasteless hospital food without a singlecomplaint. For Khushi, who had been anticipating her father to throw a fit anytime the nurses even stepped foot into his room, it was a welcome change.

“There is also the small issue of your fittings,” Rameshgently reminded her.

Khushi groaned.

After that disastrous conversation with Arnav a week ago,Khushi couldn’t get herself to go back to the penthouse to retrieve her things.She knew she would lose her resolve to stay away from him the minute shestepped foot inside and chanced one look at his handsome face. One innocentglance, one little tug, and she would go stumbling into his arms, his fierylips on hers.

So, she sent a staff member instead.

Only for them to return empty handed.

Arnav apparently had flat out refused to let them take anyof Khushi’s belongings, stating that the apartment was very much theirhome, and he wasn’t going to allow her move out, least of all through a randomthird person. The only thing he had permitted them to take was her cellphone,which of course did nothing to quell her annoyance.

So, abandoning all moral pleas of her conscience –for hedid have a point somewhere– Khushi angrily invested in a brand-new wardrobe. Inher haste, however, she purchased a few wrong sizes that were in an urgent needof alteration.

“We can do the fittings tomorrow,” Khushi told her butler.“I will be home for the lawyer meeting anyway.”

Ramesh nodded and left with a small bow.

Khushi knew she was being silly. She knew Arnav was merelytrying to get her to come home, to have a conversation, to understand hisperspective… In this one situation, he was behaving more rational than sheprobably was. 

You are my wife: Dr.Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada and I’m going to make sure as hell it stays that way.

His words, poignant as always, were proof of that.

And yet, each time Khushi tried to think about visitinghim, the image of Myra in the penthouse would force itself in front of hereyes, bringing with her a reminder of everything that was wrong to begin with.

When Khushi arrived at the hospital that morning, Ved waswaiting for her with two steaming cups of coffee –no doubt from her favouritecafé down the block– at the nurse’s station. She had been ignoring him sincethe night of Alok’s admission, angry that he informed Arnav about herwhereabouts when she very specifically asked him not to.

“Good morning,” he greeted, sliding her one cup.

She pursed her lips, collected her files, and coolly walkedaway.

Ved groaned and followed. “Ok enough now Khushi, pleaseforgive me. I was just worried about you that night! Am I not allowed that muchas your friend?”

He was.

“Please let it go? I promise this will bethe last time I’ll ever speak in between you and your husband.”

Khushi swallowed, the word ‘husband’ not failing to prickher already bruised heart.

“Fine,” she muttered, holding out her hand for the cupof coffee, which although decent, did not come close to the one she was reallycraving.

Ved was beyond relieved. “Thank freaking god-”

“But this is the last time,” she warned him. “Arnav and I-”

“Yes, yes, Arnav and you are a team, you can solve your ownproblems, blah blah blah.”

Khushi glared at him before getting onto the elevator.

“So is everything settled between you guys now? He seemedvery happy this morning.”

Khushi froze, unsure if she heard right.

“What?” Ved asked, oblivious.

“When did you see him?”

“Just a few minutes ago, with Awasti… didn’t you come inwith him?”

Khushi’s heart raced, her mind whizzing away in anxiety.

He was here in the hospital? Why? Did… did he come to seeher?

“This is us,” Ved said when the elevator doors opened onthe seventh floor where their offices were located.

“Erm, no… you carry on. I have to see my father, he’sgetting discharged today.”

Bidding her goodbye, Ved left, thankfully not findinganything amiss.

Even though Khushi knew he meant well, there was no way shewas going to let Ved catch wind of her on-going fight with Arnav. There werealready one too many people involved in her relationship, she didn’t want toadd another.

So, taking a deep breath, she sped off to the ninth floorwhere her father was. If Arnav had indeed come to her, and that was a very big if,then he would undoubtedly find her. Until then, she wouldtry to go about her day unperturbed.

Alok appeared to be in high spirits when she entered hisroom.

“So, are you all set?” Khushi asked him, looking throughhis morning reports.

Her father –fully dressed, almost bouncing in his seat–smiled. “Yes, Dr. Matthews is signing off on the discharge papers I’m told.”

Khushi nodded, not knowing what else to say. Although shehad somewhat compromised on an uneasy truce with him, she was nowhere close tobeing comfortable. And with the way he treaded on eggshells around her, sheunderstood that he felt more or less the same.

“So, is Ramesh taking good care of you?” Alok askedpolitely, clearly wanting to fill the awkward silence.

“Yes, he has been. Erm… do you want me to drop you home?”

“No, that's alright. I called the driver… I know you arebusy.”

“It’s just this month,” she lied unnecessarily. “A lot ofcases…”

Alok waved off her excuse. “Don't worry.”

“Right.”

Thankfully, the nurse had arrived just then with the finalformalities of Alok’s discharge. Grateful for the excuse, Khushi sped off toher office without another word.

Perhaps she was being too harsh. Afterall, her father didkeep his word to her, and was neither angry nor disappointed when she hadinformed him of her decision to move back to Gupta Manor last week. He merelycalled his butler and ordered him to get Khushi’s old room ready.

The generosity didn’t end there of course. He had set upvarious meetings with lawyers to transfer the Gupta property deed to both herand Vihaan –who had been shocked to say the least– and made sure she was wellaware of the terms and clauses.

By all aspects, it seemed like her father was genuinelymaking amends. Perhaps she should drop the tough exterior and welcome it.

When Khushi reached her office on the seventh floor, shewas welcomed with a gigantic  red bouquet of roses on her desk. She frozein her doorway, not needing any help to guess who the flowers were from.

“Wow, so pretty,” commented a passing nurse.

Khushi shrugged, the roses awfully reminding her of thatperfect night with Arnav. She waited until the nurse was out of sight beforeslamming her door shut.

The bouquet came with a note:

I’m here for a meeting until noon… if you want.

Khushi re-read the note multiple times, each time gettingstuck at if.

If what?

If she wanted to talk to him? If she wanted to have lunchwith him? If she wanted to return to the penthouse with him?

She didn’t have much time to ponder, however. Her pagerwent off in urgency, forcing her to vacate her office and run to the emergencyroom. She didn’t return until it was well past seven o’ clock in the evening,at which point, there was no use in thinking about it any longer.

Instead, she quietly went home and retired to her room witha flimsy excuse to her father about being too tired to have dinner.

She wished she understood what was bothering her so much.It was she who had walked away from him. It was shewho had decided to move out of the penthouse. It was shewho had refused to see him. It was she who had demanded a divorce.

So, if it was all her decisions, then why did it… hurt somuch?

Why was there a well deep in her heart, opening wider andwider each day, consuming everything she once held dear? Why did it feel likeher very self was being ripped in half? Was there even a beginning or an end tothis agony?

Did… did Arnav feel the same when Myra left him?

And if he had, then how on earth did he ever move on?

Khushi closed her eyes. She had no trouble recalling hisobsessed search for Myra in the early days… the pain, the anger, thedesperation. She had always wondered how anyone could love someone so madly,and today, only eight months later, she was acting just as he had.

Khushi’s mood did not improve in the slightest over thefollowing days.

Her routine was the same: wake up, get dressed, force smallconversations with her father, go to the hospital and return only whenexhausted enough that sleep was inevitable. It wasn’t perfect by any means, butsomehow, it made the days pass.

The monotony –finally– broke on a fine Wednesday morning,almost two weeks after Alok was discharged home. It was Dr. Awasti, who hadsummoned Khushi to her office to discuss something important.

“So, Dr. Gupta,” Awasti said once the pleasantries wereexchanged, and Khushi was seated across her desk. “I’m sure you’ve heard aboutthe hospital opening a new branch in Agra.”

Khushi nodded. It was all everyone talked about over thepast month. Some were excited about an opportunity to work in Agra, some wereworried about potential changes in management, but most of her batch wasexcited about new additions to the staff.

“Well, since the hospital is just starting up, I have beentasked with training the interns there, until they find a more permanent seniordoctor.”

“Err, okay.”

“My hands are a little full at the moment, so I want you tostep in for me.”

Khushi had not seen that coming.

“Don’t worry,” Awasti said, misunderstanding her silence.“This is not a full time position, I need you to go there two days every monthand teach the interns some of the hands-on procedures. You will, of course, becompensated for your time.”

Khushi cleared her throat. “But Dr. Awasti, how can I–”

“You did win an award for being the best resident of youryear, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I’m sure there are more qualified residents–”

Dr. Awasti was in no mood to listen. “But I chose you.”

Khushi stared at her mentor, knowing her too well to botherarguing.

“Now unless you have any personal reasons for which youcannot travel to Agra once a month, my decision is final. You can go.”

Khushi stood up, still unsure. “Thank you Dr. Awasti… forthe opportunity.”

“You are very welcome. I had hoped you would take this newspositively… I don’t recommend someone for a job unless I believe they can doit.”

“Yes, of course. Really, thank you… I promise you won’tregret it.”

“I hope so.”

Bidding her goodbye, Khushi slowly walked back to the ICUfloors, where she was on shift for the week. Her hands, with a mind of theirown, pulled out her phone and began typing out a message:

Guess what? Awasti picked me to–

Khushi stopped mid-step, realizing with a jolt who she wasmessaging.

She stared at her phone, Arnav’s name, saved as ‘Mr. Chef’in her contacts jumping out to her from the screen. His profile picture was aphoto she herself had clicked one random afternoon in the penthouse, when hewas lounging out on the terrace, staring up at the sky deep in thought,oblivious to her presence. He loved the snap so much that it had become hisdisplay ever since.

And for some odd reason, it was heartening to see that hehadn’t changed it in the last three weeks either. Was he missing her?

If he was, he did a pretty good job of hiding it, for heneither called nor left a message… and seeing how oblivious the Raizada familyappeared in their group chat, she knew that he hadn’t even told his sisters–his biggest confidantes– about Myra’s reappearance.

Frankly, she was grateful. She didn't want any of theiropinions on the matter… She had seen them try too many times to play matchmakerbetween her and Arnav. There were no points for guessing what their stancewould be this time around.

Khushi gingerly began to scroll through the last fewmessages she had exchanged with Arnav, marveling at how easy it was to talk tohim. Regardless of whether he loved her or not, she couldn’t deny that he caredfor her. He was the one she ran to any and every time something happened in herlife. He listened without judgement, advised without motive, understood withoutasking… he was her best friend. He may have hidden his past from her, but hewas never dishonest about his support of her.

So then… was she wrong by leaving?

Afterall, who really was there, other than him, thatunderstood her? Sure, she had her friends at the hospital. Her brother was onlya call away. And now, there was also her father… but none of them knew her likeArnav did. They only saw pieces: a doctor, a sister, a daughter… he was theonly one who saw all of her, the person behind all these roles.

But was understanding her enough? Enough to lead the restof their lives?

Khushi wished she knew.

Mentally kicking herself for going down this rabbit hole,she tucked her phone away without sending the message and resumed her duties onthe ICU floor.

Only the universe didn’t seem to let her. It was only twohours later that she was once again faced with reminders of Arnav, this time inthe form of Ved, who asked her how Keyes was doing while having lunch.

“Good,” Khushi lied. In light of Myra’s visit, all thoughtsof the restaurant had fled her mind.

“Well the reviews online are raving,” Ved told her.

“Oh?”

“Didn’t Arnav tell you?”

The guilt cut a little deeper in Khushi’s stomach. “I thinkhe mentioned it… some of the things he says just go over my head you know.”

Ved laughed and continued blabbering about all the newrestaurants opening in Delhi. Khushi nodded along, scolding herself for notfollowing up with the restaurant. Whatever their issues were, Keyeswas not a part of it. They had worked too hard on it.

But how was she supposed to find out without asking Arnavhimself?

Whether it was any member of the Raizada family or Saket,the manager of Keyes, there was no one she could call for an updatewithout alerting them of her fight with Arnav.

“Khushi?”

She blinked. “Huh?”

“Is it true that you are helping Awasti with the interns atthe Agra branch?” Ved asked.

Khushi nodded.

“Congratulations! How come you didn’t tell me?”

“I just found out… how did you know?”

Ved smirked. “You know nothing gets past me around here,right?”

Khushi rolled her eyes and stood up, having barely touchedher lunch. “Yeah yeah…I gotta go, a lot of patients in ICU today.”

“Wait!” he called after her. “When is the party?”

Khushi ignored him, her heart sinking some more. There wasno one she wanted to celebrate the news with.

That was the first night Khushi dreamt of Arnav.

They were back in the penthouse, sitting in Arnav'sfavorite spot beside the window adjacent to the kitchen, drinking coffee andlaughing over a joke she couldn't recall. He would occasionally hold her handor caress her face… he would stare kindly into her eyes, his attentionundivided and sometimes even be bold enough to run his fingers through her softlocks. And when their cups were drained, she was in his arms, his lips on thehollow of her neck… he was whispering sweet nothings in her ears, teasing her,kissing her…

Khushi woke up with a gasp, feeling every bit of Arnav’swarmth still wrapped around her. It was as she looked out of her window to seethe first embers of sunlight filter through the horizon that she realizedanother treacherous day had begun.

Never in her life had she been so angry, so dejected and sohopelessly in love all at once. It was torture in its purest form.

The reminders continued to plague her relentlessly for theremainder of the week. Whether it was her morning cup of coffee, or news ofboard meetings at the hospital, or her friends asking her suggestions about themenu at Keyes… it seemed as if every nook and corner she turnedto, Arnav was standing in front of her, the smile she loved so much, wide onhis face.

It was maddening.

The final straw was the night before she was due for herfirst visit to Agra, when the chefs of Gupta Manor decided to cook Italian.

“What the hell is this?!” she –uncharacteristically– fumed upontaking a bite of the alfredo pasta served in front of her.

Alok looked up, surprised to hear her tone. She rarelyspoke at dinner, preferring to play around with her food before finally callingit quits and retiring to her room, her plate only half finished.

“Pasta ma’am,” Ramesh answered, stepping forward.

“I can see that!” she snapped, setting down her fork. “Ifthe kitchen staff doesn’t know how to make good pasta, then tell them not to!”

“But ma’am–”

She held up her hand. “I’ve heard enough Ramesh! I don’thave patience to sit here and be a guinea pig for the chefs! If they can’t makegood food, then stop inviting me to dinner!”

And without waiting for an explanation, she stormed off toher room, somehow feeling more miserable than before.

It was as Khushi got ready in front her mirror the nextday, more or less in the same spirits as the night before, that she couldfinally put a finger on what was so wrong. One could argue she looked the same as shealways did, but to Khushi, there was nothing she recognized about thereflection staring back at her. Her eyes, the same eyes she often prided onbeing an exact replica of her mother’s, appeared lifeless and her usuallyconfident shoulders, drooped in disappointment.

This wasn’t Khushi Kumari Gupta.

This wasn’t a resident doctor working at Abhaya Hospital.

This wasn’t the cherished Raizada daughter-in-law either.

For that matter, this wasn’t even a human being.

No, what stood in front of the mirror was just a half… ahalf of an incomplete whole.

Khushi dejectedly turned away from the mirror, therealization bearing down on her shoulders like an ultimatum. It didn’t matterif Arnav loved her or not, or if Myra owned his heart or not… she, Khushi wouldalways love him. And no matter how far she ran or howdeep she hid, she would never be the same without him.

“Ma’am?”

Khushi looked over her shoulder to see one of the servantsstanding at her door.

“Alok Sir is asking for you,” he said.

Khushi dismissed him with a nod. Collecting her handbag,she made her way downstairs to find her father having tea out on the lawn,absorbed in the morning newspaper.

“Good morning Papa,” she greeted softly, stopping a fewfeet from him. “You called for me?”

He set down the paper. “Good morning, yes I did… the drivertells me you’re going to Agra?”

Khushi bit her lip, realizing a second too late that shehad forgotten to inform Alok. “Sorry, I should have told you earlier… It’s justfor two days, I will be back tomorrow evening.”

“That’s alright,” he replied, unperturbed. “Come, havesomething to eat before you go.”

Khushi shuffled her feet. “Err, no that’s okay. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry,” he said drily. “It’s not pasta.”

There was no escaping. Letting out a sigh, Khushi sat downbeside him and poured herself a cup of tea. She wasn’t a fan, but after herunceremonious outburst last night, she knew better than to argue.

“So how is the hospital going?” Alok asked casually.

“Good.”

“A lot of interesting cases?”

“The same.”

“When was the last time you spoke to Arnav?”

Khushi coughed on the tea she was sipping. “W-what?”

“Arnav,” Alok repeated simply. “When was the last time youspoke to him?”

“I don’t know,” she lied. “Why?”

“I know I have lost my right as your father, but since we areliving under the same roof, I think there are still some things we can betransparent about.”

Perhaps.

“What about Arnav do you want to discuss?” she asked.

“I don’t think there is anything I want to discuss aboutthe man who broke my daughter’s heart.”

“Then?”

“I want to know what he said that is causing my daughter so much pain.”

Khushi closed her eyes, doubting whether she had it in herto have this conversation so early in the day. “I’m not in pain.”

“You most definitely are. Even Ihaven’t managed to yell at Ramesh in all his years here… so you can imagine myconcern after yesterday’s episode.”

“It was just a long day, Papa, nothing to worry–”

“You leave at sunrise and come home only to sleep. Youaren’t eating, you aren’t speaking to anyone… and Ramesh tells me you havestarted wandering to Garima’s room at night.”

Khushi refrained from rolling her eyes. She had almostforgotten how nosy the staff was.

“I had assumed, when you told me you were returning toGupta Manor, that the two of you have decided mutually to separate. Butclearly, that’s not the case.”

She looked down at the teacup clasped in her hands.

“What is it, Khushi?”

There was something in her father’s tone –sympathy oraffection, she wasn’t fully sure– but it sorely reminded her of her mother. So,abandoning caution she blurted: “He doesn’t love me.”

“Because he loves the girl who left him?”

She nodded.

Alok sighed. “Does he want to separate?”

Khushi shook her head, his words from their lastconversation still reverberating in her ears:

You are my wife: Dr. Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada and I’m going tomake sure as hell it stays that way.

“Do you really want to leave him?” Alok asked.

Khushi didn’t know what to say. Three weeks ago, in wake ofMyra’s arrival, her decision had been clear. But now, with the ache tearing herapart from the inside, she wasn’t so sure.

“Khushi,” her father said gently, understanding her unsaidwords. “Sometimes–”

“It’s best to compromise?” she cut in, her tone laced withsarcasm. “Don’t I deserve a companion who wants me for who I amrather than adjusting to what circumstances have given him?”

Alok stared at her, his expression a mix betweenexasperation and amusement.

“What?” she snapped.

“And how are you going to find out whether he actuallyloves you or is adjusting with you if you keep hiding out here with me in GuptaManor?”

It was Khushi’s turn to gape at him.

“I’m not going to make the same mistake again and ask youto compromise,” Alok continued. “All I’m saying is you have to give Arnav achance to show his love… and then make your decision. Coming back home like thiswith unresolved feelings will only cause you more pain.”

“My feelings are not unresolved.”

“Maybe,” Alok agreed. “And maybe Arnav’s are not too.Afterall, no one stands up like the way he did for you if there is no love.”

Khushi didn’t follow.

“That day you won an award,” her father explained. “I wasat the hospital. I had come to check on Arnav actually, but who I actually met therewas your husband.”

The memory came blitzing through her muddled brain.

No, Mr. Gupta, only Khushi knows what’sbest for her. What you and I think was, is and will always be irrelevant. Goahead and revoke the merger, or Vihaan’s CEO position as you do best… but thefact is, Khushi no longer answers to you. And I will do whatever it takes tokeep it that way. Not only today and tomorrow, but every single day from now on

Arnav’s words from that evening, in the entrance hall ofAbhaya Hospital were as fresh in her ears as they were on the day she had heardthem. That was the first time she realized how deeply she had fallen in lovewith him.

“The way he argued with me for you,”Alok finished gently. “That can’t be obligation.”

“May be it was,” she opposed. “Arnav is righteous in that sense.”

Alok hid his smile behind his teacup. “And if he is indeed righteous than why do you think he would not be honest about his feelings for you?”

She couldn’t say.

“He deserves a chance to explain… that’s all I’m saying.”

Khushi spent the whole morning mulling over her father’swords, pausing only when she had arrived at the hospital in Agra, where herteaching duties took over. She didn’t even notice how and when the day hadpassed until she was pulling up at the hotel she was staying in for the night,the skies on the verge of turning raven.

She had just entered the master suite, intending for a hotshower, when she froze in her stride, not believing her eyes.

Staring back at her, looking handsome in a coal-coloredsuit, stood Arnav Singh Raizada.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Firstly, Happy New Year! Hope 2024 brings us lots of love and happiness 

THANK YOU for such wonderful comments to the last few chapters...For some reason, the like and comment buttons are not working on IF, but believe me,  I really enjoyed reading all of your takes on Khushi's decision. 

I know many of you guys found her to be irrational, and you probably aren't too happy with the way she spent most of this chapter 😅 But we have to look at her as a whole, and not just as a girl who falls in love with Arnav. Khushi has a lot of insecurities buried inside of her, and those kind of things don't just disappear overnight. Just look at how long it took her to confess to Arnav that she loves him for example... so, even though it's painful to watch these two separated (and painful to write too!), just remember that our Dr. Gupta needed this mini separation to see and appreciate the bigger picture. In a fit of anger and disappointment, she had (recklessly) asked him for time in the last chapter, and he gave it to her, but what happened in the end? She couldn't tolerate it for even a minute. 

Chapter 69 will be up over the next two days - I know how much you guys detest cliffhangers 😆

Waiting to read your thoughts!

Love,
Archi

P.S. – dw, the next chapter is Arnav's POV 😁

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