Chapter 53: Side

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Chapter Fifty-Three

Side

“So… did you decide?”

It was, at last, the day of Arnav’s discharge and instead of overseeing it in the hospital, Khushi was found having brunch with her brother. Her shift that day was due to begin at 12 o’clock in the afternoon, so she used the morning to finally answer Vihaan’s growingly frantic texts, asking her about shifting to London with him. 

Now that she made her decision, she didn’t see what the point was of keeping it hidden. 

“I did,” Khushi answered calmly, adjusting her white chiffon blouse tucked neatly in khaki colored tapered pants that ended just above her ankles. 

“And?” Vihaan pressed, anxious.

“I’m not coming with you.”

Vihaan groaned, running his hands through his hair like how Arnav often did when he was stressed. 

“Do you realize what you’re saying?” Vihaan asked. “You want to stay here, married to Arnav–”

“Yes,” she said, taking a sip of coffee. “Because things are different now Vihaan… Life with Arnav is finally good. How can I just leave all that behind and come to London?”

He looked at her, confused. “Is this because of Papa? You don’t need to be scared of him–”

Khushi hid her smile behind her coffee cup. Alok was no longer a cause of fear anymore, Arnav made sure of that. 

“Please, Papa is my last concern. Did I tell you he showed up at the hospital two days ago?”

Vihaan frowned. “No… you don’t tell me anything these days Khush.”

“Don’t sulk. I have been busy, and you must be too… have you booked your tickets to London?”

“Yes. We’re leaving in three weeks.”

“So quickly?”

He shrugged. “Well, what do you expect me to do? Sit at home and irritate Papa some more?”

“What an inviting thought,” she answered with a grin. “But I get it… you have a business to set up. Did you get an office yet?”

“Don’t divert the topic… why did Papa come to the hospital?”

Khushi tried to recollect. Stunned by the realization of her feelings towards Arnav, she had never bothered to find out the actual reason behind her father’s visit.

“I dunno know,” she mumbled. “I never ended up speaking to him.”

“He came to the hospital and left without telling you off?” Vihaan said, taken aback. “That’s surprising.”

“Well, I’m sure he would have, if he had the chance. But I was at an awards ceremony –I won best resident of the year by the way– and by the time it was done, Arnav had given him a piece of his mind about not letting me work.”

Vihaan gasped, shocked and impressed at the same time. “Firstly, congratulations! I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me, but before I get there– Arnav told Papa off?!”

Khushi nodded, smug. 

“And Papa didn’t say anything?!”

“He tried to. The usual I’m-always-right, I-know-better, etcetera etcetera. But in the end, he just walked away. The first time I saw him not win an argument, actually.”

Vihaan leaned back in his chair, shaking his head in wonder. “Something is seriously up with him.”

“I thought you didn’t care?” Khushi asked, remembering his words from the last time she saw him. 

“I don’t. I’m just pointing out an observation.”

“Then I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Vihaan sighed. “So is that why you’re staying here? Because Arnav defended you?”

In all honesty, yes. Because no one, not even her mother as per her recollection, fought for her like that. But Khushi knew, accepting that to Vihaan will only make him feel bad about not being protective enough as an elder brother. 

Luckily, their food arrived just then. Khushi used the time the waiter took to set their plates, to come up with a simpler explanation. 

“So?” Vihaan pressed once they were alone again. 

“It’s not that Arnav defended me Vihaan,” she said slowly, taking a bite of her –nearly not as good as Arnav’s– omelette.

“Then?”

“I owe him everything I have today... He pushed me to resume my internship, he handled his family to let me work, he patiently adjusts around my busy schedule, literally takes care of my meals and sleep and even does the laundry.”

Vihaan stared at her, incredulous. “You’re basing your decision on laundry?”

“Of course not... I’m just telling you that Arnav...” Khushi trailed off, unable to find an adequate explanation. What could she possibly say about him? Words simply weren’t good enough to capture his essence.

“Do you remember that kulfi stall I used to go to after school?” she asked, taken over by sudden inspiration.

“The one you and Maa went to?”

“Yes. That stall is closed now, so Arnav hunted down the owner, got the recipe and made it himself to cheer me up after a bad day at the hospital once.”

“He made it?”

Khushi paused. “You do know he’s a chef, right?”

“Yeah, I overheard it at the company once. But after Shankar Uncle got a stroke, he left it and started looking after the business, right?”

“Yes... but don’t you see? He cares so much about me. Who on earth will go through that much trouble just to... just to bring a smile on my face?”

Vihaan took a deep breath. “Have you ever considered that maybe he is doing this out of guilt?”

“Guilt for what?”

“He married you for the money Khushi. His company was going bankrupt.”

Oh. So that was Vihaan’s impression. No wonder he wanted to take her away to London. 

“Well,” she said confidently. “That same Arnav is ready to let his company drown in order to keep Papa from controlling my life.”

Vihaan stared at her, cynical. “He told you that?”

“He told Papa that. He said he is not scared of his threats because my happiness meant more to him than his company.”

Vihaan was stumped. Khushi could tell it very clearly from the way he looked at his plate, trying to collect his thoughts. 

“He’s not what you think Vihaan,” she continued softly. “Arnav is kind and compassionate. He cares about the tiniest of things, he goes above and beyond for the people around him... He has a bit of a temper sometimes, sure, but who doesn’t have flaws?”

Her brother met her eyes once again. 

“He may have indeed married me for the money, but he regrets it terribly. And do you know what the best thing in all of this is?”

Vihaan simply waited for her to answer. 

“He doesn’t protect me because I need protection. He protects me because he wants to. That is not guilt Vihaan... it can’t be. Ever since I was born, everyone kept telling me to be something or the other. Even you right now, want me to leave because I’m your little sis and you feel the need to take care of me. But Arnav? He lets me be whoever I want to be and doesn’t even say ‘uff’. He is not obligated to do anything for me, and yet, he does everything. How do you expect me to leave that?”

Vihaan took his time to answer, looking at her as though trying to find the missing piece of an incomplete puzzle. 

“You love him,” he concluded, monotonous. 

It wasn’t a question, so Khushi merely shrugged in answer and took another bite of her omelette. They ate in silence like that for a few minutes, until Vihaan cleared his throat and asked:

“And does he.... love you?”

Khushi had been expecting that question. “Does it matter?”

Vihaan shook his head, exasperated. “This is exactly your problem Khush.”

She looked up, confused. 

“The minute you want something, you go all out guns blazing. I’ve seen it since you were a kid... you wanted to be on the football team, Papa said no, you joined anyway. You wanted to be a doctor, everyone said no, you studied anyway. And now, you want Arnav–”

“And you are saying no?”

Vihaan looked as though punched in the gut. “No, I would never–”

“Then end of discussion.”

He didn’t reply. 

Khushi coolly finished her food, noting with a glance at her watch that she would have to leave for the hospital soon. And just like she had expected, Vihaan caved within two minutes.

“I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to be practical,” he clarified. “You could’ve saved yourself a lot of misery.”

Khushi knew what he meant. Joining the football team was indeed not at all ‘necessary’ while growing up. She wasn’t very good at it; she had only decided to after hearing her father one day let slip to a friend that it was a “man’s sport”. She didn’t care for much after that and did everything she could to make the school team. 

And she did eventually, as a substitute player. Vihaan hadn’t understood the point of it, calling her crazy for spending so much time over something that didn’t even earn her father’s approval in the end. She had ignored him, knowing that he wouldn’t understand even if he tried. 

Except now, it was imperative he did. Arnav was not a contest to be won over her father. Arnav was... happiness. 

“So, what’s practical according to you in this situation?” she asked, tight-lipped.

“Finding out whether he does love you back or not.”

“And what will that do?”

Vihaan gave her a ‘are-you-dumb’ kind of look. “It will let you make an informed decision Khush, that’s what it will do.”

“And this is why,” she said. “You don’t get me Vihaan. My decisions and their consequences are my responsibility. I don’t love Arnav because I expect something in return for it. I like spending time with him, I want his advice, I enjoy his company. It’s all me. So, what other confirmation do I need to make a decision?”

Vihaan was quiet.

“I get it,” she continued, softening a little. “You are worried. And I am thankful for that. But you know me better than anyone, so I don’t see why it’s such a surprise seeing me wanting to stay. And what exactly are you scared of? I have never turned away from the consequences of my actions.”

Vihaan rubbed the back of his head, as though trying to find words. “I just… I don’t want you to get hurt Khush. Arnav is a nice guy; I see that in the way he looks after his staff. But I’m afraid that’s all it is... that you’re just another responsibility he feels the need to handle.”

“Even if that is true, why are you so worried? Shouldn’t you be assured that no matter what, he will take the utmost care of me? Isn’t that enough for you as my brother?”

Vihaan sighed, not having an answer. 

“What Arnav feels or does is up to him Vihaan,” Khushi said in finality. “We can’t control it. But what I do know for sure is that I won’t be happy in London. I built a life for myself here. I have a family now: Ma, Lavanya, Anjali, Mitali, Sam... they all genuinely care for me. I have friends too at the hospital, the kind that make fun of you, the kind that get mad at you, the kind that will run to your house at midnight if you call them… the kind I never had before. And most of all, I have a companion. Someone who understands me, who cherishes me, who isn’t afraid to show me how much he needs me… I can’t leave all of that even if I tried.” 

Vihaan couldn’t argue with that. Dropping his objections, he only said, “I’m sorry Khush. I didn’t mean to be condescending.”

She shook her head and reached out for his hand on the table. “I trust you with my eyes closed Vihaan. I know you want the best.”

“I do,” he stressed, earnest. “But I’m also acting a little selfish.”

She didn’t follow. 

“I thought you and me could start over in London,” he explained, guiltily. “So that I’ll have a chance to really be the brother you deserve... I was so caught up with my own life all these years, that I’m sure I have let you down many, manytimes.”

“That’s because,” Khushi said promptly. “You were too busy being the brother I needed.”

Vihaan looked down at his lap. “You don’t have to sugar coat it–”

“I’m not. Simply pointing out an observation,” she said with a grin. “Now please eat fast, I’m getting late.”

Vihaan chuckled drily and began scarfing down his now cold French toast. Khushi watched him amused, realizing for the first time how much she was going to actual miss his erratic and sometimes annoying, visits to the hospital, where he dragged her out for ice-cream or coffee or just a breath of fresh air. 

That was the thing about siblings, perhaps. They were maddeningly bothersome when present, and completely adorable when absent. 

By the time Khushi arrived at the hospital an hour later, Arnav was all packed to leave and deep amidst an argument with his mother, who had come along with Anjali to take him home. Due to Ved’s last minute decision, Khushi hadn’t been able to get out of her shift that afternoon and so, couldn’t do the honors herself. 

“–Maa for the last time,” Arnav was saying. “Drop it.”

Satya frowned and looked at Anjali, pleading for back-up.

Anjali sighed in answer. “Maa is worried how you’re going to manage Chote, at least hear her out.”

Arnav stubbornly crossed his arms. Dressed in denim and a long-sleeved black t-shirt, he looked a little out of place. Khushi had been so used to seeing him in the standard yellow-colored scrubs given to all the patients that she almost forgot how handsome he looked in regular clothes. 

“It’s only for a few days Chote,” Satya said. “You don’t want Lata working at the penthouse anymore, Khushi will be here at the hospital for long hours… if you need something, who will be there?” 

“It’s a fracture Maa, not paralysis… I still have mobility.”

“I know that, but I will feel better just the same if you and Khushi come down to stay in Shantivaan for a few days... if not me, at least HP and JP will be around 24/7 to help.”

“Shantivaan is on the other side of town,” Arnav said with a grimace. “It will be a nightmare for Khushi to commute to the hospital from there. She already sleeps so less, why do you want to add more hurdles?”

Satya sighed. “You know that’s not my intention. I’m sure Khushi will understand–”

“No.” Arnav said flatly. “She won’t understand because she won’t be hearing about this in the first place.”

“Too late for that,” Khushi said, deciding it was best to announce herself before someone noticed her standing at the door and assumed she was eavesdropping. 

Arnav looked at her, his expression relaxing considerably. “You’re back already? Didn’t you go to see Vihaan?”

“Yes,” she answered, not bothering to elaborate. Instead, she turned to Satya –seated on the same stool she had usually occupied– and Anjali standing behind her. 

“How are you Maa?” she greeted warmly. “And Anjali?”

“All good Khushi,” Anjali answered. “We were just waiting for you. Dr. Arora signed off on the discharge papers, so we can leave at any time.”

Khushi nodded. Throwing a meaningful look at Arnav she said, “I agree with M–”

“Don’t even,” he cut-in, glaring at her. “I’ve decided. We are going to the penthouse.”

“But–”

“Do you even know how long the commute is from Shantivaan to the hospital? Two hours one way.”

“It’s just for a couple of days–”

Satya intervened. “No, he is right Khushi… I’m just so used to fussing over him that I forgot he is someone else’s problem now.”

Anjali chuckled. 

Khushi, however, awkwardly shuffled her feet, shy and also slightly guilty. Satya was one of those mothers who needed to know every last detail about her children, so it was no wonder that she appointed Lata to take care of Arnav when he first moved out. It must be quite difficult for her to see her son completely on his own, especially when he was unwell. 

“As long as you are around,” Satya continued, standing up and gently patting her cheek in adoration. “I have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m sorry–” Khushi said, trying to explain herself.

Her mother-in-law didn’t listen. “Don’t be silly dear. I know Arnav’s zid when I see it, it’s not your fault.”

Arnav opened his mouth to argue, but stopped upon catching Anjali’s glare. 

“Anyway, we should get going now,” Satya said. “Anjali has another appointment later in the afternoon.”

Khushi nodded and brought in a wheelchair waiting outside in the hallway. “Lavanya didn’t come?” she asked, pulling it to a stop beside the bed. 

“She went to pick up Akash at the airport,” Anjali explained, collecting Arnav’s duffle bag. “He is coming back from Singapore today.”

“Thank god,” Arnav muttered, easily sliding off the bed and into the wheelchair as though it was an everyday habit. “I don’t know for how much longer I could’ve handled her grouchiness.”

“Cut her some slack Chote,” Anjali admonished. “Akash does travel incessantly. You refused to let Khushi travel for two hours in the city, imagine how Lavanya feels about Akash travelling outside the country for days.”

Arnav bit his lip, unable to argue, making Khushi beam. 

After one last sweep of the room, all four of them set off towards the elevators, Satya and Anjali walking a few steps ahead with the luggage while Khushi pushed the wheelchair with Arnav in the rear. 

“So, is Vihaan alright?” Arnav inquired casually. 

“More than alright. I have some news for you.”

“Good news, I hope?”

“I think so,” Khushi replied, wheeling him into the elevators. 

Tactful about the watching audience, he didn’t press for more details. 

Owing to the hour –for the hospital’s visitors always peaked around midday– the elevator stopped on many floors on their descent. During one of them, a pregnant lady in her third trimester hopped on, looking quite radiant and happily texting away on her phone. Khushi couldn’t help but smile, feeling her joy radiate throughout the elevator. 

She glanced at Arnav –almost instinctively– to see him slightly crestfallen, however, and worriedly throw a look at his sister. Anjali kept her eyes trained on the door, emotionless. It was odd. 

Khushi waited until they exited the elevators and Satya and Anjali sped off towards the lobby calling the driver to bring the car from the parking lot, before speaking. 

“Does Anjali not want children?” she asked quietly, deliberately taking her time to push the wheelchair. “She’s been married for many years now… right?”

Arnav sighed. “Nine years actually.”

“Okay, there is nothing wrong with not wanting children Arnav, you can’t seriously think children complete a couple–”

“Di can’t have children.”

Khushi stopped short, realizing with a jolt that she had completely misunderstood the silent exchange in the elevator. 

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured. “What– I mean, why can’t she? Which gynecologist did she see?”

“All of them… the structure of her uterus makes it difficult for her to carry a child.”

Khushi thought that over, trying to recollect her OB-GYN rotations. “Is there no solution? I mean, if she really wants a baby, there is always a way with modern medicine.”

“She had two miscarriages already Khushi… she doesn’t want try once more. Can you blame her? Losing a child…”

Arnav trailed off, seemingly not having words to describe the grief. They reached the lobby by now and were just a few feet from the reception desk, where Ved was in a deep conversation with Sona, who kept casting sidelong glances at them.

Khushi sighed, for the first time not feeling annoyed. She pushed the wheelchair to a nearby bench and sat down, facing Arnav. 

“Losing a child is hard,” she began. “I know. But we still have to try–”

“No,” he objected, forlorn. “It’s better not to have children at all than trying and watching them die and living with the guilt of knowing that you could have prevented it.”

Khushi gazed at him, thoughtful. She expected Anjali to speak like that, for her grief was unimaginable. But to hear her brother empathize so strongly… Did Arnav really value children that much?

“Anyway…” he said. “Life doesn’t have reasons for tormenting us. Let it be.”

“Has she considered surrogacy?” Khushi asked, not willing to believe that there was nothing that could be done. 

“Yes… for some time. But Jeejaji didn’t see the point.”

Khushi frowned, not expecting Shyam –always so sweet and matured– to not believe in it. “The point is–”

“Di wants to feel a life grow inside of her Khushi, to go through all the changes a woman usually does… how does surrogacy give her any of that?”

“Giving birth to a child will not make anyone a parent Arnav. Look at my own father for ex–”

“I know. And that was Jeejaji’s point too. If Di wants to be a mother, she can adopt a child, why waste money and get one that is biologically hers, but in essence will be like any other child she brings home? He said, quote on quote, what’s this obsession with blood and genes?”

Khushi was stunned. She needed to give her brother-in-law more credit for thinking so practically. 

“So why didn’t Anjali adopt?” Khushi asked, silently admonishing herself for never asking these questions before. She had been so caught up with maintaining distance from her in-laws that she forgot they probably had their fair share of troubles too.  

“Oh she did,” Arnav said with a warm smile. “She thought it was unfair to pick only one child in the orphanage they had gone to. So she adopted all of them.”

“All of them?” Khushi repeated with a gasp. 

He nodded, proud. “She runs the orphanage now. That’s probably where she has to go in the afternoon.”

Khushi was seriously moved. She would never be able to look at Anjali the same way again. “I can’t believe I didn’t know all of this.”

“Di really doesn’t like talking about it. Because everyone makes her feel as though she did some sort of favor on the kids… when really, it’s the other way around. If they didn’t take up so much of her time and energy, she would have been quite miserable.”

Khushi understood that. She felt grateful for her career in that way; it kept her sane when the world around her became insane. 

Before she could ask more questions, Anjali arrived, carrying two crutches.  

“Sorry Chote,” she apologized. “The driver got confused about which entrance to come to…”

“No worries Di. Where is Maa?”

“Waiting in the car,” she said. “Let’s go?”

Arnav took the crutches from her hands and easily stood up, balancing his weight delicately on them. “Don’t tell me these are the same ones–”

Anjali giggled. “Yes, the very same ones.”

“What same ones?” Khushi asked, confused.

“These are the same crutches Chote used one too many times while growing up,” Anjali explained. “Maa kept them as a souvenir.”

“Oh please, she probably assumed I would need them again,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, she wasn’t wrong, was she?”

Khushi stifled a smile, making a mental note to ask Satya for all of Arnav’s childhood pictures the next time she visited Shantivaan. She needed to see first-hand how prone to accidents he really was. 

Arnav shrugged and turned to Khushi. “Okay, then Dr. Gupta. See you at home?”

She nodded. “I’m really sorry once again for not coming with you–”

He waved off her apology. “I’m fine. Now please go save lives.”

She grinned and waved her hand in good-bye. “Take care Anjali, drop by sometime when you have a chance. It’s been so long since that trip to NK’s farmhouse.”

“Agreed,” Anjali said, giving her a quick hug. “Let’s see if Lavu is up for planning it now that Akash is back… what are you looking at Chote?”

Khushi focused on Arnav to see that he was staring at the reception desk, a lopsided smile on his lips. 

“Nothing Di,” he murmured. 

Then without warning and to Khushi’s great astonishment, Arnav leaned in and casually pressed his lips to her cheek. “Bye,” he whispered. 

Khushi’s heart dropped at least a hundred feet as he leaned back and limped away to the exit with a beaming Anjali in tow. Her hand, with an accord of its own, reached up to feel her left cheek –now burning– marveling at how soft his lips had felt against her skin. 

What just happened?

As a blast of air conditioning wafted through the lobby, Khushi shivered unexpectedly, goosebumps –that had nothing to do with the cold air– running up her arm. She took several minutes, long after Arnav had disappeared, to collect herself and slowly trudge her way back to the elevators, feeling as though she was floating in midair. 

“Dr. Gupta?”

Khushi blinked. “Yes?” she asked, clearing her throat. 

It was Sona, staring stonily at her from behind the front desk, holding out a file. “Now that you’re done impressing Mr. Raizada, can you please take look at these patient charts? It’s the girl you were treating yesterday evening in the emergency.”

Khushi felt as though she had been woken up abruptly from a beautiful dream with a bucket of ice-cold water. Before she could find a fitting reply, however, Ved –still present for some reason– spoke.

To her. Directly.

“How come you didn’t go home with Mr. Raizada, Khushi?” he asked nonchalantly, as though this wasn’t the first time he was speaking to her in days. 

She couldn’t find her voice. 

“Earth to Khushi?” Ved called, waving his hand in front of her eyes. 

“Err… sorry,” she mumbled, taking a deep a breath. “I couldn’t get out of my shift, thanks to your last-minute notice, so I sent him home with his mom and sister.”

“Oh,” he replied, mildly surprised. “No offense Khushi, you deserve the ‘best resident’ award and all, but you’re severely lagging behind for your ‘best wife’ award.”

Khushi gawked at him, stunned.

“Don’t you think?” he asked pointedly, throwing a furious glance at a perplexed-looking Sona. 

And Khushi swiftly understood. As his words from their last argument same spiraling down to her ears, she realized what he was trying to do. 

You can’t pretend to be married one second, and then single in another. Pick a side and stick to it Khushi! 

He was right. 

As she had told Vihaan that morning, she had picked her side and was going to stand by it no matter what. So, shrugging off whatever little fears and restrictions she had, Khushi evenly said:

“It’s one or the other, Ved… Maybe I will try for ‘best wife’ next year.”

Sona intervened, unable to take the suspense any longer. “Wait– You are married to Arnav Singh Raizada?!” 

“Yeah,” Ved answered as if it was as obvious as the weather outside. “Didn’t you know?”

Sona’s mouth hung open, the colour draining from her face. “B-but–”

“Don’t sweat it Sona,” Ved continued pleasantly. “They wanted to –understandably– keep their personal life private. You know how gossip spreads around here, don’t you? Especially since Mr. Raizada is a trustee.”

She couldn’t answer. 

Satisfied, Ved turned back to Khushi, almost looking smug. “Anyway, have to prep for a surgery, see you later.”

Khushi nodded, unable to contain her joy. Arnav’s stay at the hospital, it seemed, had worked out more in her favor than she had ever even dared to imagine. 

She came clean to Ved about her marriage –which probably would never have happened otherwise– and although he was unhappy about it, she could see that he was trying to make amends. She came clean to her father too, albeit indirectly, about her reinstated job –which also wouldn’t have happened otherwise– and instead of blackmailing her into quitting, he had quietly retired back to his lair. And most importantly, she came clean to herself about her feelings, which definitely wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t see Arnav stand-up for her so fiercely that day. 

So, all things considered, like Arnav said yesterday, it had been one hell of a fun week. 

It was with that infectious gratification that Khushi answered her pager –beckoning her to the emergency– humorously waving good-bye to a still flabbergasted Sona. 

_______________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thoughts? 😁

Thank you for the wonderful comments to the last chapter... Arnav's state of mind is a little complicated, yes, but it was very intriguing to read your take on it and what 'love' even means. 

Please like & comment ❤️

Will be back on Tuesday evening (Eastern time zone) with Chapter 54. Until then stay safe and healthy! 

Love,

Archi

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