Chapter 19: Walk

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Chapter Nineteen

Walk

Khushi entered her darkened apartment, grinning to herself. Just a mere week had passed since she resumed her internship and she was already assigned her first surgery. It was a good day, no, an excellent day. 

Dropping her things on the sofa, she drifted to the kitchen looking for food when she heard Arnav’s angry voice emanating from the den, his workspace at home. She froze, being reminded of the days when his temper blew off at the drop of a hat. 

“No, I don’t need your excuses Aman,” he was saying. “You need to get me more info or you can find yourself a new job in the morning!”

Khushi hesitantly crept to the den, wondering if she should pretend to ignore his bad mood or take an active part. Although they had now started an odd friendship of sorts, she still did not know if she was a welcome guest in his personal matters. 

Peeking through the open door, Khushi saw Arnav slam his phone on the mahogany desk and bury his head in his hands. Her heart sank in the slightest. Ever since their marriage, she had always viewed him as an immovable pillar, a man who knew what he wanted and how to get it. He had always seemed so sure of himself, so confident, so mature… but in that instance, he looked nothing more than a boy, struggling to find an anchor in a blazing tornado. It was watching him that Khushi suddenly realized that he wasn’t that much older than her. 

Clearing her throat, she said gently, “Everything okay?”

Arnav looked up, startled. “You are home? I thought… I thought you had a night shift today?”

“I did,” she replied. “But Ved took my shift so that I can prepare for my surgery tomorrow.”

“Ved?”

“He is a friend at the hospital…. an intern actually.”

Arnav nodded, not really paying attention to what she was saying. 

“So, something went wrong at the company?” she asked again. 

Arnav sighed, rubbing his eyes. It was almost midnight; he must be exhausted. “Just the usual.”

“Tell me.”

He paused, looking at her in slight disbelief. “Y-you want to know…?”

Khushi nodded. “Yes. Why do I always have to be the one to recount my day?”

“Well, no offense, but you aren’t going to understand.”

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” she suggested, ignoring his comment. “And I will try my best to understand.”

He had no choice. Slightly unsure, he stood up, collected his phone and followed her out of the apartment, down the elevators and into the cool night. 

“Where are we going?” he asked. 

“Have you ever taken a walk before?”

“Err yes.”

“Then surely you would have noticed that the point is to walk, not to think about the destination.”

Arnav rolled his eyes but kept quiet. 

“So, what’s this problem that I am not going to understand?” she asked. 

“It’s fine,” he murmured. “We don’t have to do this… we can just walk in silence.”

“I am not making small talk.” 

Khushi didn’t know from where she was getting her confidence from. If it was any other day, she would have simply ignored him and prepared for her surgery tomorrow. But today, she just couldn’t let it be. 

“Here goes nothing then,” Arnav muttered. “So, we are supposed to be buying a land, which everyone thinks will help us recover some of the losses the company endured in the past few months.”

“Okay?” 

“But… I… I don’t think it will be a good deal.”

“Why not?”

Arnav sighed. “I don’t know… it’s just a feeling. Like something is right in front of me, but I am not able to see it, y’know?”

Khushi nodded, not having trouble understanding at all. She often experienced that when she was treating a complicated case, without a straightforward cure. 

“So yeah… that’s it. I don’t think going through with it is a good idea, but Papa has already committed to the investors about this “fail-proof” deal. He even has arranged for the builders to start work there a.s.a.p.”

Khushi frowned. “Can’t you tell him what you think?”

“Tell him what exactly?” he replied, incredulously. “That I have butterflies in my stomach?! It’s stupid, especially when all of the experts we have already agreed on it!”

Khushi simply kept walking, deciding how best to put forth her thoughts. 

“Is it because you are worried he may think less of you?” she finally asked.

Arnav bit his lip, but didn’t answer. 

“So, you would rather harass your employees in the middle of the night to find proof for your feeling, as you put it, rather than simply telling your Dad what you honestly think?”

Again, no reply. 

“That’s quite a small problem for me to have trouble understanding.”

“Really! Then what is your solution to this?!” he snapped.

“I said I will understand,” she answered calmly. “Not that I will find a solution for you.”

He shrugged. 

“If you were Vihaan,” she continued in the same tone. “I would have said keep digging no matter how much time or money it would cost.”

“You would?” Arnav asked, surprised. 

“Yes. But you are not Vihaan… and your father is not like mine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. But here is the thing, you don’t need my advice… what you need is fresh air and a hot cup of coffee.”

“What I need is someone to tell me what to do,” he murmured, his shoulders falling in disappointment.

“Don’t you know what to do already?”

Arnav avoided her eyes. 

“You already know whether it is worth risking your company, especially now, after all the losses it incurred. You already know how to convince the investors to give you more time. You already know how much it will cost the company should you cancel this deal and find another suitable one. What you don’t know is how your father is going to react to all of this and you would do anything other than risk disappointing him.”

Arnav stared wordlessly at her. 

Khushi simply smiled, understanding his surprise. He had clearly underestimated her if he thought she wasn’t paying attention these past three months while they played pretend in front of their families. 

“But,” she stressed. “What you conveniently forgot is that this is not about you and your father.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is about your company… you are their boss for a reason, aren’t you? So why are you thinking like your father’s son? Do what you think is the best for the company.”

“My father’s experience–”

“–is old, and out-dated. He may be wise, but he does not know everything. You are not him. You are you.”

They had arrived at the park Khushi often visited in the initial days of their marriage. The place was deserted, owing to the late hour, but that only added to the serenity of the night.  

“This used to be my favourite place,” Arnav murmured unexpectedly. 

She was very surprised. “Really?”

“Yes, I used to stop here almost every morning during my jog… it’s a good place to think.”

It was funny that both of them had arrived at the same place, albeit at different times, to just clear their head. It was the very first similarity they shared, though Khushi kept that fact only to herself. 

“So let’s sit and think then,” she replied, setting herself down on a nearby bench. 

Arnav followed without a word. Just when she thought he wasn’t going to continue their conversation, he whispered with utmost uncertainty, “But it’s just a feeling...”

Khushi pondered that. It was odd to find their situation reversed. Usually it was him giving her the advice. 

“Yes, it might be a feeling,” she agreed. “But have you considered why you are having it?”

“Because I am paranoid!”

“Paranoid about what?”

He sighed. “About the shares plummeting… about Papa’s health… about the headlines tomorrow morning… and if all that happens, then about the investors asking my head on a stake…  I don’t think… I don’t think I can stand one more person telling me I made a mistake.”

Khushi felt a wave of sympathy hit her. He was perhaps telling her one of his biggest fears. 

“Don’t you see?” she said softly. “This deal is not worth it. Your gut feeling, or whatever it is that you’re calling it, is not wrong. It’s your body’s way of telling you that this deal, regardless of the outcome, is not worth the stress you are undeniably going to have to bear. So why are you insisting on continuing down this path?”

“But what if I am wrong? Won’t I be denying the company a good chance?”

“Who cares? Neither you nor your company is ready for the risk.”

“We will never be,” he replied darkly. 

“No, you will be. Healing takes time. You think it’s any different for us with patients lying open on the operation table? We can do what we like, cut and sow wherever necessary, but in the end, we are left with no choice except to wait for the patient’s body to respond… we can’t speed that up.”

He didn’t reply. 

And so, they continued sitting on the bench, having nothing more to say. After almost an hour, Arnav stood up.

“Cleared your head then?” Khushi asked.  

He smiled and together, they set off towards the apartment. They had made it to their building’s elevators when Arnav’s cell phone rang. 

“Yes Aman,” he answered. “No… forget about the land. Arrange a meeting with my father first thing tomorrow morning.”

Khushi couldn’t help but grin. When they reached the penthouse, Arnav went straight to the kitchen and emerged minutes later with two steaming cups of coffee. 

“Now,” he said, handing her a cup and sitting down. “Tell me about this surgery you are supposed to be acing tomorrow.” 

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