Chapter 27: Bargaining

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Chapter Twenty-Seven

Bargaining

- July 2012 -

“What are you doing?! It’s the first day of class!”

Arnav ignored his best friend Ryan, continuing to play away on his cell phone, hidden tactfully underneath the desk far from the prying eyes of their professor. It was indeed the first day of college. While most students were busy trying to take notes, no doubt wanting to ace the course in the hopes of an “ambitious” and “bright” future as his father would put it, Arnav was nonchalantly playing Temple Run, having challenged Dev, his first cousin, just two days ago.

“Since you seem to be planning on stealing my notes yet again,” Ryan hissed in a low voice. “Can you at least turn down the stupid volume?”

“The sound effects are what makes it fun,” Arnav murmured. 

“It won’t be fun when we’ll get kicked out of class. Turn it down man!”

Arnav sighed and obliged. Pissing off his best friend wasn’t really on the top of his to-do list that morning, especially since he had a disastrous argument with his father just the night before. The topic, of course, wasn’t new. In fact, anyone who knew Arnav even a little bit, would have guessed what the source of discontent was. And anyone who understood his father even a little bit would have known who had won the argument. Which was why Arnav found himself once again in a classroom, listening to another old professor drone on and on about business management, while his mind wandered aimlessly and his heart tried to handle the loss of his plans, plans that included taking a year off to travel the world. 

Life was unfair. No, life as the only son of Shankar Singh Raizada was unfair. 

Arnav knew it was silly to hope. It was clear since the age of thirteen, when he was shipped off to boarding school –an effort from his father to teach him discipline– that pursuing his interests would be impossible. Of course, it was another thing that he was still unsure what those interests actually were. Unlike most people his age, Arnav had no idea what he wanted to do with himself. Any sort of talent he had that wasn’t deemed helpful for his “destiny” as his father’s successor was squashed quite early in his childhood. And nobody even seemed guilty about it. 

Unfortunately, all that did was suffocate him some more. Why couldn’t they understand that they could only take a horse to the water, not make him drink it?

Of course, life wasn’t always so bleak. Having grown up as the youngest member of his family, Arnav was the pampered one. Happiness was abundant and stress, if there was any, was kept far from him. Even Lavanya, who was prickly about being the middle child and hence, felt ignored in many ways, indulged him. While it was quite blissful, for there were many perks involved, Arnav quickly grew to resent it. 

Because always being in the spotlight meant that his life was an open book. Whether it was failing a math test –which happened quite a lot– or getting hurt during a match of his beloved football, nothing escaped their eyes. And the consequences for each of those actions, were always fourfold. 

His father, who always found time to scrutinize him despite being busy with the rapidly growing Raziada Industries, would give him a very stern (and painful) talk down. His mother, always trying too hard to be her son’s confidant, and yet always agreeing with her husband’s decisions, would give the same lecture, only in softer tones. His eldest sister, Anjali, would bring his favourite food before guilt-tripping him into “trying harder”. And Lavanya… well, she would be frank and tell him straight up how bad the situation was. 

It was exhausting. It seemed everyone had a say in his life, except him. 

As the professor droned on about things that did not make sense, Arnav kept glancing at the clock placed conveniently above the classroom entrance. How he longed to just walk out and never come back. Life outside these restraints of “expectations” had to be better. It just had to be.

As the clock chimed ten, a cool breeze swept through the stifling classroom and Arnav found his eyes suddenly frozen on a girl who had just walked in. 

“Sorry I am late Sir,” she said in a musical voice. “I got lost.”

Someone in a few rows behind him let out a low whistle, no doubt being stunned by her as much he was. There was something in the way her thin lips pulled up in a nervous smile, in the way her hazel eyes darted across the room, in the way her shoulder-length hair framed her pretty face, that made Arnav’s heart flutter like a bird taking off for its first flight.

“And who are you?” the professor asked, checking the register to mark her attendance. 

“Myra Jain.”

Myra. 

“Have a seat then,” the professor said.

The girl, Myra, nodded and began walking towards the benches, looking for an empty seat. The lecture hall was full to the brim, everyone having decided not to bunk on the first day. As she slowly climbed the stairs, her eyes scanning each row, Arnav slid in his seat, making room for her. 

“Watch it!” Ryan hissed, feeling Arnav’s elbow hastily jab into his ribs. 

Arnav ignored him and patiently waited for Myra to reach his row. And she did. She stopped just for a second to stare at the empty seat beside him and then another second, at him, before coolly disregarding his offer and making her way up towards the very back. 

Ryan sniggered, having watched the entire exchange.

Only Arnav didn’t feel stung in the slightest.

He spent the rest of the class glancing over his shoulder every few minutes, trying to grab the pretty girl’s attention. She didn’t catch his eyes even once during the whole forty-five minutes of lecture, and when the bell signalling the next period rang, she simply collected her things and departed.

“Not your type man,” Ryan said, watching Arnav stare at her retreating back. 

Arnav couldn’t disagree more. There was finally something that his family didn’t have a say in. 

- Present Time -

Arnav took a deep breath, trying to clear his head of the stinging memories. 

It was his first day back in the country, after a long and rather insightful stay in London. While things were considerably calm at the office, the Raizada shares having held steady for over a month now, his personal life was far from settling down. Perhaps the only good thing was Khushi’s return to normalcy after their rather ugly argument. Well, as normal as she could ever be. 

Despite finding Khushi so odd during the initial days of their marriage, Arnav couldn’t help but respect her. Ever since she resumed her internship, she let her guard down just enough for him to see that she was like him in many ways, and yet, so different in others. Perhaps, what he appreciated the most was her lack of expectations. Unlike his family and even Myra, she wanted nothing from him, and even if he derailed from whatever moral standards she held, she wouldn’t be bothered. Or so he had assumed until last night, when she accused him of not caring enough to even send a message. 

She couldn’t have misunderstood him more. If he didn’t “care”, why would he bother about her internship? Why would he push for her exam? And most important of all, why would he give her space knowing how devastated and angry she was before he left? It seemed, even when he tried, he was still quite a disappointment. 

As if on the cue, his phone buzzed with a new text message.

Exam went well, thank you for asking.

He snorted at Khushi’s unnecessarily formal tone. He wondered whether she would have even let him know how the exam went, if he didn’t ask. She seemed quite set on maintaining a stony silence. He would deal with it later, however, for there were more pressing matters.  

Arnav had taken all those extra days in London to sit down and think about Myra, the woman who had just stumbled into his life and whisked away his heart in the blink of an eye. After loving her like he had, it was impossible to believe they were over. True, things had changed drastically since the last time he saw her face to face, but if there wasn’t hope, why would she call him a mere hour before his wedding? Why would she make sure he caught a glimpse of her grave face as she drove away when he arrived at her doorstep that same night?

He needed answers. And if she refused to pick up his calls, then he would go to the next best option: her sister, Ira.

Only a year older, Ira shared a lot of similarities with Myra. Both of them dressed the same, expressed emotions through just a little flick of their brows, kept their chin always pointed and their shoulders high. In many ways, Arnav felt he was waiting for Myra herself in a garden restaurant an hour away from the city. He chose the isolated hotel on purpose; he couldn’t risk running into a familiar face, for the consequences would be disastrous. 

“Do you want to order Sir?” 

Arnav looked up at the waiter he had already turned away twice. What was appropriate to order at 4 o’clock in the evening? He wasn’t a tea-drinker, and coffee didn’t seem like a good idea for his already frayed nerves. 

Thankfully, he was saved by a new voice. 

“I’ll have a green tea,” Ira said, calmly walking up to his table and taking a seat across from him. 

“Nothing for me,” Arnav muttered. 

The waiter –now a little irritated at the lack of order– nodded and left, giving Arnav a chance to take a better look at his last hope. Ira appeared not to have changed even one bit since the last time he saw her, which was on a trip to Goa they had taken with her sister and husband in tow, in the hopes of getting to “know” one another. It was, of course, Myra’s idea and like many things she proposed, Arnav couldn’t say no. 

“So, how are you?” Arnav asked, trying to ease the tension in the air. 

“Save me the pleasantries Arnav. I didn’t drive all the way out here to make small talk.”

Arnav shrugged. Being frank was one of Ira’s qualities that had always rubbed him the wrong way, but today, it might just be what he needed. 

“Where is your sister?” he asked calmly. 

“None of your business.”

“If you have forgotten-”

“You both dated for six years. Yes, I still remember,” Ira answered very coolly. It seemed she came prepared for his questions. 

“It’s not just dating, even you know-”

“Hmm,” Ira said, feigning confusion. “Last I checked you married some Gupta, right? Someone of your stature, so how is my sister anything else other than your girlfriend?”

Arnav sighed. Although he was expecting this response, he still had a hard time believing it. Did they all forget how crazy he was about Myra? Or how hard he tried to keep her happy? Why was it that all that remained of their relationship was their very last argument? 

“Look,” he said without any menace. “I loved her… I still do and probably always will. Don’t I, at the very least, deserve to talk to her? Why is it so hard to believe that I really want to fix things?”

Ira’s expression didn’t change. “There is nothing to fix, Arnav. She is done. Period.”

“Just like that?” he asked, taken aback. The whole ordeal still drove him to pieces. “One day she wakes up and decides she is done with me? I am not an affair Ira, I am not a time-pass - we were living together for crying out loud!”

“I know-”

“No, you don’t!” he fumed. “Relationships that deep don’t just end one random day because of some stupid fight. How many times in a day do you fight with your husband?”

“That’s different-”

“Why? Because you took vows in front of a priest and we didn’t? I told Myra from the start that I was in this for life… that I was going to love her no matter what. And whatever problem we have, whatever issues, we will figure it out.”

“Did you though?” Ira asked, leaning forward. “She told you straight up what she wanted, but you weren’t even willing to try-”

“I agree back then I was harsh and rude, but my father was admitted in the hospital, it’s not something that you can just ignore. Why can’t she look past that to see the years of understanding I showed? Am I really asking for something unreasonable?”

Ira took a deep breath. “I am sorry Arnav. I get that you want closure-”

“No, I don’t want closure, I want a solution-”

“–but the problem is, Myra moved on.”

Arnav blinked uncomprehendingly. 

“You can’t expect her to just sit around, do you?” she asked understanding his unsaid questions. “Be practical. She has to move on in her life, think about settling down.”

“Excuse me?”

She sighed. “Don’t get emotional.”

“Emotional? Do you even realize what you are telling me?!”

“Yes, I do. And before you burst out, you have done the same thing. You married someone, you moved on. Doesn’t she deserve the same?”

“So that’s what you think all of this is?” Arnav asked, outraged. “I got married to save my family, to keep us from going bankrupt! There isn’t some fairy-tale hidden in it!”

Ira maintained her expressionless voice. “So what?”

Arnav couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“For the world it is a marriage, and probably for your family too,” she continued. “What is my sister supposed to do with that?”

“She is supposed to understand! She supposed to pick up my calls so that I can explain! She is supposed to value the six years we were together over what a bunch of news channels advertised!”

“Now you are just getting sentimental.” 

Arnav gritted his teeth, trying to reign in his anger. “Let me see her once,” he asked, trying to be as polite as possible. “I just need to talk to her.”

“Again, no. She will not meet with you, because it’s done Arnav. I am not really sure what you are expecting from me. I told you on the phone itself that I can’t be of much help. It’s been weeks since I talked to Myra myself.”

“Doesn’t she at least visit you? You both are so close.”

“She would if she was in the country.”

Arnav tried to sound casual. “Oh, where is she then?”

“Dubai,” Ira said, seeing right through his façade. “And don’t even bother looking for her. She won’t meet you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well after hearing about your last fight, forget her, even I wouldn’t be talking to you.”

Arnav ignored that. “So that’s it? I am just supposed to forget everything and move on?”

“Yes.”

“And Myra is okay with that? She is completely okay forgetting everything we had, and just moving on to the next man she finds?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did she call me an hour before my wedding? If she was so “done” with me, then why bother to contact me at all?”

He knew this was news, for Ira froze, her eyes flashing. A second later, the caution vanished and was replaced by empathy. 

“She spent weeks cut up over you Arnav,” Ira said, pain reflecting in her face for the first time since she arrived. “And instead of making up with her, you went and got yourself a wife. How do you think she felt?”

Arnav ran his hands through his hair. “Look Ira, I am not denying that I am married… nor am I saying that Myra doesn’t have the right to be angry. But don’t we owe each other a goodbye? It would be an insult to our relationship if we ended things like this… and I know Myra thinks the same, because she wouldn’t wait all those days in silence and then suddenly pick up the phone and call me minutes before I got married! I know she wanted to say something, so please, just let me talk to her once.”

Ira patted the back of his hand, perhaps in pity. “You are thinking too much Arnav. She probably just dialled by accident, and you are wasting time thinking about it-”

“You know she didn’t dial by accident, because she would have told me that when I went to see her that night.”

Ira shook her head in exasperation. “Okay fine, what did she tell you that night then?”

“Nothing,” Arnav muttered bitterly, recalling the scene quite as clearly as the first time they met all those years ago. “She just took one look at me and kept on driving.”

Ira was triumphant. “You see?! She has nothing to say to you.”

“But I do Ira,” he answered in earnest. “I have a lot of explaining to do. I can’t… I can’t just let her think I ditched her for another woman. I just…”

Arnav trailed off, unable to explain the anguish burning inside him. True, he had hoped they still stood a chance when he saw her missed call on his phone the day of his wedding. And it was that hope that made him daringly abandon his bride –causing endless reproach from his family not to mention– and run to her house. He truly believed that even with the new circumstances, there was something they could work out. 

But now, many months later, when it became apparent that reconciliation was impossible, all he wanted was a chance to clear the misunderstandings. To tell her that not once, even for the tiniest of seconds, he did not stop loving her; that if he had another chance, he would do things differently. If they couldn’t be together, they could at least still be friends. He would take that any day over being completely shunned from her life. 

Ira seemed to follow his thoughts quite closely, for she grasped his hand and said very seriously:

“Please listen to me Arnav, you think having this one meeting will make everything alright, that apologizing to Myra will make the pain go away… But it is better this way, being completely cut off from each other is the only solution. You coming back into her life, even if it is for a goodbye, is the last thing Myra needs… Trust me when I say this, she was at her absolute lowest when you both broke up, especially with the pregnancy-”

Ira stopped short, as though the words got stuck in her throat, but the damage was done. 

His heart thudding in both confusion and fear, Arnav asked as calmly as he could muster, “What pregnancy?”

“I-it’s nothing,” Ira answered, withdrawing her hand from his. 

“Don’t lie to me.”

Ira didn’t meet his eyes, pretending to look for the waiter who still didn’t arrive with her green tea. 

And that was the breaking point for Arnav, as all the frustration he kept holding back came tumbling out. 

“Perhaps you have underestimated me Ira,” he said icily, using the tone he often used with nosy reporters. “I may have taken my position at Raizada Industries grudgingly, but my power has in no way diminished. Out of respect for our past, I haven’t used my influence yet to figure out what Myra has been up to all these months. But all it will take me is one phone call.” 

Ira fiddled with her fingers. “Please calm down.”

“Then you better start speaking,” he retorted with finality. He was done dancing on their tunes. 

She surrendered with a sigh. “Myra… s-she was pregnant… when you guys broke up.”

Arnav gulped. “With my…?”

“Yes. It was yours.”

An eerie stillness descended on Arnav as he tried pointlessly to make sense of the bombshell thrown on him. Ira patiently waited for him to process, whether out of fear or pity, he didn’t know. Finally, clearing his throat he asked:

“Why didn’t she tell me? And… and why break up at all?”

“She didn’t know,” Ira murmured, looking down at her lap. “The results came after your marriage was announced… and she didn’t know what to do.”

“What to do?” he repeated, appalled. “It didn’t occur to either one of you that it’s my child too?!”

Her eyes snapped up to meet his. “You both were just living together, Arnav, that’s it. No marriage, no engagement… What did you expect her to do?”

Arnav closed his eyes, not wanting to hear what was now so obviously evident. “What did she do with the baby?”

“She had an abortion.”

Arnav felt as though he was suddenly made of stone, unable to will any of his muscles to move. All that came to him was a gut-wrenching image of a laughing baby, with his eyes, Lavanya’s cheeks, even his father’s forehead. He had been a father, even if it was for an excruciatingly short period, he had his own child and he hadn’t even known about it. 

All because of one woman. 

Without another word, Arnav stood up and began to walk away. Ira didn’t stop him, probably relieved to be free of his questions. He didn’t stop until he was unlocking the door to his penthouse. And even then, he had nothing to stop for. 

Barely registering Khushi’s rather disgruntled “hi”, he simply walked into his bedroom, and crashed on his bed, flat on his back, fully clothed. He stared unblinkingly at the ceiling; the image of the baby replaced by the last six years of his life. He realized with an alarming sigh that there wasn’t a single memory that didn’t contain Myra, a single incident that didn’t mention her. 

His entire life was just her. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Hours later even though it felt like only minutes had passed, he heard Khushi walk into the room, mentioning something about dinner. He didn’t answer, not having the energy to listen to what she was saying. When she stubbornly persisted in the room upon his silence, he simply kicked off his shoes, shrugged off his blazer and crawled beneath the sheets.

She got the message and left. 

The night slowly slipped into day, and the day into the night after. Time stopped holding any meaning for Arnav, who remained as silent as ever, not speaking nor being spoken too. All he had for company were the images of a giggling baby with his eyes, his sister’s cheeks and his father’s forehead. 

____________________________________________________

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