Chapter 48: Acceptance

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Chapter Forty-Eight

Acceptance

Arnav watched Khushi deep in thought.

After their unexpected disagreement that morning, she had completely vanished, skipping lunch with him and even the occasional ‘how are you doing’ text. Arnav was seriously starting to get worried, when she finally showed up, a little too pale for comfort, and numerous files –it was routine for her to fill out her patient charts in his room before sleeping– in her petite arms. 

It was strange. 

She always adorned a smile when coming to his room, but today, she was so… blank. As though she saw a ghost. Had she really taken that much offence to the Ved issue? Although Arnav agreed with her point –as always– he wished she understood his too. It wasn’t healthy for her friendship the longer she waited to talk to Ved. And losing a good friend –that too on his expense– was the last thing Arnav wanted. 

Perhaps she was tired. It was, after all, almost 11 o’clock. Anyone would be tired, forget someone who worked as hard as her. However, even as that thought crossed his head, Arnav knew it wasn’t the case. No, Khushi –now seated on the sofa across from him, pouring over her files– wasn’t fatigued… she was apprehensive. 

Maybe she was having a hard time with the charts. Arnav didn’t understand how on earth she even knew which patient was which. He had a hard time trying to learn all the names of the nurses assigned to him –and there were a lot– how on earth was she managing to keep track of all her patients?

As though hearing his thoughts, Khushi suddenly glanced up. Upon catching him looking at her, however, she blushed and looked away.  

She was a strange little human.

She belonged to the legendary Guptas and yet there wasn’t an air of superiority. And in return, she called him royalty. How did she think he even stood a chance next to her? She was the best resident in the hospital –he had been told of that multiple times by multiple people– and yet he always saw her reviewing research papers and picking up extra shifts for practice. Why did she feel the need to constantly reassure herself about her abilities? How could someone as talented as her not see what she was capable of?

No wonder Ved was head over heels in love with her. She was a diamond stranded in ruins. Even a hundred lifetimes of good deeds may not be sufficient to win her over. 

“You are staring.”

Arnav blinked, finally registering that Khushi was watching him anxiously. 

“Why are you staring at me?” she asked. “Is… is something wrong?”

“I’m wondering how on earth all those files are making sense to you,” he replied with a smile. “It’s almost midnight – aren’t you tired?”

She looked... relieved. “Oh… no, these are nothing. I like working.” 

“Why?”

The question had slipped out without any conscious effort. And Khushi, too, was surprised to hear it, for her eyebrows knotted together in concentration as she tried to find the answer. 

Arnav waited patiently, very curious to hear what she’ll say. He had always wondered what her motivation was. Of all the things out there, why did she choose this profession? It obviously wasn’t the money, she had enough of her own. And it couldn’t be for fame either – she was famous already for being Alok Raj Gupta’s daughter. So why then was she suffering through such a demanding job?

Khushi finally answered: “It keeps my mind off things I guess.”

He frowned. “What else?”

“I don’t understand your question,” she responded, now confused. “What exactly are you asking me?”

There were a lot of things he wanted to ask her. But he settled for the simplest one:

“Why did you want to be doctor? Why not help your father in business like Vihaan?”

Khushi –weirdly– froze upon the mention of her brother. 

“Khushi?” he called, puzzled at the unexpected reaction. “Are you okay?”

She gulped and slowly nodded her head. “Yeah… I’m fine. Err– you want to know why I became a doctor?”

“For starters, yes.”

She took a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes. Why was she so on edge today? 

Pushing away whatever was bothering her, she said calmly: “I don’t really know.” 

“Did your parents recommend it?”

She snorted. “Please… my father would rather die than advise me to become a doctor.”

That was odd.

“You’re joking, right?” he confirmed. “What problem does your father have with medicine?”

“It’s not medicine he has a problem with… it’s me. You know my father and I don’t really get along.”

“Why?”

She closed the files she was working on and said grimly, “It’s a long story.”

“And I am not running anywhere anytime soon with this leg.”

She suppressed a smile. “It’s complicated Arnav… I don’t even know where to start.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” he suggested. “When did things start going south between the two of you? In your teens?”

“Not really,” she replied quietly. “My father wasn’t really around when I was growing up. It was always my mother who was with me… she was the one who saw me walk for the first time or heard my first words. She dropped me off for my first day of kindergarten, then elementary school and actually for that matter, even my first day of medical college. She was… everything to me.”

Her grief was palpable in the air in between them. 

“You must have been devastated,” he murmured, sadly. “When she…”

Khushi looked down at her hands. “Imagine your whole life revolving around the sun, and suddenly, one day, the sun is gone. What do you do? How… how do you figure out what’s up or down… where to put your feet or what to keep your eyes on… how do you even grasp such a reality?”

Arnav was at a loss of words. He had gone stone cold when he had received news of his father’s stroke, and they had been at loggerheads for as long as he could remember. But she… she lost the only parent she ever had. Were there even words to describe her pain? 

“Is that why you and your father…?” he asked, not wanting her to dwell too long on Garima.  

“My father and I were never okay to be quite honest,” she explained. “But yes, the accident didn’t help. My father wanted my mother to live at any cost, and knowing that she will never wake up, I wanted her to rest in peace… I guess if you looked for a silver lining, we both wanted what we thought was the best for her.”

Love did that, driving you to extremes for the sake of the people you care about. Wasn’t Arnav, himself, proof of it? 

“Did you ever try… just talking to your Dad?” Arnav asked, wondering if it was too silly of a solution. “Most of the time, people hold on to hope because they don’t have the full information… if he understands the reports, maybe–”

Khushi snorted. “My father is not a man who can be reasoned with… he is egoistic, orthodox and just, insensitive. What he saw when I tried explaining the reports, along with ten other fully qualified doctors not to mention, was that I was disobeying him, that I was trying to show-off my medical degree… he got so angry at me, that the only appropriate punishment was getting me fired from my internship and then, marrying me off to you, to be stowed away like a piece of furniture for the rest of eternity.”

Arnav couldn’t believe his ears. 

Alok Raj Gupta had gotten his daughter married against her will as punishment for speaking against him? What century was this? 

Khushi smiled darkly upon seeing the bewilderment etched on his face.  “Seems unreal, doesn’t it? I get it… My father has won too many awards for his accomplishments for anyone to even suspect he doesn’t value the women of his family.”

He shook his head. “Wait, did your father have a problem with you being a doctor or with you being a girl?”

“He had a problem with me being a doctor because I’m a girl.”

Arnav’s mouth might as well have hung open. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, unable to believe that it all boiled down a simple point of gender inequality. He had assumed a very intricate flashback involving violent arguments and inconsolable tears, for such was the hatred he had witnessed between them during his brief stay in the Gupta manor. But what she was saying was so simple… and also, more heart breaking. Arguments could be resolved with an apology, but what could one do with an issue that was rooted deep within society? 

“Of course I’m sure,” Khushi said, rolling her eyes. “I lived with the man for my whole life.”

Wow. The honorable Alok Raj Gupta was an insufferable male chauvinist?!

“For how long?” Arnav croaked. “Was he always… like this?”

Khushi shrugged, as though this was as normal as a rainy forecast. “It’s a way of thinking Arnav, not some life altering event. From what my mother tried to explain, he has been brought up like that… to see that women are better off at home, that they are the honor of the house and must be restrained in the name of protection.”

“That’s no excuse–”

“Oh believe me, I know that better than anyone. And it used to boil my blood too… but somehow everyone consoled themselves saying my father is the way he is, no point in trying to negotiate. Instead, they saw me as the odd one for trying to argue.”

Arnav was perplexed. “But did he actually say that though? That girls… must be kept at home or something? I mean every Indian father is overbearing and authoritative. Maybe your father was just being strict with you–”

She looked at him with pity. “You sound like my mother… trying to find a positive angle when there is none. She used to do the same, you know, coming up with lousy excuses for his absence, for his disinterest.”

“Disinterest?”

“He doesn’t care about me,” Khushi explained bitterly. “My mother used to argue saying he was just busy, but I didn’t buy any of it. Why would I anyway? My father used to enroll me in the best school, sure, but he never cared if I failed or passed. He used to buy me the best clothes, but he never cared if I liked them or not. My identity didn’t matter to him… as long as I didn’t embarrass him, he was okay.”

“Embarrass him how?”

She huffed in exasperation. “I had to dress a certain way, speak a certain way… once I even got yelled at for walking too much like a man–”

What the–

“I know,” she added, catching his expression. “Apparently girls, especially girls from a good family, walk elegantly.”

“And what did you walk like?” he asked, wondering what could possibly be wrong with her gait, perfect as it was. 

“Like a thundering elephant.” Then adorning a very low, serious tone, she added: “Do you have any idea how disrespectful it is for people to see you stomping across the floor like that Khushi? Girls are supposed to tread lightly, graceful like a swan.” 

Arnav was livid. “That’s–”

“Agreed one hundred percent. Imagine my face when my Dadi told me that,” she muttered. “So, it was stuff like that that mattered. Thankfully though, by the time I became a teenager, my Dadi left to join her husband in what my father thought was heaven, and my mother became in charge of my womanly education.”

Khushi was speaking so blatantly –and not mention with the perfect mix of sarcasm and humor– that it was almost impossible to believe she had been through all that. How was she doing it? Wasn’t she enraged? Or frustrated? 

It was one thing to know that she was brought up in a traditional family, but it was completely another to know that she had been brought up… captive. And suddenly, it all clicked. Her anger from this morning, arguing about having a choice, the assumption that men had a free pass when it came to dating, about the purpose animals served… it all made sense. 

Her whole life had been nothing but trying to break free of restraints. No wonder she was so fierce, so independent, so determined to be strong all the freaking time… she was fighting a battle against an idea, against what everyone thought was norm. 

As that realization tore through Arnav, obliterating everything he had ever taken for granted in his life, he felt the beginnings of guilt building in the pit of his stomach. 

“What else were you forbidden from doing?” he asked in a low voice. “How did they allow you to study medicine?”

“I was allowed to study,” she replied with a sigh. “But just the basics… enough to maintain a high social circle and entertain my future husband, something like interior decorating or fashion designing. Something respectable enough to introduce me with, but definitely not serious enough to actually find work.”

“And your mom was okay with that?”

Khushi’s face softened. “She tried her best… but at the end of the day, with someone so unreasonable, she had no choice but to adjust, not that she saw it like that of course. That’s how mothers are in the end, aren’t they? Nothing seems like a sacrifice for their family, but it nonetheless is.”

Arnav couldn’t help but remember his own mother. Sure, she was typical in every sense, fussing over her kids, nagging her husband about missed appointments and late nights, but not once, she had ever let them feel that she was adjusting to it all. Satya seemed so incredibly happy as a homemaker, that Arnav never paused to think if that was what she had even wanted. Maybe, like Khushi, she too had dreams as a young girl and in face of a family, all of that took a back seat. 

“I have no complaints with my mother though,” Khushi continued with a sad smile. “She kept up with our generation. She put an end to my stupid grooming classes as soon as I was old enough to use common sense, she somehow convinced my father to give me permission to study medicine, and if she was around, she would have probably stopped my wedding too…”

Perhaps. But destiny didn’t work like that. It had its own plan, and Arnav was long past trying to question it. 

“So that’s why you had so many scholarships,” he wondered, remembering the file her university had sent to him upon inquiry all those months ago.  

Her reluctance to admit that she was a doctor, her competitive grades and astonishing scholarships all took a different meaning now. Despite being the city’s biggest tycoon’s daughter, she was actually worse off than any other ordinary, middle-class girl. 

A lopsided smile spread across Khushi’s face. “Money was never an issue for us, honestly. It’s just that I didn’t want any of it. For so many years, everything about me only existed because I was a Gupta, because my father was ‘prestige’, that I wanted to do something on my own. Something that had nothing to do with him.”

“And your father let it happen?” he asked, skeptical.

“Only on the condition that I don’t work after.”

“But that’s stupid, why can’t you work–”

“I told you, women are supposed to concentrate on having a family.”

Arnav grimaced, feeling tortured by every passing minute. It was suffocating to just hear about it, but she had actually lived through it. 

“What about your brother?” he asked, switching direction. “How was your father with him?”

“Vihaan was the golden child,” Khushi admitted. “Everything about him mattered… he had to be the best because he was the heir, the son of the family you know.”

“Don’t you hate him for that?”

Khushi frowned. “Why would I? It wasn’t his fault… I could see it in my father’s eyes that I wasn’t important. So why should I blame Vihaan for it?”

Arnav was amazed; so young to have so much understanding. He had envied both his sisters at one point in his life for having the freedom to choose their careers, for their father did not expect either of them to join Raizada Industries. And yet, here Khushi was, not even a sigh on her face for the unfair treatment. 

“Why didn’t you ever try running away?” 

She was bewildered at the suggestion. “Run away?”

“Your father doesn’t value you, you don’t need his money. I would have left if I was in your place and started a life of my own,” Arnav said matter-of-factly. She did have the means to, after all. 

“How does that fix anything,” Khushi replied, not understanding his point. “It’s not my mother’s fault or Vihaan’s that my father is unyielding. So then why must I punish them for his flaws?”

“But you were unhappy–”

“So for my happiness, it’s okay to make them unhappy?”

“They would have understood Khushi–”

“Probably, but they would’ve also been worried. My mother literally lived for me and Vihaan. If one of us just disappeared, she wouldn’t even know what to do with herself. And can you even imagine the disgrace she would be subjected to?”

“Gossip dies–”

“My mother was not strong enough to deal with that, and to be frank, neither is Vihaan. And what would even be the point? One day or another, my father would have found me along with a way to blackmail me into coming home. I lived with him long enough to know that he will do anything to get what he wants. He values his reputation more than his own life.”

Arnav was stumped, struck by an epiphany.  

He had mostly avoided dealing with the problems in his life, many a times finding excuses or needing space. And next to hers, his problems weren’t even dire. Shankar had imposed the family business on him, not his entire belief system. Myra had asked him to find stability, not forego his entire career. And yet, Arnav had spent so much time stuck on those points, dejected, angry, and ultimately, never moving forward. 

But Khushi… she did none of that. She learned to live with her problems, with her restrictions and achieved so much despite of it. She chose a high road, as opposed to a life of loathing. He could not have judged her more wrongly. 

Despite his best friend, Ryan’s, warning that day in his office, Arnav chose to assume that she was exactly like her father, clever and manipulate. His rage at Myra’s parting words had overshadowed things to the point that he didn’t even realize how unfairly he had treated her. Could he ever make it up to her?

“This is so messed up,” Arnav confessed, guilt-ridden. “Let’s put aside his stupid reasons for not letting you work, but h-how can your father get you married against your will? And that too for a business merger?!”

She had clearly thought about it already, for her answer was ready: “I had to get married to someone someday… Daughters of the Gupta household are apparently highly sought out as brides. I was told multiple times how I failed to carry on that reputation… I spoke too loudly, asked too many questions. In short, I was an embarrassment, which is probably why my father went to your family with my proposal instead of one of the other ancient families.”

So, it had indeed all been a set-up.

Alok Raj Gupta purposefully orchestrated a takeover of the Raizada Industries, so that he could swoop in and offer a merger that ensured his daughter’s marriage. How sickening! Did the man really have no morals? Did he not care, even for one second, if his daughter would be happy?!  

There was only one question left now.

“How did he blackmail you into agreeing for the wedding?” he asked. 

Khushi looked at her lap, suddenly uneasy once again. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Why not? 

For Arnav, it was the merger with Gupta and Sons that was preventing him from walking out. What was stopping her? For someone who valued choice so much, he didn’t dare believe that she wouldn’t leave at the first opportunity she got. 

“I want to know,” he said softly. “Please?”

“It was my brother,” she admitted after a moment of hesitation. “If I didn’t agree to the marriage, my father said he would never make Vihaan CEO of the company.”

Arnav was appalled. Alok had used the last living relative she had left? 

“Vihaan, of course, told me to ignore it, to do what made me happy,” she continued. “But how could I live with the guilt of knowing I ruined my brother’s future? I have seen firsthand how hard he tried to live up to my father’s expectations… becoming CEO was his dream.”

“B-but,” Arnav stammered, unable to help himself at her naivety. “Getting married to a complete stranger because of that… what were you thinking?”

Khushi gave him a long, hard look at that, perhaps recollecting all of his misplaced anger and hurt during the initial days of their marriage. Maybe he had been her one last hope, maybe like Ryan once told him, she had walked into this marriage expecting love, care and understanding… and what he had given her, instead, was a broken heart. 

“What were you thinking Arnav?” she asked him in return. “My father made you a deal you couldn’t refuse, so you chose that over your happiness, didn’t you? You chose that over… over your love for Myra?”

He had. 

But not in the way she was assuming. No, he chose Alok’s deal because of Myra. 

“What I did… was not noble Khushi,” he murmured, not able to meet her eyes. “Myra and I were over before I got your father’s proposal.”

Surprise flickered on her face. “You were?”

He nodded. “My reasons for this marriage were selfish… but you… you gave up everything for the sake of your brother.”

“I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that,” she murmured, a little annoyed. “Even Vihaan this morning…”

“What did Vihaan say?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t sacrifice anything Arnav. I was selfish, just like every other human out there. I wanted my brother to get his dues, to find his happiness, so I struck a deal with my father when there was a window of opportunity. You think my father wouldn’t have found a way to force me otherwise?”

“Sure, but the principle–”

“It’s what family does Arnav! They take care of each other without expecting anything in return. You have shown me that… so I didn’t do anything special, okay? And all things considered, it was for the best. I don’t regret, even for a second, getting away from my father and meeting you.”

Arnav was baffled. 

Perhaps it was because he had only witnessed selfish love all his life. Myra had always made her priorities clear, never compromising on them even if he was in no position to fulfill them. And on the complete opposite side was Khushi, who had willingly given up everything she had to protect her brother. And funnily, she wasn’t even gloating about it. It was just something normal for her. 

“I still think your father was bluffing,” Arnav muttered finally. The hour hand on the wall clock was inching towards one a.m. “He would have definitely named Vihaan, his only son, as CEO at one point.”

“Maybe,” Khushi agreed, leaning back on the sofa. “But at least I got married on my terms, and not his.”

Arnav wished he had known all of this sooner. He had invested so much time chasing after a relationship that had burned away months ago that he missed so much about her life, how much she sacrificed. 

If only he had met Khushi before, if only he had truly known her before their disastrous alliance, if only he had understood what selfless love was, then maybe he didn’t have to wait until news of Myra’s abortion to accept that he made some pretty terrible mistakes in his life. 

But it wasn’t the end. If there was anything he realized that night, it was to never stop trying. Sure, he still had a million regrets about everything had come to pass, but he knew, dwelling on them was not the point. Like how Khushi openly embraced the decisions that forced them here, he too needed to press forward. 

So, long after she had fallen asleep on the sofa, Arnav couldn’t help but whisper:  

“I am so sorry Khushi. I hope you win… I hope you prove your point to your father.”

___________________________________________________________________

A/N: And with that Arnav finally comes to terms with what his relationship with Myra really was. Stage 5 of grief, acceptance, is when the person is ready to get back to living life. They still have feelings of regret and guilt, but that doesn't hold the person back anymore. (Stage 1-4 are Chapters 6, 7, 27 & 28 respectively). 

Thank you for all the wonderful comments to the last chapter, enjoyed them very much! Khushi has a big decision to make... what do you think she will choose? 😉

Please like & comment!

Archi

P.S. - Next chapter will be up on Tuesday! Have a great weekend 

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